How The F*ck Should I Know!?

Von ImiliaClausen

386 14 44

I don't know, I don't know........... I don't know Mehr

About me
Class
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Thoughts
I have a problem...
Not so good
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How I'm doing I guess

Depression?

59 1 7
Von ImiliaClausen

I haven't re-read it, so I don't know if there's any spelling mistakes, sorry.

So two days ago ( friday ) my mom told me that I had been acting weird lately. I hadn't really been thinking about it before she told me about it but when i thought about it I could see what she ment. I didn't talk as much as I used to, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I just felt sad and angry all the time. when I came to school that friday I started writing things down. I wrote about what I'm afraid  is going to happen to me and what I'm sad about. I wrote about how afraid I am about my friends leaving me because I'm not good enough or because I'm gonna fuck something up. I wrote about how much I just wanted to go somewhere and forget about everything else in my life...

I have discovered how hard it is for me to belive people when they compliment me and when they say they love me or that I mean much to them. I think I'm on my way into depression, but I'm not sure and I don't know what to do. It doesn't help to talk to someone about it so I think it's just a phase I need to come through. 

I have also thought about my sexuality and I think that I'm Bi, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm afraid of my family and friends reactions if it turns out that I'm Bi. I know that I shouldn't be afraid because they love me, but I still am. 

So as you can see, alot have been on my mind lately and still is. It doesn't help that my class is arguing constantly. In a matter of seconds I can go from sad to angry and it's frustrating. Even when I'm happy, I still feel sad and I hate it! My mom is concerned about me, my family is concerned about me and even some of my friends is concerned about me! I'm getting tired of people worrying about me constantly. Of Course I'm happy that they are concerned about me, but I'm kind of okay. I know that I don't eat and drink that much and that it's  concerning but I'm fine.  

I feel like my friends don't like me for being me, but only likes me because of something I have that they want. I know that they love me for being me, but I just can't help then feeling I have.

sorry if this upset you, but I just needed to get it off of my mind. I hope you'll have a good day. 

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