HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!!!!!
Being in Paris was like floating on a cloud. It truly was overwhelming, the over all feeling of being in Paris gave you this hopeless romantic vibe. You feel like you'll never be able to let it go, like everything lasts forever. Having Justin's hand wrapped in mine, made me smile, just as it always had.
The overwhelmingly humbling feeling of having 2 heartbeats inside of me, made me think of the way i felt when i was carrying Isabella. She never seems to fade from my mind, so much has been going on lately. Escaping Ryan & Holly, Sam, Justin being in jail, the tour, the pregnancy, but no matter how much we have going on she always seems to wriggle into my mind. Wether it's before bed, when i'm struggling to fall asleep or wether it's when i'm just cracking my eyes open after waking up. Somedays when i'm walking down the street and i see a store with little baby clothes in it, or women walking down the street with their kids, it makes me think of her. I wanted to have a little girl and share an extremely close relationship with her. Go shopping, always be there for her, plan play dates for her and friends. But she never even got to take her first steps, or speak her first words.
I feel like me getting pregnant now is my second shot at a family. Justin and I are both growing up, soon it'll be time to settle down and take things a little easier. This is my chance at my future, starting a family and having a kid and a responsibility of our own.
It's ironic how far the relationship between Justin and I have came. If 2 years ago, when i first moved in with, Dad, Pattie and Justin, if i knew this is where i'd be to today, i probably would have called myself crazy. That spark, the first day Justin and I kissed, i felt like it would be one awkward expirience, it'd end after a week or so and then we'd go on living our lives as step brother and sister. Not on the verge of getting engaged, promising our love to each other.
The lights of the Eiffel Tower glowed in the dark sky. The sparkling lights glimmered, many different people were stopped to admire it's beauty. Justin smiled at me, and pulled on my arm. I followed him over closer to the tower.
"Justin, where are we going?"
After walking for another 2 minutes we came to a stop.
"I realized something today," He smiled, grabbing both of my hands, interlocking his fingers between mine.
I gleamed, "What did you realize?"
"We've been together for more than a year and half, and we never had our first dance before."
My heart fluttered. "Justin, are you serious?"
"Jess, you've always wanted to come to Paris, and we never had our first proper first dance as a couple before, trust me i'm more serious than i've ever been."
I bit my lip, smiling at the ground. "Alright, well let's dance." I nodded.
I brought myself closer to him, wrapped my arms around my neck and swayed with his body. All of a sudden, he started to sing quietly.
I immediately knew what song he was whispering into my ear. When we lived back at the house, before we even kissed for the first time, he used to sing it around the house all the time.
It's one of my favorite songs he's ever written. Fall.
I concentrate on rocking back n forth, picturing him playing his acoustic guitar on the front step.
He sang every note perfectly, the whole time i tried to hold the tears from escaping my eyes. It killed me softly, with every note he hit. I didn't care how many people were watching, this moment was too perfect to ever forget. The song was over and i pulled away, then leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. People around us began to clap and whistle, camera lights were flashing and all i could do was smile.
The rest of the night was spent walking around the streets of Paris, i really felt like i was a princess that just stepped into a Fairy Tale. How could i possibly end up getting so lucky, to be here standing with the guy i love, walking around the city of love.
~
2 weeks later:
Things are going perfectly, we're 1 month into the pregnancy. My little bump has yet to show, but i'm sure it will really soon.
Being on tour with Justin and without Sam, was 10 times more fun that i had expected. We're in a different city everyday, it's like getting paid to travel the world. What more could i possibly ask for?
I sat in the living room of the Hotel, waiting for Justin to return from the concert. I was feeling really under the weather today, so he suggested i stay home.
Soon enough he walked in through the door and came over to me as soon as his shoes were off. "How's my beautiful girl doing?" He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead. He sat down on the bottom of the couch, and placed my legs on his lap. He began to rub my slightly swollen feet. "I'm okay." I said, smiling.
"What have you been doing all night?" He asked, pressing on my foot, calming my body and relieving my feet from the pain.
"I tried to occupy myself but i don't know what's wrong with me. When i sit down, i feel like i need to stand up and when i do stand up i feel like i'm going to pass out."
"Babe, maybe we should go to a Hospital."
"No, no, please no Hospital." I answered.
"But, we should go just to be on the safe side."
"I hate the hospitals, i think i just need some rest."
"You want me to come in with you?" He asked, grabbing hold of my hands, helping me up off the couch.
"That'd be great."
We both walked into the small and cramped, but elegant hotel bedroom. My head was pounding, like someone had just slammed my head against a wall. I was dizzy and my cramps were nearly unbearable. I was too tired and in too much of a state to get into my pajamas or brush my teeth. I slipped off my jeans and crawled into bed, tucking myself under the thick covers. Within minutes, my body was completely down and then i quickly drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, i woke up hoping to feel better than i had last night. Thankfully i was, my headache and dizziness were gone and my cramps had settled. It is odd considering i had my period 2 weeks ago, it's too early for me to have it again. But, i don't want to mention this to Justin, it will freak him out too much. He'll worry to the point where he drives himself crazy.
I rolled over to see Justin, breathing softly against the pillow. He always looked perfect while he slept, even though that sounds super creepy, it's true. I'm always up before him lately, and watching him dream soundly is almost fun.
I tried to fall back asleep but i couldn't. I began to think about Isabella. Everything about her came back to my mind, things i had thought i almost forgot about. Like the day Ryan left her in the crib and basically kidnapped me, like getting the call from the Hospital, when she had passed. These were the bad memories about her, the ones that i hoped wouldn't overpower the first time she crawled, or the first time she had mumbled little noises, or seeing her smile for the first time. It was heartbreaking that she's not here today. I don't understand why it ended up this way considering she was a small kid, who never even got the chance to understand what life was, or what it was really like. I never even got the chance to meet her really, i don't know what her favorite color is or what her favorite TV show is. Tears filled my eyes and i wasn't sure if it was from thinking about Bella or the sudden extremely painful cramps.
I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up as quick as possible and when i did i looked down. There was red, all over the sheets. It caught me completely off guard, this never happened before. Not even when i was a kid. I hunched over in shock, the jabs of pain going into my side were overwhelming. Little beads of sweat dripped down my forehead and i felt weak.
"Justin," I cried.
I pressed my hands against my side, trying to somewhat relieve the pain.
"Justin, help me." I yelped in pain.
He rolled over and when he opened his eyes and processed what's going on, just from looking in front of him, he jumped up from the bed.
"Oh my god, what the hell happened?" He asked, looking scared as hell.
"I don't know." I cried.
He ran to my side, "Okay, we're getting you dressed and then we're going to the Hospital." He said, wrapping his arm around me, helping me over to the bathroom.
I managed to pull jeans up over my legs and then brush my teeth. I could care less of what my hair looked like, or if i wasn't wearing makeup, all i wanted to was to get to the Hospital and see what the hell was wrong with me.
I hopped in the back seat of the car, and laid down on the seats. I was in too much excruciating pain, i couldn't sit up straight. We arrived at the Hospital and Justin helped me into the emergency room entrance. People were staring at me, or maybe Justin. But all i could do was concentrate on keeping myself steady and not pass out. The pain was making me weak, i felt like i was going to pass out.
We got a small bed, with the only privacy being a curtain in the Emergency Room. At least it wasn't in the waiting room, i feel like i wouldn't last 2 seconds in that waiting room. Justin was holding my hand the whole time, he was nervous i could see it in his eyes.
"You'll be okay babe, don't worry." He said reassuringly, running his fingers through the strands of my hair.
I pointed my finger to him, hinting him to move closer. I kissed his lips, "I love you." I whispered, closing my eyes. I was tired, i felt weak and i felt like any minute my stomach was going to explode.
The curtain slightly flung open, "Jessica Rogers?"
Justin helped my sit up, supporting my body by wrapped his arm around my waist and allowing me to lean on his shoulder.
"I'm afraid we have some bad news." A woman doctor announced, placing a clipboard under her arm.
How's that for Chapter 1? Little bit on the not so happy beginning side, but i have plans for the book! Don't be disappointed :D
VOTE AND COMMENT AND KEEP THE MESSAGES COMING ILY GUYS