Chapter #38- The Art of Breaking a Heart.
ALPHA ULYSSES' POV
(Edited- 22/05/2017)
She is sitting on my lap, her back leaned is my front as she faces away from me.
As much as it is a torture for me to sit like this- naked- I have to.
Maybe she will be so distracted by my clothlessness that she won't get angry at me. That she'll think what I did isn't as bad as it really is.
Maybe if she won't see the pain in my eyes, she'll think it was all okay to me. And feel okay too....
Okay the last thought is bullshit.
She cannot think what happened that night was okay.
I won't let her.
Wait.
How did she get back the memories anyway?!
"You know Alpha, it's getting late... so if you don't want to tell your story, I can let it slide" She says thoughtfully and I jump at the opportunity.
"Really?!"
"Bullshit" She snorts and I feel my cheeks flame. "Get started with the story already, Mate. We have to play games too..."
I bet once I am done with the story the only game she'd want to play will be 'Let's kill Ulysses'.
"Fine. Your rules apply to this story too. You interrupt and I won't continue" I hope she interrupts....
"So original. Why can't you come up with your own rules, Alpha?" She sneers and I cringe. Not at the sneer, but at the way she calls me 'Alpha'. With a sarcastic tinge to her voice.
"But-"
"Whatever. Just get done with the story. The suspense is killing me" I growl at that and she chuckles. How can she talk about Death and Herself in one sentence? Does she never stop to think how much it will affect me too? I will.... I don't know what I will do without her. Probably go rogue.
"Just get started, Alpha" She is impatient now and is starting to turn my way, but I put my hands around her face to limit their movement.
These sparks are gonna be the death of me....
"What the fu-"
"You promised you won't turn around" I hiss in her ear, still reeling from the sparks that crawled on me out of nowhere.
"Your member down south is kinda digging in my butt" She says in a whisper and damn it, I feel my cheeks colour all the more.
"Do you want me to share the memory or nah?" I act like I didn't hear her comment.
"Without further ado, yeah" She sighs and wiggling her bottom once more, she leans into me.
I almost let out a groan.
"Till where do you remember that episode?" I ask, unsure where I should begin from.
"I recollected it till the part I told you that I thought you were my Mate" She says quietly.
"Oh...." I am glad she is facing away from me, so that she cannot see the panic on my face.
I literally have to jump the gun now, because that is exactly the point in that memory where things had hone downhill.
"Wait. Before you start, I have a couple of questions" She rushes out, turning to face me.
Her face is so close to me that my senses are not quite up to the mark. I take a second to collect myself, and then another one to remember what she had said and then let out a sigh.
"Do you have to?" I ask with narrowed eyes, trying to make it seem like I am not quite willing to answer her questions. The truth is, she can ask as many as she'd like, if she just keeps looking at me with those amber eyes of hers.
"I'll die out of curiosity if I don't" Her nose wrinkles and even though I know she is not serious, I feel like I have been sucker punched. Just like I always feel whenever she and death are mentioned in the same sentence.
I let out a low breath to calm my beating heart and then nod.
"At the lake, when you first sat down beside me, you said that you couldn't come home for my birthday because you were busy with training. Were you really busy?" She is looking at me with hopeful eyes and I suck in a sharp breath, suddenly wishing her eyes were anywhere, but on me.
I gulp and break eye contact with her.
"Mate..."
"Sugar" She provides.
"Huh?" I am confused.
"That's what you used to call me before" My heart feels like it is clenching just by hearing her say that.
"Hmm" I humm and try to ignore the lump in my throat.
"I want you to call me Sugar from now on" She says it so innocently that my heart can't take it. She won't be saying that once I am done sharing the full memory with her.
Even the thought wants me to dig myself a grave.
"Sugar" I have not used this term as an endearment for 15 years.
15 long and lonely years.
Her lips pull in a satisfied smile and I want to peek in her head, just a little, to get a gist of what she is feeling. What she is thinking.
But it's risky, and I know that.
If I lower the wall that I have built between the two of us, she'll be able to see what is going on in my head. She'll be able to see things that I don't want her to see until she is out of her Heat so that they don't cloud her judgement.
"I like the sound of it" She grins and reaching forward, she pecks me on the lips swiftly.
A million sparks light up at the small contact of our lips, and they don't just light up on my skin, but in me too.
I groan, my head spinning and push her face away from me, so that I can think straight.
"Ouch" she fakes.
"Let's get started with the story, Mate"
"Sugar"
"Sugar" I grit out, ignoring the warm feeling in my chest.
"You didn't answer my question yet" she points out.
I don't even bother lying, even though I know that the truth is going to hurt her.
"No, I wasn't busy" I see the hurt on her face but I don't bother ellaborating my answer for her.
"oh" She turns to face forward, her body now tense and not leaning into me.
I want to be pissed, want to apologise, but what do I do instead?
I start reciting the damned memory to her, knowing that this certain memory is going to take her away from me. Even if it is just a little.
_____
I remember being so damn pissed after she had told me she 'thought' she had found her Mate.
Asher wanted to come out and tear that asshole she 'thought' to be her Mate into pieces, and as she guided me towards the Hub, I was contemplating whether I should take him up on his offer.
I was so busy trying to control my anger that I didn't even notice I was standing in front of the mirror until she told me that the boy in the mirror was her mate.
I looked up with an intention to maim, to kill, but when I realized that the reflection I was staring at was my own, I felt like I was on cloud infinity, and just as quickly, I felt like I was falling back on the ground.
The euphoria faded away, and I felt like I was sucker punched.
The part of me that was super protective of her was throwing a party, and the other part, the one that was a realist and knew that we had fucked up big time, was.... well he was silent.
"I think you are my Mate, Spice" she had muttered with such innocent excitement that I knew I had messed up.
I should never have befriended her.
I should have kept my distance, should have been satisfied with keeping an eye on her from a distance, but I hadn't.
I had gone against my better judgement and done all the things my Dad had warned me against.
Making up my mind that it was not too late, I decided to put an end to it all. Now.
I laughed.
I laughed like it was the funniest thing in the whole damn world, that she should think that I was her Mate. Though my laughter was fake, I knew she was embarrased. And disappointed. And upset.
"Sugar..." I said in between bouts of fake laughter as I clutched a hand against my stomach, and bowed down, to avoid looking in her eyes.
"This is the funniest thing I have ever heard" I said once I pretended to calm down.
"I wasn't trying to be funny" She said in a small voice, her words wobbly.
"Oh...." I had thought that she would have given up... would have made it easier by just laughing it off with me, but apparently, she wasn't going to co-operate.
"I really think you are my Mate, Spice" she was staring at me with those amber eyes I was in love with.
"Why?" I croaked out.
"Because you look at me like my Daddy looks at my Ma" she said it like it was obvious.
"No, Sugar, I look at you like Hayden does" I assured her, and it was partially true.
Hayden loved her more than anyone else, just like me.
The only difference was, he loved her like his sister and I loved her like my Mate.
"But I look at you like Ma looks at Daddy" she argues and again protective Ulysses starts partying.
"You should not, Sugar" I hiss out, the words leaving a sour taste in my mouth.
"But-"
I knew she wasn't going to give up, she was a brat that way, so I steeled my resolve, and lied through my teeth.
"I have a Mate, a Mate I love very much" and cue the tears in her eyes.
I didn't give up though, I knew this charade had to end right here, so I continued, "She is a blonde, unlike you, with the most beautiful hair in the world" Drop, fell a tear from her eyes. But I continued to describe the imaginary girl with all the traits my Sugar didn't have.
"She has a great tan, and her complexion is perfect" Another drop.
"She has the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen" Drop.
"She is the most perfect girl" Yeah, she was perfect alright, my imaginary Mate. Perfect because she was not real.
"She is nothing like you" Okay, I had crossed a line with that sentence, her face said it all. But damn it. I couldn't take it back now.
"Why are you crying, Sugar?" The thirteen year old me had the balls to ask as he wiped away her tears.
She moved away from my touch, and then gave a wobbly smile.
"Don't call me Sugar from now on, Ul-lyss-es" She couldn't even pronounce my name back then. I think it was the first time she had called me by my birth name. She usually stuck with Lys or Spice.
I hadn't exected that.
"If I were your Mate, Lys, I would kill any girl you gave a nickname to, so I am going to imagine my future Luna will be the same. And out of respect to her, I will never call you 'Spice'" She smiled brightly, her words cutting me.
"Sugar..."
"No Lys" She glared at me, warning me.
I hated that I backed away.
Hated that I had lied to her.
Hated that fucking day itself.
Because after that day, no one ever called me Spice.
She started locking her windows at night, so that I couldn't sneak in, and even though I slept on her balcony every night that summer, I made sure that she never caught me.
She started keeping her distance from me, going out of her way to avoid me, but I could deal with all of that.
I could deal with her ignoring me.
But what I couldn't deal with was the fact that she cried too. A lot.
At night. In the afternoons. Whenever she thought she was alone, she cried her little heart out.
And seeing her cry broke me each and every time.
That damned day was the day I regretted the most in my life. If anyone ever asked me if I could go back in time and change one thing, it would probably be that day.
I know that what I did was for her own good, but seeing her upset always made me think that maybe I should have done it differently. Let her down slowly or something.....
The urge to go and apologize, to try and get her to befriend me again was so so strong.
But I always reminded myself, that crying is better than dying.
_____
I open my eyes once I feel my Mate's weight shift off my lap.
"Mate..." I call out to her when I see her walking away from me.
She doesn't stop, and my heart is beating faster now. So damn fast.
"MATE!" I get on my feet and start running after her, trying to get her to stop.
"Mate!" I huff, as I catch up to her.
"Yes, Alpha?" Her voice is tight.
"Why'd you leave so suddenly, Sugar?" I can't see her face but her body language speaks in volumes. She doesn't want me to call her Sugar anymore.
"It's getting late" Liar, I almost accuse
"I thought you wanted to play games once we were done swapping stories" I vaguely remember her being excited about the prospect of us playing.
"I feel tired, and I want to rest up before the run"
I grab her hand and turn her to face me, "Bull-" my words die in my throat when I see the tears falling down her cheeks, a feeling of deja vu washes over me.
I have managed yo break her heart again.
)': :'(
This was the third last chapter of Part 1 of Hey, Mate!
Don't fret people, I am not making a new book or anything, because Part 2 will be continued in this book only.
The Pack Run will mark the end of part one....
Wait. Hold on.
Be honest.
Do you guys really like this book? Or are you all just awfully nice and humoring me? 😯
Tell me the truth wolves!
And if you do like this book (which is kinda hard for me to believe) tell me what is your favorite part until now. Yes? Pleaseeee.
I love you all to the Moon and Back.
#Peace
-N.
P.S. I cannot believe this story has almost 3K votes. ASDFGHJKLMNBVCXZQWRTTYUIOP
P.P.S. yeah. I've lost it.