"And this," Cindy gestured to the door, "Will be your room."
She pushed open the door that led off from the darkened commons room.
She flicked on the lights and it illuminated a single white bed that was leveled with the floor, graffitied walled with curse words written in pen and scratched in, and a small three levels shelves built into the wall and a lockbox above it.
"Make yourself at home."
Ryan walked in, his arms crossed protectively across his chest.
The sound of a scraping chair caused him to jerk around and he found Cindy taking a seat in the doorway.
He looked at her in confusion, to which she whispered, "I'm your one-to-one until the morning shift, then Dave'll take over."
He tilted his head in what he hoped was a 'please explain' or at least a 'huh' gesture.
Cindy scooted forward more so the edge of the chair was partly in the doorframe.
"You probably don't know what that is, do you?"
Ryan shook his head 'no'.
"A one-to-one is a person who stays with arms length of you at all time until you're deemed safe enough. Everyone has a one-to-one when they first enter the hospital, save for some extremely special cases. You're on level orange until you're deemed safe enough. The levels are : red (a level you are put on if you try to harm yourself, others, or try to escape), Orange (basic safety concern and entry level), yellow (past entry level), green (dinning room privileges), and blue (privileged walks outside, best behavior, shows effort in getting better). You can have a one-to-one on any level, you can request one if you feel you can not be trusted to stay safe. However, you can not request to not have one, so sorry, but you're stuck with me 'till my shift ends." Cindy finished explaining.
Ryan paused before nodding his head in an 'okay' sort of gesture. He made his way over to the bed after turning the main light off. He sat on the bed, kicked off his shoes, and turned off the overhead bed light. He laid down and turned so he was facing the wall.
He covered his head.
"Ryan..." A voice called softly, and he heard footsteps approaching his bed. A hand nudged him, "Ryan, I'm sorry but you can't have your head covered."
Ryan pulled the blankets down off his face but didn't turn his head from facing the walls.
"Thank you." And the footsteps receded before the couch-like chair creaked.
He didn't get any sleep that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day he woke to a scream.
After taking a moment to realize he was startled awake, and therefore fell asleep at some point, he looked out of his room to spot a table covered in breakfast foods waiting where it had been hidden in the shadows the previous night.
A small group of kids were grouped around the table, some grabbing oatmeal packets and pouring hot water while others sat in silence, quietly munching on a bagel or banana.
A baritone voice cleared his throat, and Ryan turned his focus to the doorframe, or more importantly, the burly man sitting in Cindy's chair.
He offered Ryan a smile, "Good morning, would you like some breakfast?"
Ryan, who had sat up, shook his head no as he turned his legs off the side of the bed and stood, stretching before looking out his small window at the frosted ground.
Freedom
He turned away, only to look at the empty shelves where his clothes should've been.
He made a 'why' gesture with his hands before pointing at the empty shelves.
"Oh, you're that mute boy, aren't you. Well, kiddo, what do you need?" The man, Dave if Ryan was corrected, took a moment to follow the angle of Ryan's point, "Oh, your possessions? They're still being checked."
Ryan let out a silent huff as he flopped back down on the bed.
Two hours later, he heard door after door being closed.
"Ryan," A cheery head popped into the room and Ryan jumped, realizing this one was real.
"Ryan," The male repeated, " Are you gonna come out, sweetie?"
Ryan hesitantly shook his head 'no' and the man mock-pouted before smiling once more, "You sure? We're doing group."
Ryan squinted at his bed. Group? What in the world was group?
Five minutes and a lot of persuasion later, and a semi-curious Ryan made his way out and sat in the chair closest to his room, one in the back row away from the rowdy kids.
Two kids were play-fighting outside the commons room and- oh, that was an actual blow. Never mind, it's a real fight.
Another boy, this one inside the common room, or 'pod' as the staff were so fond of calling it, ran around the room as some girls chatted with a young boy sitting in a chair in irritable silence and another girl sitting on the floor.
That's when a final girl caught his eye, she was arguing with a staff member over taking juice back to her room and it looked like the staff was this close to giving in when a final door slammed shut and the cheery man sashayed back into the room and stood in front of the group.
"That's right, everyone! Gather round! Lillian, sit down!"
The girl, Lillian, grabbed a juice container out of the staff's hands and plopped down on the floor where she was standing, her back to the man speaking.
"Lillian~" The man all but sang, "Turn around~"
The girl huffed but did as instructed, catching Ryan's eye as she spun. He titled his head to the side but, as always, remained silent.
"Good morning everyone! For those new faces in the crowd-" At this everyone began looking back and forth and Ryan shrunk away, "My name is Alex and I'll be your instructor today!"
The man, Alex, clasped his hands together tightly, "Today, since it's the weekend and you don't have school, is a movie day! We'll go to gym after lunch, m'kay? Kay. Good. Now that announcements are over, time to list your goals for the day. When I call your name come up to the front and get your paper, you know the drill!" He clapped once and began listing names.
By the time he got to Ryan's name, everyone had already gotten their papers, "Ryan? Ryan, are you out here? Ryan~ oh, there you are!"
He happily handed the paper to Ryan who took it without a word before looking it over, looking at Alex, looking back at the paper and making a 'What do I do with this?' face.
"Oh sweetie, that's your goal sheet. You fill out the goals you'd like to accomplish by the end of today, or even by the end of your stay, and write them down and at the end of the day we share what we've accomplished and how we plan to move forward with what we haven't accomplished." Alex explained.
Ryan glared at the paper before walking back to his room and attempting to close the door only for Dave to stop him.
"Sorry Ryan, no can do. I can only close the door if you're changing, and even then I have to be present."
Ryan sighed before gesturing like he was writing. It took Dave a minute before he recognized that Ryan was asking for a writing utensil.
He called for another staff member to unlock a supply closet and grab Ryan a pencil. The person returned with a bright pink marker that Ryan stared at.
Then glared at.
Then threw against the wall.
Okay, so maybe not that last one. But seriously, pink? Of all the colors they just had to grab pink? I mean, no offense against pink but really, it's hideous!
Ryan let out a long breath before getting to work. Sooner he started, sooner he finished.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. He sat on the floor of the doorframe of his room to 'watch' the movies, occasionally disappearing back into the room to graffiti his hand with the accursed marker. It didn't work very well.
It was the second day before anyone really acknowledged his existence.
He was hidden away in his room, just waiting for a change of clothes and a toothbrush, when Lillian appeared in his doorframe, "You should join group," She encouraged roughly.
He shook his head no.
She frowned, leaning against the doorframe, "Why not? You're not scared are you? Cause let me let you in on a little secret, they're all idiots here," She stage whispered the last part.
"Lillian!" Ryan's new one-to-one, Becky, exclaimed, "That's enough, out of the doorway. You wouldn't want Ryan in your room, would you."
"Why yes, I would," Lillian flounced before turning back to Ryan, ignoring the squawking of Becky, "You're different. I like that." And with that she was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day his clothes finally arrived. And with that, the sweet relief of a shower, or so he thought.
"We're going to need a member of the male staff for a shower, please."
What on Earth...
That's right, you heard me, a one-to-one had to wait in the bathroom while Ryan showered using paper medicine cups filled with shampoo and body wash.
Awkwardness was the least of his worried when it came time to dry off and he was handed two hand towels. Oh joy...
Still, he was clean, which was more to than what could've been said yesterday.
After hopping on one foot in an attempt to get his shoelace-less sneakers to keep traction on the wet floor, Ryan quickly brushed his teeth and exited the bathroom only to find chaos.
"Get back in the bathroom, now!"
And with that, Ryan and his temporary one-to-one, Paul, were shoved in the tight containment unit that was the unisex bathroom.
Using the steam still fresh on the mirror, Ryan wrote with his fingers 'What's going on?'
Paul sighed, "Trevor. He gets like this sometimes, and I guess he somehow got ahold of a plastic knife."
And that's how the two ended up sitting on the damp bathroom floor for half an hour before someone found them next time a patient had to use the bathroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visiting hours were the best and the worst.
Best because you were finally reunited with your family, even if it was only for a chunked timeframe.
And worst because you knew it all had to end and you would have to face reality soon enough.
Every time his family visited, it always ended in tears. Grace and Mark's primarily, for they didn't see Ryan when he curled up into a ball on his bed, sobbing after they left and praying time would skip so he could seem them again.
Luckily enough, he almost always missed group because of the visiting hours, but the few times he did have to go, it just confirmed he would have to stay longer seeing as he was still refusing to speak.
He would write, he would gesture, heck he even got one of the other staff members to understand his own 'language' enough to be an interpreter, but the simple fact was he just wasn't going to be allowed to leave until he spoke.
And then came schooling.
Ah yes, the wonderfulness that is education continues in the hospital, only it's done via online or worksheets. Everyone works. Everyone.
Unless, of course, you had a substitute like Mr.C.W. who spent the whole hour and fifteen minutes talking about his time in the war, only to start the story over again the next day as if he had never met you.
And after that was group therapy, where they spent the next hour and fifteen minutes talking about coping skills while kids pretended to shoot each other, threatened to take away their toys, and found packets of sugar to snort when the therapist wasn't looking.
Then came sweet relief. Individual therapy that could take place at any time. It was hit and miss, you rarely knew when your next appointment was seeing as the charts were always changing.
Individual therapy... it actually gave him some hope for getting out on his own terms. His therapist even made sure to accompany him to the psychiatrist office so Ryan didn't have to re-write everything on his whiteboard (which his therapist had given him as a gift to borrow during his stay.)
Life was okay.
It wasn't good.
But it wasn't necessarily bad, per-say.
That was until the day he was taken off of his one-to-one and moved to green.
Green meaning the lunch room.
Oh, well it's his first time. What's the worst that could happen?
So Ryan hesitantly makes his way to the end of the line and makes his way to the cafeteria.
He's the last to grab lunch, and the last to grab a seat by default.
Which means, drum roll please, he had to sit by himself while everyone else sat at one long table.
Ah yes, the joys of isolation.
He never missed his friends, his family, as much as he did in that instant.
Still, he went on with life. It was his game. Do his best to get better, take his medication, and take on his surroundings.
The number of times he woke to screaming... The number of times a movie was cut short so they could evacuate... The one time a boy almost died because he refused to eat... it was crazy. But then again what mental asylum wasn't?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll just end this here for now. It's called game because at this point life is a game for Ryan and each day is a new level leading up to the boss battle. Wonder what that'll be... *grins evilly*
So this is mostly factual, only I wasn't mute when I went into the hospital. I mean, at times I was and I just sat on the floor of my room and wrote but other than that I could handle talking in small quantities. What I'm trying to say is just because Ryan is mute at this point doesn't mean I was so please don't worry, I just wanted to give an accurate representation of what hospital life is like so I decided to write this based on my experiences.
Please keep in mind I'm try to cram a week and a half long of events into one chapter, so this'll definitely be something.
Also yes, someone really did bring me a pink marker when I requested a writing utensil. Still better than the oil pastels I spent the first half of the week writing with...
Really hard to write this listening to Markiplier's "B!tch I'm fabulous!"
Everything from this point on in the arc is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL. Please, please, please keep that in mind.
Wow this has been random and I'm sure it seems like a bunch of random scenes stitched together, probably because it kinda was. I took the most prominent memories I have and did my best to include them.
Did I fail? Yes. Should I have picked up a book on parenting? Probably...! Where was I going with this? I had a point.
(Sorry, Big Hero 6, I couldn't resist.)
Either way, thanks for reading, please ask questions, and don't forget to live life and love PINEAPPLES!!!