~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sierra~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sierra had the most incredible night of her life last night. Tristan was true to his word. She didn’t feel pressured to go any further than she was ready for. He made her feel comfortable with herself and with what she wanted. Sierra felt foolish for being nervous at all. Tristan stayed with her most of the night and held her while they slept before leaving early the next morning before her father came home. She wanted him to stay, but that wasn’t going to happen especially since she didn’t want her dad to be charged with her boyfriend’s murder. He had kissed her goodbye and was gone before the sun came up.
That was the last time she saw him. He texted her that he had to meet with his old swim coach and wouldn’t be able to meet her for lunch. He also wasn’t going to stay at her house after school, which was a little painful for her. It hadn’t escaped her notice how unhealthy their codependence was. She missed him so much when he wasn’t around.
“Yo, Sierra, let me borrow your math notes.”
Sierra snapped out of her thoughts and saw Reggie’s smiling face. Back to reality for now.
“I left them in my locker. Walk me?”
“Come on, girl.” He escorted her to her locker.
“So, how are you?” she asked while she searched for her notebook.
“Why you checking up on me?”
Sierra shrugged her shoulders. “Just wondering.”
“I’m good.” Reggie said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Life goes on, right?”
“Yeah, it does,” Sierra agreed. She noted his somber tone but didn’t want to say anything about it. Avoidance had become a major part of their interactions lately.
“Your birthday is coming up soon,” Reggie said changing the subject.
“I know. It’s kinda freaky to think that in just a couple of weeks I’ll officially be an adult.”
“That’s a big deal. You’ll be the last one of the crew to hit the big one eight. You gonna have a party?”
“Umm, no.” Even if her dad was okay with her having a party, it wasn’t what she wanted. She had enough eyes on her already.
He raised a brow. “And Tia’s okay with that?”
“Hell no, Tia wasn’t okay with it. She accused me of ruining her life and threatened to break up with me.”
Reggie laughed. “You guys are crazy.”
“Nope, just Tia. I’m the sane one.”
“So if you’re not having a party, then what are you doing?”
“Oh. Ummm… Tristan and I … have plans,” she managed to get out.
Uncomfortable didn’t begin to describe the mood after she said Tristan’s name. Would there ever come a time where she didn’t feel bad for not choosing Reggie? He was really trying to keep their friendship going and that meant so much. It couldn’t have been easy; she didn’t think she could do what he was doing if the roles were reversed. But she wished they didn’t have to pretend that nothing had changed.
“That’s nice,” he said. “I hope he has something really special planned for you. You deserve it.”
“Thank you, Reggie.”
And she meant it. She handed him the notes.
“Thanks, girl.”
“Anytime.”
*************Tristan *************
Tristan was relieved to finally be able to go home. He’d had a hectic day and didn’t get to see his girlfriend all day and he couldn't wait to leave this place. His car was in sight when he heard his name called.
“Tristan?”
It was then that he came to the shitty realization that he’d always recognize that voice. Tristan closed his eyes and took a steady breath. Why wasn’t it enough to just ignore her? Wasn’t time supposed to make it easier to forget?
“Jessica,” he said with his back still turned to her as he continued to walk ahead. She didn’t seem to mind because she followed behind him.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m good. You?”
“I’ve been better.”
Why would she tell him that? He’d asked her to be polite, but he didn’t actually care. What did she expect him to say?
“I know you’re wondering why I’m talking to you,” Jessica said. He was wondering. He knew nothing good could come from a conversation with her, but she didn’t show any signs of leaving. He turned to face her and she came to a stop in front of him. “I know you, Tristan.” She reached out to move some stay strands of hair from his face. He dodged her. Jessica got the message, her hand fell and she cleared her throat.
“You haven’t answered any of my calls or returned any of my messages,” she stated.
“I didn’t want to talk to you. I still don’t. What did you expect?”
“I expected you to let me explain.”
“Then you don’t know me as well as you think.”
“I used to know you. Maybe I don’t anymore.”
Tristan started to feel like he was being transported to the past, back when he had to listen to her bullshit. He quickly reminded himself that he didn’t have to care about her feelings anymore.
“Jessica, I have to go.”
She ran after him, which was exactly what he hoped she wouldn’t do. He should have known better.
“Don’t leave, please. Will you just talk to me?”
“I have nothing to say.”
“Okay, you win, Tristan,” she said from behind him.
“What?”
“You’ve gotten me back. You’ve had your fling so we’re even.”
“Sierra is not a fling.”
“You can’t be serious. Weren’t you just curious or whatever? You wouldn’t choose her over me.”
“It's not a competition.”
“God, Tristan. Stop!” Jessica pleaded. “I love you. I made a mistake, okay? And I’m sorry. Please, please stop holding it against me.”
“Jessica, listen to me. This isn’t about you. I’ve moved on. You need to do the same.”
“I can’t! What am I supposed to do?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“You can throw away everything we had? Just like that?”
“No, that’s what you did. You threw us away when you hooked up with Chris.”
“It was a mistake.”
“Yeah, you said that.”
“Why are you being like this?”
“Are you really asking me why I'm mad? This is what happens when you betray people, Jessica. You cheated on me with my best friend. Did you think I would find out and everything would go back to the way it was?”
“So, we’re finally going to talk about it?”
“Spare me the details. I know everything I need to know. You don’t owe me anything. I’ve already forgiven you. Maybe you need to learn to forgive yourself.”
Her face contorted. “You’ve forgiven me? You cheated on me first, you jerk!”
Tristan rolled his eyes. Leave it to Jessica to try to throw everything back on him. Did she even know what it meant to take responsibility?
“I never had sex with anyone else while we were together.”
“Cheating is not just about sex. It can be emotional, too. You couldn’t stay away from that girl for five seconds even when I told you our relationship depended on it. You were so distant, Tristan. I could feel you slipping right through my fingers.” Tristan started walking faster. He didn’t need to listen to this. Jessica continued to follow him. “When Sierra was around, you were different. I wasn’t going to just sit around and wait for you to hurt me. Chris was there so I used him. I hoped you would get her out of your system and then come back to me. I never meant for it to end like this.”
Tristan felt a pang at her words as the truth of them resonated within him. There’s no point denying what he felt for Sierra began while he was still with Jessica, but he wasn’t going to let her put this on him.
“I respected our relationship, which is what you should have done.”
“I tried to talk to you about what I was feeling. You made me seem insecure, but I was right, wasn’t I? Obviously, you’re with her now.”
“Jessica – ”
“I’m the one who messed things up and I’ve paid the price for that mistake but you just cut me out of your life. We used to be friends. Can’t we go back to that? I miss you, Tristan.”
Did she really expect him to be able to be friends with her after everything she put him through? He wasn’t that fucking forgiving.
“Are you joking? We can never be friends.”
“I understand why you say that, but please, just think about it.”
“My answer isn’t going to change.”
“All I ask is that you consider the possibility.”
It wasn’t an unreasonable request even though he already knew Jessica could never be a part of his life again.
“Fine, Jess. I’ll think about it,” he lied.
Jessica put her hand out. “Shake on it?”
He mirrored her movement but Jessica didn’t take his hand. Instead she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and torso. She released him before he had the chance to pull her off.
“That was stupid,” Jessica admitted when she saw the look on his face. “I know you a lot better than you think. You were lying about thinking about us being friends. So I figured if this was going to be the last time I talked to you, I’d better steal a hug.” She gave a short humorless laugh. “Not exactly the most sound reasoning.”
She looked embarrassed. Tristan wasn’t even be upset. He thought it was sad. She didn’t wait for him to respond.
“Maybe I’ll see you around, Tristan.”
Tristan watched Jessica’s hasty retreat and before she disappeared back into the school building, his vision shifted until he locked eyes with Reggie.
--------------
Tristan rested on his bed and the conversation with Jessica from earlier replayed in his head. Could he really have been responsible for what happened? Jessica did try to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. Was he the reason Jessica cheated? No. No fucking way! This was why he didn’t want to talk to Jessica in the first place. She had a way of making him see things her way even when she was wrong. And she was wrong about this. She never should have cheated, end of story. So why couldn’t he shake the feeling that he was a bad boyfriend to her? Would Sierra give him a chance to make things right if she had a problem with him or would she go out and find consolation with someone else? He hated Jessica for making him think to question his girlfriend’s loyalty. But not more than he hated himself for letting her.
“Tristan!”
Tristan buried his head in his pillow. What did he do now? His father didn’t raise his voice often, so when he did, it meant something was wrong. He got up to go see what the problem was. He stopped at the entrance to his father’s study and found him standing at his desk, hanging up a phone. The telltale crease on his forehead and finger-tousled white hair was enough to cause Tristan to pause before entering. He immediately regretted his decision not to stay at Sierra’s after school today. He hadn’t been home all week so he thought it was a good idea to show face. It didn’t feel like such a good idea now.
“You called me?” Tristan said from the doorway. His father waved him inside without looking up from the papers on his desk.
“Why did your coach just call me to say that you turned down his offer to rejoin the swim team?”
“Because I did turn him down.”
“Why?” his father asked in a short, clipped tone.
“I’ve moved on, dad. I don’t need the swim team anymore. I’m already set for college.”
“And was your decision influenced by the fact that Chris will also be on the team with you?”
Was this an interrogation? Because it felt a lot like one. Tristan understood his father’s need to know why he did what he did, but it didn’t take a genius to know he didn’t approve.
“That’s part of it,” Tristan admitted. “ But more than that, I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on until I was off the team."
His father looked up from his desk then. Green eyes that mirrored Tristan’s assessed him. “If I remember correctly, you had a fairly active social life when you were on the swim team. You had a girlfriend, went to parties, had friends. So, what is it you think you’re missing out on, son?”
“I just want to enjoy what little free time I have left.”
“You mean you wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with Gregory’s daughter if you were back on the team.”
Where did that come from? Did his father believe that he’d make a decision like this because of a girl?
“Sierra has nothing to do with this,” Tristan defended.
“I disagree. I think she has everything to do with it.”
His father’s condescending tone pissed Tristan off. Sierra was not up for discussion and he needed to make that clear. “I’m not talking about her with you.”
“Fair enough,” his father conceded. “Whatever is going on between you two is your business, but when it affects your future, I need to intervene. High school is a stage in your life and most of the people you meet there, you will never see again. But the decisions you make now will follow you for the rest of your life. I urge you to reconsider swimming for your school and representing them in the finals. You owe your coach at least that much. If after you’ve thought about it and you still decide not to do it, then I’m going to insist.”
“In other words, I don’t have a choice.”
“When you become mature enough to understand how your choices affect those around you, then you earn the right to decide for yourself. Until then you’ll do what I say.”
“I’ve already decided and I’m not going to change my mind.”
The disappointment on his father’s face was hard to stomach but Tristan refused to budge on this. He didn’t know how to tell his parent that he didn’t enjoy swimming competitively anymore without sounding spoiled and ungrateful. He hadn’t enjoyed it for a long time and he was partially relieved when he was kicked off the team. How could he possibly tell the man that invested so much of time and money to support Tristan’s childhood dream that the thought of four more years of varsity swim meets felt a lot like a prison sentence? His father would never understand.
“Where are your priorities, Tristan?”
“My priorities haven’t changed. Just because you don’t agree with my decision doesn’t make it wrong.”
His father looked at him for a long time. Tristan looked back. They were at a stand still. After many minutes of silence, his father spoke.
“Alright, Tristan. You’re eighteen years old and soon you’ll be on your own, so maybe it’s time I let you make your own choices so you can learn to live with the consequences. But a word of advice, and then I won’t say anything else about this. It’s not right to abandon people who’ve helped you right when they need you most, even if they’ve made a mistake. Your swim coach did a lot for you and he’s the only reason you got the attention of the scouts from Stanford. You say your priorities haven’t changed, but I think you need to take a really close look at the direction you’re headed in, examine where your focus truly lies, and then tell me if you still think that statement is accurate.”
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A/N: No Tristan and Sierra scenes in this chapter, which made this kind of a pain to write since I love when they interact but the story needs to move forward so... it had to be done. The next chapter is completed and will be up by tomorrow. Happy reading!