Family Dinner Part: 2
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Alfred should've known better from the other family dinners, but he just wanted a nice dinner.
"Alfred, I think this a bad idea. Barry, Oliver, Clark, and Diana are coming. Remember the last time?" Bruce asked with a horrified shudder.
Alfred pushed the terrifying memories away and said, "At least Clark is bulletproof so one good thing happens if Jason shoots him. . .again."
Bruce wanted to sob in his hands.
************
"Welcome Masters Barry, Oliver, Clark, and Diana." Alfred greeted the Leaguers.
"Hey Alfred!" Barry zoomed in and greeted the butler with a cheery yet terrifies smile.
Diana never been to a Wayne family dinner so she didn't understand the silent looks all the men were having.
It was like they were saying goodbye in a secret way. Huh, weird. Its just a dinner.
"I'MMA KILL YA YOU SHORT, ARROGANT, EGOTISTICAL, BRATTY, MONSTER!"
"FATHER SAID NO MORE GUNS AFTER YOU TRIED TO SHOOT CLARK LAST TIME!"
Diana paled as she watched Jason run after Damian who was carrying an armful of guns.
"Don't ask."Clark said simply as Diana was about to ask.
Barry suppressed a shudder and Oliver coiled up. "We never speak of it. . .never." Barry hissed, terrified.
Dick walked out and saw his aunt and uncles.
"Hi guys! Its good seeing you! I thought after last time you wouldn't come back. . .Aunt Diana, you came. Don't worry, you'll be remembered as a hero." Dick said seriously, like he was about to go to war.
Diana paled and looked at Alfred and them to get an explanation but only to get sorrow looks.
"What's going on?" Diana asked, with a tint of fear. "Something I wished you would never have to face." Dick said and then they all heard;
"YOU CAN'T GET MEEEE! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT!"
"BRING IT BI–!"
"NO CUSSING JAY!"
Dick face palmed as he heard his three brothers.
"I guess Tim survived the last dinner. Strong boy." Oliver said wistfully. Clark nodded and Barry hummed in agreement.
Diana was lost. What was with these guys? They were acting like something bad was going to happen.
Damian, Jason, and Tim came running in and stood in front of Dick like he was their leader.
"Damian won't give me my gun!"
"Jay won't stop cussing!"
"Father said no more guns!"
Dick sighed and rubbed his head. Everyday it was like this.
"The guns. Again." Barry said horrified and hid behind Clark. Oliver patted Barry's shoulder.
"You have to stay strong Barry. Do it for Wally." Oliver urged and Barry nodded.
"What's going on?" Diana whimpered.
"Too much." Clark said dramatically.
"Alright. I have a solution." Dick declared as he has enough with his brothers.
But they were arguing.
"YOU SHALL DIE TODD! I WILL MAKE YOU–UGH!"
"AGH!"
"GAH!"
Dick kneed Jason in the stomach so hard he curled into a fetal position, he then elbowed Tim in the throat who was now laying on his back gasping, and Dick punched Damian in the sternum.
Diana gaped open-mouth as the other men looked grim but like this was an everyday thing.
Dick slung Damian over one shoulder and dragged Tim and Jason by the ankles.
"NOOOO! BARRY! CLARK! SAAAVE MEEEEEE!" Jason screamed in fear and clawed the floor but they disappeared in the hall.
Bruce walked in and saw the claw marks. "Again Dick?! I thought we agreed to drug them not hurt them!" Bruce yelled.
"But it was the matter of life and death!" Dick screamed dramatically.
Bruce looked like he wanted to sob but he chose not to.
He was going to at least look decent.
**********
Dinner was awkward. Especially when Damian or Jason tried to start a fight Dick would give a glare and they would shut up.
"So, the food is good Alfred." Diana complimented. Alfred gave a gracious smile. "Thank you, Miss. Diana."
"So hows the family Barry?" Dick asked and before Barry could answer, Damian interrupted.
"We shall not speak of West! I will tear his vocal cords out for hurting Grayson!" Damian shouted dramatically.
The whole dinner table was quiet.
"Uh Dami, I thank you for being such a good little brother but my question is, why can't you speak like a normal ten year old and not like an adult?" Dick asked.
Tim barked out a laugh and that was when all bats was loose.
Diana was just eating normally until Damian let a warrior cry out and lunged at Tim, Jason pulled a gun out and pointed it at Clark, Barry and Oliver were fighting, Bruce was sobbing, Alfred was gone, Diana was screaming in shock, and Dick was looking for the syringe.
"I'm going to make you rue the day you messed with me Drake!" Damian yelled at Tim.
"Rue? Really? Wow, no wonder children don't like you." Tim joked and next thing he knew was tackled and being strangled by a napkin.
Jason was shooting Clark who was trying to hit him. "I may be an alien but I'm not trying to take over the world!" Clark shouted.
"I've seen Sci-fi films! All of the aliens say that!" Jason shot him in the forehead but since Clark was bullet proof it bounced off and hit the ceiling.
Dick found the syringe and narrowed his eyes at Damian who looked in horror.
"You wouldn't!" Damian tried saying.
"You bet your butt I will. . .again." Dick said and tackled Damian.
He injected the drugs into Damian who was slurring threats and then Dick punched Jason in the jaw and made him collapse.
Dick dragged them both by the ankle. "Man, I'm going to be accused of being a murder. Just watch." Dick complained until Bruce yelled at him for dragging the boys through the broken table.
Diana started confused as Dick and Bruce were shouting at each other in Romanian.
"I'm gonna drop you in the ocean!" Barry threatened as he grabbed a spoon and waved it threateningly at Oliver who raised a hand gasped.
"You wouldn't!" Oliver whispered, scared.
"Try me!" Barry grinned viciously. Oliver ran away flailing his arms around as Barry chased him with a spoon.
Diana was freaking out. She was sure everyone was going to kill each other.
All of a sudden Jason and Clark were fighting again and Clark actually hit Jason in the face and sent him flying and crashing into the couch.
Everyone stopped as Dick stopped and narrowed his eyes at Clark who was now wetting his pants.
"You hurt Little Wing!" Dick roared and started beating up Clark.
"Forgive meeeee!" Clark screamed as Dick dropped down on him like an avenging bat.
Bruce was sobbing into Alfred's arms.
Tim was collapsed on the floor from Damian's attack.
"I don't know what's wrong on!" Diana yelled.
"This is what a Wayne family dinner is. We usually have Damian starting a nuclear war like the other times." Alfred explained like it was normal and to them it was.
Diana was sure now. She was never coming here again.
"Diiick! You druuuuged meee aggaaaiiin! I feeeel goooood." Damian giggled.
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Jason was sleeping inside the ruins of the table, Tim was sleeping on the carpet, Damian was sleeping in a cushion, and Dick was sleeping in the chandelier. . .again.
Bruce was sipping apple juice and curled in a ball wrapped in a blanket as Alfred rubbed his back.
Wayne family dinners are over. Next time they're getting chinese food.