(Song attached, two weeks by FKA Twigs, it has cuss words in it but you can ignore them, also theres a note in the story where I recommend you should start to play the song, oh and Poison_Apple99 you'd better listen to it xD)
This is the part in the middle, the part between true love and loneliness, our last few years together as a couple. We haven't set a date for the break up, that's weird, right? People usually set dates for weddings and double dates, here we are trying not to set one for the day we know is getting closer. We agreed to part ways when it got too hard to be together, especially for him, he has to look at me everyday with a secret, a choice he made without me.
This is the filler, between the day we met and the day it has to end, it might be today, it might be tomorrow, we don't know, but when he tells me that it's time, I'll break, I'll try and be calm, I'll try to hold it together for him, so we can part on good terms. But once I'm alone that's it, the flood gates will burst open and everything I would try to keep bottled inside would overpower me, until death seems like the better option.
I know what you're thinking, that's dramatic, I would never do myself in because I lost him, I'd think about it, but I could never do it. Not when theres a chance that we could see each other again. I think about all of this everyday, that one of these days is our last together, it haunts me to no end, to the point where it's not even quiet underwater. My head is exploding because I'm scared, I'm unable to think of anything else, and I hate it. I have to enjoy our last days, I want to be deliriously happy, but I can't, because I know what's coming.
Maybe I should stand in the loudest room on earth, get loads of speakers, blast heavy metal into my ears, have some people drilling, a train go past, have a car rev its engine, maybe then I could think clearly. It would be nice not to be burdened by tomorrow. I have to remind myself to smile, to laugh, to enjoy a moment, but it's much harder than that. Larry seems to find it easy, I wonder if he has any advise for me. He recently lost all of his best friends, gave them up so that Ahk could be with his family, I have to give Ahk up to be with mine, so what does he do? What does he think about to stop himself from thinking about them?
I heard Larry's in school, studying to become a teacher, maybe I should quit my job and do that, it seems to be serving him well, but I should know by now that we all have different ways of coping. We don't talk much anymore, Larry and I, I think it hurts him when I tell him that Ahk and I are happy, anything I hear about him is through the grapevine. Nicky emails me sometimes, he's a good kid, he's applying to university soon, turns out he wasn't meant to be a DJ. This is good, focusing on other peoples lives, telling you about anyone but myself, takes my mind off how miserable I am.
Who else can I talk about? My family, they're happy, the twins are growing up so fast, still naive to the world, that must be bliss. My parents are just as they were two years ago when Ahk came back to me. Yes, two years have passed since the last time we spoke, seems strange somehow, it went by so quickly "Celeste?" Ahkmenrah, has he been talking to me?
"Are you ready?" We're going clubbing, trying to relive the old days and recreate old memories.
My smile is as convincing as I can make it as I nod and grab his hand "uh huh" I'm all dressed up, my dark hair is in it's natural waves, I'm wearing a little black dress and my most comfortable heels, red lipstick and so much eye makeup that I'm surprised I can hold my eyes open. Ahkmenrah has developed a style now, he typically picks weird clothes, he looks more like an art student than I did when I was in college, but today he chose something simple, a black shirt with a black jumper and some jeans. He's also started to favour black hoodies, colourful stripy socks and has even started to play the violin, which is nice, no idea where he's picked it all up, I pay for most of it, I don't mind, I like buying things for him.
We leave the museum and head for our usual spot, on the way I take a picture of him, I try to take photos any chance I get, he always seems surprised, and that makes him smile which makes for a nice photo, I'll need them to remember him. When we arrive the loud music is already clearing my mind, for the first time tonight I don't look at him and see what's coming, I see a sexy man that is mine tonight, to bounce around with on the dance floor.
For once my smile is genuine as I take my coat off and then grab his hand, tugging him towards our spot. The regulars like it when we come here, they like watching us dance, it brings in new customers when other people see us having so much fun, I'm 26 years old now, and one day it won't be cool for me to be here anymore, one day I'll be 'too old' by social standards, and it will just be pathetic, a grown woman in a club dancing sexually with a man who looks half her age. No, stop it, don't think about that, I have to loose myself in the music again, I have to concentrate on that.
It's easier to concentrate on Ahkmenrah, no matter how many years I've had to get used to the feeling, his hands on my body always gives me an electrifying sensation, if the rest of life was this moment then I feel like I could live forever, wouldn't that be nice. We dance the way we always have, like it's our first time on the dance floor, grinning at each other like two cheshire cats, grinning like children. The music pulses through us, the heat from the flashing lights starts to effect us as we start to sweat, but somehow it's not gross, it's... good.
We've started to experiment with dirty dancing, since these could be our last clubbing days then we have to make the most of it, we're so close we could be one person. Ignoring the people around us we take advantage of this time together, the dance floor is ours, anyone else is irrelevant, we move spontaneously and quickly, songs passing by as the night goes on. By the end we've exhausted ourselves, as always we find a booth upstairs and just sit in each other's arms, drinking and talking, it's nice, it's calm.
Usually we go back out onto the dance floor, until we're both drenched with sweat and panting for oxygen, but tonight we leave early and end up walking to Trafalgar Square, which seems pretty vacant for once. I'm not sure how we got up onto the lions, it's all a bit of a haze. Ahkmenrah is leaning against the back of the lions head, I'm sitting between his legs with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me, keeping each other warm. Admiral Nelson is lit up above us, a dead eyed statue that observes the world go by from his perch, we should bring the tablet here, I bet he'd be a great conversationalist, though he wouldn't be able to get down...
Ahkmenrah's breathing is soothing, I feel every breath he takes underneath me, almost rocking me to sleep except I've never felt more awake. Suddenly he starts to move out from under me and starts to climb down to the ground "come on" he says as his feet hit the floor, I narrow my eyebrows and jump down to the ground. With a goofy smile he takes my hand and walks me to a clearing in the square, out of nowhere he just starts to dance with me, his hand sits on my waist, the other is holding my hand in the air. As he starts to sway me I put my free hand on his shoulder and start to dance with him
The cold night air is biting at my legs, but I ignore it because it doesn't matter. We start to dance faster, moving around all the space that we have, I've been taking dance lessons in my spare time during the day, I've been doing it for a while now and I'm pretty good at it, I've taught Ahkmenrah all that I've learnt. He lifts me and dips me, when he spins me my skirt flares out and my hair flys around me until he stops me and holds me close. Our bodies are pressed against each other, my arms are around his back as my hands rest on his shoulders, his arms are around my waist, I wouldn't be surprised if he never let go.
(Play the song now)
We start to dance quickly again, stepping towards the fountain, I know what he's going to do, if there were any police here we'd probably be in so much trouble. Holding my hands he lifts me up onto the ledge of the fountain, he steps up and we dance carefully on it around the whole fountain, until he lifts me and holds me in the air, stepping slowly into the water, when he lowers me down the shallow water mercilessly violates my shoes, it's freezing but like the wind it's unimportant.
The lights make the moment magical as we splash through the fountain, he spins me away from him and the water splashes everywhere, when I spin back to him we're face to face, palms to palms as we lower to the floor. We're on our knees in the water, his hands travel down my arms and to my waist, I bend back as far as I can, his arms acting at support, the ends of my hair dip into the water. His lips come down to my collar bone and lay a soft kiss there before I straighten out and rest my hands on his upper arms, our faces inches away from each other.
His hand comes up to the back of my head and pulls it softly back a little so that I'm looking up at the stars, he moves me in a circular motion from left to right and then guides me back up to his face, his large eyes lock onto mine and stare at me with all the love he has, and I do the same, mirroring that look in his eyes exactly, my mum always said that the eyes have it, and right now she couldn't be anymore right. Like this could be our last moment together he presses his lips against mine. We've had some passionate kisses in our relationship, but this is at the very top of the list.
Slowly his lips move down to my jaw and then trails kisses down my neck, my eyes close at the sensation as his lips move back up to mine. I'm not sure how long we spend kneeling in the fountain, kissing like we may never do it again, but it's glorious, time is irrelevant here, it's just us and no one else. Once I realise that we're actually kneeling in a freezing cold fountain in Trafalgar Square I start to laugh into his mouth, I can't help it, I mean you only read about crap like this in books or those weird fanfiction things that people write.
As soon as he catches on he starts to laugh too as we pull away, the moment takes me and I just scoop up some water in my hands and splash it at him, he looks shocked when the ice cold water hits him, but then a look of determination washes over him and he splashes me back. So I pounce on him and knock him backwards, water splashes over both him and I as I laugh the hardest I have in a while and roll off of him onto my back, letting the water surround me, I'm going to have a really bad cold after this "if we got arrested right now" I say as I stare up at the night stars and hold his hand under the water "it would be totally worth it" except we'd be taken to jail and the sun would have to eventually come up and turn the love of my life to dust.
Ahkmenrah grins as he sits up and smooths his wet hair down with his hands, then stands up and puts his hand out for me to take. He helps me up and I wipe my face with my dry wet coat sleeve, which I had thankfully left at the lions feet, I regret wearing so much makeup, I must look like a panda or a clown. Considering this moment will never happen again I take out my phone which was thankfully protected in my coat pocket, and take a selfie of us both, we both look like drowned rats and the fountain is clear behind us in the photo, at least I now have evidence if I ever tell anybody this story. The story about the single greatest moment of my entire life. Good god I love this man with all my soul.