fuck with myself – banks
"This is so bad."
My finger swipes left on the Tinder. The Tinder.
The world is so big. All these men at my disposal. One on my phone, one in my bed, another one two doors down.
Étienne spins his basketball on his finger for fun. I guess. It's the weekend.
"Do you think he's cute?" I show my phone to him.
"Hth—" he makes some weird sound, "What are you doing?"
I give him big eyes and sassy talk, "Finding someone who'll do what you won't."
"God, you're note even funny, you know."
I sit up on my bed, "Don't use the Lord's name in vain."
"Okay, Saint Sisi."
I throw my phone on the night stand, not bothering myself to hook it onto its charger and decide to deal with the severe repercussions in the morning, while finding someone else to blame for my problems.
"You know what? I'll just fuck myself."
"La drame," he sighs under his breath.
Proving no point, I kick his basketball. It falls and bounces and rolls.
"Pass me my laptop."
He doesn't, because he mad.
"That's right. You can't do nothing for me," I clap back, "I got to do everything on my own."
And as I step over him to get to the other night table, he trips my leg.
I scream, "I'll whip you!"
Before a battle begins, somebody knocks on the door.
"You get it," I say right away, ready to hide.
"No, you,"
"You're closer to the door."
"T'es debout."
I point my finger and repeat, "I'll whip you."
I don't even know what I mean by that. But Étienne gets up and pays for the pizza.
"Whoa!" I sing, like I'm at a party, "Pizza's here! Brrap! Brrap!"
We peel slices out of the box and eat, standing up—that's how hungry we were. Everything is calm and quiet and normal again.
I pop the soda cans open.
"You know Papa John's pizza?"
"Mm," Étienne stretches his cheese, after biting into his pizza.
"Every time I go there, the cheese—like the whole layer, falls right off," I laugh.
"That happened to me before," Étienne confesses.
"I just eat the cheese," I shrug.
"We should have gotten fries," he says.
"Fries aren't all that good," I say, staring at my toppings.
He takes a gulp from his can.
"At practice, coach was shouting and stuff and a fly got caught in his throat."
"Pff," I laugh.
"He was coughing for a good hour. I think he swallowed it, though."
"Eww," I shrink my face into a grimace.
"Everyone laughed."
"Poor coach," I sigh, taking another bite, "Your game is when?"
"Next Friday," he answers.
"Remind me," I nod.
We're talking with our mouths full at this point. Cheese dangles on my chin.
"Make sure you go to the barber," I tell him, observing and judging his hair.
"Why?" he shrugs.
"You want girls cheering for you. Not booing."
"I'll just tie it."
I help myself to a napkin and lick my lips for good measure.
"No, Étienne. You cannot just tie it."
"It doesn't matter."
"No," I shake my head insistently, "You're not going embarrass me on that court."
He laughs at my humour. I was dead serious. I don't know who he takes me for.
"Okay, then," he says.
"Not at that clippers place next to Wal-Mart. A professional barber."
"Yeah, but it's like 50 bucks to go to a barber. That's why I don't go."
"When you take care of your looks, you actually can be sexy."
"Thank you."
"You're ugly now. You can take the compliment."
"Oh, if you say so," he sighs, sitting down in front of the TV.
"White boy still lives with his parents looking ass," I roast, "Mom I can't find my tennis shoes looking ass."
"Wow, okay."
I serve myself to a second slice.
"Ghost town on your head looking ass. Desperately needs Head & Shoulders looking ass."
"Grab me one," he says.
I do and sit next to him.
"Can't claim his taxes to the government because he lost his files in his hair looking ass."
He pokes his greasy finger in my face.
"You're. Not. Funny."
"I wasn't trying to be," I say.
·•●⦁·
I reverse in the hallway with my girls. The prof is running on the late side.
"DQ after this?" Alex asks.
"Yup!"
Then my phone beeps.
Jacob texted 'meet me'.
"Damn," I croak.
Alex intrudes, staring at my screen.
"You haven't talken to him yet?"
"Talken? Really Alex?" I give her a look.
"The English language is forever evolving, okay?"
"I'm not sure if I should talk to him," I get back to the matter at hand.
"Go. Do it. Fuck it up."
"It's a good think you're not studying to be a shrink, eh."
"Motivational speaker right here."
"What should I say?" we stare at the screen.
"Say, um. No, wait. You have to take control. Decide where and what time."
I nod, "Right."
So, I text back a simple "N building. 2pm."
"That's good," Alex approves, "If he apologizes, hit him with ultimatums."
"Boys don't like ultimatums."
"What did Rihanna say?" Alex says.
She starts signing her anthem Needed Me.
"You! NeEEeEeeded me!"
I join her.
"Shit," Alex stops. "Prof's here."
·•●⦁·
I stay in the girl's bathroom until 2:16pm. On purpose. I slick my Taupe Mac lipstick on my lips.
I'm ready for the kill. I make my way, leisurely, towards the N building.
I play with my phone, looking busy as hell.
He's there, waiting by the windows.
I feel like I'm in the lead.
"Hey," I say first.
"Hey," he says second.
"So, what's up?"
He shrugs, "Let's chill."
I kiss my teeth and glance at my phone, "I got a Tinder date."
His lips hold in an oncoming laugh.
"Oh?"
I return him a similar smirk, "Give me a reason why I should chill with you?"
"I got a car."
Yesterday's Sisi would find that plenty enough reason. But today, I'm feeling challenging.
"So does..." I check my phone again, "David."
I make things up as I go.
"I got money," he adds.
I look at him like he's stupid. Because he is.
"Like David don't—"
"I can take you anywhere you want and get you anything you want."
I bat my lashes.
"Jacob," I say, "I can take me anywhere I want and get me anything I want."
He grins, licking his bottom lip.
I look at my phone, applying pressure to his ego, "Hurry. David's waiting."
He wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"Come on," he flirts, lowering his voice to my ear, "You know I can fuck you better than David."
I flip my hair, brushing him off in the process.
"Actually, I can fuck myself better that you and David combined."
He gives up, "Let's get pizza."
"Had pizza last night," I wink.
I turn and leave. I feel awesome.