A/N Hey reader, whom I loving call "Carkid" in my usual stories. This is a stretch for me. If you follow my work you know I normally write Coldplay fanfics and though this book is inspired by a song by the band it's not my usual fanfic. I've really gotten into Marvel stories and have a special love for the bond between Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. I grew up with music and comics, so this is fun for me. I hope you enjoy my first comic themed fanfic. Happy reading!
....
"BUCKY!!!" I scream a the top of my lungs. My voice comes out gravely and my throat hurts from the effort. My body dripping, covered in sweat. I don't get the chance to adjust to my surroundings before my door is kicked down with a loud crash then a thud. Pieces of wood went flying and the hinges are definitely broken. What the heck is going on??!?? I'm completely disoriented. I stare at the shadowy figure with fists up and a knife in one hand, in my doorway as it runs towards me. It drops it's fist and I drop mine. It turns on the lamp next to me and I can identify where I am and who the figure is. My head is still swimming when Bucky puts his hand on my shoulder and sits on my bed.
"Steve, STEVE!"
"Yea" I reply sharply as his shouting surprised me. His voice is like thunder but strikes my chest like lightning.
"Steve, what's wrong? You were screaming my name and scared the $#!+ out of me! Are you ok?"
"Language!" I scolded him and he rolled his eyes. Wait, Bucky said I scared him. He never admits to being scared. "I'm sorry Buck I didn't mean to scare you..."
"I didn't say I was scared!"
"Yeah ya did." I say with a smirk on my face.
"D@** it." He sighs and I chuckle a little through my nose. He's always been such a tough guy. It's nice to see that part of him is still there.
"Anyways, I'm fine Buck." I tell him as those haunting images flash through my head. I rub my temple to sooth the emotional pain.
"What happened then? Why were you screaming for me or my name at least?"
I was screaming for both, I screamed his name because I was losing him.
"I just had a nightmare pal. Really I'm fine." I sigh.
His metal hand moves from my shoulder as he folds his arms across his chest. He narrows his eyes at me, studying me. I feel myself shrinking under his gaze. I hate to say it but sometimes he looks more Winter Solider than Bucky and sometimes that scares me, not because I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid of him taking Bucky away never to return again. He looks away into the darker parts of my room and just quietly thinks.
"I get those too... every night actually. Only, for me they're more memories than dreams. I wake up with a splitting headache every morning." My best friend tells me as he drops his hands to his lap.
"Is that why you don't sleep at night?" I noticed that Bucky rarely sleeps. We live together and sometimes when I wake up during the night for whatever reason, I can hear him sometimes. Or if I go to the kitchen to get water, there he is in the living room without a shirt doing push-ups. Sometimes he's reading. Buck loves to read and walk around the city. When he's not training you'll find him in the park on a bench with some novel. Looking at him, especially with his metal arm out, you wouldn't expect him to enjoy little things like that.
"Steve!"
"Huh? Yeah?"
"I said I'm sorry for keeping you up. You were off dreaming again punk!" He says gruffly.
"Jerk!" I spit back at him. "You don't keep me up. I can't stay asleep anyways, so sometimes I notice you. We live together Buck."
"You notice me? That's so weird."
"Wait, I-I didn't mean like..."
He looked at me confused at first then abruptly interrupted my talking.
"I'm just not used to being noticed. I was trained to be invisible, a ghost. Being noticed makes me think I did something wrong."
"You know that there's nothing wrong with being noticed right?"
"Part of me knows it. Part of me waits for someone to come up and put a taser to my scalp." He says with no emotion. He stares forward. He lets down his small bun and the fringes of his hair flys in front of his face, only to be then moved by Bucky's human hand when he combs it through his hair.
"Oh Buck."
"It's ok Steve. I'm here, I'm with you, I'm safe." He repeats our mantra for when he has bad flashbacks or a nightmare.
"That's right pal."
"You're safe too. So whatever that dream was it was just a dream. You're ok. I'll protect you."
"Thank you. The thing it's not just a dream. It was a memory."
"Oh" he mutters and hangs his head. His hair veils his face masking his eyes and whatever he's think. "Was, was it me? The other me? Him... the Winter Solider, I mean?"
"It was you Bucky but not as the Winter Solider..."
"Then why..."
"It was the day you fell off the train and I couldn't save you. I just watched you fall. Your screams being all I could hear. If only I was bigger or stronger, I could've saved you. I should've saved you from Hydra!"
"It's not you're fault Steve. Besides, I'm alive, I'm here, I'm safe... I'm with my best friend."
"I thought you were dead!!!" I whined and my voice cracks. I don't try and fight it. Grief and guilt my all too familiar companions take me down completely.
"I thought you were smaller." He mutters.
"What?" I say instantly, surprised by his memory.
"I thought you were smaller." He repeats. "You said that the first time you thought I was dead and you saved me from Hydra, right?" He asks then winces in pain. He shoots up both hands and grips his head. He doubles over next me.
Some memories hurt more than others. Some don't hurt at all. This one cost him. We've been through these memory migraines before. My part is to comfort him and call The Avengers' medic if his nose starts to bleed during a migraine. I rub his back in the smooth long circles that he likes.
"That's right Buck. You remembered." I coo at him.
"You... saved me... Steve!" He says through gritted teeth and grunts of agony. This was a bad one.
"Sshhh... just stay quite for a minute. You're home, you're with me, you're safe."
"Thanks shrimpy." He mumbles with a smirk.
"I told you not to call me that you cocky bastard."
"Language." He grunts and we both chuckle lightly.
My hand continues to rub his back and I can feel his muscles relaxing a little, even the metal leaflets of his robot arm releases. He's almost ridden out the wave of pain. He slumps over more and turns towards me without looking up. I don't know what he was thinking or how to describe what I'm feeling when Bucky makes his next move. He wraps both arms around my waist and clings to me. He grips me almost too tightly. Bucky before Hydra never minded a hug, but the way he is now he hardly ever likes to be touched. Only time that it's really ok is when he's in pain or upset. If he's getting used to pats on the back from time to time. Him hugging me first is a shock. He hasn't done that since we got him back from Hydra.
"Buck?"
"Mhm"
"Can I hug you back?"
"Is that what I'm doing here? Hugging you?"
He knows what a hug is, just sometimes his migraines really confuse him. I remind myself before I get too worried.
"Yea Buck you're hugging me."
"I like it. You can hug me Steve, but only you."
"It's just me here pal."
I sheepishly put both my arms around him and hold my breath. He must want to be closer because he holds me tighter. Now his grip is starting to hurt, but I dare not tell him that. I just grunt then let out the breath I'm holding. I tighten my grip on him and he loosens his a little. He buries his in my shirt and winces in pain. Am I dreaming? I go to pull my arms away to go get him some water.
"No." He says and regains his previous hold on my waist.
"I'm just going to get you some ice water, it'll help. I'll be right back."
"No..."
"Buck..."
"I'm fine. Please just stay." He looks up at me with watering blue eyes. He must hurt a lot. He's never been this needy.
"Ok. I'll stay."
"Can you play that new song I like please?"
"Sure thing, but only softly. We don't need to agitate your head more."
"Thanks Rogers."
I remove one arm from around him and keep the other poised around his back. I scroll through my iTunes and find John Mayer's latest album. Bucky mostly likes hip hop music or R&B but this album has been his obsession from the first time he heard it. I got to his favorite track and press play on the song titled. "Emoji of a Wave". How fitting?
"... Oh honey
Oh honey
It's just a wave
It's just a wave and I know
That when it comes
I just hold on
Until it's gone"
The song ends and Bucky sighs in relief. His whole body feels mostly loose against me. He just holds me firmly. He looks up at me and smile then sits straight up with his hands in his lap.
"Sorry about all that Rogers." He says in his lower nonchalant voice.
"You didn't do anything. It's fine, I haven't hugged you properly since we were in our twenties."
"It's really been that long?"
"Yeah! I tried to hug on one of our trips to the Smithsonian but you.."
"I pulled a knife on you." He smirks then hangs his head.
"Yea, I was really surprised."
"Sorry." He mutters.
"It's ok, no one got hurt. You stopped yourself. Besides it's partially my fault. It was too soon to hug you and I should've known that."
"Yea." He breaths out.
"And it's sort of a funny story now."
"I guess it is." He says then flashes me a forced smile. "I'm glad we could hug and everyone made it out unscaved." He jokes and I think of the bruises I'm sure are forming on my side and back. They were totally worth it for that hug from my best friend. Part of my soul is high wired far above regular earthly things! "Hey Steve wanna have some ice cream?"
"Do we have chocolate?"
"That's all we have." He says with a chuckle.
"Then sure, let's have some ice cream at 2:30 in the morning!" I pat his knee and both of make our way to the kitchen.
....
Bucky and I enjoy way too much ice cream but also plenty of conversations. I think the sugar has loosened him up a bit.
"What's your favorite Captain America suit? I like the new one."
"Aw, it's cool and I like it, but the older one is way more comfortable."
"The newer suit is my favorite. It's more useful and it looks nice on you." He tells me with a grin.
"Fair enough. Alright Bucky, what's the best dream you've ever had?" Ask the greatest man I've ever met. He looks up thinking and then smirks when it comes to him.
"You remember Mary Shepherd right?"
"Yes, the one that wouldn't go out with you." I tease him.
"Yea her. I still don't know why she didn't like me. I tried everything to get her." He chuckles. "Anyways, I used to dream about marrying her and living next door to you. Our little scamps being best friends and playing at each other's houses."
"Bucky that's a great dream. It's nice I got to be there too."
"Of course you were there! You're my best friend Steve. You would've been like an uncle to my kids."
"Next door neighbors, huh?"
"You know it."
"Until the end of the line?"
"Until the end of the line!"
"You know, I actually went out with Mary."
"What?!?"
"Yep all the bulky guys like yourself were off at war and she wanted a night out."
"And you took out my girl? I'm shocked Mr. Goody two shoes." Bucky says rolling his eyes and shoveling a spoonful of ice cream into his pie hole.
"It was just one date. I felt bad going out with her knowing how much you liked her. Besides, she kept asking about you the whole time."
"Oh she did?" He asks with his cocky, crooked smile.
"Yep."
"Well that still doesn't excuse your behavior for dating my girl punk." He points his spoon at me while he talks. It looks sort of silly from a man that's pulled a knife on me with a similar look. "I hope you at least got a kiss out of it."
My cheeks heat up and I don't look him in the eyes."Dames didn't really kiss on the first date back then Buck."
"Oh but she did. Look at you Rogers you're pinker than a petunia!" Bucky exclaims and laughs really hard. I haven't heard him laugh like that in what feels like a lifetime.
I can't help but laugh along with him. "Shut up jerk." I scold him but with a large grin spread across my face. "Can you remember the last woman you kissed?"
He takes a large bite of the chocolaty treat then ends up pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his ocean blue eyes. Eyes I've grown to trust and adore over the years. "Ow" he says.
"Take it easy pal. Don't worry about trying to remember. It'll happen, all in good time."
"It's not that."
"Then what's wrong?"
"D@** brain freeze." He mutters and rubs his head.
I start laughing at him. He looks so uncomfortable but it's kind of adorable to see such a big tough guy succumb to the chill of a frozen dessert. "You ate it too fast."
"I thought we'd be immune to it. Being frozen for decades should make us immune to brain freezes."
"Or at least give us a high tolerance for it. But thank you Bucky, now I know I'm not immune and will take my time and enjoy my chocolate."
"Happy to help pally." He says going in for another bite but slower this time. "As for the last woman I remember kissing. It was Ruth Lynne, the day I diploid."
"RUTH LYNNE!! Wow, she was a gorgeous girl."
"Yup!"
"I'm not surprised though. You always had a way with ladies. Always the charmer."
"I was charming?"
"You were practically Prince Charming. That's from..."
"I've seen it!"
"You watched a Disney princess movie!" I say as my mouth jaw drops.
"I was home alone and bored. I thought I would try the tv. The step sisters annoyed me so I had to see if they got what they deserved. They were bit..."
"Language."
"Sorry. They were jerks and Cinderella didn't deserve that." He says with scowl. He sounds so serious talking about a princess movie. Him wanting justice for Cinderella was just too sweet. It reminds me of the younger him who always looked out for others. If it was a schoolmate being bullied or walking a girl home from the corner store at night.
"Yes they were."
"Prince Charming wasn't all that charming in the cartoon film. I like the one with the real people in it better. That prince was more charming. The singing was better too. Have you you seen that one?"
"Uhm... the one with Whitney Houston in it?"
"Who?"
"She's was a singer. Cinderella was an African American in the movie?"
"Yea, that's the one! Prince Charming was great in that one, but not as good as Flynn Ride from Tangled."
"Buck, how many princess movies have you watched?"
He shrugs and cocks his head to the side. "It was a marathon. I watched them all, except for that new one Mo something and Frozen. I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch a cold themed one because... y'know."
"That's the best one though!"
"You've seen princess movies?"
"I prefer to call them Disney classics but yes, I've seen most of them. I was staying over at Clint's house and the kids wanted to show me a bunch of Disney movies. Lion King was my favorite and then Frozen."
"Lion King was good. I wanted to see the uncle get eaten by the hyenas, but I suppose that's to graphic for a kids movie."
"Just a little." I chuckle. "How did we get on this subject?"
"You said I was charming."
"Oh yeah."
"Were you charming Steve?"
"Gosh no! I wasn't so good with girls. Most times I was too distracted, too awkward, or too small and sweet."
"You were a gentleman."
"I tried to be. Girls just didn't really like small guys and I was too nice."
"Ah, what did they know anyways!" He smirks. "Mary new you were a catch and so did that braud. Oh what's her name?" Bucky looks up pondering. "The one you had a picture of and carried everywhere."
"Peggy." I say softly as there's a pinch in my throat.
"Was she the last girl you kissed?"
*sighs "No, actually that was Natasha."
"You and Nat! kissed!!!?" He shouts with large eyes.
"Yes but it was for a mission."
"Sure it was Rogers." He says then winks at me. "How was the kiss? Did she pull her gun or knife on you after that?"
"What? No! Why would she do that?"
"She seems like the type of girl to kiss a fella then shoot him."
I've actually seen her do that, but it was for a mission. Then again, so was our kiss. But she wouldn't shoot me. Would she? I wonder.
"She might hesitate at first Steve, but she would definitely shoot you if she had to."
"You're probably right. The kiss was pleasant though." I say and clear my throat. Bucky doesn't respond he just stares at me at first. Then he stretches back against his chair and rubs his stomach with his flesh hand. He looks like a happy junk yard puppy. He and I ate a nearly full carton of chocolate moose tracks ice cream. I takes the the empty carton and bowls to the sink. I rinse all three out then put the bowls and spoons in the dishwasher and the carton in our recycling can that Bucky teases me about all of the time. I hear him grunt scoffing behind me. "I'm making the world a cleaner and healthier place."
"Ok buddy, I'll help. Do we have anymore ice cream?"
"Are you serious?"
"I'm part robot. I'm always serious." He says with a straight face that soon turns into a full blown smile.
"You jerk, you know I hate those jokes."
"I know I know, I'm sorry."
"Did you really want more ice cream or not?"
"No thanks, I'm full." He gets up from his seat and stands leaning against the wall. "My turn to ask you a question."
"Nope it's mine."
"Noooo, you asked me if I was serious and if I really wanted more ice cream."
"That's not fair."
"Life's not fair punk."
"Go on then ask whatever you want, but only because I don't have a question for you just yet."
"Have you ever been in love?"
"Part robot my @$$! That's the most sensitive and human question you can ask someone Buck!" I'm so proud when he asked that. There he is... James Buchanan Barnes, human, not a weapon, my best friend Bucky asking me about love. I knew you were still in there Buck.
"Well are you going to answer the question or is it too personal?"
"Nothing's too personal between us pal." I say confident that I can tell my best friend anything and he can do the same with me. There's no one I love more on this earth or any of the other realms that Thor has told me about, that I love more than this man right here. I clear my throat as thoughts of her tends to choke me. She died last year. "Sadly I'm not sure if I have. The closest I've ever come to being in love was Peggy, but I never got to take her out or kiss'er. But I could see myself loving her. I loved being around her. She was the most wonderful woman I've ever met." I look over to Bucky. He's still leaned against the wall with his head down and I'm leaning with my back to the sink.
"Why didn't you ask her out?" He mutters without looking up. His hair hides his eyes.
"I did. We had a date. I had it all planned but... but I crashed a plane into an icy ocean and got myself frozen there for 70 years. She was married when I finally thawed." I tell him and clear the knot in my throat again.
"I'm sorry Steve."
"It's not your fault Buck."
"I know. But my best friend deserves love, I think."
"Thanks pal."
"What was your plan? What was your date with her going to be?"
"Dancing, she and I were going to go dancing. She was nice enough to want to go with me and even offered to show me how." I say as a small smile eases on to my lips. The sound of her voice filling my ears. "I never learned how to dance."
"Wow, that's great. It's really nice. Do you want to learn how to dance?"
"I've thought about it. I just can't see myself joining one of those dance classes. Y'know? I guess I'm just stuck waiting for the right partner to teach me." *sighs
"I'll show you how." He offers and looks at me with his good'ol goofy grin.
I grin back at him. "Isn't that a little weird? And do you even remember how to dance?"
He turns his head to the side and looks at me curiously. "Why is it weird? You're my best friend. I'm just doing you a favor."
"Ok, well I can't argue with that. You sure you can dance?"
"Dancing is all muscle memory. Even if my brain doesn't quite remember my muscles do. Trust me Stevie, I got this!" He says emphatically and looking more and more like the boy I grew up with.
"Alright Buck. Can I pick the song?"
"Sure Rogers, you can pick the song. Something at least sort of slow."
I nod at him in agreement and both of us make our way to our living room. Bucky moves our coffee table over to the side, so that we have more room. I set up the music to were all I have to do is press play. My friend moved closer to me.
"At first I'll lead to show you how."
"Ok" I agree and nod. I can feel myself getting nervous, feels like I ate firecrackers. Nervousness plus ice cream are a bad combination.
"Put your right hand on my shoulder gently. A dames touch would be soft. She trust you. I'll put my right hand on your back like this. Up high is you're just friends but the lower back means you like them. You'll want to be gentle but a little firm too. You're strong and can be trusted."
I try to do as he says. I put my right hand on his shoulder, remembering to be gentle. I'm the girl this time, I suppose. He poises his hand somewhat firmly on my lower back. I guess he's showing me how to hold someone you like or he's just all muscle memory right now.
"This ok?" I ask.
"Perfect!" He smiles at me and I can see why girls almost always fell for him. There's a sparkle in his eyes and a charming smile. "Next put your left hand in my mine." He says holding up his metal and open left handed. I stare at it for a moment. He nods towards his extended hand, gesturing for me to take it. He glances at the metal hand and sighs. It's a part of him I know. It's the same hand that he used when he decided it was ok to hug me tonight and it's the same hand that saved my life on a few occasions. With that in mind I proudly hold the metal extension of Bucky and smile at him.
"Like this Buck?"
"Yes or you can do your fingers like this, if they're into it and don't think you're being too forward." He says sliding his fingers in between mine.
"How did usually do it?" I question him and he blushes.
"I don't know. Like this most of the time. I guess." He nods towards our interlocked fingers.
"Oh of course you did." I say rolling my eyes and teasing him. He pulls his fingers away and cups our hands instead.
"Now we're ready to start dancing. Turn on the music and follow my steps."
"Ok." I reply and then press play. Instantly the speakers softly play the Nat King Cole version of "Embraceable You".
He starts moving his feet and I do my best to follow him. I end up looking down a lot. He seems a bit lost at first but soon he catches the beat and it seems like the ability to dance comes back to him. He seems to be natural this. I'm not doing too bad either, at the moment. He turns to me and a giggle escapes my mouth. I'm sure I look silly but I'm having fun.
"We should've done this a long time ago." He whispers almost to soft for me to hear.
"Excuse me?"
"We're over a hundred years old and you never learned to dance. I shoulda taught you how a long time ago. Like in our early teens or something."
"I definitely should've learned sooner, but you're teaching me now. Right now is what's important."
"I guess you're right about that."
"I'm sorry can you say that again? I'd like to record it."
"I'm not saying it again."
"Oh come on!"
"No way." He says and holds me a little closer but not too tight.
We sway and step to the songs. Our movements are more natural and fluid now. He doesn't seem uncomfortable being this close to me. Maybe he should have ice cream more often. Neither me nor Buck can get drunk but we are not immune to the effects of too much sugar and chocolate. It has loosened us both up, but it's had the biggest effect on my now quiet, more stand offish and lovable best friend. I think I like dancing. I wish I would have learned sooner. Bucky was a great dancer and he seems to still got it. It's funny when he twirls me. We're two large guys slow dancing in a living room at 4 something in the morning. This whole situation is funny, but Bucky's intentions are nice. I'm surprised to see his more sensitive side still intact maybe even enhanced a touch. The song is winding down and I'm jolted from my thoughts by the feeling of a gentle pressure against my lips. I pull back but his lips move forward back into mine, keeping us connected. I open my eyes that I don't remember closing and I can see half of my best friend's face. His eyes are close and judging by the angle he's the one who's kissing me. I can feel adrenaline and what's left of my sugar high conspiring together to over throw my mind. Only my instincts work now. I barely start to kiss him back when he pulls away.
"I'm-I'm sorry Steve." He says not looking at me in the eyes. He walks off towards his room when I grab the wrist of his flesh arm.
"Buck wait, please talk to me." I sound more desperate then I intended to. I feel like a have little control over my body or my mind right now. It's like I'm on the tilt-a-whirl at Coney Island again. I'm dizzy and there's something alive in my stomach that wants out! Maybe talking isn't such a good idea in this state. "Bucky..."
"I'm sorry Steve."
"What was that? Muscle memory?"
"Yes! No... I don't know." He huffed and shook his head. He glanced at me then looked down to the floor. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to keep apologizing. I just want to understand why."
"I'm sorry..."
"Buck..."
"I kissed Nat! I remembered! She was the last person I kissed before tonight. We were a couple. As much as two brainwashed people could be. When I kissed you I remembered kissing her."
I'm shocked! My jaw clenches as I swallow hard. Why didn't Tasha tell me?!?!! Almost all of her memory is restored, according to her and Clint. Why didn't she tell me?!? Is that why she acts strange around him sometimes? Well, he did shoot her.
"What happened between you two?"
*Sighs "She was set free by S.H.I.E.L.D. and my mind was wiped of my memories of her. I begged them not to do it, just like I did when you first recognized me, but they never listened. Books were all they allowed me to enjoy. She was gone and I was alone."
My heart hurt for him. It seems like he really cared about her. He maybe even loved her, as best he could under mind control. "I'm so sorry Buck. I had no idea."
"I didn't either until I kissed you."
"Well... were you kissing me... or-or were you really kissing her?"
"I was kissing you!... I thought." He emphatically says with his voice sounding like thunder rolling. "But then the memory... and, and I didn't know what I was doing anymore... I can't trust my own mind."
"But..."
My sentence gets interrupted by the sound of thunder which is just a precursor to the one thing that absolutely scares Bucky. He hates lightning. As it turns out the light rain that was happening outside has turned into a full blown storm. My friends eyes got wide and his face was flushed when he hears the thunder.
"We check the weather. They-they said it was just light rain."
He grits his teeth but I can see the fear in his eyes. The pain and flashbacks to come are something worthy of fear. Our long night just keeps getting longer, but I signed up for this. I'm with him to the end of the line.
"I know Buck, just go get your beanie before there's lightning."
I let go of his wrist that I forgot I was holding and he goes towards his room. Sadly it's too late. The lightning strikes. My friend is brought to his knees and grips his head in pain. I rush to his side and put my hand on his back.
"Beanie" is all he grunts.
"Can I go in?" I ask pointing to his room. He doesn't like me going in there.
"Yea go." He grits.
I go into his room with the green wallpapered walls and huge book shelf overflowing with books. For a solider his bed is a mess. I smirk then grab the special made beanie from the night stand. It has rubber strands in it to deflect the heightened electric currents in the air created by a lightning storm. Ever since Bucky's memories have been coming back, lightning storms cause him pain. His mind being shocked to wipe it makes his head ache when there's lightning around. Headaches also trigger memories sometimes, which also means more pain. The beanie protects him from pain. Agent Coulson called in a favor to get this made and Bruce helped with the science for it. When he wears the hat all we really have to worry about are the flashbacks of having electric bolts shot into his head. The soulless bastards. I hear Bucky grunt and I run out of his room.
"Here Buck!" I say putting the hat carefully on his head. Not only is it helpful but it suits him. He looks nice in the navy blue headwear. It's like a soft warm helmet. Bruce says lightning won't always be a problem, just while he's trying to regain a large quantity of memories. I look up and he slightly adjust the hat to his liking.
"Thanks Stevie." He says sitting himself on the hallway floor. I sit across from him and he just stares at me. Lightning strikes again and he jumps a little. He sees me watching him and he hangs his head.
"Hey how about we get some sleep?"
I ask him and pat his shin. He just gives a small smile and shakes his head.
"You need your rest..."
"I can't." He mutters. I understand, he's probably to shaken up at the moment to sleep. He looks up with a blank stare in my direction but more so at the wall. I know what's coming. The veins extend from his neck. His face gets red and he bites down on his arm. The screaming begins with his wild eyes. This scares me, that doesn't change no matter how many times I see it. The rush of anger, sadness, guilt, and fear. He needs me now. He needs me to pull him out of this. I lean forward straddling his legs. I put both hands on his shoulders and he looks up at me.
"That's right Buck look at me. You see me? It's Steve. You're home, you're hear with me..." His eyes lock on mine and I move my left hand to the back of his neck. "You're safe Bucky. You hear me?!? You're home..." He drops his arm from his teeth and his bottom lip quivers.
"I'm home, I'm with Steve, I'm safe... I'm with you." He looks at me confused. His eyes look lost.
"That's right pal. You're safe at home with me."
"Can't believe it took all this for you to finally agree to living with me. You're a stubborn man." He smirks at the memory he just shared. His voice is horsed from the screaming, but at least he came back from it. I chuckle and a bit of relief is lightening the air in our apartment.
"It's hard living with a jerk such as yourself, but I wanted somebody to shine my shoes and take out my trash. Recycling bin included of course." We both laugh as I stand to my feet and extend my hand to him. He takes my hand and I can see the purple bite mark on his arm and I pull him up.
"You can go to sleep Stevie. I'll be fine. I promise no more flashbacks." He promises what he can't.
"How about you sleep in my room? You can even have your choice of the bed or the floor with some pillows."
"No thanks. I really can't sleep. I'll just read, it'll be a good distraction. I'm fine just get some rest."
"I can't sleep either." D@** kiss and thunderstorm!
"Yes you can."
"No really. My mind is too busy anyways. I'll just sketch."
"Ok, whatever you say Rogers."
I put my arm around his shoulder and both of walk to the living room. Bucky perches himself on the couch and picks up the book he left in his spot. He must've been reading before I had my nightmare. That feels days ago. I enter my room and grab my sketch book and my art pencils kit. When I come back to our couch Buck's already got his nose in a book and is listening to that electronic music stuff he likes to listen to while reading. When he notices my presence he smiles at me and takes an earbud out.
"My turn. Tell me an interesting secret."
"That's not a question." He retorts.
"Do it anyways."
*Sighs "Fine. When I got deployed to London I fell in love with drinking tea. I actually like it more than coffee."
I start laughing at the random secret.
"Why didn't you say anything when people offered you coffee?"
"I thought coffee was more American, but now I know most of our coffee beans are exported anyways." He shrugs.
"Well we'll get you some teas from the grocery store next time we go shopping."
"Thanks." He says with a large smile. "Anything else you wanna ask?"
"Sure. What are you reading?"
"It's a book of poetry."
"You still like that! You used to really like those books in school. You also would memorize poems and say them to girls. They loved your poetic talk."
"Really?"
"Yes. You got teased for reading "a pansy's book" but you didn't care. Besides, like I said the girls were crazy about it. You even wrote some poems but never let me see them."
"Never?"
"Nope! Not once." I chuckled and shook my head.
"Oh" he says scowling.
"You were just shy about it. People were not so keen on men writing poems back then. It wasn't considered manly enough."
"Mm... maybe that's why I like rap. Some of it is like a story or a poem."
"Maybe."
"My turn. What are you going to draw? Are you going to sketch me like one of your French girls." He asks with a straight face that quickly shifts to an uncontrollable grin.
We both end up laughing at the movie reference. "Someone finally watched Titanic."
"Yep with Sam! I liked it. Except for the fact that Jack dies when Rose could have saved him."
"I know! That's the worst. I think I will draw you, but not like some French dame." I say and his cheeks go pink. "Will you read your book to me while I sketch?"
"Sure!" He says and both of start our chosen activities at out separate ends of the couch
....
I wake up to the sun peaking in through the cracks in our partially closed curtains. I start to shift when I notice the pressure on my shoulder and abdomen. My eyes struggle to adjust to the light, but I keep them open this time. I look around and I realize I'm in my living room. I look over and Bucky has his head on my shoulder and his right arm laying across my stomach. My sketch book is in my lap and Bucky's book is on the floor. Memories from last night start to come in. We must've sugar crashed on the couch. I don't even remember falling asleep and I don't remember my friend resting on me like this. Last night he hugged me, we danced, and he kissed me sort of. What is that gonna mean for us now? Is it going to mean anything? Everyday is a surprise with Bucky. I never know what all will happen from one day to the next. Most times it great, then sometimes..."
"Good morning" Bucky says with his eyes still closed and raspy voice.
"Morning Buck. Did you sleep alright."
"Yea, the best." *yawns "how about you?" He asks me then opens his sleepy eyes to look up at me. He pulls away and wipes his tired face.
"Yea, I slept great. I honestly don't remember even falling asleep." I tell him and my scratch head.
"I love you Steve." He blurts out, but in a smooth, natural way. It was honest and unforced. "You're the only thing that makes since in my life. You understand me and have patience for my insanity. I've always wanted you to stay in my life. You're my best friend and that hasn't changed. You've been here with me all these months and you never gave up on me. I don't think you ever will."
"I won't Bucky. I won't give up on you, ever." I earnestly tell him. Every inch of me is begging him to believe me.
"And I need that. Thank you Steve. I love you you. I know that."
"But what about that kiss? You said so yourself that you can't trust your mind."
"Nat's nice but I don't love her. Kissing you wasn't a mind thing, I don't think. It was a heart thing. You brought feeling back to my heart."
Wow, a night of music and poems and I get to see the softer side of him. I'm sure the chocolate played a role too. He looks me square and the eyes and I'm sure about his feelings. I'm the one who's lost and a bit confused right now. I guess just like in dancing I'll follow his lead. I trust him. He's my best friend.
"I love you too Bucky."
He looks at me and his eyes look like water. He hugs me and this time it's just right, strong and firm, but still careful and soft. I hug him back and he releases a breath. We stay comfortable like that for while until the man in my arms starts to stir.
"Can we have breakfast and play video games?" He requested after shifting his position to where I can see his face better and he can see mine.
"Sure pal. I'll make omelets."
"I get to chop the vegetables right?"
"Yup."
"Awesome." He says smiling. Bucky loves cutting the vegetables! He stands up and pulls me off the couch as well. He puts an arm over my shoulder and kisses the side of my head. My face warms up at his gesture. Never a dull moment between us.
....
The end.
A/N Welp, I hope you enjoyed my first comic book fanfic. Steve and Bucky are the best and I had fun writing this! This is a new genre of fanfic for me, so please tell me what you think. I'd like to write more of this sort of thing and of course improve on my writing. Thank you for reading!
Live in loVe ❤️
See You Soon ~ EverMila⭐️