Copyright © @zylgnagnaba 2013
Valerie’s POV
Dark skies, shorter days, heavy rains—I suddenly loved autumn. It somehow represents the blustery emotions I have held up inside me for the past weeks. I feel like this season empathizes with me. But just like the season, I think what I feel inside would go on for a while until it eventually change into another form—whether it be a warmer or colder one. I just really hope the sequence of my emotions doesn’t follow the season. Or else, I’d know I’ll be a cold and indifferent person soon. It couldn’t be farther from the truth though.
Harry has been giving me the cold shoulder since our last confrontation. There’s nothing I can do but yield to the way he treats me. He doesn’t talk to me when we’re home, much too different whenever we’re out in public. Most of the time, I’d cry in front of my food in the dining room when he always preferred to eat alone in the lounge. His back is always facing me whenever we’re in bed. He doesn’t hug or kiss me anymore whenever we’re alone. It’s not that I’d expect that, but… everything’s just different now. I can’t believe that my consecutive mishaps would create an apathetic human being out of thoughtful, caring, and fun-to-be-with Harry.
I couldn’t even compare these with the way he treated me when we’re starting out. At least then, I don’t feel invisible.
I find myself being entertained with the minute droplets on the glass wall of the cafe, guessing as to which of them would slide to the bottom of the glass first. I smile to myself when the droplet that I was rooting for wins. I think I’m crazy.
With the ring of my phone, I am dragged out of my child-like thoughts. I flip through my purse immediately to search for the gadget, wondering who must be calling. A little smile blooms on my face when I see Harry’s icon appears on my screen, but I immediately withhold it as I press the green button.
“Where are you?” He goes directly as soon as I put the phone against my ear.
“At a café near the agency. Why?” My voice is soft and submissive.
“Okay.” He clips and hung up just like that. I frown as I examine my phone. What was that about, he just called to ask where I am?
Moments later, I sit up straight from being slumped in my seat when I see a familiar black vehicle pulling up in front of the cafe. With the recognition of a tall and lean male opening a yellow umbrella as he climbs off the car, I quickly bolt out of my seat and jog towards the door with my purse.
I excitedly step outside, clearly not myself for defying the rain that’s beginning to soak my hair and jacket already.
“What’s wrong with you?” Harry yells over the boisterous rain so I could hear him. He runs towards me and shield me under the umbrella. “You could wait inside the café.” He tells me in a bossy manner but I don’t mind. He clasps his arm around my frail shoulders and guides me to the front seat of his car.
I would like to think that this sweet gesture is something that would come naturally from him, but I know this is just an act since we are in a public place—though not a lot of people dare to go out on this dreadful weather.
I climb in the car just as quickly as I opened its door. Harry runs around to get on his seat, closing the umbrella as soon as he gets in. I instinctively sway my damp hair out of my face, tucking them behind my hair at the same time that Harry put the wet umbrella at the back. He grabs a box of tissue from the dashboard and pulls out seven—I counted—strips of tissue, leaning towards me and wipe my face with it.
“Look at you now. You’re wet.” He scolds me; his green eyes focused on the motion of his hand. He trashes the used crumpled tissue and grabs another heap of it, continuing the manner on my hair this time. I am trying my best not to smile, feeling ticklish inside. This would be the first time he would reach out for me. As much as I don’t want to put any colour to it, I just can’t help it.
“Here,” He puts the tissue box to my lap before darting his eyes to my wet shoulders. “Help yourself. I will turn up the heat. You might as well remove your jacket. You’re soaked.” He tells me, pressing several switches in his car while I comply on removing my wet jacket and throwing it at the back seat. Soon enough, the temperature inside his car is tolerably warmer now.
I wring out the little excess of water from my hair and continue wiping my shoulder with the tissue Harry handed to me. He now starts the engine and starts driving. I don’t even ask him where we’re headed. I just assume we’re going home.
He confuses me. After more than a week of ignoring, he’s now acting like we’re okay, just out of the blue.
The whole drive is covered with awkward silence. Harry is focused on driving but I can feel him glance at me once in a while. I, on the other hand, lean my head on the window, playing with several droplets sliding on the glass—just like what I was doing in the café before he called me up.
Pulling up to our flat, Harry then goes out of his seat with the umbrella in his hand. He runs around and halts to my side, opening up the door. I quickly grab my purse together with my jacket and climb off the car. He pulls me to his side, making sure I wouldn’t get wet from the rain.
The flat is dark and quiet, only Harry and my footsteps could be heard. I’ve been familiar around the area that I know where to hook my jacket and bag without the guidance of light. With the flick of the switch, the room is now lit and I quickly jump at the surprising chorus of the group of people in front of me.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VALERIE!” All our friends cheer and laugh at my startled reaction.
“Oh my gosh!” My words are muffled when I cover my gaping mouth. My eyes roam around the flying colourful confetti thrown at me. Eleanor, Louis, Niall, Liam, Sophia, Zayn, and Perrie are in our flat, holding a printed banner with my picture and scribbled words, ‘Happy 19th Birthday, Valerie!’
Harry appears on my side, wrapping me around his arm and kisses me at the side of my forehead. “Happy birthday, baby.” He tells me sweetly with his rough voice triggering shivers on my neck.
Before I could think, I kiss his lips and I lean my forehead against his as soon as we pull away. Then it hits me. All this is just an act for him. We’re pretending that we’re happy in front of our friends. But I push the thoughts aside and never pay attention to them when my friends start to huddle around and hug me.
“Thank you so much. I’m really surprised!” I giggle, wiping the little tears from the corners of my eyes.
I am indeed surprised. I didn’t even realize that it’s already October 7th. For the past years being away from home, I’ve never really gave importance to this date. I didn’t celebrate it. I treat it just like any ordinary day. I am not even sure if it’s my real birthday.
“Come on, guys. Let’s head to the dining room.” Harry instructs, never letting go of my trembling hands. I still can’t get over with the surprise and I am also delighted with Sophia’s presence. She’s the one I hugged the longest and tightest.
I don’t even remember telling them when my birthday is. I just thought it wasn’t important for them to know. I try to remember if ever just for once, it never rain on my birthday but I fail as I realize that it always do. I also think that it somewhat is connected to my cloudy personality.
My birthday celebration is simple but I love it to the last bit. Just being around the people I love, the people I consider my second—or maybe third—family makes me elated. I found out that the girls cooked most of the meals, the boys helped in the decoration of the room. Too bad we couldn’t extend the party late since the boys are travelling to Auckland tomorrow.
Somehow, I’m content that they are leaving for a little while so I can finally assess myself with how I can deal with Harry. We probably need space and time. I also need a breather. I am not happy with where this pretend got us. I love him. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen. I am slowly regretting ever falling for him, because it hurts me every time we act so happy and in love in front of the camera and around other people. Then I end up wishing that we’d never go home because I know Harry’s cold treatment will face me again. I hate that. I literally hate that.
With final wishes of ‘happy birthdays’ from my friends before leaving, the flat is now again covered with awkward atmosphere between me and Harry. I have always been fully-equipped with ways to deal with varied situations. I could easily act unaffected and tough, but this time it’s really hard when most of the time you have this urge to embrace this person next to you, but he feels distant. So here I am, tied up with my own emotions and gagged with Harry’s indifference.
*****
Harry’s POV
I am doing my usual pacing back and forth inside our room when packing some stuff for Auckland. We’re boarding the plane at five in the afternoon but I need to have everything ready before David picks us up at two. We need to stop by the studio first before leaving.
It’s almost ten but Valerie hasn’t move from her deep slumber yet. She’s curled up like a ball under the thick duvet. I wanted to wake her up to let her know I’m already getting ready for leaving, but I guess she’s still tired about last night.
Valerie doesn’t look nineteen at all. She looks older than that. Well, not that old. I mean, she looks twentyish. Her attitude is playful, child-like, and easy-going but the way she carries herself gives you second thoughts. It’s amazing how she can easily adapt to different situations around different people but she never lets go of her wit. She can make other people happy just by talking to her. That’s what I’ve been missing about her lately.
I wanted to talk to her already, make her feel that she’s not alone but I just can’t let go of my act. I know this is bullshit but acting like I don’t care about her helps me get over her—the process is slow but I know I will get there—but each time I see the sorrow in her brown eyes, I am taken back to where I have started. Fuck, it’s really hard.
I go back to the walk-in closet to grab another pile of my clothes, shrugging all of the latest thoughts. Pulling out and clutching the clothes in front of me, a black box falls on the matted floor. I put the clothes back to the shelf before bending down to the floor and retrieve the box.
I open it up and I behold a silver necklace resting on the little pillow inside the box. I stroke the heart pendant with my forefinger and memories of where and to whom I got this jewellery for come rushing in.
I bought this in LA, the day Valerie and I went to the mall and we ended up getting mobbed. I let out a little laugh as I remember that she was acting so jealous towards the saleslady that I was talking to. I spotted this necklace as we get inside the store. I know it’s a little cliché to choose a heart-pendant but I know Valerie will like anything I give her and she’d always lecture that ‘thoughts are the ones that count’. I was supposed to give this on her birthday but given the certain circumstance; I don’t think I’d ever get the chance to do so whenever. So I take the box back at the bottom of the closet before covering it with some clothes and I resume packing.
Bending down to the floor, I notice the small quaky movement of the bed. I look inquisitively to the quilt that’s covering Valerie and it’s also shaking. Worry creeps up my spine and I frown at the sight before hopping to the bed.
“Valerie?” I call her in a whisper manner, attempting to pull the duvet away from her body but she holds onto it firmly. “Val, wake up.” I shake her gently.
This time, I force the duvet away from her head, way pass her shoulder and I widen my eyes when I see her trembling, hugging herself for dear life.
“Valerie.” I yell, my voice shaky at the sight. I pat her forehead and I flinch at his burning skin. “Valerie…” I pull her to lie on her back but she pushes me away. “Val, I think I need to take you the hospital. You’re scorching.”
“I’m okay.” She tells me with her eyes shut, her voice trembling along with her unsteady physique.
“Val, come on I’ll-“
“I said I’m okay!” She yells at me, her eyes squinting and she meekly sits up, brushing my hand away when I try to help her up. My gaze trailing her as she groggily proceeds to the bathroom before I hop off the bed and follow her. “I’m okay, Harry. Go now. You have a flight, right?” She asks me once she leans on at the sink; her voice is thick from sleep.
“Yes, but I still have four hours. Are you sure you’re okay?” I tell her, attempting to step closer to her. I pat her shoulder but I feel sorry for myself when she shrugs it off.
“I told you, I’m-“ Her sentence is suppressed when she runs crouching down to the toilet bowl and starts throwing up. I hastily run to her side, rubbing her back. Her pale white skin is now flushed crimson complementing her feverish skin. I think she just disposed everything she has eaten last night.
“That’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital.” I tell her decisively as I pull her away from the bowl, grabbing her body in an attempt to carry her bridal style. Yet again, she pushes me away.
“What do you care?! Go away!” She forces her weak voice to yell at me, her chest heaves up and down as she breathes unevenly. I do not move from my spot, I am determined to take her to the hospital.
“Just let me-“
“Stop talking to me! You stopped talking to me for more than a week now. Just stay that way!” Her words pierce my heart rendering me speechless. I press my lips in a tight line as I feel my eyes sting. She cowers down to the cold tiled floor, her back leaning against the wall and she hugs her knees. “I don’t need you.” She whispers but her voice echo inside the little room. The next thing I know is she already starts crying quietly. I crouch down in front of her, pulling her hand but she forcefully retrieves it before hiding both her hands in her legs.
“Val, you’re shaking. Please just let me take you to the hospital?” I plea with her, my eyes roaming her curled up body. She is wearing a thin tank top, pyjama short and to make matter worse, the bathroom is also cold and she really needs to be checked up now. I disregard the fact that she just indirectly admitted that she’s mad about me, not talking to her.
Her eyes are focused on the floor, her nose and lips are puckered and I notice the tears trickle from her eyes down to her knees.
“Just leave, Harry. I can take care of myself.” She argues, her voice merely a whisper. But I don’t comply with her request, I sit cross legged ready to wait until she’s ready to be taken to the hospital.
Moments later, she realized exactly what I am doing. She uses her hands for leverage, exerting all her might to stand up. I do not attempt to help her up though I wanted to, for I know she’s going to push me away again.
As soon as she rises to her full height, I also stand up quicker than she got herself up.
“Go away, Harry.” She doesn’t yell this time. She perhaps realizes that it’s useless as her voice is weak. If she yells, it would only come out as a squeak. She brushes her shoulder with mine as she walks pass me, stumbling a little when she steps out of the bathroom.
Allowing a good few yards distance, I follow after her and when I hear a quick thud, I quicken my pace looking beyond the room to learn where the sound came from. I am startled when I see Valerie’s motionless body lying on the floor of our bedroom.
*****
I am not happy with this chapter.
Therefore, I conclude that my head is a mess whenever I don’t take a bath. Hahaha
I’ll take a bath on Thursday before updating. I’ll also try updating tomorrow, but I doubt it. So, surely I’ll update on Thursday. I’ll make sure I’ll take a bath to give you a better chapter. LMAO
So anyway, please ask me questions (anything) as many as you please. Comment your questions down at the preceding part to this chapter. Go back to that page, and ask there. Please, please, please do ask questions. You can ask anything about this book, about me, about my life, about Harry, about Valerie, about my neighbour, about your neighbour, anything. Hahaha
Thank you guysss
for voting and keeping me ranked!
Your votes and comments motivate me a lot. So thank you so so so much!
Love,
Glyz <3
PS: This chapter is dedicated to my lovely friend, @ZoSophia! I love you, Soph! xx
Go and follow her, also on twitter. Her username is @But1DisMINE. You can talk to her. She’s really nice and sweet, and beautiful (just like me). Wahahah