Jackson can't sleep, even if he's tired and comfortable in bed, he just can't sleep. For starters, Mark is just so close, a few steps away in his own mattress, almost at arm reach, but not as close as Jackson wants him to be. The younger can feel Mark's scent so easily in the room, he can hear the older's breathing, even and slow, evidently asleep. It's like he's hyper aware now and for that same reason he can't fall asleep. Moreover, every time Jackson closes his eyes he has to war the flashbacks of the day or he bursts out giggling. He wants to crawl to Mark's bed and just be next to the other idol, but that's being too clingy and one has to have pride.
Turning once again in bed, Jackson finds a position that allows him to watch Mark on his own bed, the silhouette of his side covered with the duvet, breathing evenly. At first it's just a shape but as Jackson's eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, he can appreciate more details, like the fact Mark's shoulders are showing and these are bare, which means he already took off his shirt while sleeping, his hair is a mess and he's hugging the pillow tightly. Jackson pouts at that, wanting to be the one Mark is hugging instead of the pillow.
Trying not to be clingy is so hard when you are actually clingy and cuddly.
"Mark..." Jackson whispers, knowing that the other is asleep but still trying. "Markie..." But the older does not stir nor does he give any sign of waking up. "Hyung..."
Nothing.
A heavy sigh escapes Jackson's lips as he rolls to lie on his back again, staring at the ceiling and bringing one hand to his chest. It still feels like his heart is racing, even after all the hours that've passed and he just can't sleep.
It's so unfair that Mark is sleeping when Jackson only wants to cuddle some more. And because Jackson is moping, he doesn't even realise he's whining until he hears a groan coming from the other side. His head snaps in that direction and he can see Mark stirring.
"Gaga?" Mark asks with a hoarse voice, clearing his throat before he moves to sit and look at Jackson. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I can't," Jackson replies honestly, not even hiding his pout. "How can you sleep? Just knowing you're there gets my heart racing."
Mark chuckles at that before replying, "I guess I got used to sleep with the temptation of having you so close."
Jackson only whines at that, making Mark chuckle happily and clearly more awake.
"Fine, then come here," Mark calls and Jackson can see how the boy pulls the cover aside in a clear invitation Jackson can't refuse, so he crawls quickly to Mark's side. Mark covers them again as Jackson cuddles up to him, wrapping each other's arms around one another. "Better now?"
"Much better," Jackson replies, snuggling closer to Mark.
It strikes him again then, that overwhelming feeling when he realises this is true, it's not some weird dream or anything, he has Mark in his arms and everything feels so much easier. Living like he used to, hating Mark and making his life difficult was so exhausting and now it feels like he can properly breathe.
"This is really happening," Mark mumbles then, like reading Jackson's mind. "I didn't dream it."
"I was thinking the same," confesses the other boy. "And I'm just so happy."
"Do you think it's going to be difficult? Being together?" Mark asks in a low tone and holding Jackson apprehensively. "Is it wise what we are doing?"
"I think it's going to be hard at first," Jackson replies, feeling Mark tensing. "I mean, I'll have to share you to our aghasaes and not get jealous when they hold your hand in fan signs and the like. I'll have to control my jealousy when you have to do fan service with the others and try not to get in the middle and just claim you're mine. Do you get an idea of how hard that is going to be?" Mark chuckles at that, happily and in that beautiful way of his that makes you smile no matter what, just because it's such a happy sound. "Trying to keep it secret when I can't get my hands off of you it's going to be a constant battle."
"You clingy," Mark teases him and just to make a point, Jackson hugs the older tighter, wrapping himself around Mark like an octopus would do.
"Can you really say it won't be hard for you act like we are not together when you know we are?" Jackson inquires, pulling back only enough to look at Mark.
"Of course not," answers the older. "I'm finally allowed to have you like this, after longing for it for so long. I've had a taste of what's being with you and I want that all the time," continues Mark. "But if I want that, then I have to protect it so I'll have to do it. Plus, it's better than before when we acted like we were close and did all that, but once the cameras were off you pulled away and looked at me so coldly. At least now I know that when we stop acting like we're just friends you look at me like this."
Jackson feels bad for whining about it when it's been so hard for Mark for a long time.
"I think we're doing the right thing," the younger adds, one hand coming to caress Mark's face. "Even if it's going to be hard, it's going to be worth it."
"Yes, it'll be worth it," Mark agrees with a beautiful smile before he pulls Jackson to snuggle closer, breathing deeply.
Jackson doesn't add anything else, just hugs Mark and lets his scent and warmth lull him to sleep. It's a peaceful night they spend in each other's arms, and they wake up as tangled as they fell asleep. Jackson wakes up first, smiling happily when he sees Mark's sleeping face and the glorious mess that he is. He's seen this many times, having roomed together for many years already, but this is the first time Jackson feels such a tingling and dizzying sensation when he looks at Mark still sleeping. Everything in him seems to cheer and coo at the sight and the smile comes effortlessly to his lips.
Jackson's had other people before, people he thought he loved, but as he stares at Mark sleeping next to him he realises those feelings pale in comparison to the way Mark makes him feel now that he's embracing his own feelings. It's so powerful and unsettling. He feels like he's falling and he can't see the bottom, but oddly he's not scared, he just accepts it and lets himself be, free falling.
"Do I have something on my face that you're staring at me so intently?" Marks asks, his eyes still closed but he's stirring and then pulling Jackson closer. "Don't tell me it's drool."
"Just a bit, but that's not why I'm staring," Jackson says, rubbing the corner of Mark's mouth with his thumb, making the older smile so amused, but still not opening his eyes. "It's just that you look so pretty."
"Gay," Mark teases, snuggling a bit closer to the other idol.
"As a matter of fact, yes." Mark laughs heartedly at that. "Your fault."
"I take the blame for that," comments the older, snuggling his face in Jackson's neck. "What time is it? I don't wanna get up."
"I have no idea what time but it can't be too late. The alarm hasn't gone off and Jinyoung hasn't come in running to kick us out of bed for being late and making his life difficult."
"I don't wanna get up," Mark repeats, a whine actually.
"Me neither. I wanna stay like this all day!" Proclaims the younger, sounding more awake than he should.
In his own excitement, he rolls with Mark until the older is with his back on the mattress and Jackson hovering over him, smiling down at him in the most mischievous way. Before Mark can make his comment, Jackson dives his head to drop kisses all over the older's face, making him giggle happily. Mark wraps his arms around Jackson's waist, keeping him close and just letting himself be covered in kisses. Jackson loves the sound of Mark's giggles, so happy and high pitched, the sound fills him with joy and pride, finally making Mark happy.
Jackson finishes his attack with one soft kiss on the lips, chaste and loving, pulling apart before anyone can get into it, and then just stares down at Mark, appreciating the view and rejoicing in the fact that the man under him is his.
"I love you so much," Mark whispers, his eyes changing and looking at Jackson with actual devotion that makes the younger's stomach flutter. "Please, don't take back or realise later you just got confused."
"I won't," Jackson promises. "I'm sure of this, Mark."
Vulnerable, Mark pulls Jackson closer until the younger is lying on the other man, but even if the weight might be suffocating, the older doesn't complain and just holds his boyfriend for dear life. Jackson doesn't know what to say and how else assure Mark that he's serious and he's not confused or anything else, he can only place another loving kiss in his hair.
"I'm falling so hard for you, so you're basically screwed, because I'll cling to you and there's no way you're getting rid of me now. Your life is gonna be loud forever now. Accept it, embrace it."
Jackson smiles when he hears how Mark chuckles at that, the hands on his back squeezing the fabric of his tank top.
"Okay," Mark agrees in a whisper, placing a soft kiss in Jackson's neck.
They would've stayed like that had it not been because the alarm finally goes off. Both grumble in disappointment, knowing they have to leave the bed to start with their schedule. But it's their first day as a couple and it's a bit exciting, sharing the same routine but in a different way, hiding what they are, maybe sneaking out sometimes to be alone and whatnot.
With that thought, they get up and do their normal routines, with the only difference that when they run into each other, instead of avoiding or just walking past, they stop to smile or steal a kiss. When any of the maknaes sees that they react the same: "Ew." Which is entirely amusing for both Jackson and Mark, so they make a point not to mind the PDA in the van, just to annoy their maknae line.
"All our hyungs are dating, what do we do now?" Yugyeom laments as they are driven to their schedule.
"I'll get a dog or I'll get depressed at the dorm," BamBam states with an expression that tells he's already thinking of the breed and how to manage to get one.
"I already have Coco and I'm going to fight for full custody," Youngjae adds, making Mark chuckle but not moving from his position with his head on Jackson's shoulder, the younger's hand on his thigh, patting softly.
"Don't worry, babe," Jackson says out loud, dramatising his overly sweet tone. "We can have our own kids if Youngjae is going to be a dick and take Coco from you. How many kids do you want? I'll give you everything you want!"
Mark only chuckles while the maknae line just complain out loud, begging them not to be so domestic, please. Mark and Jackson only laugh, in that stage where everything is just so sweet and fun.