Chapter 7
Chantel’s (Porcelain) POV
-One Month Later-
-January-
It had been a little over a month since I found out I was pregnant with Josh’s child. Within that month, so many things happened. I have gone to the doctors and he said I was at least maybe two months along. Josh and I moved into an actual house. It was near my mother, brother and sister, so that was nice. It was great to actually walk around without having to trip over animals numerous amounts of times.
Other than the fact that we’ve moved, things at school are nicer. I never really mentioned how I did get into the talent show did I? Well, I did and when I sang in front of everyone, I felt so much better about myself. It was awesome to see my brother and sister smiling at me from the audience. When I would look and see Lexi, my smile would just get bigger. The pissed off look in her face made me the happiest person alive.
Now about the pregnancy thing, my mood swings have gotten worse. I’m always tired and yes, I have morning sickness. Josh is concerned, but I don’t think he’s figured it out yet. My food cravings are over the top. First it’s pickles and peanut butter, then it’s Coke Zero mixed with yogurt. The food I can’t stand anymore is fish. I used to love fish, now, I think it’s the most disgusting thing in the world.
Other than that, the thing with Matt hadn’t gotten better. Whenever Josh and the guys aren’t around, he flirts with me and tries to get close to me. It just makes me aggrivated. I want to just yell out and tell him to stop, I want Josh to fucking know so he can get Matt to stop. But, I don’t want to ruin their friendship. It’s just so special that it makes me feel like shit whenever I want to bring the Matt issue up.
But right now, I have to focus on telling Josh about the baby. Alicia is still flipping out on me about it.
"It’s been over a month Boo Boo!" Ali bitched at me in the car. We were on our way to school. "I’m surprised it hasn’t fucking clicked in. You do know that I’m still pissed that he did get you pregnant. I should kill the bastard, but you won’t let me."
I sighed. "Look Ali, I’m thinking about telling him today. Calm down. And of course I don’t want you to kill him! I love him!"
Alicia glanced over at me. "So what are you going to say to him?"
I shrugged. "I still don’t know," I placed my hand over my womb and smiled. "But I guess I’ll just wing it and hope for the best. I pray that my parents won’t fucking kill him. Or Micheal. Micheal will probably beat his ass for getitng me preggers."
Alicia laughed. "Micheal. I miss him. He was cool. Hey. Maybe I can help him with that beating."
"No Alicia. No one is hurting Josh. The kid needs a dad."
Alicia smirked and parked the car in the student parking lot. "Okay, okay. I won’t kill the bastard," Alicia told me as we got out of her car. She locked it and walked by my side to the doors. "But I swear to god, if he leaves, he’s dying."
I smiled. "Okay, if that’s the case, then you can kill him."
Ali jumped up and down. "Yay!"
"What are you so excited about?" a guy asked from behind us.
Ali and I squeaked and turned our heads. Jacob Behind him was Devon. Devon was still quiet and he really only talked to Jacob. He would occasionally say ‘hi’ to Ali and I, but that would be it. He was just shy I suppose.
I smiled at the two boys. "Hey Jacob, hey Devon."
"Hey," Devon said back.
The boys moved beside us, Devon on my side and Jacob on Ali’s side. "So are you gonna answer my question?" Jacob smiled. "What are you so excited about?"
Ali grinned. "Can’t say! But let’s just say it involves killing someone!" she sang.
"Lexi?" Devon smirked.
"Nope! Even better!"
"Hey! You know he’s my boyfriend right?" I frowned. "Do you not like Josh or something?"
"Of course I do! He’s funny, dorky, well, he’s you. Except he can’t draw worth of shit." Alicia smiled. "But I’m only happy that I get to kill him if he breaks your heart. Which I highly doubt he will, but it makes me happy that I have that power."
I shook my head and smiled. "You’re so weird Ali," I lightly nudged her.
"So you’re happy you get to kill him?" Jacob laughed. "You know Ali, if you don’t feel like becoming a teacher in the future, you should think about becoming a serial killer."
Ali smirked. "The first person I would actually kill would be Lexi. Dumb bitch."
Devon chuckled. "You really hate her don’t you?" Okay, this was weird. Devon has never spoken this much to us before. Maybe he’s coming out of his shell.
Ali and I nodded. "If you were here before hand, then you would’ve understood why." I told him.
We continued to talk about Ali becoming a serial killer, onto things we actually wanted to do with our lives after high school, then onto the exams that were coming up in a week. Fun!
***
During science, I kept placing my hand over my still flat stomach. I knew that I couldn’t feel the baby, but it was comforting in a way. Knowing that there actually was a baby in there. In gym, we played badminton. Safe and easy sport. And lastly, in math, I could barely focus on the equations. I would keep looking up at the clock, making my stomach twist and turn. It was almost three and that meant it was almost time to tell Josh.
After the bell rang, I took my time at my locker. Gathering up all my thoughts. So if I tell Josh about the baby now, will he be pissed that I didn’t tell him sooner? Or will he not care and be happy that he’s gonna be a dad? Or will he not want the baby? So many different options.
Now, I could just tell Josh straight out that I was pregnant, or I could just ease into the conversation. Like mention the times when we would joke around about being parents. Or I cou-
"Chantel! Chantel!" Alicia screamed from down the hall, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Chantel!"
I turned and waited for her to get to me. "Jazmeen and Kara! And Veronica and Sydney!" she cried out. "You have to get to the parking lot right now!" A few tears were falling from her face.
"Ali, what’s going on?" I asked her as we ran down the stairs, leaving everything of mine behind.
Alicia didn’t answer me, she just kept dragging me along until we got to the student parking lot. When we got there, I could see my friends and my sister. Just a giant mob of people. "Out of my way!" Ali and I hissed at everyone while we tried to get through to the middle.
Tears sprung to my eyes as I layed them upon the scene in front of me. My sister, her ivory skin had blood on it. The blood was coming from her lips and nose. Her black hair was wild and she was fighting against the biggest bitch of all. Lexi. Kara, Veronica and Sydney were fighting against some other girls.
I narrowed my eyes. "Stop it now!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Kara and her girls stopped. Lexi and my sister were still at it. I pursed my lips and stomped my way over. As I did, Lexi punched Jaz in the face. My eyes filled with anger and I grabbed a fistful of Lexi’s hair and pulled harshly away from my sister. "What the fuck do you think you’re doing to my sister, you fucking bitch!"
The whole crowd around us went silent. Oh right, no one knew Jaz was my sister. Lexi seemed to know though. She smirked. I gritted my teeth and let go of Lexi’s hair, only to punch her in her nose. "Don’t you ever fucking touch my sister. Don’t touch Kara, don’t touch Veronica, not Sydney, and if you ever fucking touch my sister again, I swear to god, it won’t just be your fucking nose I break."
I turned to face Jazmeen, Liam was beside her, helping her clean up the blood. My brother and sister smiled at me, making me smile back. Our little moment didn’t last long when I felt Lexi grab the back of my coat to spin me around.
"How dare you fucking threaten me? Who the fuck do you think you are?" Lexi spat. "Do you think that just because you’re going out with Josh Ramsay that you’re the fucking shit around here? Well guess what bitch! You’re not! You’re still a fucking slut! You’re still a heroin addict! God! I actually feel bad for the mother fucker! He has to deal with you every single fucking day!" She flew her hand foward and slapped me with full force.
I stood there silent. Letting her talk to me like that. Automatically, I placed my hand over my womb again, calming down instantly. I closed my eyes and sighed.
Lexi grabbed my face between her left hand, forcing my eyes open. "Look at me when I’m fucking talking to you!" She looked down at my right hand, the one over top of my womb. It instantly clicked. "No fucking way. He got you fucking pregnant!" she shouted. "Now I really fucking feel bad for the bastard."
Everyone’s eyes were now on my womb. I sighed again, staying calm and getting bored. Lexi grew furious and pushed me to the concrete. I hit my head off the ground, I winced in pain, but kept my mouth shut. "How fucking irresponsible are you? His life is going to be fucking ruined because of you! So many people are going to think so fucking low of him now all because you were dumb! God, you’re a fucking idiot!" She stopped her ranting to cause me some pain. She kicked my stomach, causing a small whimper to escape my lips. Lexi smiled and this time kicked where my hand still was. "Maybe your child will die. I’m sure Josh will be okay with it." Kick.
"Lexi stop it!" Alicia yelled. She tried to grab her, but people held her back. "Let me go!" she hissed at the people. "Lexi please stop!" Another kick.
I stayed silent. Everything Lexi had said was true. I was an idiot. It was my fault I was pregnant, I had forgotten to take the pill because I was so frantic that day. The other thing, about Josh being okay will the baby dying, she might be right about that. All the things Lexi had said in the past, she was right. All the things about me being a filthy bitch and deserving to die, she was right.
I didn’t deserve to even be on this damn Earth. People hated me, the only person who actually loved me, other than Alicia, was Josh. But even then, I’m still a lying bitch. I lied about not being pregnant. Whenever he would ask why Matt and I are so different towards each other now, I would shrug and say I don’t know, I would lie. I’ve lied to Alicia, Jacob, Mike, Ian, well, everyone. I’ve caused so many people trouble and this baby will not make things better. Just worse.
I was so caught up with my thoughts, I didn’t notice how badly I was hurt. Lexi managed to hurt me pretty fucking bad when I was coming up with reasons of why I should fucking die. Blood dripped out of my nose and I was coughing out blood. I felt so light headed and dizzy. When Lexi went to punch me one last time, everything went black. The last thing I heard was Jazmeen screaming and running footsteps coming towards.
***
Beep....Beep....Beep
My eyes fluttered open, to see that I was in the hospital. I was hooked up an IV and several tubes were in my arm. I sat up, wincing in pain. I was so sore. The door was open, allowing me to listen to the people in the hall.
"You’re here for Chantel Johansen?" a doctor asked.
"Yes, is she okay?" Jaz asked. She sounded like she had been crying.
"Well," the doctor sighed. "She might be depressed for awhile. Is her boyfriend or spouse here?"
"That’ll be me." Josh said.
"Right well," the doctor sighed. "The baby died in her womb. Probably around the third or forth kick she received. Since she was only a couple months alo-"
"Wait what? Wh-wh-what baby?" Josh stuttered. "Ch-Chantel wasn’t pregnant."
"Yes she was," Alicia whispered. "She found out a month ago. The day after the video shoot for Fallout. Sh-she decided not to say anything until she was certain that she could do it without falling to pieces."
"Oh my god..." Josh breathed.
Oh my god was right. M-my baby was gone? No. No! My right hand flew to my stomach and tears started to fall down my face. No! This couldn’t be happening. I began to shake and my silent cries turned to sobs. My ribs ached and it hurt to cry, much less breathe. Even though I had the baby for only a month, it felt terrible knowing that in eight more months I couldn’t see what my child would look like. I would never meet my baby.
My sobs continued, even when I felt multiple arms around me. I didn’t look up to see who the people were, I ignored them completely. I just sat there, feeling completely sorry for myself.
The arms left my body and I hung my head. My hair covered my face fairly well. I watched as my tears fell from my eyes and onto the white sheets. I sat like that for what seemed like hours until I heard people leaving the room. When the door shut, I heard one pair of footsteps walking over to me.
"Porcelain..." Josh said.
"I-I-I am s-s-so sor-sorry," I sobbed.
Josh lifted up my head and frowned. "If it was for not telling me, then yes. You should be sorry," he sat on the edge of the bed and tried to fix my hair. "I deserved to know Porcelain."
"I didn’t know how to tell you. We were always with other people, and-and I just didn’t feel comfortable saying it. S-so I kept quiet about it. I feel like such a b-bitch." I tried to hide my face with my hands, but Josh pinned them to the bed.
His icy eyes bored into mine. "You’re not a bitch. If you were a bitch, I wouldn’t be with you. Now," Josh huffed. "Were you ever planning on telling me?"
"Of course I was! I just," I sighed. "Whatever, it-it doesn’t matter now. The baby is g-g-gone, so now you don’t have to worry about it."
"Don’t have to worry about it?" Josh gave me a look of disbelief. "Are you serious Porcelain? Of course I have to worry about it! You were pregnant! I didn’t find out until ten minutes ago by a damn doctor! Who then told me that I will never be able to see my baby because it died inside you!" Josh shook his head and took a deep breath. "There were times you could’ve said something Porcelain, so why the fuck didn’t you? There has to be more of a reason than just saying there wasn’t time.
"Was it because you thought I wouldn’t want the baby? Or that I would leave you once I found out?" Josh shook his head again, almost smiling. He let go of my wrists and placed his hands in his lap. "I’ll be brutally honest with you Porcelain. I would be a little weird about being a dad. Children aren’t my thing. But since you would be the mom, I guess that would be okay. And I would never ever leave because you were pregnant. I would stay with you and help you through it."
I slowly reached out for his hand. Once I placed it in his, our fingers intertwined together. "I’m sorry Josh. I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to say it until you believe me, but I am sorry."
"All you have to do is stop your family from killing me," Josh replied with a chuckle. "No seriously, your mom looked like she was going to fucking rip my head off."
"No one is going to kill you. You’re too important to me," I smiled and gently squeezed his hand. "I love you."
"Love you too babe," Josh smiled back. "Now tell, why did you get in a fight with Lexi?"
"She was hurting my sister," I mumbled.
"And then you decided to just let her try to kill you?" He was so confused.
"I-I felt really bad about myself afterwards. After what she said, so I kinda wasn’t thinking straight," I started messing around with the sheets on the bed. I probably looked like mental patient. Sitting cross legged on a hospital bed, crazy black hair and tear stained face, talking about how I wanted Lexi to kill me.
Josh frowned. "What did she say Porcelain?"
"She said I was irresponsible. That I would be the reason people would think low of you. Then all the other things she said to me in the past came rushing back to the surface. Most of the things she said were true. I’m a lying bitch and don’t deserve to live..." I sighed.
"Now why would you think that?" Josh asked. He leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips.
Because I haven’t told you about what Matt has been doing lately, I thought. I sighed again. "I don’t know. Life is just so confusing right now, babe. I guess it was a spur of the moment thing."
Josh didn’t looked convinced, but he let it go. "Okay," he pressed his lips to my forehead. "I’m going to go talk to the doctor about letting you out. I’ll be back soon. Love you Porcelain." Josh stood up and left the room.
As he did, everyone else piled into the room. My mother, Jaz, Liam, Ali, Mike, Matt and Ian. Jaz ran over to me and hugged me tightly. I winced. "Ow," I whispered.
"Sorry!" she immediately pulled away.
"My ribs are bruised, nothing big Jaz. You can still hug me." I smiled.
Jazmeen just stood there. "So, how are you?"
"You’re going to have to be more specific," I told her. "I could lie and say I feel fan-fucking-tastic. Or I could say that I feel like shit."
Jazmeen sat where Josh had been a couple minutes ago. "So tell the truth, how do you feel right now? After everything that has happened."
"Depressd, angry, traumatized," I listed. "Terrible, horrible, suicidal, melancholy, morbid, forlorn, bitter," I paused to look into her eyes. "Shall I continue?
Jaz shook her head. "I am so sorry."
I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side. "Why? You didn’t do anything."
"Well, I’m sorry for two things. One," she lightly poked my stomach. "For not being able to ever see my niece or nephew. Two, for fighting with Lexi. She just really pissed me off and then, I-I felt so useless while you just laid there on the ground doing absolutely nothing to defend yourself." Jaz started to cry.
I frowned. "It’s fine. Okay, well the first part I can handle. Sort of. The second part, whatever the reason was for fighting Lexi, I’ll just say I’m proud of you and we can move on from that experience."
"I have good news!" Ali interjected. "Lexi got suspended. As did some of her other tramps."
I managed a small smile. "That’s good to know. Too bad she didn’t get fucking expelled."
Everyone chuckled at my statement. It felt nice to be surrounded with people who loved me. All in different ways, of course.
"I think you should change schools," Josh told me while we were taking Benny for a walk.
I gave him a confused look. "But why?"
"Why?" Josh sighed. "Well, I’m scared. After what happened a few days ago, that was just a big eye opener for me. It’s not safe there and I don’t want to spend everyday wondering if you’re going to come home or if I’m going receive a call from Ali or the hospital saying that you’re hurt," he frowned. "But that’s just what I’m thinking. You don’t have to go along with it."
I bit my lip. I understood where Josh was coming from. If I was in shoes, I would want to do the same thing. But would I actually want to transfer to another school for just one last semester? I mean, I guess I could. I sighed. "I’ll think about it," I said. "If I go along with this, we’re going to have to find a school fast because exams are coming up and then the second semester. So I’d have to set up an appointment with that school and then get transfer papers. God, that’s a lot of work."
Josh nodded his head. "Well, let me know what your decision is," he reached his hand out to grab the dog’s leash from me, seeing how Bennie was dragging me along.
As he did, she burst into a full sprint towards a bird, almost yanking my arm out. Bennie had me running as well, causing me to slip and fall on ice. In the background I could hear Josh laughing his ass off. He jogged over to me and the dog, still laughing. "Hm. Maybe it’s not dangerous at your school. Maybe you’re just prone to accidents."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh shut it and take the dog," I handed him the leash and Bennie sat down, looking innocent. I stood up and dusted off my pants. "Damn dog."
Josh chuckled and wrapped one arm around my waist. "Come on, let’s go back home."
I nodded and as we walked, I complained. "My ass hurts..." This made Josh laugh again.
***
"You guys are absolutely useless in the damn kitchen," I said to Josh, Matt, Mike and Ian. They looked at me and smiled. The kitchen was a complete disaster and food was everywhere. Making dinner, to these guys, was having a fucking food fight. "I swear, my cat is more helpful."
The one time the guys want to try to cook for me, it ends up in a disaster. Not like I expected anything different. For the months I’ve been around them, I’ve seen that they can’t do anything except play music.
Mike gave me a pained expression. "Ouch! Hurtful," he smiled at me afterwards. "Nah just kidding, yea, we can’t cook worth of shit."
"I can tell," I sighed. "How the hell did you manage to get noodles on the ceiling?" I asked when a spaghetti noodle fell from the ceiling. I looked up and saw a clump of them.
The guys followed my gaze to the ceiling. "Huh," Ian said. "I don’t know. I think Josh scared Matt and then the noodles kinda flew from Matt’s hand to the ceiling."
I blinked and continued to stare at the four band mates blankly. "And you were holding the noodles in your hand because...?"
Matt bit his lip. "Um, I really don’t remember."
I shook my head and looked down at the ground. "Okay, out of the kitchen. Everyone. I’m cleaning this mess up and ordering food," I left out a small laugh. "I will never let you guys cook again."
Matt, Ian and Mike chuckled and left the kitchen. Josh stayed where he was and smiled at me. I giggled and started picking up the noodles from the counter, throwing them into the trash can afterwards. "You know, if you’re gonna stay in here, you’re going to have to help me clean." I told him.
Instead of leaving the kitchen or helping me, Josh grabbed me by my waist and brought me over to him. He kissed me lightly. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" he asked.
"No," I joked.
Josh chuckled. "Well, I love you very much,"
"I love you too, Josh." I smiled.
He sighed and one of his hands started fiddling with the key necklace that he bought me. "Can I ask you something Porcelain?"
"You just did," I giggled. "But, sure. Go for it."
"How do you do it?" he asked. I was confused and he could see that. "I mean, how do you continue to smile and laugh and be happy? You’ve gone through hell and you still manage to smile and laugh at everyone and everything. How do you do it?"
"It’s not easy to put on a happy face for everyone," I said. "I used to do that all the damn time. Ali had thought I was just putting on a happy face at school and around you so I wouldn’t let people see how ‘depressed’ I was. But, I’m actually really happy. Even though I was locked up in a basement and raped, beaten to a pulp and lost my unborn child, I’m still very happy. I think it’s because I have you," I rested my head on his chest. "You’re there for me no matter what. I’ve never actually been this happy before, not with any one. Not with Jaz, my father, Liam, my mother, Larissa, not even with Ali. But with you," I sighed. "I just can’t help but smile. You make me so happy to be alive again."
I looked up at Josh. "Really?" he breathed.
I nodded. "Yea. You’re the one person who didn’t run away from me or anything when things were too much to handle," I smiled at him and he smiled back. "I love you."
"I love you too, Porcelain. I always will." Josh said. He kissed my forehead and then pulled away from me when he heard people ‘awe’ing.
We turned our heads and saw Matt, Mike and Ian smiling at us. When I made eye contact with Matt, I actually smiled at him, a genuine smile. "That was so sweet," Ian cooed. "Now, stop with the love fest because we’re hungry."
I laughed. "Of course Ian, I’ll get right on that. So while I go order food, you four clean up your mess." I kissed Josh on the cheek and went out into the living room to order some chinese food.
As I was talking to the man on the other line, I could hear the guys bickering and complaining about how messy everything was and how slimy the noodles were. I couldn’t help but laugh. Yes everyone, these were my closest friends.
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A/N: A couple things. One; if Lexi was real, I'd kill her. Two; Yea, Porcelain isn't going to become a mother. Three; I can't wait until you guys read the very end of the story! Four; I've officially named the series the Ever After series. So, that's nice. And finally, five; WHY IS MY STORY STILL RATED R! THERE'S NOTHING BAD AND TERRIBLE ABOUT IT!!!!!???!?!?!?!?!