Perrie has her fingertips tracing along every line that Jade's lips had covered. Her back was still against the wall, her breathing was finally going at its steady and even pace. The image of Jade's brown eyes, darkened by lust and pleasure was still stuck in her head and so is the taste of Jade's thin-lined and smooth lips. The way Jade's lips aggressively hovered over her own and how vigorous and full of energy Jade was once she pushed Perrie against the wall. But the image of Jade's eyes holding such a strong regretful gaze had made its way to Perrie's mind, too.
Jade regretted it, Perrie was sure about that. She regretted it and decided to leave the blonde behind and what hurts is that Perrie was left not only alone but with a wave of guilt splashing through her too.
Perrie nearly blamed herself for what happened a few minutes ago, she blamed herself for not keeping her mouth shut and scolded herself because of that. Maybe if she just stayed silent like usual then she wouldn't have to push Jade's buttons and Jade wouldn't do such impulsive and unanticipated actions. Maybe if she didn't follow the girl then all this wouldn't have happened and Jade, Lauren, and herself would still stay in the same spot right there in their table; everything will be alright like before.
"Hey, is everything alright?" Lauren questioned the blonde as Perrie slowly sat down on her seat without a word given to the raven haired girl. Lauren frowned. "Jade stormed past our table and left... she looked angry."
Perrie darted a look at Lauren once she heard the words. Well, she wasn't that surprised to hear that considering Jade just literally stormed off the room, leaving the blonde with confusing thoughts and assumptions. She shrugged it off and gave Lauren a small smile.
"She just had to do something, that's all." Perrie's voice was soft and gentle and unsure, and she frowned because it sounded as if she was convincing herself other than the raven haired girl in front of her.
"Okay. Do you wanna get out of here? Lunch is almost over," she says.
Perrie thought about it for a brief moment before she nodded.
"Yeah, sure."
~•~•~
Is Jade actually doing this? Yes, she is.
Jade does not know what possessed her to brush past her assigned chair beside the blonde and instead sat down on the seat beside her own chair but her seatmate is absent so there is nobody who could demand her to go back. She knows that Perrie would inevitably question on why she was not sitting on her assigned seat and probably ask her what's wrong but honestly, Jade just didn't want to talk to anyone right now, especially the blonde haired girl; especially after all the confusing things that just happened these past few days and just a few minutes ago. And stupidly, Jade thinks that this is a way to escape, that this is a way to avoid the blonde in a hopefully non-heartbreaking way.
But she was wrong.
Because what's heartbreaking is that once she sat down, Perrie was already at the door staring at her shockingly. Jade could notice the hurt and bafflement that flashed through Perrie's eyes once they landed on her and Jade just couldn't look at her any longer as she felt a pang of guilt.
Jade timidly looked back down on her notebook which apparently had no notes in it, not even a single doodle drawn on it. Jade just used this excuse to contemplate about anything. Perhaps if she just pretend to write something or at least anything, maybe Perrie would think that she was busy and wouldn't bother her--not that she ever bothered the girl once before. But Jade just figured that Perrie might think that Jade needed space and so she pulled out a pen from her right pocket, her eyes glancing at the blonde who was now walking towards her direction. Jade quickly looked away and immediately shoved her pen on the blank paper, occasionally glancing at the blonde as she randomly scribble some drawings on her notebook.
Perrie was already seated when Jade was finished doodling. Unfortunately for her, Perrie's eyes seemed to have their gaze fixated on Jade and only Jade. And Jade wished that she was invisible.
"Hey," Perrie whispers frantically, but thankfully Jade heard her as she turns her head and locked eyes with her.
Jade flashed her a lopsided smile and nodded.
"Hi."
"Do you... wanna hang out in dismissal?"
Yes, of course.
"I can't... I have to do something else in the house," Jade replies. And she had never felt like a huge asshole before.
Perrie swore she could feel her heart swelling once she heard this. She knows that this would inevitably happen because apparently Jade kissed her... again. And now obviously Jade would avoid her because of that but Perrie just wished that the girl would at least give her the time of day and just hang out with her. And at this point Perrie doesn't even care if Jade would just act like nothing happened. She just wanted to be with her everyday. Perrie heaved a sigh, knowing that there's nothing she can do that could change things between her and Jade anymore.
"I'm really sorry," Jade apologized, trying to reach for Perrie's hand but sadly Perrie pulled away and smiled at her.
"It's fine."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine. Hang out with you next time," Perrie finished, turning to face the front before Jade could see the hurt in her eyes that is going to be too conspicuous if she stares at Jade even longer.
Perrie's eyes were beginning to produce tears but Perrie blinked hard to prevent them from doing so. She wanted to look strong and rugged around Jade. She wanted Jade to think that what she did back there in the restroom had no effect on the blonde but it seemed too impossible when Perrie knew that Jade possibly didn't care about her anymore; that whatever happened these past few days were just jokes that Jade pulled on her to mess up her feelings even more but Perrie was sure that despite all of that, she was still falling for the queen bee even more.
The whole hour of Biology class consists of exchanged glances from the two, but no exchanged words. Perrie would like to think that maybe Jade didn't want to talk to her because they were both in the front row where Miss Halls is probably standing in front of most of the time. Or because Jade is a chair away and if she calls the girl, Miss Halls would probably give them detention and Perrie knows Jade immensely despises detentions. But Perrie didn't want to lie to herself anymore. She knows that Jade didn't want to talk to her; that Jade needed nothing but space.
She doesn't need anything to prove her otherwise because once Miss Halls dismissed the class, she saw Jade abruptly standing up with her sling bag and leaving the room.
~•~•~
"Hey, Perrie." Jed flopped himself down on his chair beside the blonde.
Perrie glanced at him and smiled, and somehow wondering why Jed would still talk to her.
"Hey."
"Would it be weird if I talk to you?" Jed chuckled, to which Perrie imitated as she shook her head.
"No, of course not."
"Well, that's good." Jed smiled and nodded.
For a brief moment, Perrie considered the situation. Because obviously she's Jade's best friend and she's talking to... her ex. Perrie wondered if Jade would even be bothered by this.
"So, uhm, how are you... you know... since the..." Perrie felt stupid. Why was she stuttering when in fact this is just Jed? Jed isn't the person she's in love with. Jed isn't the person whom she wants to spend her day with. She doesn't even like Jed.
"You know--I was the one who broke up with her," Jed smiled. "You don't have to feel awkward when it comes to asking about how I feel. I'm fine--good, rather."
"Oh..." Perrie trailed off. "Are you sure?"
"Perrie, I'm fine," Jed chuckled as he shook his head, seeming amused with Perrie's concern for him. "Just... do me a favor and take care of her for me, yeah?"
Perrie blinked slowly, confused as to why Jed would suddenly request this specifically from her considering Perrie isn't Jade's only friend around here but decided to not question about it and instead just nod.
"Uhm, sure."
"Don't break her heart," Jed says, his tone changed from light to serious.
"What?"
Jed snorted. "Come on, Perrie. You and I both know that Jade's in love with you. That's basically the main reason why I broke up with her." Jed flashed Perrie a lopsided smile and sighs, "Jade's one of a kind. Don't lose her."
Perrie looked at him surprisingly.
"Jade's in love with me...?"
Jed smirked. "Jade's got some explaining to do."
~•~•~
And that's how Perrie finds herself standing a few centimeters away from the door of Jade's house; determined of knowing the truth; determined of pursuing what she wanted.
Two knocks on the door was all it took before the door opened, revealing Jade standing in front of her with her hair spilled all over her shoulders, her inquisitive brown eyes peering into Perrie's determined blue eyes. Perrie thought for a brief moment how hot Jade looked like in short shorts and a tank top but burned her thoughts because this isn't the reason why she's here.
"Perrie? What are you doing here? Do you wanna get inside?" Jade asks, conspicuously addled.
"No." Perrie cleared her throat and instinctively took a step back. "No... I wanna talk to you right here and right now."
"Okay." Jade nodded, beckoning for the blonde to speak further though she was being apprehensive already.
"Jade, I need to know the truth. Why did you kiss me?"
Jade stared at her uneasily. There goes the question that she dreaded. Perrie asked her too soon, too soon for Jade to even know herself. She wanted to act innocent but she and Perrie both know that Jade couldn't escape this anymore now that Perrie was already looking resolute in knowing the truth. But Jade can't tell her the truth; she can't because she doesn't even know what's happening. She's in love with the blonde but she couldn't accept that. She couldn't accept the fact that her love for Perrie isn't purely platonic but genuine affection.
"It... I was just in the moment."
"In the moment?" Perrie scoffed, "Is that what cowards say these days? Cowards who don't own up to their feelings?"
"I am not a coward."
"Then tell me the truth."
"That is the truth."
"Jed broke up with you because you're in love with me," Perrie blurted, but never did she regret it. "Do you remember saying that while you were drunk?"
Jade's eyes widened in shock. She was taken aback by what she said that she couldn't bring herself nor force herself to say anything. Just when she thinks that she's a step ahead, Perrie would always find a way two steps ahead of her.
Jade slowly shook her head. "I don't remember anything. Like I said, whatever I did or said that day was purely all because I'm wasted. I told you not to believe them."
"But how about those kisses that you initiated?" Perrie fired back. "You weren't drunk in those times."
"Perrie, I think you need to go."
"Jade, do you love me?" Perrie asks, catching Jade off guard by the sudden question. "Yes or no."
Jade swallowed a little lump in her throat. Her walls are breaking down and she's desperately exerting all her efforts to hold them up while she still can but Perrie is too strong; she caught Jade off guard and Jade had accidentally let go but quickly recovered.
"Of course I love you. You're my best friend."
"That is not what I meant and you know it," Perrie says.
Jade groaned, "Perrie, I am not in the mood for this."
"Then just tell me the truth."
"I can't!"
"Why not!?"
"Because I'm confused, okay?" Jade admitted, "I don't know if I'm in love with you or not. But even if I was, you are still my best friend and nothing will change that. I don't want to change our friendship, Perrie, so please. Just let this go."
There it goes again. Perrie was hurt. Hell that doesn't even precisely define what the blonde is truly feeling. The pain, the anger, the confusion, mixed up and transformed into this humongous wrecking ball that had smashed through Perrie's chest repeatedly; resulting to a broken heart once again. Perrie felt like her whole world had came crashing down all because of a statement. Perrie felt like all the butterflies flying around her had suffocated and died right in the spot once she heard this.
Perrie looked at the girl standing in front of her, wondering why Jade looked like as if she was struck by lightning when in fact Perrie was the damaged one here.
Perrie shook her head. "I see. So you just wanted to play with my feelings--I get it."
"Perrie..." Jade stepped forward, wishing to embrace the blonde but Perrie backed away, obviously not wanting anything to do with her now.
"I'm done. I am so done."