AJ Lee's POV
One week after the Elimination Chamber
Chicago, Illinois. That's where Raw was tonight. We all knew it was going to be chaos. No one had any doubt in their mind that Punk chants would be erupting in the Allstate Arena. The Authority had been using every bit of their power and pulled all the connections they could to try to calm the Punk Nation that was Chicago down, but we all knew it was no use.
That was actually something I liked about Chicago. They stayed with their favorites, they stuck by their heroes no matter what. And I, unlike a lot of people, was looking forward to the mass anarchy.
I showed up at the arena a little later than usual. I'd been feeling under the weather all week and I didn't want to spend any more time with my coworkers than I had to. Even though showing up later was a risk. Tamina was off for tonight for reasons of her own, so I was alone to defend myself. Gee, thanks Tamina.
I walked through the backstage with a few evil eyes shot my way. Wasn't anything new, just life for me. In response, as usual, I threw glares back at them and continued to walk towards the locker room.
When I walked into the room, I saw the Bella's and a bunch of cameras. As soon as I entered the door, all the camera men automatically turned their filming devices away and the Bella's rolled their eyes.
"Do you really have to do that?" Nikki asked me.
"Do what, walk into the Diva's locker room?" I replied. But I knew what she was really talking about.
When the reality show first started, I forced the producers to not film me, period. So, as a result, every time I came into contact with one of the cameras, they had to stop filming until I was away from sight. And I knew it got on the nerves of all the Total Divas.
"Just... Never mind," Brie said, crossing her arms. "Did you happen to see Cameron or Eva?"
"No..." I said, inching over to put my stuff down on one of the benches. "If you're so desperate to film something, just go to John or Daniel's locker room or something like that."
Neither one of them looked amused. "Why don't you?"
I didn't change my expression. I just sat down on the bench and crossed my legs, putting my hands in my lap. I wasn't moving.
The Bella's got the message that I wasn't going to leave and signaled for the camera crew to follow them out the door. I was alone at last.
I stuffed my hand into my bag until I found a bottle of water. I held it to my aching forehead to take away some of the pain. I didn't know why my head was throbbing so much, but it wasn't exactly something I could avoid.
Maybe since I was alone I could take a little power nap. I hadn't gotten much sleep lately because of my nightmares. I remembered the one from last night vividly. I was trying to run towards something, I wasn't sure what, that part had vanished from memory. All I remembered was a giant, blurry object shaped like a circle. But something was holding me back. It was someone's strong, unbreakable arms wrapped around my body. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break free. I was a prisoner in my own mind.
I tried to shake the visions out of my head and pulled my Diva's Title Belt out of my bag. I held it to my chest, remembering the early days of my reign. When I had Dolph and Big E with me, to tell me everything was going to be ok. The good old days.
I laid down on the bench and closed my eyes, still clinging to my title. I remember when being champion used to be fun. But now, it wasn't fun, it was life. And life wasn't fun.
Without noticing, I let my eyelids fall and a calm sleep came over me.
My nap, however, didn't last long as more divas continued to pile into the locker room. Chatter arose quickly and I was forced to sit up to glance at them.
Natalya and Aksana had decided to show up, the two now talking to each other like old friends. They both looked over at me as I slowly rose from my position on the bench. Natalya focused her eyes on me.
"Hey, AJ, the show's about to start," she said. I yawned, again, from my lack of sleep.
"Yeah, so?" I replied.
"You wanna come watch it with the rest of the divas?" Natalya asked. Wait, what? Did she just ask me to actually hang out with the other divas? I stopped myself from overthinking, though. The Total Divas probably just needed the locker room to film. Well, might as well since I spoiled their little film fest earlier.
"Sure," I responded, standing up and putting my belt around my waist so I didn't have to carry it. Aksana rolled her eyes as I snapped the Diva's Title into place and all three of us exited the locker room.
I hadn't actually gone to watch Raw with other people since Big E and Dolph were with me. I honestly didn't even know where the giant TVs were anymore it had been that long. I basically just followed Natalya, who was in front, as we passed by everyone. Almost every face seemed stressed and hectic. Guess it was almost show time.
When we arrived at our destination, I was a bit confused. To my surprise, it's actually a flat screen TV hung up in the middle of the room, with no chairs or anything. Just red curtains and a red rug.
Alisha Fox was already present, waiting for Raw to broadcast live as she watched the end of whatever was on before it. She seemed just as shocked about my arrival as I was.
I stood next to Aksana, who stood next to Alisha who stood next to Natalya. Even though Natalya had made a generous offer bringing me up here, I still trusted the True Divas more than the Total ones.
As the other three made small talk, I just stood there playing with my hair. How long was it going to take until Raw came on so I could save my ears from their constant chattering voices?
It wasn't long after that when the WWE intro played on the screen. We all became silent and waited for the crowd to appear on the monitor. Michal Cole was introducing the show when...
There was a white noise and then guitar chords. The crowd erupted into cheers and chants as Cult of Personality blared throughout the arena. That's when I ran.
I ran straight in the direction of the stage, ignoring Natalya and Alisha yelling at me from behind. I don't know exactly why, but when I heard those indicators of the Voice of the Voiceless, I made a mad dash towards the one place where he could possibly be standing in the arena.
I pushed through everyone that stood in my way as I ran towards the stage. My feet were starting to hurt a little, but I really didn't care. I continued to run towards the sounds of the music, my heart racing faster than ever, until...
The boos. The loud, endless boos that echoed through the building. I stopped dead in my tracks. What was happening?
I happened to be pretty close to one of the television sets, so I snuck my way over so I could see the screen. Paul Heyman was walking towards the ring with Punk's tron playing in the background. My heart stopped.
I turned around after seeing Punk's ex manager on the television, starting to walk back towards the locker room. I simply didn't even feel like watching what Paul had to say. I just wanted to go lie back down. Running at full speed didn't do wonders for my already aching body.
I was slow moving, but I just kept moving towards my destination. I decided midway, though, to stop at the women's bathroom. I peeked my head inside to make sure no one was in there. I walked inside and made my way to the mirror.
I didn't look good. I looked exhausted, my hair was an absolute mess, my eyes looked puffy, I looked skinner than usual. I defiantly didn't look like a model. I didn't look like a Total Diva. I looked like a child.
I turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on my face. I didn't even feel like leaving and going back to the locker room. Maybe I could just hide in one of the stalls and just try to fade away into existence.
But I couldn't. I knew I was strong, or, at least I had to think so. I picked myself up and exited the bathroom, trying to go back to the locker room.
Like last time, I was very slow moving. It took me a long time to actually remember where the locker room was my mind was so foggy. When I eventually found the room, I couldn't help but smile in relief. I pushed slowly on the door as I moved into the room and heard one of the Bellas scream "No!"
It didn't take me long to find out why she screamed in horror, for only seconds later I felt something spill all over my body from above. I didn't know what it was, water, soda, hell, it could have been alcohol for all I knew! Whatever it was, it was quickly covering my skin and coating my hair.
I looked over at the Bellas, who were standing in the room with Cameron, all with looks of half shock and half hummer. I looked up and saw a bucket hanging on a rope above me, the content of it now lying on me. I looked back at the three girls to also see a film crew with a camera.
"What. Is-"
"AJ, we're so sorry," Nikki said. "That was meant as a prank for Nattie, we didn't mean-"
"Y-Yet you're all still laughing like hyenas!" I said through shivers. I was cold already and the freezing liquid didn't help. "You! All t-three of you with your stupid reality show, doing this just to get a laugh out of some stupid viewers!" I wrapped my arms around my body.
"No, AJ-"
"Just-Just," I didn't care for what they had to say. I just ran back out of the locker room. I didn't know exactly where I was going, just anywhere but here.
I'd only been hopelessly running for a few seconds when I found an open door, to which I ran inside. I shut the door quickly behind me, making sure it was absolutely closed before I took in my surroundings. Wherever I was, it was pitch black dark with absolutely no light. The room felt small. I could only assume I was in a closet. But at this point, I didn't care where I was.
I leaned my back on the door and let my body slide down until I reached the cold cement. I ripped my Title off my waist and chucked it next to me. My breathing had sped up and my eyes were about to be broken by tears.
Why did everything have to always turn into such a disaster? I couldn't even open a door without screwing everything up! What was wrong? Why couldn't I just function correctly?
Of course, I knew the answer. That didn't mean I still didn't think about it.
I felt myself starting to grow hot in the stuffy room, but I ignored it. I just wanted to disappear. To fall into an eternal sleep as dream of a perfect life. Everything around me just felt like it was crumbling to dust.
For a long time, I sat in absolute silence, letting myself drown in the darkness. I just thought about everything. Everything that was so screwed up and unfair in life. In my life. I let the tears spill down my hot cheeks at last from the pain. But now, it wasn't just mental pain. I felt physical pain. I was crying from physical pain. I didn't have a clue why, but my whole body just felt sore and fragile.
I raised a hand to my forehead. I was burning. Was I sick? I didn't matter. Either way, I had to get out of here and get some fresh air.
Still sitting, I raised my hand to the doorknob in attempt to turn it. But nothing happened. I dragged myself to my feet and turned even harder. It stayed still.
My mind started to panic. Somehow I must have accidentally locked myself in. I pulled on the door handle which eventually led to me banging my fists on the door.
"Help!" I screamed as loud as I could. "Help me! I'm trapped! Help!"
I pounded to door even harder. I felt my arms and legs grow frail and weak as I continued to scream as holler. Eventually, I found an answer.
"Who's in there?" a voice said. I couldn't tell who the voice belonged to, it could have been anyone.
"AJ! Please help, I-I'm trapped!" I continued to bang on the door.
"The doors jammed!" Whoever it was said.
"Please help..." I felt myself start to go into a hazy state.
"Uh... Stand back," they said. I tried, but ended up tripping and tumbling backwards into a cart of some kind, falling into all the supplies that I'd just knocked down. As all the cans and objects fell on me and pinched my skin, the pain started to wear me down. My vision grew weak and everything ached.
I could hear the sound of something hitting the door. My mind fell deeper and deeper. Right before the dark sleep indulged me, I saw the lights of the hallway and some figures rushing towards me.
_____
I felt cold. I was cold and my head hurt. That was my first thought as my mind quietly awoke. I refused to open my eyes, though. I was still only half conscious and frankly, I was too scared to see what would await me.
As my body slowly woke up, I could feel a mattress under me. Thin blankets covered me. Where was I?
I dared to carefully let my eyes open only to be hit with a small bright light to my left. I turned my head to see a little lamp resting on a small nightstand. My eyes noticed everything else in the room. White walls, tile floor.
No. I couldn't be. Oh lord please say I wasn't! Please say I wasn't in a hospital right now!
"No," I whispered to myself, sitting up so my back leaned on the pile of pillows positioned behind my head. I looked to my right to see if my assumptions were true. All I saw was a window covered by blinds, but through the cracks one could see the early dawn rising.
But someone was here. Right under the window were three chairs. In one of the chairs, sat a man. A man covered in tattoos with scruffy brown hair and a Chicago Blackhawks shirt.
When he saw my panicked eyes, he walked over to me and sat down next to me on the small mattress. I refused to look at him in the eye. I let out a soft sniffle.
"D-Do you know?" I asked. "Do you know? Does everyone know?" We were in a hospital and that meant they had to have access to the one thing I feared showing anyone ever. My records.
"Punk," I looked up at him. "Did you get your answer? Do you know what I've been hiding?"
The great CM Punk didn't reply. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but decided last minute to keep quiet. But i could tell what the answer was.
I couldn't hold back. I just let my tears fall in rapid streams. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. Everything I'd worked so hard for felt like it was over.
I felt Punk's arms wrap around me and I buried myself in his chest. I could hear his steady heartbeat as I cried. I knew I was soaking his shirt, but I was too upset to notice.
This was it. This was the end. Everyone knew. My bipolar secret was out. And right now, I stuck true to my name as I let my hurricane of emotions swirl through my head. I continued to sob as the world fell down around me, the only comfort being that fact that it wasn't falling on me alone.
A/N: Ok, so after, what, maybe four months I finally told you what AJ's been hiding for so long! :)
Also, I was thinking on writing the next chapter in CM Punk's POV. What do you guys think?
Sorry it took so long to get this up by the way. Monday was just a mess for me.
Anyway, thanks for reading and getting me to over 1.9 K reads!
- El ♥