Heartbroken. Regretful. Foolish.
A few words that sum up Normani for almost a year, almost a year since Lauren broke up with her. Normani sighs and groans as the memory once again plays in her head.
*Flashback*
Normani and Lauren were getting ready to leave the club after hours of celebrating Lauren's friend birthday.
"Bye Lauren! Call when you get home" One of her other friends say, hugging her tightly
Once they pull away, the friend looks at Normani then walks away. Knowing that none of Lauren's friends have liked her since they started dating 3 years ago, Normani can't wait to get out the damn club.
"I'm gonna get the car Lo" Normani says, rubbing Lauren's arm
Walking outside, Normani internally smiles at finally being able to leave. She gets in the car and pulls up to the front of the club, sighing at the amount of paparazzi. She gets out and stands next to the passenger door since Lauren is borderline drunk.
"Normani! Normani!" Various amounts of Paparazzi yell
She continues to ignore them and simply scrolls through her phone.
Unfortunately though, some random drunk girl walked up to Normani and wrapped her arms around her neck.
"No no no" Normani groaned
"Wow you're even hotter in person" The girl smiles
"Yea move" Normani says
Normani tries to push the girl away but the girl makes her grip tighter. She kisses Normani and Normani's heart drops to her stomach when she hears the paparazzi yelling Lauren's name. She bites down on the girls lip to make her move.
Lauren manages to hold back her tears and shakes her head at Normani. Her friends were the first ones to come out as the girl was leaning in to kiss Normani. Being that Lauren isn't all the way drunk yet, she decides to just walk away and be by herself. Normani follows her and grabs her hand when she's close enough.
"No Normani, leave me alone" Lauren mumbles
"Nothing happened" Normani says
"You weren't just kissing that girl?"
"No I wasn't technically"
"Do I look stupid to you? You're fucking lips were on hers!"
"I didn't kiss her Lauren, she kissed me! There's a difference!"
"You said the same shit when it happened last year!"
"Maybe cause it's true?!"
As messy as it made Normani look, it was the truth. Both times it was the other person that made a move.
"I'm so done with you! My friends were right" Lauren says, the tears starting to fall
Normani clenches her jaw at the mention of Lauren's friends. Lauren attempts to walk off again but Normani pins her against the wall next to them, keeping Lauren's arms down.
"Can you think for yourself right now? Do you believe me or not?" Normani asks
Lauren considers believing her but then suddenly remembers how her friends said she would end up heartbroken over Normani.
"No, I don't" Lauren mumbles
Normani feels like a bullet went through her heart and tears fill her eyes.
"You think I would break your heart? You're gonna believe them over me?" She asks
"Yup"
*Flashback Over*
Even though Lauren's friends haven't liked Normani since the beginning of their relationship, Lauren didn't start believing them more than Normani until the first time someone pushed up on Normani during the relationship.
Foolish.
Normani felt foolish for continuing to fall in love with someone who believed their friends over their lover. Foolish for falling for someone who questioned her love even after all the many times she's acted like Lauren was a Queen. Her Queen. Defended Lauren countless times no matter who the person was.
"Normani you gotta stop pouting over Lauren, it's been 10 months" Her friend, Keith says
"It's not that easy Keith, you know how I felt about her" She says
"I do know cause I'm your best friend but your label will be on your ass if you don't start going on the studio more" He says
"What's the point in going if I'm only gonna write the same shit?" She asks
"Then that's where other songwriters come in, you gotta go and record something though today" He says
*Flashback*
Normani sat in the home studio with Lauren messing around with different beats.
"Wait this one can be something great" Lauren says
"Add some R&B and it'll be the perfect urban/pop beat" She adds
Normani does what she says and smiles at the outcome.
"Ok producer in the making" Normani grins
Normani produces and writes most of her songs and her and Lauren would write each other's songs together sometimes too. Lauren was already done recording her album and it's set to release in the next month, so she's been helping Normani finish hers.
"Go in the booth and let's see" Lauren says
Once in the booth, Normani places the headphones over her head and gives Lauren a signal that she's ready.
"Oh shit I was supposed to be at Ashely's house over an hour ago" She sighs
"Well stay now since you're so late" Normani shrugs
"I already told her and Brittany I'd be there" Lauren says
"What's so important?" Normani asks
"Breakup" Lauren says, putting on her hoodie
"Oh hell no! Nope! Nada!" Normani says quickly
"What's the problem?" Lauren asks
"Whoever got dumped is gonna use that as an excuse for you to not trust me" Normani says, her anger slowly rising
"That's not true"
"Every time you hang out with them and one of them having relationship problems they say stupid shit about me and you believe it"
"What makes you think that?"
"Whenever that happens you come back and start acting weird and shit, we haven't had an argument about something stupid in almost 2 months and I'm not tryna have another one"
"I do trust you, when I come back nothing will be different I promise"
"Ok" Normani sighs
"I'll be back in 3 hours" Lauren says then kisses her
"Text me when you get there" Normani says, hugging her then leaning against the wall
"I will, I love you"
"I love you too"
*Flashback Over*
It's all in your head when your friends talk about me
You run away from the truth and accept the lies, you doubt me
I'm like a fool contemplating, I'm just waiting on your call
We couldn't last through the Winter and now it's Fall, we fell in love, I'm still falling
"What if she never loved me" Normani mumbles
"Mani she loved you, you know I'm the king of observing; however she did not use her own thoughts or heart when it came to decisions involving you but without a doubt she definitely loved you" Keith says, rubbing her back
"Come on you gotta get out the bed" He adds
"It's hurts Keith, it hurts more and more as the days past and I wish it didn't; maybe I should've tried harder when I seen her a couple months ago" Normani sadly says, on the verge of tears
"Maybe it would have worked, maybe it wouldn't have; but you can't beat yourself up over it" He says
Regret.
Normani had went by Lauren's apartment a few months ago with flowers and a bear, trying to talk to her once more. But Lauren wasn't in the mood.
*Flashback*
Lauren opens the door and rolls her eyes.
"What is it Normani?" She asks, highly annoyed
"WHY are you so hostile right now? I didn't do anything yet"
"You already know I don't wanna talk to you"
"Which I find so confusing since I did nothing wrong"
"Don't do that, you cheated on me Mani!"
"Why don't you believe me? I've always shown you how much I love you, so why Lauren?"
"So coincidentally, both times I saw you being kissed in public was totally not your fault?"
"It wasn't"
"The first time I was there to witness it myself, so you were right about that; but the second time I walked up to the sight of it happening so excuse me for not believing you"
"Did you love me Lauren?"
"Of course I did"
"Do you still love me?"
"Unfortunately I do"
"Then why can't YOU just listen to what YOUR heart is telling you?"
"Normani we broke up 6 months ago, why are you still doing this?"
"You know why, but I guess you care more about what your friends think than how much you love me"
"That's not true Mani" Lauren sighs
"If it's not true then why are we in the situation we're in now?"
Lauren just stares at her, having an internal battle with herself. Her heart is like a green light, telling her to go and get back with Normani, that everything will be ok. Meanwhile her head is like a red light, wanting her to stop and stay in the lane she's in, without Normani.
"Hopefully I can get over you soon then" Normani says and walks away, no longer being able to bear Lauren's silence
*Flashback Over*
Been a while since we sat and talk for hours
Girl it's just ain't right, when you give me the run around
I can't even give you flowers
Sometimes I let my thoughts run away from me
Don't know how many days in the year
Running round, running round 'til I catch up, oh yeah
Now how the hell I let you get away from me?
Normani gets out the bed and pulls out something simple and casual to wear. She gets in the shower and tries to scrub away thoughts of Lauren but she know it won't work. When she's dressed, she pulls her hair up into a bun. She walks out the bathroom in the bedroom and grabs her songbook.
"Studio?" Keith smiles
"I'll give it a try" She says lowly
Once they're downstairs she walks towards the basement door but Keith stops her.
"The label wants you in the studio at the office so they know if you're working or not" He chuckles
"That's so extra!" She groans
"Hey, you're the one who's lacking" He says
"Hey, you're the one being annoying" She fires back
"I'm doing my job, literally" He smirks
"You're not funny" She says
"I find myself funny and that's all that matters, the hateration is real" He jokes
"Keep telling yourself that" She laughs
Normani walks into the kitchen for something to drink and sees a picture of her and Lauren on the fridge.
"I was gonna do it Keith, I had just got the ring and planned out how I was gonna do it" She sadly says
"It'll get better, if it's meant to be something will happen where you'll have no choice but to be in contact with each other or something like that" He says
"Can we stop by her apartment on the way there?" She asks
"Sure"
Heartbreak.
Normani had bought an engagement ring and planned on proposing to Lauren but the break up happened just a few days before she was gonna do it.
She goes up to her room and grabs the little box from her drawer. Thinking this might be the closure she needs, she decides to write a note with it.
No, I'll never the see the brighter side
Cause you're everything that I wanted and I don't wanna see you go
I don't wanna spend the rest the of my life without you here with me, I'll never let go, I need you
She sits at the desk in her room and starts writing.
Lauren,
Everything about you is magical, everything feels so perfect with you. I still love you and I know I could never completely let you go, cause that's how much you had a hold on my heart. No one can ever compare to you and the love we shared while it lasted. Whenever you need me I'll still be here for you. My happiest moments weren't complete if you weren't by my side, with you and God, who's my sunlight; I bloomed and grew so beautifully. You made everything in my life feel better, I know it's not easy loving me, especially with my ridiculous habits and I thank you for embracing it. I'm Blessed and thankful to have had you and know you for you. How beautiful and creative your mind is when you really put it to work, the beauty of your personality and your heart. The beauty that you hold on the outside, and the beauty of your words. So much beauty consumed by one person. You're the only person I've wanted to spend my life with, if your heart was all I had that would have been enough. No, this is not a proposal but I was going to. I had bought a ring some time before the break up and was gonna propose but it happened a few days before I was gonna do it. All I wanted was you and your love, I miss you, your morning kisses, and sleeping and waking up next to you. No matter how much time passes nothing can change the impact you have on me and my love for you can't change. I want you to have the ring cause it was for you and made the way you would've wanted it. Maybe this is the closure I need to get over you, maybe it's not. It sucks how we needed the way we did but I want you to experience all the happiness you can get cause you deserve it. I don't regret our relationship in any way, you really are one of the best things that have ever happened to me. I just wish you could've seen everything for how it really was, my feelings, my intentions, my actions, and things I couldn't control. Maybe we're not meant to be, maybe we are, If we're meant to be something will happen that will bring us close or something like that. Lastly, I just want you to know that I was never unfaithful and I always put you before anybody else. Anything I ever did to hurt you, I'm deeply sorry. And you Lauren Michelle Jauregui, will forever hold a place in my heart and I will forever love you.
Love Always,
Normani
Normani wipes her face and folds the paper into a small square, she tapes it to the ring box and goes back downstairs. They get into Keith's car and head to Lauren's apartment, when they get there Normani takes a deep breath and starts getting out.
"Good luck Mani" Keith says
"Thanks, I'll be back in a few minutes" She says lowly
More tears leave her eyes as she rides the elevator up to Lauren's floor.
Never thought that I would say goodbye to my girl
Normani wipes her eyes again then knocks on the door, covering the peephole so Lauren couldn't see who it is. Once the door is open Lauren stares in shock, she certainly didn't expect Normani. Although Lauren didn't want to admit it at the moment she was very much still in love with her and couldn't control the way her heart felt full again at the sight of Normani.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" She asks
"Just wanted to give you something real quick" Normani says with a small smile, looking down at the box
She looks up into Lauren's eyes and feels everything in her breaking as she gets ready to let go.
"It's been 10 months since we broke up... and someway somehow I'm still so in love with you" She says, trying to keep her emotions on lock
"I bought this 11 months ago and I've kept it since" She says, showing Lauren the box
"As hard as it's gonna be, I will try my best to leave you alone if it's what you want and eventually get over you; even if it takes another 10 months" She lightly chuckles
She takes Lauren's hand and places the box in it, fisting her hand around it. Normani keeps her hands on Lauren's as she continues talking. Lauren feels numb to everything as the reality of her and Normani once again hit her.
"Promise me you'll read the note, please" Normani says, continuing to look Lauren in the eyes
Lauren nods her head, still being hit by reality as her own emotions start to overflow. Normani takes the hand she's been holding, kisses it then rubs her thumb over the hand.
"I love you and just want you to be happy" She says, wiping the tears off Lauren's face
She hugs Lauren like it'll be the last hug they ever share then kisses her forehead, lips lingering, wanting to embrace the moment of kissing any part of Lauren. She closes her eyes, feeling her emotions more and more and not wanting to cry in front of Lauren.
"Bye Lauren"
A/N: Hope this was worth the read 😘🤷🏾♀️