👣
When did we change,
From throwing paper planes,
And riding wooden trains,
To this.
When did we grow,
From angels in the snow,
Lots of things we didn't know,
To this.
Can you put your finger on the day,
When we never did play,
Our childhood wasted away,
To this.
And when did we get taller,
Our dream gets smaller,
So now the only thing left in life,
Is this.
👣
The walk to the Mosque was no easy feat to accomplish. He had to haul himself on his staggering feet to the mosque. There was an invisible force that had been pulling him towards the masjid, towards Allah like the strongest magnet that pulled a paper clip. The need in his heart had brought him here. To his Lord. The One and Only.
He had removed his shoes and socks and kept them on the shoe rack. As soon as his feet touched the white cold pristine marble of the floor, a shiver ran down his spine chilling his body to the core, brimming his soul and leading his heart with arrant rue for his misdeed.
Each trace of feet felt took a thousand years. He could see her, himself and Adam all running about the pure floors. Adam and Bilal donning white shalwar Kameez and Munizeh in a baby pink frock. He could see her long auburn hair braided on the crown of her small head as Adam pulled at it and Bilal only laughed. Not valiant enough even as a little boy to stop her brother from hurting her as a hiss escaped her mouth. He could see all three of them huddled together in front of the dastarkhuwaan as Maghrib echoed in his ears. He could see himself pass Munizeh a date as she beamed at him, gifting him with the indents in her chubby cheeks mirroring his own and Adam a glass of water before he even broke his fast. He remembered as she gave him half of her precious gulab jamun. He had always loved her and yet he was the cause of her absolute destruction.
Twin Tears flowed down his face as he recalled every memory of her, them. What they could have been if only he hadn't done what he had. He knelt before Allah. Prostrated before the Oneself weeping the sins and errors of his youth away.
"My Lord forgive me and have mercy on me. You are the best of The Merciful."
He prayed the Dua of forgiveness Imam Rizwan had taught him when he was 12.
"Oh, Allah! You are my Lord. There is no God besides You. You created me and I am your servant following your covenant and [my] promise as much as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil that I have done. Before You, I acknowledge Your blessings bestowed upon me and I confess my sins to you. So forgive me, Ya Allah! Surely no one can forgive sins except you."
"Oh, Allah! You are the King. There is but God except You. You are my Lord and I am your slave. I have wronged my self and I hereby admit my Guilt, Ya Allah. Please forgive my sins for none can forgive except You, Allah. O, Allah! Guide me to the best manners. None can guide to the best manners except You. Protect me from bad manners. None can protect me from bad manners except You. I am hastening in response to Your call, Ya Allah and all happiness are Yours. All good is in your hands but evil is not for You. May You be glorified and exalted! I am returning to you in repentance and seeking Your forgiveness."
"Ya Allah! please forgive me."
Bilal had been too engrossed to notice Imam Rizwan's presence beside him. A guest had noticed Bilal weeping his heart out when he had called Imam Rizwan. He placed a comforting hand on Bilal's shoulder pulling him up in the safety of his arms.
Imam Rizwan didn't know his son had failed to protect her from himself and there was no excuse in the world for the sin that he had committed. Only punishment.
Imam Rizwan was the closest person to a father, he ever had as Bilal's father was martyred a year after his birth when he was posted in Siachin. They were a proud family of Martyred Lt. Ahmer Raza and Bilal had done well to bring shame to his family, smearing his late father's name with dirt but Imam Rizwan had witnessed Bilal turn into a man that he was, from a lanky little boy into a handsome young man, rich with Ikhlaaq and the worldly treasures.
The Hotel has always been Bilal's second home. First, with his mother and he had spent most of the years in this place. This mosque. He had been proud of his son.
Rizwan's heart broke at the sight of his teary face and dull, bloodshot eyes, downcast. Bilal couldn't bring himself to look at his uncle. He couldn't bear his uncle's look of disappointment. His skin carved with the intricate patterns of the woollen jaye namaaz (prayer mat). Rizwan had never seen him look so despondent. He searched his face for the ever-smiling young man who would greet him with Assalamualaikum as soon as he'd see him but he was nowhere to be found. The boy who'd spent many Iftaars by his side. The boy who gave his first Adhaan at the age of 17 in his beautiful voice and the boy who always topped every sphere of his life had failed the biggest test of his life. He had failed himself and he had failed his proud family.
Rizwan wrapped his arms around Bilal in a hug, no longer caring about the people who were there and what they might think. He only cared about his son who cried in his arms and held onto him tightly for his life. But the storm in his life wouldn't keep his boat afloat.
Rizwan pulled away from him when his sobs had subsided but tears still glistened in his ever beautiful eyes. Rizwan placed his old, trembling hand on his head.
"What's the wrong betay? Talk to me son?"
At that moment Bilal had wished for the earth to split open and swallow him whole. He wanted to disappear but it was too easy. He looked at his father memorising his worried features as it may be the last time Rizwan would ever be so concerned for him. He'd soon be one of those people who would curse his existence to hell and back and there will be a long list but his list consisted only of 1 person who had ruined them. Intoxicated him to the point of no return with a mere glass of milk and Bilal will go to Hell with him.
"I've committed a grave sin. I have shamed my family. I have wronged her baba."
Sobs wracked Bilal's body.
Bilal had cradled his face in the palms of his hands when Rizwan gripped his shoulders and shook him. Fear gripped at Rizwan's heart but somewhere deep down in his soul he knew, he knew what Bilal's done and this was a consequence of his misdeed but he also knew his son and he knew he wouldn't ever commit the immorality. He would never be tempted to lust after something that didn't belong to him. This was just not him.
"What did you do son? What did you do?"
"I raped Hassan's Omer daughter baba. I loved her and I raped her."
Bilal didn't tell him that he was drugged but even then he had done it. It was only him who did it. Who else? It was him who was charged with the offence. It was him who had raped her, touched her. He was worst of all and it had been him all along.
Rizwan's hand dropped from Bilal's shoulders as he struggled to scramble to his feet and put a few metres between them. Silence reigned until he could only hear his heart thump in his chest oblivious to the disaster. Bilal had just plunged a knife in Rizwan's heart with his own two hands.
Rizwan lightly touched his son's shoulder yet again.
"Did you tell anyone, Bilal?"
Rizwan repeated again but Bilal had heard him very clearly the first time.
Bilal only had the courage to spare a quick glance at his baba, "No."
It was good Bilal hadn't said a word to anyone or he would have been dead already. He had to take Bilal to them before they could ever come to him. Rizwan should have rewarded Bilal with a resounding slap that could shake the walls of the masjid as soon as he heard Bilal but unfortunately, Rizwan didn't have the heart to do it. There must have been a reason, some logical explanation that Bilal hadn't told him yet. Some excuse as lame as it may be that can save him. He failed to realize the fact that there will be no logic, no reasoning that will excuse his son's actions.
He pulled Bilal to his feet as he gripped his jaw in his hands and raised his head to look at him. Rizwan's posture stiff and expression stern which left no room for argument.
"Bilal Allah says: I am in love with those who repent. He has allowed you to live son, so repent and seek His forgiveness for Imam Ibn Al Jawzee has quoted: "The planning of Almighty Allah is better for you than your own planning, and He could deprive you of what you ask to test your patience. So let Him see from you determined patience and you will soon see from Him what will give you joy. And when you have cleaned the paths of answering (of supplication) from the stains of your sin and was patient about what He has chosen for you then everything that happens to you is better for you whether you were given or deprived of what you have requested."
Rizwan had to wipe the ever-flowing tears of his son when he continued
"And Allah knows what you are able to go through Bilal as He had promised not to test any of us beyond our abilities. You need to come with me and bear the repercussions of your deed. That's the justice that Allah has dispensed for Munizeh for Allah is The Judge of the judges and beseech that she forgives you."
Bilal hadn't said a word. Rizwan's words echoed in his ears "Allah says: I am in love with those who repent." Rizwan kissed his son's forehead and returned him to Hassan so he could face his fate.