I throw my back against my locked door, letting my guilt rightfully punish me. It clawed at my heart, threatening to drag me to the darker side of my mind. I just let the tears fall down my face, now that I'm alone.
All I do is think of that night and how if I hadn't called him to come get me, he would still be here. Why did I have to be such a freaking baby? Why did I even go- I was FINE! I was fine... I shouldn't be alive. I shouldn't even be happy right now.
I was disgusted with myself when I thought about what just happened with Zack- at breakfast- or even at the pizza place; how could I have not been more careful? I shouldn't live out my dreams when my father never got a chance to finish any of his.
These are the dark thoughts that remind me of my place; even when I think I can be even a little happy. I remember all the times he told me that his biggest dream was to walk me down that special wedding aisle, but I took that away from him. I quickly grab a nearby towel to let out a scream as the pain gets worse. My sides hurt so bad from sobbing at this point. I lay there for a couple of minutes, just letting karma run its course.
I continue to cry until I'm gasping for air through quivering breaths. I hear a knock at my door, but I don't answer. I just lay there, wishing I could just go to sleep at this moment. I know I deserve all this and more... I clench my teeth over my tongue, fighting the urge to let out another scream.
Whoever is at my door knocks again. I stand up, walking over to the mirror to try and make sure my face is at least dry. My face and eyes are a deep red. I can't do anything right, I didn't want them to know I had been crying so hard.
I'm not trying to ruin anything else for everyone. Realizing this was the most presentable I'll ever be, I opened the door. Emma and Liam were standing there, looking at me with sad eyes. "Hey... Wanna talk about what happened back there?"
"I'm sorry, guys. He was just so close and everything, I kinda freaked and ran off. He probably thinks I am such a spaz... or something." I said half-heartedly, not making eye contact with either of them.
They gave a weak smile, quickly exchanging looks with one another. I wonder if they bought it or if they can just see right through me; I can't really tell.
"God, you are such a dork! Now... come on and get your butt back out there." Emma looked as if her eyes were slightly glossy as she grabbed my hand. Liam just gave a small, reassuring nod.
As we reach the living room, my brother is on the phone. "Yeah, dude that sounds awesome! ......this weekend? I will be there, for sure." Zack is sitting on the couch with a soda in his hand, just staring off into space.
"Hell yeah!" Andrew hangs up the phone and taps Zack on the arm with the back of his hand. "Party at Chris's house tomorrow night. You in?" Zack nods with a wide grin and they high-five. My brother turns to me. "What about you? Wanna come?"
"Not really... you know the party thing really isn't m-" Emma slapped her hand over my mouth.
"She means yes, we will go!"
"Oh right, um- Chris said that no one with the name 'Emma' is allowed to go. Really strange. Something about them being ultra lame." My brother looked at her with a half-smile, letting her know he was teasing. I was surprised when she didn't blush or anything. I know I would have, but maybe that's because I'm weaker mentally.
"Is that so? I'll make you eat those words tomorrow night." She winked at him. How does she do this without going into some kind of panic attack! "Wait, you guys?! What if I don't wanna go?" Emma eyed me.
"Oh, you have no choice in the matter, honey." I rolled my eyes and just went to sit down on the opposite end of the couch from Zach. He looked over and smiled at me but I just gave him a quick glance.
"Well, we went ahead and ordered a pizza for everyone. Mom called and said she was gonna be late again tonight. Who wants to come pick it up with me?"
"Me and Liam will go with you, and I think that Aria and Zack should stay here to pick out a movie." Emma winked at me and I had a feeling about what she was doing but I didn't say anything. Maybe... just maybe, Zack was actually flirting with me in the pool. My brother and others all agreed and headed out the door.
Zack and I sat there for a few seconds in silence. Finally, I got up and walked over to the movies were stored. "So, um... What sounds good to you? I have to say that I love to watch The Vow." I heard him snort behind me.
"Well, I guess we can see who has bad taste here." He throws a pillow at me and I stick my tongue out at him, throwing the pillow back at him.
"What movies do you watch then? I'm guessing something with naked chicks and guns or something?"
"Naw- wait! I actually like that one movie... Warm Bodies? Your brother said you had it! we should watch that." I got up and went to my room. After spotting the movie, I realized the perfect situation; we were the only ones in the house. I quickly shook my head to erase the thought and headed back downstairs. I don't need to be dreaming so soon after what happened.
"Funny enough, I've had this for years and only watched it once..." I walked over and put it in the DVD player, getting it ready for when they come back. "I don't think my brother has actually seen this so... Let's see how it goes."
"Yeah, I figured. He doesn't know much about good movies." Zack laughs at this and I go and sit down on the couch. He moves over a little closer, well at least I think so maybe it was my imagination.
"So...I was going to ask you something. Umm- earlier, you ran away from me; why? Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable?" I looked down and started picking at my fingers nervously.
"No, it wasn't you... I kinda started thinking about my dad and stuff... and it just wasn't good for my brain, you know? I'm sorry if I made you think it was your fault. I didn't mean for it to come across that way. Zack, just don't tell the others, please? Especially Andrew." He moved closer and suddenly gave me a hug.
I kinda wanted to faint but thankfully didn't. "I won't tell. And I'm sorry that you went through all that." I smiled back at him. He is just so sweet that I can't help but like him. We sat there for a bit just staring at each other with his arm still draped around me.
"You know you have really pretty eyes." The next thing I know he leans in and our lips touch. My eyes flew open. I could feel the heat through my lips. How is that possible- I lost all mental processing power as my first kiss was taken by surprise. He pulled away and that left every nerve inside my body tingling.
I know it was a simple kiss but it was so much more to me. His arm moved up my back just as we heard the front door unlock. We jumped apart and Zack moved to the other side of the couch. My hands instinctively wipe my mouth and fix my hair, though I knew it looked the same as before. My brother and Emma's argument filled the house, something about some song... Zack and I glanced at each other for a second; my heart is still fluttering at the dream-come-true.
"Hey guys, what'd we miss?" Emma asks, looking at me with mischievous eyes. Liam plopped the pizza down on the low table and I heard Andrew in the kitchen... I cleared my throat as an uneasiness crept up within me. "Umm... Warm Bodies. I hope that's okay with everyone." She clapped her hands like a little kid.
"Ooooh! I love that movie. It's the best romance movie." She has not stopped staring at me. My worst fears of being caught red-handed were drowning all my thoughts. How does she know? Did- did she creep by the windows instead of leaving with the other boys? I knew she was going to make me spill the beans later. I dreaded the fact that Em was going to have that "you're welcome" tone when I tell her all the details later.
We all sat down and watched the movie. Well, they all watched it, I just kept replaying what happened over in my head. I didn't even realize the movie was over. Emma snapped her fingers at me. "Earth to Aria! Are you there?" I shook my head. My brother and Zack had left and Liam had gone home already.
"Wow..." I completely missed saying goodbye to Zack. Did he try to say goodbye to me? Did he think I ignored him? "Um, yeah I'm fine, I guess..." She eyed me for a long moment before grabbing my hand with an excited look.
"Okay, I want details. Now! Obviously something major happened if you are spacing like this! Off to your room!" She grabbed my arm and dragged me to my room before I could protest.
"What happened?! Tell me everything and leave nothing out!" She jumped on my bed, pulling me with her and started bouncing. "Alright, alright..." My hands shot to my knees and I gave her a quick sheepish glance.
"We kissed." I covered my face blushing madly. I mean I still cannot believe that he actually kissed me! Emma's mouth dropped open, the corners twitching upwards. "O. M. G! Are you serious right now?! This is amazingahhhh!" My hand quickly flew to her mouth.
"Quiet Em, you're too loud!" I said in a harsh whisper. It was clearly a lot to ask given the current elevated levels of excitement she was exhibiting. She covers her mouth then half opens to let her speak clearly.
"He so likes you~ I knew it!" I blushed again. Why did he kiss me? Does this mean he likes me? Like, likes me-likes me?. Ughhh! So many questions and I have no idea if I will ever get the answer. Emma and I talked for an hour trying to figure out what this all meant. We settled for the night and I let my mind savor the memory one last time before drifting off to hopefully sweet dreams.
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Ahhh the kiss?? Was it everything you guys imagined it would be? Was that how your first kiss was for you guys?? Just not wanting it to end because it was just so magical? ^_^ Thanks for reading you guys! I know my chapters are really short and I am sorry about that D: I love you guys! Zack's picture in this one
Xoxo Night <3