Okay so even though I'm usually totally against this whole random one chapter in a different POV, I do feel like it's needed here. So to all of you beggers and pleaders for a chapter in Lucas' POV, here you are :) Merry belated Christmas or Happy Easter or Happy Monday for all of you! Now I'm not exactly sure how many chapters there will be after this, but I do know that either the next chapter or the one after that will be the final one.
So I hope you all enjoy this!! Vote/comment/fan and do whatever you do!
Lucas' POV
I can't pay attention. Mr. Martinez is steadily giving his lecture in the front of the class, his voice strong as he makes random scribbles on the board. They're supposed to be the conjugated verbs of give in Spanish. I used to know them off the top of my head, could spend the class dozing off wondering about the next time I'd be able to eat, sleep, or see Naomi or something and still ace the test the next day.
But I can't do that today, because my stomach is in fucking knots right now. Naomi didn't show up to lunch, didn't bother texting me back, and when I saw Drew in the hallway earlier he gave me some kind of chaste smile that I couldn't decipher. Something's up. I know it is. And I have this awful, gut-wrenching feeling that Drew has talked to Nay and said something to her to make her fall off the face of the planet.
I'd understand it if her phone had died or if her fifth-period teacher had somehow or another decided to pay attention to students using their phones. I've had her fifth-period teacher-had her last year, actually, for math. I know that she spends the majority of the class playing solitaire on her laptop while students do problems from the textbook. I know that I texted like the shit all year in that class.
So that's not the problem.
The problem is that she didn't even show up for lunch and that she always does. I know my girl, I know that she eats. I know that when she misses a meal she gets super cranky. I've always loved that about her. I love that she can act like a dude half the time, but still strike me as one of the most gorgeous girls walking the earth. I love that she calls me a tit and man, and that she can be just as sarcastic as I can. But I also love that she always manages to smell like vanilla, and that her curly curly hair makes me happy just by looking at it even though she always claims to hate it.
She always does that; always depreciates on herself even though she's probably one of the only girls who doesn't need to. She's perfect.
Except for the fact that I have no fucking clue where she is right now and it's freaking the shit out of me.
The bell to end class rings forever later and the moment it does, I hastily grab my things and then flee out of the classroom. I always see Drew right after this period-his locker is somewhat close to mine-and I'm about to interrogate the shit out of him. That chaste grin he gave me earlier is still burning in my mind and I need to figure out what the hell it meant.
My eyes start scanning the crowd of bustling students the moment I'm free from that classroom, and land straight on Drew's face just seconds later. He's walking with his arm thrown around some girl's shoulder, that charming grin I've seen him give to so many girls over the years obvious on his face.
I've never truly liked this kid; never really liked what he stood for. Although he's fun to hang out with because he's always up for a laugh, he's a complete ass hole when it comes to the people in his life. He always treats them like they're second to him and that they should love that he's given them his attention.
That's why I was so pissed out of my mind when he told me that he had a thing for Naomi. He'd tracked me down that one day at the book store and blabbed about her for fifteen minutes; about how he didn't even care that she was a social recluse because he could change that with his "charm". I still remember that sick look he got in his eye when he mentioned how hot she was, about how he couldn't wait until the day that she realized she was into him too.
That was when I'd told him to leave because I honestly couldn't stand him talking about Nay that way.
And so the day that I found out they had a date...let's just say that it was not a good one. Not a good one at all. I was miserable the whole fucking time and when she called me because her dad had freaked on her and Drew had bailed, let's just say that I'd been jumping into my car about five seconds later.
All because that mother fucker hadn't helped her out when she needed it. But I'm really not going to lie here; I'm glad that he bailed on her. I'm glad that he showed his gutless ass-hole side and fled the scene when she needed someone. If he hadn't...well, she wouldn't have called me and we wouldn't be where we are right now.
Well, where we were this morning when everything was fine and dandy and she was actually letting me be around her. But something has changed that and I need answers or else I'm going to go crazy.
"What the hell, man?" Drew asks the moment I go up to him and practically slam my hand onto his right shoulder. I don't care if I'm acting too hastily or if I'm going to get into some kind of trouble for doing this. I need to know where the fuck Naomi is and if that evil little smile he shot at me earlier had anything to do with it.
Trying my absolute hardest not to just seethe at him when I speak-I know how to get answers from people and that is not the way-I demand from him, "Have you seen Naomi at all today?"
"So that's what this is all about?" Drew asks me with that sick, masochistic grin of is. He's already bid adieu to his chick of the week, so he doesn't have to put off that façade of a good guy thing he always pulls. No, since it's just me and him he's able to show just how much of an ass he truly is.
And the fact that he basically just admitted to knowing something about Naomi's disappearance...well, it makes my hatred for him increase tenfold. Now I really just want to bring him outside and bang his face against the brick wall until it's nice and battered.
"Yes," I practically growl in response, surprised that there's not steam coming from my ears or something. "She didn't show to lunch and she's not answering her phone. What happened?"
The sarcasm rolls off him in waves when he says, "Well I am so very sorry that there's trouble in paradise for the two of you but...I have to get to class. Later man."
He tries to duck around me and disappear off into the crowd of students, but my arm is far too quick. I reach out and shove his shoulder so that he's back in front of me, able to give me my answers. I'm sick and tired of putting up with his shit. I want my answers and I want them now.
I want Naomi.
I get close into his face, the utter rage in my body spilling over without a concern in my mind. I don't care that I'll get suspended for starting this with him, I don't care that my dad will want to have my ass hanging over the fireplace. I honestly don't. I know that, because of this guy, Naomi is not okay and that's not okay with me. At all.
I was so close to having her trust again, so close. I could just feel her starting to forgive me for that horrid shit I put her through so long ago, and now because of him all of that progress was lost. I'm pissed. If I lose her because of whatever he did, I'm going to kill him.
I'm practically simmering when I tell him through clenched teeth, "You tell me right now what you said to her, or so help me God..."
"Lucas?" I hear a scared but pristine voice ask from a few feet away, but I can't bear to look away from the guy that I am one second away from punching the lights out of. The confident look of his has melted away because he knows that I'm stronger than him, that the strength I've gotten from football has his basketball strength whipped. He knows that if I'd like, I could wipe the ground with his "pretty" face. And it's funny to see that pretty face all worried because he knows that he's finally pushed me over the edge.
So that's why I just say, "Destiny...go away right now." I don't know why she keeps interfering in my life right now, why she keeps popping up during random moments acting like she's my girlfriend again. I know that we dated for two years, I understand that, but for the last year we didn't really have a relationship. Sure we called each other and went out sometimes, but it wasn't what I wanted out of a relationship. I didn't want to be around her all of the time, I didn't feel myself get excited when I knew she was coming over.
She was nothing like how Naomi is for me now.
Nothing at all.
When I feel her reach forward and place a hesitant touch on my shoulder, I just shake it off and finally turn around to look at her. She's standing there looking as perfect as always, not a blonde hair out of place and her lip gloss looking as shiny as always. But her looks don't hold that same novelty as they did the first few months we dated. Instead, as I look on at her, all I see is a Barbie doll. One that's not Naomi. I want that pin straight blonde hair to be wildly curly and dark brown. I want those blue eyes to be a deep hazel that always has that look of sarcasm in them. Instead of seeing her perfect button nose, I want to see Naomi's and that cute little bump it has in the center.
I don't want Destiny. I don't want her at all.
I want Naomi.
And I have this awful, gut-wrenching feeling that she doesn't want me back anymore, that she's finally had enough of me. And that's far too heartbreaking to even think about.
She swallows back a lump of fear because I know that she's never seen me this unhinged before, and says, "Lucas...you need to let go of Drew."
"Like hell I do," I snap at her, knowing that I'm freaking her out because I'm not being that perfect guy that she's been so accustomed to these past couple of years. I'm not hidden behind that perfect shell of a happy relationship anymore. I'm finally in a place where I feel everything, where I get excited when I know that I'm about to see someone, where I feel jealous when I see her with someone else and where I want to punch a wall when she cries.
I finally feel something for the girl that I'm with, and even though it sucks sometimes, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. Because even though I want to punch a wall when her mom makes her mad, or want to scream into a pillow out of jealousy when I see her with Drew; I would never give up the feeling of happiness I get when she leans into me for comfort, or the feeling of absolute contentment I feel when I wake up and see her sleeping soundly next to me.
So what if I scare a few people along the way?
With that thought in mind, I turn away from my ex-girlfriend and back to Drew, who is looking at me with nothing but absolute hatred in his eyes. But do I care? Like fuck I do.
I say once more, "Now you tell me what the hell you said to Naomi or I'll punch your fucking lights out so help me God."
He practically spits at me when he says, "Fine, but could you let me go now? It'd be nice if I could take a fucking breath."
"Sure," I say releasing him, feeling a weight being lifted off of my shoulders at the thought of maybe getting some answers about what's happened to Naomi.
He rubs the back of his neck, and with some kind of sick self-gratitude I can't help but wish that he'll have a bruise where I grabbed him so roughly around the shoulder. Then he looks up at me and says, "Look...I wanted to ask her back out, have a second try..."
This isn't going to go well, I assume, because one sentence in and he already has me seeing red. But although I'd much rather prefer just pound his head in, I need to listen. I have to find Naomi and talk to her, make her see that I do love her and that I'm not just trying to mess with her head like she thinks.
He continues, "And she said no, so I was pissed. When I asked why, she said that she was with you and so I blew up. Probably...probably put the idea in her head that you weren't going to stick around with her very long because you'd been with Destiny for so long. I told her that it was complete bullshit that you could ever love her."
The entire time he's talking, I can just imagine what must've been going through Naomi's head when she heard that. I know she's always been insecure about that, and that it's all my fault. That she thinks she's never going to be enough for me, that I'm going to get sick and tired of her because I turned her down two years ago.
All I want to do is wrap my arms around and tell her a million times over that I'm sorry. That I'm sorry I'm such an idiot and that I let my dick basically control my actions throughout the majority of high school. I want to tell her that I'm sorry that I let her slip through my fingers when she was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want to look her in the eyes and tell her that I love her, and that I fell harder for her in days than I ever did for Destiny in the two years we were together.
And now I'm scared that I'm never going to get that chance.
OoOoO
I'm completely defeated when I pull into my driveway late that night. It's dark, it's raining, I'm pretty much out of gas in my Jeep, and after coming up empty-handed on my search for Nay, I can easily say that she's actually gone to her mother in Idaho like she told Zara earlier on today.
The book store had been my first stop, and I can still remember the look of utter pity that Zara had given me when I walked through those doors. She knew immediately why I was there and my heart had sunk into my stomach when she told me that I'd probably need to sit down when she told me what had happened to Naomi.
She'd been right.
But I'd refused to give up, clinging onto some shred of hope that maybe the bus had gotten cancelled or she'd chickened out on the whole moving thing. I thought that maybe if I just drove around town I'd see her walking, or that I'd pull up to her house and see her checking the mail or something completely mundane like that. I thought that maybe her going was so nightmarish that it could never actually happen.
I thought that I'd never actually have to sit in my car like this, with this awful hollow feeling in my gut at the realization that she did leave. That my Nay is gone and that the odds of seeing her again are slim to none.
And now that it's slowly starting to sink in, I can't help but realize how miserable life is going to be without her here. I'm never going to be able to just sink my fingers into her hair and breathe her in, I'm never going to be able to thread my legs through her smooth ones while we sleep, never going to feel her slap me on the chest because I'd said something mean. I'm never going to feel her breath on my collarbone while we watch something on TV together, completely intertwined on the couch. I'm never going to see her walk around with her pajama shorts unknowingly pulled up so high that I can easily check her ass out. I'm never going to be able to slip my fingers up her shirt and feel her warm skin against my finger tips.
And I'm never going to be able to do any of these things ever again because I'm an ass hole.
Because I'm a stupid ass hole who doesn't deserve someone as wholly amazing as Naomi Brown.
No, she deserves someone who never broke her heart, who never gave her a reason to distrust them so badly. She deserves someone who she can see a future with, not someone that she can see leaving her so quickly. She doesn't deserve such a fuck up. She deserves so much better than me.
I lean my forehead against the steering wheel and just start pounding my fist against the seat of my chair, letting out all of the pent up emotion that's been bottled up inside me throughout the whole search. It's one thing to have hope built up so high, but it's completely another to have that kind of hope only to feel it come halting to a crash at the end of the road. It's completely another thing to feel the loss and defeat of letting something so wonderful float away.
It's the worst thing I've ever felt in my life.
The sad thing is that I deserve it. I deserve all of this misery and sadness. I deserve to have it shoveled heap by filthy heap onto my back. This is all my fault. Her leaving is of my doing.
And the fact that I may have caused her sadness again, the kind of sadness where she just wants to flee town and never come back, is the worst part of all.
Before I even know what's happening, I see a tear splash against the rough black material of the steering wheel. And before it can even register in my head that I'm crying, I'm sobbing. The perfect golden boy who never has to go through anything remotely hard because of his perfect family, his perfect friends, is blubbering like a fucking baby in the dark loneliness of his Jeep.
My Nay is gone, she's left because of me, and I honestly don't think that she's coming back.
I honestly never thought that I'd be able to feel this kind of guilt; this kind of gut-wrenching, heart-splitting guilt that makes me feel like the worst person on the planet. All I can see is that devastated expression of Nay's when I'd told her that I didn't like her back like that two years ago, that I was with someone. I can still remember how awful I felt when I'd seen her name flashing on my phone because of an incoming call, and had had to turn it down because Destiny had been right behind me. I can still remember what it'd been like to see her in the hallways and just reach out to her, hug her in my arms and whisper to her that I'm so so sorry, but that I couldn't do it because it'd get back to Destiny and ruin that perfect image I'd had going.
I can still remember back to a few months ago, when she'd snapped at something Mr. Rochester had said in class, and I'd felt this huge hit to the center of my chest. How I'd felt like such a piece of shit when she bashed every single word I sent her way. How, when she finally gave in and melted against my chest after the huge blow up with her dad, I'd felt this overwhelming sense of rightness because she'd been in my arms.
And after all of that, after all of the mishaps and miscommunications and freak outs, I can't be with her.
Because she just hates me that much.
It feels like hours when I finally gather the pieces of my broken self and get out of my car. The night air is humid but somewhat chilly, and I can't help but just want to slink up the stairs and into my room and bury my face into the pillow that she'd used when she'd been here, get the last of her smell before it finally fades away and into the air.
I slowly close the door to the car I've been in for hours now, and once it's good and locked, I press the lock button on my key ring and watch the front headlights blink twice in finalization, briefly illuminating the darkness of the garage doors. Stuffing my phone into my pocket, I then walk around the front of the car and start to walk the length of the front yard to the porch so that I can just disappear from the outside world for a while.
But it's as soon as I step around the corner of the protruding garage that I see a dark, huddled figure leaning against the wall next to the front door. A few heart-pounding steps closer until I see those dark curls escaping from the hood of her jacket. Feeling all of the breath escape from my body, I halt for a second, just letting my eyes rake over her body because she's here. Because this ghost of a girl that I've been searching for all day is sitting right in front of me.
It's all I can do to just take those few final steps up the front steps and then kneel down in front of her, feeling some part of me cry out in the urge to just hold her tight and hug her and kiss her over and over because she's here.
Because Nay's here.