The silence was deafening when I began to rouse from my slumber, the warmth of the covers enveloping me in its entirety bringing a sense of security. I twist beneath them, repositioning to a more comfortable position and that's when I felt as though I was actively being watched.
If anything, as the warm breath of whomever was beside me filtered across my face only solidified the feeling. I opened my eyes groggily and found Emma's with an unnerving smile as a greeting.
"Hey." She said as she rocked back on her heels.
I groan as I bring the back of my hand to my eyes to try and wipe away any remnants of sleep. "What're you doing?"
"Nothing much," Emma replied. "I was just waiting to see how long it'd take for you to notice I was staring at you."
I crane my neck to check the time, the little lilac clock sitting precariously on my nightstand ticking over to a little past ten o'clock.
"I was sleeping." I state matter-of-factly, turning back towards her and propping myself up on an elbow. "How long have you been here... watching me?"
"Not long, maybe fifteen minutes?" She shrugs, moves to kneel on the other side of my bed and begins to bounce. "What're we doing today, huh?"
The bed shakes as I roll onto my back and stretch my arms above me. "We could stay home and do a movie marathon?
"No way–we just can't stay home and waste a single day on our last week of freedom." Emma groaned and flopped down alongside me, "Oh, I know. We should go to the mall, check out cute boys and find some even cuter outfits!"
"Uh huh. I doubt Andrew will take us there." I say, skeptical.
"Ri–ght..." She gave me the look, one I found myself knowing all too well, tumbled off of my bed and all but sprinted from the bedroom.
I sit up, bringing my legs from beneath the covers and shiver as the cool air caresses the bare skin of them. My feet touch the floor gently and I lean forward to peer outside my bedroom door, watching as Emma repeatedly smacks the adjacent door across the hall.
"An–drew!" Emma sang, "Aria and I want to go to the mall. Can you take us, please?"
On the other side I could hear a loud groan followed by a concerning thud before the door opened hesitantly. "That's why you woke me up? No."
With a dramatic puff of her cheeks and a flip of her hair she stood her ground and made another attempt, her voice raising an octave. "Pretty pl–ease?"
Andrew begins to shoo her away with a wave of her hand, the door of his bedroom inching closed. "Go away."
I could see Emma's sweet smile tighten and she placed a foot into the last few inches of space of the door and its frame which caused Andrew to turn back with a grimace and reopen it.
"You know you want to. Get us two girls out of the house so we can get some things for school." She wagged a finger at Andrew and brought her foot back.
"Em–" He began only for Emma to give him a pointed look.
Lowering her voice to a whisper, Emma continued. "Can you just, like, play along? I'm trying to get Aria out of this gloomy house, you idiot."
Pursing my lips, I look away from them as a conflicting barrage of emotions swelling in my chest.
"Dude, let's just take them." Zack chimed in from deeper within the depths of the bedroom. "We could check out Game Stop while we're there. I've been dying to buy this game."
It felt as though they weren't giving me a choice, forcing me from where I wanted to be. I knew however, that they were doing what they believed I needed and I couldn't find the energy to go against them.
We arrived at the mall within the hour and the very sight of it caused panic to rear its ugly head and the site of my scar to itch. The air around me felt heavy, thick—almost choking. My lungs burned and I felt lightheaded as the short, quick bursts of air I found myself taking seemed to be the only kind I could take. My hands were clammy, but as I wiped them over the fabric of my pants I couldn't seem to rid the feeling. I wanted to so desperately to stay in the present but it was a huge feat to do so.
The sounds within the car were nothing more than incoherent garbles and tunneled echoes, it competed against the sounds of my own breathing. I couldn't seem to understand how I'd become so loud. I fought to gain some semblance of control.
Knock-knock-knock
It was as though someone changed the channel. I blinked hard and savored the silence momentarily before reopening them. Andrew continued to casually rap his knuckles against the window, his gaze directed towards the back of the truck where Zack and Emma were waiting. With a shuddering breath I took a second longer to compose myself before leaving the truck and the lingering effects of the panic attack behind.
As the four of us entered the mall we separated into groups of two. Emma and I gave a small parting wave as the boys headed in the opposite direction, both of them eagerly speaking about what they should buy.
Emma took control once they left, taking my wrist in a gentle grip and pulling me behind her. I was reluctant to follow and I knew Emma would've caught on by the way my feet dragged, but the argument was lodged in my throat. Were I back to who I used to be, the words would've left my lips without hesitation. That girl felt like a dream now, becoming infinitely more unfocused each day I woke up. She was more fiction than fact, out of reach and impossible to mimic.
"Em, where are you taking us?" I asked monotonously, dreading the thought of entering each store we passed.
"We're going to check out every store." She grinned. "Well, every store that has some cute clothes. I'm thinking Forever 21 and Hollister to start with though!"
I threw my head back and groaned loudly, "Can't we just stick to one and go home?"
Emma gave a pointed stare, "We're on a shopping spree, you can't spree in just one shop. Besides, school is starting in, like, five days! You and I desperately need some new clothes."
New clothes wouldn't change who'd I become, it wouldn't revert me to the person I used to be-who people wanted to see return. I knew the reality of it, I would never be that person again and instead of wishing to be her, I wanted to disappear or become invisible. I didn't want to stare at the husk of the girl I once knew in the mirror anymore.
"Okay," I replied reluctantly. "Let's just get this over with."
"So, what do you think about this?" Emma asked as she walked out from the changing room. When she twirled the mid-thigh length, white, lace-hemmed skirt spun softly with the momentum.
Emma was beautiful in the outfit she'd chosen. The skirt fit snugly on her hips and long-sleeved, black shirt she'd paired it with also accentuated her curves as it hugged her waist.
"I think it looks great." I answered honestly.
"I thought so too!" She said with a beaming smile.
As though to further confirm her beauty, a group of teenage boys whistled at her as they passed. The whole interaction caused me to sink into my seat in an attempt to hide myself away.
Meanwhile Emma laughed joyously before winking and returning to the changing room. She was used to the attention, almost relishing it when she received it. The reaction was a definite polar opposite to how I felt in that moment.
There were times I often found myself asking: 'if it were Zack giving me that kind of attention, how would I react?' I didn't know in all honesty and I was doubting I'd ever find out.
I'm brought from my thoughts when the skirt and shirt are thrown from the room Emma occupied, the pile of clothes she intended to buy was notably growing in size and in comparison to the clothes she didn't like; the difference was easily recognizable.
The phrase 'shop until you drop' was something I would associate with Emma.
When Emma reappeared she stalked towards me with purpose. "Okay, it's your turn! Get in there and I'll pass through some clothes that should suit you."
I gave an unappeased smile but followed her instructions nonetheless, already dreading the outfits I'd receive. There was a brief rustling sound on the other side of the changing room before the first pieces of clothing were shoved over the top of the door. I took them hesitantly and felt the dread bubbling in my stomach like a boiling pot of water as I stared at the outfit.
In the full-length mirror the girl before me mimicked the grimace I'd made. I wanted nothing more for this to be the first and last outfit I'd try on today-which was nothing more than wishful thinking. I exited the changing room the same way I'd entered, slowly and without any excitement.
"I don't know how to feel about this, Em." I announced, "Don't you think it looks a little too... girly?"
The outfit was lovely, but it felt as though it wore me. It needed someone to wear it, someone with confidence, someone like Emma. The blue shirt had a red-silver flower design and flowed gracefully down my body, the v-neck of the collar dipping far too low for comfort and showing the cleavage of my barely sprouted b-cups. It didn't hug my body as Emma's black long-sleeved shirt had, which I was appreciative of-but it still wasn't something I felt I would wear. It was too much.
Emma coupled the shirt with a pair of jeans which were black, ripped and with a faded design that ran the length of the legs; but they felt a little too tight in all the wrong places. Were they a little more comfortable I may have preferred them.
Overall, the outfit wasn't something I liked as a whole and I felt as though I looked downright ridiculous.
"You look amazing. You should totally get it, please?!" She pleaded, her bottom lip was jutting out in a pout and her hopeful eyes looked towards me.
Her expression made my resolve crumble, "Fine, but I don't want to get anything else. Just this one."
"Just this one? You must be crazy if you think I'm agreeing to that." Emma laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Let's get a couple more. I won't say anything, you just pick what you like, okay?"
I already regretted my decision when the response left my person, "Okay, okay. You're lucky I love you, Em."
After forty-five minutes of store-hopping and choosing more than enough clothes I finally managed to convince Emma to take a break to get some lunch. We were heading in the direction of the food court, both of our arms lined with an assortment of bags from several stores. Emma had completely splurged, ending up with more clothes than I cared to count. Meanwhile, I had accumulated an outfit for each day of the week. It still felt like too much if I were completely honest.
We sat at a table, order in hand. The sweet-savory scent of my Beijing beef, orange chicken and fried rice made my mouth water. I took my first bite and savored the taste as the flavors danced across my tongue.
"This is..." Emma took another bite of her food. "So good."
I nodded in agreement and took a sip of the Soda I bought, "I was thinking that we could check out the pet fair after we finish eating? I wouldn't mind going to pet the puppies."
"That's a great idea!" She exclaimed happily.
I was thankful to pull her away from the possibility of further shipping for clothes. Visiting the pet fair was somewhat of a tradition whenever we'd come to the mall...
As I took another bite of my food, the taste didn't seem as pleasant anymore and I wanted to spit it out as it coated my mouth bitterly. I looked up at Emma and noticed that she had a faraway expression for a moment before her eyes focused on me.
"Just so you know, I've really missed this." She started, her voice tight. "The two of us hanging out, going to the mall and just being goofballs. I've missed having fun with you, Aria."
I turn my eyes downcast, unable to keep eye contact with her. "I'm sorry, Em. It's my fault, I just can't seem to go back to how I was before. I want to hang out with you and talk and laugh, to mess out and do all the things we used to do-but I don't know how. I wish I knew, God, if only I knew... I'd redo this whole summer with you if I could"
Emma looked surprised by my words and was quick to react, "What? Aria I'm not blaming you and you shouldn't be blaming yourself either! Some awful, terrible things have happened and I understand that. I know things won't be the same—these kinds of wounds don't heal overnight and sometimes they don't heal at all."
"Em..." I was close to tears as I listened to her. My lip quivered and my eyes felt hot.
"Aria, my beautiful, kind and amazing best friend." She reached across the table and placed her hand atop of mine. "You can take all the time you need. I just want you to know that I'll be here for you. Always."
I could only nod in response and turn my hand over to squeeze hers. We let a moment of silence engulf us, it was a comforting silence. It wrapped us in a warm, safe embrace of mutual understanding. The love I felt in that moment was something I didn't think could ever be replicated by another. It was the love of a friendship that had been built over the course of many years, the foundation was unshakeable and as a whole, unbreakable.
"Come on, let's go see those cute puppies and cheer ourselves up." Emma said quietly and I noticed that she didn't let go of my hand until I did, when I'd been the one ready to leave.
We hastily finished our food, cleaned our table of trash and recomposed ourselves. I couldn't shake the sadness that had taken ahold of us completely, but Emma seemed to regain her composure easily. Whether she was masking it or not, I couldn't seem to tell.
Just as we were leaving the food court we were held up as a group of boys came up to the two of us. Each were asking for Emma's phone number and whether they could add her on Snap chat. She giggled and flirted effortlessly and I noticed that she changed the topic to their own appearance to avoid giving her information over.
When she tried to introduce me and share the limelight my eyes widened. I looked like a hot mess. Eyes puffy from the near breakdown, a stain on my shirt from where some Soda overflowed from the straw and just the overall depressing aura I exuded.
All I could do was give an awkward smile in acknowledgement. I wanted to bury myself six-feet in the ground and never see the light of day from the embarrassment I felt in that moment. I wasn't entirely sure how she managed to stay so confident and I envied her for it.
When the group left I finally felt comfortable once more.We link arms and walk through the mall, heading in the direction of the pet store.
"Em, you know I'm here for you too, right? No matter what." I say with a softened gaze.
"Of course!" She replied, slowed us to a gentle stop before the store and pulled me into a hug. Warmth radiated from her and I couldn't help but hug her closer. "We've always had each other's backs and we always will. I know that and you know that."
We entered the store promptly afterwards and I made a beeline to the back of the store, to the area where they'd let you sit with the animals. I gave a quiet thank you to one of the employees as they let me hop over the small enclosure that fenced the puppies in.
There were an abundance of breeds. A small beagle hobbled over and began to eagerly chew on the edge of my flip-flops, his little teeth nearly nipping the tips of my exposed toes. Another pup, a pug, had wandered to my back and had reached up to bite at the ends of my hair. I felt as though I were the rope in their game of tug-of-war. I felt giddy as they played.
"Looks like they've taken a liking to you." The employee from earlier commented. He was a cute boy, a little older than myself with bright green eyes that made me instantly think of Zack's.
"I suppose so? Well, maybe my shoes and my hair more than anything else." I replied shyly as the pug came back to plop itself into my lap, this time resuming its chewing on the hem of my t-shirt. "And my shirt too."
He'd come a little too close for my liking and crouched beside me, his hand reaching out to pet the beagle who'd met his touch with a happy tailwag. "I get it though. This little guy–in my opinion–thinks that your hair is very pretty and that it smells nice too."
I plastered a smile on my face and prayed that it seemed natural. Is this what being hit on is supposed to feel like: Uncomfortable? I sought out Emma from deeper in the confines of the gate, she was already looking in my direction when I found her and sent a wink in my direction. I could only assume that she'd been eavesdropping on the conversation and the wink was the confirmation that he was, indeed, flirting.
"Uh–well. Thank you, Mr. Beagle." I cooed towards the pup, playing it off.
The guy cleared his throat, his voice lowering an octave. "I also happen to think you're quite cute."
I looked up towards him as the back of my neck became hot with a flush of red, "Thank you."
"So, does this cute girl have a name?" He asked, the warmth of his breath seemed to filter across my shoulder as he shuffled a little closer as another pup had started to nip at my knee.
"Yeah, right. My name's Aria." I stumble through my introduction and glance at the name tag he had pinned to his uniform. "And you're Cody?"
He grinned gleefully and tapped the tag, "That's right. Also, your name really is as cute as you are."
Gulping audibly I tried to scoot away as naturally as possibly, eager for some distance from the conversation and cologne that seemed to be smothering me. I wasn't used to this kind of attention, it felt like this was too much for me to handle. Once again I looked to Emma, my eyes pleading for some interference.
Emma just sat there and gave a not-so-subtle thumbs up in encouragement. I didn't want encouragement, I wanted out and she didn't seem to grasp that concept with the look I was giving her.
"Were you wanting a dog at all?" Cody asked, bringing me from my inner struggles to throttle Emma once we were out of here.
"As much as I would like to, I don't think my mom would approve." I pet the pug that had fallen asleep on my lap.
"Ah, that sucks. Maybe you could try and change her mind?" He said with a voice of understanding. "So–I was also wondering. Do you live around here?"
Slightly taken aback at the change of the conversation I swiftly replied, "Yeah."
"Oh, nice." His eyes seemed to brighten with excitement. "Would you be up to–"
An exasperated voice chimed in from behind us, thankfully, interrupting whatever Cody had begun to ask. "Look, as much as I'd love to watch this love story unfold, I've got a long day ahead of me and would appreciate it if you could actually do some work? Every other employee in this place is actually busy, mind helping me out–a customer?"
I couldn't bear to show my face to the stranger who'd saved me from a potentially disastrous situation: getting asked out. "Looks like you should help them."
"Right! Ah, you're not leaving are you?" He asked as he stood hastily, shooting the customer an apologetic look. "Did you want to stick around, my break is–"
The customer scoffed, "You've got to be kidding me."
"Uh, sorry. I'm kinda busy–you know how it is, right?" I responded abruptly and dusted the fur from my legs as I stood up. "It was nice meeting you though!"
As I turned to leave, with Emma already on my heels, my face smacked against something solid and warm. I took a staggered step back, my hand coming to touch my nose which took the brunt of the impact. My eyes widened as I finally noticed that the face and voice belonged to none other than Ryder Bentley.
Ryder was someone no one wanted to mess with, myself included. Especially since the last rumor I heard about him was that he'd sent someone to the ER. Whenever I'd seen him he always seemed to be wearing the same, worn leather jacket; and I'd be lying if I said that he didn't look handsome.
Where I stood right in front of him I could almost picture myself swimming carefree in his deep, blue eyes and running my fingers through the soft locks of his brown hair. This charm-of course-was a ruse, a disguise that covered his sinister side like vinegar camouflaged as honey. I knew better than to succumb to his magnetism.
"I'm so, so sorry!" I apologized.
"Don't sweat it. Just watch where you're going next time, alright?" He answered promptly.
Too mortified to say anything else, I could only nod and make my escape. I snatched Emma's wrist into my hand and pulled her along, not giving into the urge to look back to see whether either one of the boys were looking as we left. With my face burning and Emma's silence accompanying us, I assumed we were both utterly surprised by Ryder's appearance.
When we managed to get a decent distance away from the ordeal Emma was the first to break the silence with a boisterous laugh that earned looks from several passing onlookers. "Oh. Em. Gee! I can't believe it–you were basically cuddling up to Ryder freaking Bentley!"
"I wouldn't call it cuddl–" I began to protest.
"And that Cody guy? He was totally going to ask you out!" She interrupted with a gleeful squeal.
"About that! Did you not see that I needed help?" I sputtered embarrassed.
"I saw–but girl! He was super cute and I didn't want to interfere." She paused and had a thoughtful look on her face. "Although, if I knew you'd panic and run into Ryder I would've. To be completely honest, I wouldn't have believed that you'd run into him at all if I hadn't witnessed it all with my own eyes. He's supposed to have a nasty temper, isn't he? At least that's what I've heard."
I pondered her words and nodded, "I guess we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Or to be more precise, listen to rumors as much."
Emma shrugged, "I don't know. He still seemed pretty scary to me."
Making a noise in agreement I opted to change the subject, eager to leave it all behind. "I'm so done with today. Let's go find Andrew and Zack and get out of here before I get myself into some other kind of trouble."
As we left to find the boys I couldn't help but get the feeling that I'd be seeing a lot more of Ryder freaking Bentley.
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Poor Aria being pushed into spending her day at the mall and then getting trapped with some guy that wouldn't stop flirting with her. She had no escape no thanks to Emma. Just to be saved by some total stranger and have that stranger be the school's bad guy? Well, things couldn't be getting any worse? Right guys?
Anyways don't forget to 💙 and leave a comment you guys and let me know what you think (; Have fun everyone and Thanks for reading my story! Ryder in this picture Love you guys!
Xoxo Night <3