There's hardly anything I can do before the frail screech escapes my lips, sounding like the cry of a pterodactyl in the vast room. Hurriedly excusing myself, I make a quick getaway through the door and speed walk down the corridor until I've reached the front entrance and back to the steps leading up to the estate.
Plopping down onto one of the steps, I let my head drop while my fingers dig into my hair and frustrated groans are breathed out from the shock I've just received.
Become Zander's girl?
I?
Catherine Lewis?
This abolishes everything I've been standing for since our argument by the apartment stairwell. I had chipped away at Zander's sincerity, determined to find him someone...anyone who could confidently be the woman he needed. Matchmaking programs rarely ever lied, I whole heartedly trusted the algorithm and it's in this moment that the begrudging truth is made obvious - I hated relying on my own feelings. Celia and I worked by a method and only ever bended the rules when it came to research but to throw two people together based on hunches or how we felt? Never.
Based on all the data we've collected so far, Zander and I could never work. Besides, I like structure. God knows how much I revel in the isolated stability I've managed to create over the years from having a manipulative 'friend' use me and then conveniently discard me to be the offering of hysteric teenagers too bored and thwarted by life.
Could I ever possibly mend myself again if I let Zander as close as Shawn ever was? What terrifies me even more, is that I know he'd be even closer.
Sighing, I finally raise my head to take in the scenery in front of me. I feel worlds apart from what I see and it places a sickening feeling within me. It's one thing to manage a part of their lives from the distant comfort of my apartment but to be placed in the heart of it makes me sick to my stomach, self-conscious and copiously aware of how two girls who dreamed ambitiously entered a separate sphere they don't belong in. A nice hallucination to lull pains from the past and create a world in which we could dictate and rule for a short while.
Do I even have the right to have regrets and such worries after how far we've come? I should have never opened the door when Zander came knocking, my heart and mind set on scheming. I guess I'm no better than others - I saw an opportunity and took it but it's time I own up to the things, feelings...the facts that I've done my best to neglect. And the largest of these elephants taking a room in my mind is that I like Zander.
And I want to help him and not just as a friend but as someone willing to live with the fear of letting someone close enough to bear the onslaught of fresh wounds flagellated by an ex-fiancée, a mob of internet attackers, or from a social group I've never been a part of.
"I can do this for Zander and I can do this for me," I declared solemnly not caring to be overheard by a passerby.
Standing upright I take a deep breath and march back into the room I ran from, well aware of the three pairs of eyes watching me carefully, not a word uttered by either of the women.
After a lengthy pause, I finally say the one word they've been longing to hear, "Yes."
Jumping to her feet, Celia clambers against the tea cart before strutting towards me and placing her hands on my shoulders shaking me with disbelief. "You don't mean..." She said, trailing as her eyes beg me to finish her sentence.
"Yes, okay I'll do it."
Shrieking, she grabs my hands and begins jumping up and down, elated and I roll my eyes as the redness in my cheeks indicated how embarrassing this was. You'd think I won the lottery...I only said yes to a man who couldn't ice skate, liked naming inanimate objects, and carried me like a sack of potatoes. Gee, I feel like such a winner.
But even as I think about all this, a small smile twitches against my lips yet all euphoria dispels when my eyes meet Mrs. Nolan's.
"Catherine -" She said quietly, the worming of her brows displaying her confusion. A fair reaction considering how her words sent me panicking as if a mother hen was pecking away at me bit by bit not more than ten minutes ago.
"It's okay, you were right. I like him too."
There. I finally said it.
The words everyone around me have been itching to hear and me secretly wishing for.
***********
The next couple of minutes go by like a whirlwind coming through with Celia, Adaeza, and Mrs. Nolan coming in for a group hug in a deathly hold before they release me, all smiles and congratulations. My return to the room had signalled the end of our afternoon tea session, the older women quickly clear the area to continue on with their busy schedules and Celia and I leave with them to head back to the car.
"Well Catherine, I guess I should look forward to Zander's next call when he tells me all about your first date," Mrs. Nolan said breathlessly, refusing to pause. "It's okay to be scared but listen, just be yourself. Forget the eyes, and forget the cameras. It's just you and Zander. I'm not the impenetrable woman I am today compared to when I first met my husband but we got this far and I know my son will as well."
Unable to respond since marriage seemed way too far in the distance for me to even consider at this point, I merely nod with a shaky smile and wave goodbye before buckling myself into the carseat.
We're a good five kilometres away from the estate before Celia breaks the silence, "So..."
"Soo.." I said, mimicking her tone.
"So when does Zander find out that Catherine Lewis, the matchmaker for the elite, the woman who said she'd never be with him ever confesses her love for him?"
"When her friend decides to willingly drown in a lake," I bite back, mildly annoyed by her anchorwoman voice.
"Ha ha, real funny but I'm being serious. When are you telling Zander? I think the poor guy has enough on his plate, I think sharing this good news would make him happy. Extremely so."
Sighing, I glance at her briefly to make sure she wasn't teasing me incessantly before giving her my honest thoughts, "I want to consider how we can get Zander back in the good graces of society before announcing my feelings."
Scoffing, she side eyes me with an arched brow, "Society be damned. And I'm saying that as a matchmaker too. Look, if we can showcase that this new relationship between you two is genuine, which it will, and blooming with flowers and sparkles, which again, I'm sure it will, then there's nothing to fear other than the occasional jealous comment here and there. And once again, it'll be fine because compared to the angry emails sent by fuming family members you've had to deal with, this is a walk in the park."
"You know all I'm getting from this is that you want me to confess today."
"Exactly," Celia said, putting an end to our conversation and allowing me to brew in my thoughts before she pulls up to the apartment complex and I'm stepping out of the car, a glass case of nerves.
Looking back, I catch Celia wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and I let out a grunt annoyed by her ease. Oh sure, it's easy to be the one on the sideline cheering but to be the one admitting your own feelings? Goodbye.
Still grunting and mumbling, I take one of the elevators up to my floor and toss my bag into my apartment before taking plenty of short shaky breaths. Smoothing the fabric of my shirt as a calming gesture, I take one last look around the place, shutting the door behind me and make my way to Zander's, hating how the few steps it takes to arrive at his door are nowhere near enough to still my nerves.
Knocking, the door is thrown open as green eyes stare down at me intently, his smile exposing the surprise in him. "Cat, what are you doing here? Don't tell me you've already found my significant other? I expect one any time."
His mocking tone stings but I don't blame him. I've hurt Zander pretty deep and probably more than I'll ever realise since I've left a sore cut and I'm here now, ready to rip the bandaid off.
"No. I just got back from having tea with your mom and one of her friends."
"WHAT?"
Wincing, I side-step his towering figure and place a physical gap between us. If I'm going to be acknowledging my feelings, then I at least needed the space to do so without the pressure of Zander's physical presence looming over me questioningly.
"Wait, what? You met my mom? Oh God, please don't tell me you two met because you had a match you wanted to run by her!" Zander said, dishevelling his hair roughly and narrowing his eyes pointedly.
"No well yes, but no?" I blurted, puzzled by my own loss of words.
"What?"
"I guess what I'm getting at is that you owe me now for the peaches," I stammered out, my thoughts tripping and fumbling one over the other as I try to lead with this.
"Um, okay but I'm not sure how that -"
Cutting him off with a hand, I bite my lip and sigh heavily before squaring my shoulders. "It does matter. I want something in return for the peaches and it's definitely something you can give me."
Zander shakes his head nonplussed but still willing to humour me, "Err, okay. What?"
"You free this weekend?" I asked shyly, slowly gaining some confidence from the emotions sifting through Zander's face.
"Yeah."
"Then can we go on a date?"
"Yeah of course...wait. Catherine, you said date..." His eyes widen, the question unsettling his sense of balance and he subconsciously begins to rub the back of his neck to keep a hand busy while the other is reflexively raised to prevent me from retracting my words.
"I know," I said simply.
"But that means?"
Placing my hands behind me, I shrug my shoulders before repeating my words with more emphasis, "I know."
Stunned, Zander slants his head while his eyes search my face, "Wait. Give me some clarity so I don't misunderstand because I think I am."
Smiling weakly, I take a step forward to give him some sense of comfort. I wasn't going to run this time. "You're not, Zander. I like you and am asking you out on a date."
Unable to escape the astonished reverie, he absently searches for my hand and clasps my fingers, "Is this...real?"
"Your answer?" I asked softly, not wanting to scare the poor man into keeling over from shock.
"Yes! Yes, I'd like that."
"I'd like it too."
Giving my fingers a tight squeeze, Zander finally relaxes his shoulders that have been tense and gives me a gleaming smile.
Pointing to a crate next to his coffee table, my eyes follow his hand. "I didn't even eat the peaches," Zander said, chuckling at my gapping mouth which sets back into place with the peck that lands on my cheek and the hug I'm suddenly enveloped in.
Observation: I've never been more grateful for an excessive amount of peaches.