I can't breath. They'll be coming back any minuet now. I'm in pain on the inside and the outside.
They've slapped, punched, kicked, and scratched me. I'm honestly so close to giving up and just letting myself die here.
I hear something. It's them. Oh God they are gonna hurt me again, I know it
"Rise and shine little bitch!" Lauren says as she walks in and kicks me in the stomach causing me to wince in pain. She knocked the wind out of me and I'm gasping for breath.
"Oh stop overreacting you're fine." Mason says and slaps me across the face. I squint my eyes as the pain spreads across my face.
I start to cry and scream for help hoping that by some chance someone will hear me.
"No one will hear you, no one will come." They both say and I continue to scream.
They both hit me a few more times and then leave. I began to kick and hit the walls and scream at the top of my lungs hoping that someone will hear me.
"Bella! Bella wake up!" I hear Shawn voice say as he shakes me awake. I jerk up and I panting. Oh God, it was just a dream.
I look at Shawn and I look around the room. I began to cry into Shawns chest and he wraps his arms around me.
"It was just a dream. You're safe now." He whispers into my ear.
"I thought I was going to die in there." I say and catch my breath. He rubs my back and kisses my cheek which calms me down a little bit.
"You're safe now. I'm not ever going to let anyone hurt you again." He says and a tear comes down his face. I wipe it away and then I kiss his lips.
It's the middle of the night so we lay back down and Shawn pulls me in close to him which makes me feel secure.
--
"How do I look?" I ask Shawn as I step out of the dressing room.
"You've asked me that ten times already. You look beautiful!" He says and kisses my cheek. I smile like an idiot and start blushing.
"I'm just really excited and a little bit nervous. This is my first performance since what happened." I say and look down at my feet. Shawn lifts my chin up with his thumb and kisses my lips.
"You're gonna do great tonight, and I'll be here watching the whole thing." He says and I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him tightly.
"How'd the meet and greet go?" I asks him and let him go.
"It went great, I'm about to go and read some of these fan notes." He says and I nod.
--
The concert went great! The crowd was so loud and so amazing! Shawn is performing his last song and I'm watching it on the tv in his dressing room with Geoff and John.
"So are you ready for the North American tour?" John asks me and I look away from the tv at him.
"Yeah I am. That means you're job is going to get harder because those American fans sure do love Shawn." I say and laugh.
"Yeah which is good news for me." John says and we both laugh.
Shawn comes through the door and he's all sweaty. He actually looks really hot with his messy hair and red cheeks. I get up and wrap my arms around us waist and kiss him.
"You did great baby!" I say and I can tell he's happy, but something is bothering him.
"It was great! The crowd really responded!" He says and sits down with everyone.
The rest of the night he seemed a little bit off. I'll talk to him later.
After we left the venue we headed back to the hotel. As we approach it there a tons of fans waiting outside holding up Shawn Mendes signs and some signs for me too.
They all start screaming when they see our car approaching. Thank God John and Chris, my body guard, are here.
"There are to many of them for us to meet and take pictures. I mean we could try to meet them all." Shawn says and looks out of the window.
"No Shawn that's not a good idea. I'm driving around to the back." John says and I can tell that Shawn feels bad.
We finally get inside to the hotel and I take Shawns hand as we walk to our room quickly. When we get there we can hear all of the fans singing outside of the hotel.
Shawn sits on the bed and buries his face into his hands.
"Shawn I'm sorry, I know you want to go out there and meet them. I do too, but we can't. We are both exhausted and you especially need to rest." I say and kneel on the floor in front of him.
"That's not it though. This is a lot. I don't know what more I can do to make them happy. I try, I really do. It's just so hard." He says and I can see the hurt and frustration in his face.
"Well then let's talk about this. Maybe there's a way to fix all of this." I say and take his hand in mine.
"I have the most amazing fans in the world. They mean the world to me. I just don't think they understand how hard this is. Not all of them act crazy when they see me, but some do. They wait outside my hotel room screaming my name. I want to go take pictures, but I'm exhausted from all the performances.
When I do take pictures with them in the street I try to meet all of them, but I can't always do that. They say rude things sometimes on social media, they right me letters now! They think I'm selfish. I want to make them all happy, but it seems impossible! I feel terrible for even thinking this way about my fans. " He says and stands up. He starts pacing around the room and I get up off of the floor.
"Shawn sit down baby." I say and and we both sit on the bed. Tears are coming down from his face and I wipe them away.
"Listen to me. Shawn you are a human being just like everyone else. Yes you are unique and different. You have such a humble and caring heart. You want to make everyone happy no matter what. You stand in the streets and in airports taking pictures and meeting fans no matter how you feel. You write amazing music, you give killer performances, you work hard to make them happy. But Shawn you can't make everyone happy no matter how hard you try.
There is always going to be someone who's unhappy about something. There's nothing you can do about that. You are the least selfish person I have ever met. I know it hurts you to see your fans act like this. I know it sucks when you are trying to be with family or friends, but you have people following you.
Shawn don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You're real fans will support you and stand by you and take you into consideration just like you do with them. You deserve your privacy just like everyone else. Don't compromise your health and happiness for someone who takes those things from you.
You do have lots of great fans who love you, understand that you need rest, and who support you." I say and he lets out a deep breath.
"You're right. It's just hard." He says and looks down at the ground.
"It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it'll get easier." I say and he looks up at me and smiles.
"You're the best you know that right?" He says and I smile.
"Yeah I know." I jokingly say and smile.
Eventually the singing and yelling stopped and me and Shawn finally went to sleep. I feel bad that Shawn has to deal with all of this. I'm not nearly as big of an artist as Shawn, but I do know what it's like trying to make everyone happy.
I'm gonna help him get through this though. One step at a time.
--
"Do you have to go?" I ask Shawn as I wrap my arms around him. I make a pouty face and he laughs a little.
"Yes I do. I'll see you in a week though." He says and kisses my forehead.
We are getting a month break from tour to go see family. Shawn has to fly out to LA for a week for an interview and some meetings.
"I still have no idea what I'm going to say to my dad about him and his new girlfriend, who happens to be my old cheer coach." I say and plop down on the bed.
My dad is coming to see me in Canada. He still hasn't said anything about his new girlfriend. My dad is flying back with Shawn since he's already going to be in California.
"Just talk to him about it. You're his daughter, I'm sure he'll understand." Shawn says as he finishes packing the last of his stuff.
Why hasn't my dad told me anything by now? I wonder if he doesn't want me to know. Maybe he's not ready for me to know. I just don't like him keeping secrets from me anymore, not after he kept secrets about my mom.
This is the first time I'm seeing him since I left. So we have a lot to talk about. We already talked about my mom over the phone and he knows about me and Shawn. He felt bad that I had to find out about my mom from someone else. I forgave him though.
"Hello? Earth to Bella." Shawn says snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry, I was just thinking." I say and look at him. He smiles making me smile and I stand up and we hug and kiss.
"I'm gonna miss you." He says and I laugh a little. "What's so funny?" He says and laughs.
"Nothing, it's just you're so cute." I say and kiss him again. "I'm gonna miss you too, but it's only a week thank God." I say and we both laugh.
"My dad isn't the easiest person to talk to when it comes to me dating, so if he's short and blunt with you don't take it personally. I'm his only child so he's pretty protective." I say and Shawn smiles.
"Hey I'm a charmer, I'm pretty sure he'll love me." He say amd runs his hand through his hair.
"Oh so we're cocky now?" I say and giggle. We give eachother one last kiss and then we have to leave.
We left the hotel and me and Shawn got on separate flights. It's really early in the morning so I sleep on the plane ride. What seemed like five minutes of sleep was actually five hours.
Well dang, I slept the whole plane ride! I guess I was even more tired than I thought. I arrive at the airport and immediately Chris goes into body guard mode.
I stopped and took pictures with almost everyone who was waiting until Chris said we had to go. I waved everyone goodbye and then we left to the house.
It's going to be weird staying in this big house without Shawn for a week. That's when I get the best idea ever.
I get out my phone and text Lily.
Bella💁🏽💗: Hey I just got to Toronto. I have a question for you.
Lily👸🏼💗: And I have an answer for you.
Bella💁🏽💗: do you want to spend the night with me for a week? I don't want to be alone in this big house lol I just got you a flight.
Lily👸🏼💗: YES!! This is gonna be so much fun!
Bella💁🏽💗: Okay I'll see you soon!
Yay! I'm so excited now! I really missed her. We are gonna have to do something crazy together! What though?