After dinner I went to help clear up the dishes, it was the least I could do. After all this time, and after everything I'd put their daughter through in high school... they still welcomed me into their home with open arms. I knew it was because of the patchwork family, a stupid idiotic teenage I had been, but I was family. Even if I didn't deserve to be.
"Oh, Xavier. Please this is your night, we're celebrating your return. I'll take care of the washing up." Sarah exclaimed taking the plates out of my hands.
"I'd like to help. You opened your home to me after all." I replied.
"Really, it's fine sweetheart."
"If you're sure." I said softly. "Uh, was Scarlett okay? She left in the middle of dinner."
Scarlett stopped washing the dishes and turned to look at me. Her eyes smiled and she nodded. "She wasn't feeling well." Sarah murmured. "Besides, she has an early start in the morning. I wouldn't take it personal. I know you two had your issues in school, but she's not a teenager anymore."
I nodded. Sarah obviously underestimated just how much my careless actions had hurt her daughter. I had told them... after that scum sucker ex of her had leaked that preposterous fake sex tape, I had told them everything I had ever done to her. I promised to do everything I could to protect her, to make up for how much I had failed her, but the damage was done. Scarlett already hated me and hate like that didn't change over time.
I had come here to fix the wrongs I had done, but I'd only made things worse for Scarlett. I needed to fix it, once and for all. "Oh? Where is she working?"
"Happy sun preschool." Sarah replied, returning to the dishes.
I smiled, innocent Scarlett was a preschool teacher. As a hot blooded male, who had long dreamt about Scarlett in many various situations, imagining her as a teacher did things to my insides that should have been abhorrent, especially while in the company of her mother. I swallowed my immature curiosity and nodded.
"A teacher?"
"Yes, she's wonderful with children." Sarah noted.
"I bet she is." I murmured. "Uh, thanks again for dinner, it was nice to be around everyone again."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it Xavier. Please, don't leave it so long next time."
**
After I said goodbye to the others I caught a cab back to the hotel. Tomorrow I was going to visit Scarlett, speak to her again, and apologize. She'd probably never forgive me, but I had to try.
I walked into the hotel room, almost instantly I had three pairs of eyes boring holes into me like lasers. I shrugged and sat down on the couch. "Well they all know now." I said.
"And?" Jay exclaimed, moving to the edge of the sofa, he looked eager, like his entire nights happiness was riding on my answer to his invasive, but somehow simple question.
"And nothing, it's all okay." except for her.
"So Scarlett forgave you?" Cris grinned.
I frowned and stood up. I wasn't going to discuss this with them, not tonight. I hadn't even begun to fix things between her yet and I and something told me, it wasn't going to be easy. "I wouldn't say that. I'm going to bed. Night."
I left the guys in the lounge and walked down to my hotel bedroom. I tried to sleep, but the nights events replayed over and over in my head. I had been cocky, and pushed Scarlett too far. It almost seemed like all I was capable of was hurting her... of hurting anyone I got close to. I closed my eyes and fought back memories of the night everything had changed. I had written myself and my love for scarlett into song for as long as I could remember. Sometimes those songs were dark, sometimes they weren't. But it had been my way to cope with what I could never have.
Loneliness and the yearning for a companion weakened my resolve, and I let someone in, a girl whose name was Lucy, but she was only ever a friend. I had wanted to give her more, but I couldn't. She reminded me of Scarlett, and I guess that's part of the reason I liked her hanging around.
I had killed her, my stupidity had killed her. The cops said the guy in the other car was drunk, but I knew I could have stopped it if I'd only paid more attention. The guilt was too much, The pain I'd caused Scarlett and the pain I had caused Lucy was always surrounding me and I needed to just not feel anything for a while. Then Vax the playboy was born and my reputation spread like wildfire.
I'd fooled myself into thinking I had it all, when really I had nothing.
It was around 3am before I finally drifted off to sleep. Filled with dread and self hate I 'dreamed' about high school and the asshole I had been. It was like the ghost of christmas past had taken pity on me, and had decided to show me the error of my ways even though I was well aware already. I didn't need reminding. I knew, I knew exactly what I had done all those years ago.
I had tried to fix it numerous times back then, always falling far short and somehow always making it worse. I wasn't sure why I expected this time to be any different. Scarlett was never going to forgive me and truth be told I didn't deserve it.
**
When I woke up the next morning I dressed and slipped out of the hotel without the guys noticing. I didn't need their input, as much as they all assumed I did. I had been messed up for a while, but things were different now. I was different.
I caught a cab to the preschool where Scarlett worked. It was deep in the suburbs. Hidden in the side streets away from the hustle and bustle of the city. I smiled as I walked toward the door. It was typical of Scarlett to be in a place like this. After the fake sex tape her ex had made, She made it her mission to all but disappear from sight in school, I guessed it was a case of old habits die hard. Once I opened the doors and walked inside I saw her right away even though she had her back to me. She was sitting at a small table, with another teacher and some children who were drawing. The other teacher looked at me and began to fan her face, while Scarlett's back stiffened. I kept walking, closing the distance between us.
"You guys keep up the good work. I'm just going to chat with a..... Friend." Scarlett said softly as she rose to her feet, her voice hung on the word friend, like it was almost physically impossible for her to say.
"Go for your lunch break, you skipped your morning break." The other teacher said with a smile. Scarlett just shook her head in response. She turned around, and we stood only inches apart, her body stood rigid and she looked like a deer in headlights as she took a step backward, almost falling onto the table behind her. She frowned and straightened herself up before her eyes narrowed and she stalked over to a door leading outside. I waved to the kids and smiled before following her out the door. The cool morning air hit my face like the reception I was getting from Scarlett, she wasn't pleased to see me, but I wasn't arrogant enough to think she would be. I shoved my hands into my pockets and followed her across the grass and up a small bank. Defeated she sat down and placed her arms on her knees. I sat beside her, a few feet away, giving her space. We were silent for a while, and I knew I was going to have to say something first. I was the idiot after all. The one who had always messed everything up, including her.
"I'm sorry." I said after what seemed like forever. Once the words left my mouth, I knew they weren't enough. My words were weak if they weren't backed up with proof.
"What for? Last night or High school?" Scarlett replied coolly. I had been a tool, both last night and in high school and truth be told I was sorry for it all, but she had no reason to believe me, not after what I'd put her through. I breathed out and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Both, I guess." I replied.
"Why were you such a jerk?" she mumbled. He voice was cracking, I didn't want to make her hurt anymore, but here I was... trying to fix things and still hurting her. How had I fucked up so bad... how had I allowed myself to be such a moron.
"Last night or in High school?" I replied, attempting to lighten the mood.
She let out an uneasy laugh before looking up at me. Her blue eyes magnetised to mine, and for the first time in forever I didn't see hate in them. While she looked confused, it was still a step up. She broke the contact, looking down at the grass once more.
"Both." I admitted freely. "I was an idiot in high school. I thought I knew everything and I thought knowing everything gave me the right to pull people up when I thought they were wrong."
I had been an arrogant little shithead and it had cost me everything. At the time I thought I was right, but I had been wrong, so wrong. I'd spent years going over my behavior in my head, but nothing excused it. "You hung around with fake idiots who used you. I hated it."
She nodded and let out sigh. "So you humiliated me, why didn't you just tell me?"
"Like I said, I was an idiot." I drawled, although idiot didn't begin to cover it. "I am sorry about that. I did come here today to apologize about last night though. I crossed the line. I guess I'm used to being able to get what I want."
And I wanted Scarlett like never before. I thought I'd loved her in high school, and I thought all this time apart had deafened those feelings somewhat, but I was wrong. The moment I'd seen her last night I knew that no matter how far I ran from her, and no matter how long I was gone... she owned my heart and she always would.
"I don't understand." She mused, as she looked at me again, the confusion in her face was even more evident now, but I could see curiousity too. She wanted to understand, on some level at least.
"I wasn't thinking with my head Scarlett." I whispered lowly and it was true, last night I'd been running on pure emotion spliced with a wayward libido. Scarlett's mouth fell open into an 'O' she let out a long breath. I had shocked her, but whether that was a good thing or not still remained to be seen. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth pursed.
"I'm hardly your type." she said finally.
I almost laughed, Scarlett was so far off base it was almost amusing. Scarlett was my type. She was the baseline for my type. Every woman I had ever been with had been compared to her in one way or another. But I couldn't let her know that, not yet.
"I have a type?" I said, trying to sound amused. I forced a laugh out of my mouth.
"No you're right, I have a pulse that seems to be your only prerequisite." She said without skipping a beat. She smiled, clearly proud of her quip, although it hit me where it hurt. Right in the place I'd kept my feelings for Scarlett. She was never going to forgive me, I was always going to be the guy who had hurt her, only now it was compounded with Vax's playboy ways. She was never going to take me seriously. I stood up and brushed my jeans off, I had to get out of here and wash this away. It was time to notch it up to life experience. I was never going to make things right with Scarlett.
"I guess I've overstayed my welcome." I said dryly.
"You weren't welcome to begin with." she replied.
I shook my head and walked down the bank. I was still an idiot after all this time. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. I couldn't leave things like this. I couldn't let her think I was just a dirty scoundrel who'd only been looking for sex. It had been more than that, I had been messed up... I still was. I turned and walked back toward Scarlett, stopping only an inch or two from her face.
"You of all people should realize the media doesn't get the whole story. But whatever, believe what you like."
I left before she could answer, desperate to get out of there. I caught a cab to my parents to pick up my old Ford GT. We were only going to be in LA for a short time, it seemed pointless to buy a new car, besides, the car held some of the only good moments Scarlett and I had shared in days passed. Like when it had broken down and she'd leant me her phone and given me a ride home. I smiled as I slid the key into the ignition.
I'd lost her, even though I'd never really had her. But at least, at one point in our lives, her hate for me hadn't been so strong. Once I had been close to breaking through the barriers I had created. Maybe I could do it again, maybe she'd give me a chance.
A/N - Hi guys, Going Nowhere - Xavier's Story is available on Radish, but for the first time I'm going to post the first SEVEN chapters here on Wattpad. If you like what you read then please consider heading over and downloading the Radish app to get the rest. They only cost a few cents and it really does help me out and gets me one step closer to my dream.
This is still an on going work, so there will be more chapters to come. We're only up to chapter 15 on Radish!
Love yas!