Quinn's POV
Who the hell is that guy anyways? She's been standing there for 15 minutes, talking to him while I wait for her to come see me. If she asks me to wait for her until she gets of work then the better thing to do is to not let me wait. He's totally flirting with her, he repeatedly touched her shoulder and gave her playful looks and smirks. Is it bad that I want to know what he's saying to her? Is it weird that I get jealous? I honestly don't think so. I mean, I love her for god's sake.
"Done!" she said as she ran up to my side.
"You were done 15 minutes ago" I said with a jeering tone.
"Is something wrong?" she asked me before we started walking.
"No, no" I said and smiled at her "Let's go"
The reason I waited for her was because she wanted me to accompany her, she needed to go shopping. She looked for sweaters, skirts, jeans and dresses. Honestly, I didn't even feel like being here right now. I just wanted to go home, my head was hurting and my mood was ruined after seeing her like that with that guy. It bothered me so much that she seemed to be flirting back from my point of view. She knew I was watching, which actually made the whole thing worse. However, I know, I know it's stupid. It was just a normal little talk, I hope. But something about seeing her so happy with someone else but me woke up the jealous girl inside and I had no clue how to stop.
After Rachel had bought all her stuff we started walking home. She kept talking to me about her day and I listened most of the time, just to be polite. When we got home I started making dinner because I knew she was hungry, she wouldn't shut up about during the whole time we were walking.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"Anything" I heard her shout from the bedroom.
After I was thinking for a while she came back.
"I can call and order a pizza if you want to instead" she said when she stood in front of me "I don't know, I get the feeling you're not in the mood"
"Yeah, do that" I said and walked away from her.
"Quinn? What's going on?" She followed me and asked.
This is just really fucking embarrassing. Still, I somehow can't stop myself from getting angry about it.
"Who was that guy?" I calmly asked.
"What guy?" she said and slowed down "Oh my god, Is this about Jimmy?"
"I don't know who Jimmy is, but if it's the guy you were flirting with outside the diner then yes"
She just looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. She started to change her look from concerned to annoyed.
"You have no right to be mad about that" she said and stood right in front of me "we work together, I'm allowed to talk to other people, Quinn"
''You're not allowed to flirt with other people"
I'm aware of the fact that I need to stop but she's just annoying me so much right now and anger mixed with jealousy is the last thing I know how to control without snapping.
''You can't tell me what to do.." she quietly said, facing the floor.
I pushed her head up from the chin so she would look up at me.
"You don't flirt with other people'' I said again.
"Again, you don't have the right to tell me what to do. Since when do we do that?"
"Rachel, everything we've talked about and done, you kissed me?" I said and paused "what does that make us? I'm not joking around" I said, or almost yelled at her this time.
She looked like she was scared, like she regretted she ever brought this up.
"I don't need this" she said and walked away.
I don't understand what she's talking about, what is it she doesn't need? Me? I followed her into the bedroom and dragged her arm so she would stop walking.
"Stop, Rachel" I said and held her against the wall "What don't you need? Don't you love me?" I whispered right into her ear
''I-.. I don't mean I don't love you" she said and I could hear her breaths getting faster.
"You're confusing me!" I yelled and let her arms go.
She didn't move. She was still standing against the wall just the way she was before. My arms surrounded her.
"I'm sorry" she said and her eyes started to tear up "you just don't understand"
"No I don't understand because you don't explain. I can't read minds" I aggressively said and stared her down.
"I can't put a label on us. I just can't" she said and swallowed the lump in her throat to prevent herself from bursting into tears.
''You don't want to put a label on us? Do you mean like, being my girlfriend?"
"Yes.. I- I don't know"
"But if I was someone else you would be bursting into a stupid musical number with me the moment you saw me like life is perfect and just do everything for me to call you my girlfriend!" she didn't say anything. I think she was shocked I yelled at her like this "Am I right?"
"No, you're not" she said and tried to push herself away from where she was standing "Get out of my way, Quinn"
"Don't take a tiny little step away from here, do you understand?" I said and placed my hands on her cheeks.
"Quinn, please I want to be alone" she said and pushed me off her and walked away.
''No we are going to talk about this. I finally got you and I'm not letting you go, not this time!" I shouted as I walked after her into the living room.
"Are you doing all of this because I was talking to a guy?" She stopped and said with a weirdly calm voice "are you really that obsessed with me?!" Rachel now tried to raise her voice but it cracked.
"Why are you crying? I'm the one who should be crying, one second you love me and the other you act like a fucking psychopath!"
"Oh, are we going to talk about psychopaths?" she said.
My heart started racing and I felt the urge to just.. I didn't want to think this way about her. It's just that bringing up my weak spot and making me feel like I'm crazy will in fact, actually drive me crazy.
"Don't"
"Don't what? Tell you the truth.."
"Rachel, shut the fuck up"
"No you shut up, Quinn!" She yelled at me ''You think I'm the same high school Rachel who takes anyone's shit anymore but I don't take shit from anyone. Don't try dictate in my own apartment. This is my place, not yours"
Something about her being like this made me fall in love with her even more. I've never seen Rachel yell at anyone like this, especially not me. I couldn't help but smiling.
"What the hell are you smiling for? Is this funny to you.. I don't understand what you expect from me, Quinn" she said and swallowed a big lump again "if you get jealous because of something like that then I don't know what to tell you, I didn't even flirt. We just talked"
''He flirted with you and you let him. You don't, next time"
"Do you want me to just walk away from him?"
"Tell him you're not single" I said and walked closer to her and put my arms around her waist.
She looked up at me with hey eyes glued to mine.
"But I am single" she said and tried to take a step back.
I let her go and stood there looking at her with an empty face. It's like someone just crushed glass under my feet. Like she never kissed me or told me she loves me. What did she think we were? Friends..? Friends don't kiss and talk to each other this way, or touch the way we do.
''You know what, tell me now. Do you want me or not?"
She dried her cheeks and just stood there with no words at all leaving her mouth.
"Answer me, I need to know if it's worth staying here and even try, or not. Am I just wasting my time?"
This time she looked up.
"If I say I don't want you, will you leave?"
She can't be serious.. Does this mean doesn't want me? She was probably confused, I knew it, I knew that she was disgusted by the person I am. How could anyway possibly fall in love with someone like me?
"Yes.." I said and eagerly stared at her.
She took her time to answer me. Rachel started taking slow and doubtful steps towards me.
"Quinn" she whispered.
My body shivers every time you say my name.
I felt my heart beating faster for every step she took towards me, the closer she got the more I wanted to just throw myself at her.
''I'm scared''
''Scared of what?'' I asked.
''Scared of all of my feelings''
What is she trying to say? Her face turned into that baby face she gets every time she's nervous or scared. The face I fell in love with.
''What feelings, Rachel?''
''My love for you, it's so strong'' she paused ''that's what scares me. Like I said before, you're the first girl who's ever brought these feelings out''
''Don't be scared, it's the same for me'' I said and held her hand.
''But-''
''No. Listen. You're mine. Whoever tries to flirt with you, or tries to take you away from me will be sorry. You're only mine''
She let out a heavy breath and by that I knew I had taken her breath away when I placed my hands on her cheeks again.
''You're so.. You can't do that''
''I love you, Rachel''
She didn't say anything. I felt her cheeks getting warmer and her eyes glossier. Her lips widened as if it was the first time I said it to her.
''I love you so much it disgusts me'' I said again ''and the thought of you being taken away from is what I'm obsessed with''
''I'm in lo-'' she stopped.
No. Please say it. Say you love me. I've been waiting, tell me you're in love with me. Just say those exact words. Say it, say ''I'm in love with you, Quinn''
"You're what?" I asked and my hands dropped of her cheeks.
"I'm tired" she said and smiled.
The fact that she was about to say the words I have been craving for God knows how long but stopped made my heart feel swollen.
"It's not even late, Rachel"
"Fine. Make tea, will you? I'll just change into something comfortable"
I did as she said and she walked into the bedroom.
****
Rachel's POV
I couldn't resist, the journal was standing right on the nightstand on Quinn's side of the bed. My hand reached for it and I picked it up. She bookmarked a page and I opened it.
"24th April, 2013
She still doesn't know I have them with me. I just can't find a way to let her know. She would hate me for lying to her. Rachel wouldn't understand me if I told her. I only know some people who actually would. For example, when I told Santana some months ago.. Or I didn't tell her. She invaded my privacy and searched all my drawers until she found something interesting, and she did. However, she understood and was there for me, she tried to help me instead of lecturing me.
Rachel would freak out and make me leave her place even though she knows my parents won't accept me right now. I feel bad for lying to her but I can't tell her. I won't."
"What's taking so long?" Quinn said as she walked in and saw me standing there with the journal in my hands. "Rach-.."
I looked at her with so much disappointment in my eyes. What I was most angry about right now was not the fact that she still pops pills. It's the fact that she thinks I will leave her alone and force her out of my apartment, she thinks I won't help her get through this. She wrote all of this today.. She still thinks of me that way. I will obviously never be good enough for her if she still compares me with Santana now and God knows who she'll compare me with later. I thought we were over that, I thought we were being honest with each other.
"You told me.. You told me you stopped, Quinn. You lied to me. I trusted you"
"Rachel, I can explain everything. I will read the whole journal to you if you want. I'm not afraid of opening up to you anymore" Quinn said and grabbed my hand.
"Please don't" I said and pulled my hand away.
She looked devastaded but I hate being lied to. After I opened my heart and let her in, I find out she lied to me.. She truly hasn't changed at all.
"You should get your own place"
"What?" she said and freezed right where she stood "Rachel, don't do this to me.. I-.."
"You were right, everything you wrote was right. Why don't you go live with Santana? Maybe she'll understand you, right? I bet she will. I just can't live with a liar. You need to leave"