hey guys, I proudly present you my first Slipknot fanfic ever. It's a oneshot describing Corey's thoughts while shooting the music video for Snuff. Of course, this is what my head made of it (watch the making of on youtube if you haven't so far!!!), Corey never said, about who Snuff really was written.
I hope, you enjoy it - leave a review if so!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Corey's POV*
"Hey Corey, are you ready?", Clown asked as I entered the room.
To be honest, I wasn't quite sure, if I was ready. We were shooting the music video for Snuff today and I just read the concept for the video. It was a cool idea, for sure...but I was afraid of it. What, if I got too emotional again? I didn't want to cry or freak out in front of the whole film team...
"Okay, first we're shooting you standing in the hallway and following Ashley to her flat, Malcolm is watching you. Then we've got the scenes, where you're alone in the apartment, the crossdressing part will be at the end of today. You ready?"
I silently nodded, "c'mon Corey, just do it", I said to myself.
I followed the crew members to the studio where they'd built the front door and the hallway. The two other actors – professionals – were already there.
"Hey, I'm Corey", I smiled and waved my hand.
"Malcolm, nice to meet you. This is Ashley.", the elderly man said.
We shook hands, the woman gave me a friendly hug.
"Okay guys, camera's rolling. Corey, you're standing outside of the building, Ashley just entered. Malcolm, you're watching the screens, ready to open the door. Let's go.", Clown shouted.
We all went to our places, they playback started and I rang on the door. I tried to ignore the music and forget about the lyrics, I just focused on the role I had to play.
Malcolm opened the door for me and watched me walking down the hallway. I shortly smiled at him before I looked down again. Ashley just entered the last door on the left and closed the door behind herself. A camera man came closer to my face, I bit on my lips and went to the door she just closed.
"Great Corey, great. Now fight with yourself, if you ring or not!", PR, the other director shouted.
I put my hand on the door, just as I wanted to knock, then hesitated. My hand was resting on the door now, the other one in my trouser pocket.
"Put your head on the door, Corey. I need more emotions, you're desperate. You want to see her!"
Why her...who even had the idea, that this song necessary needed to be about a woman? Okay, I was drifting away, I needed to ban these thoughts.
Just as PR said, I put my head against the door and let out a sigh. I stayed in that position for some seconds, before I turned around.
"Fuck it", I murmured and went down the hallway to "my" apartment door.
"Cut! Good job, Corey. Can we just do the scene again, where you're close to knocking? I need so see your face. Put the hat a bit back, I only see shadows in the camera!", Clown said.
I did so, went back to the door as the playback started. I tried to fake the emotions they wanted to see.
"And cut! Way better Corey. Now, go to your apartment. You need to get the feeling, okay? You're realizing, that she's gone, you can't get her back. You're alone now."
Hell yes, I was...and the person, the song was about, was truly gone. Forever.
"Come on, Corey. Please hurry a bit. There's a lot of stuff left to do.", PR muttered.
"Sure", I whispered, putting my hat deeper into my face again, as I opened the door to my apartment.
"Rolling camera, aaaand playback!", an assistant shouted and Snuff was on the speakers again.
Now, I didn't had to fake anything anymore. The feeling of coming home into a dark and cold flat was more than familiar to me. I turned on the lights, took off my shoes and slowly went to the living room. I sat down on the couch and looked out of the window. They simulated rain outside, it strengthened my melancholic emotions.
"Okay, looks good Corey. Now, go to the kitchen and make yourself a drink", Clown said through the speakers.
As I walked to the kitchen, I just had to sing along to Snuff.
"My smile was taken long ago if I can change I hope I'll never know", I whispered.
"Amazing idea, Corey. Lipsyncing the song. Looks fantastic."
I arrived at the fridge, opened it and took the bottle out. I hoped, it was filled with real alcohol and not just colored water.
I grabbed the glass from the table as I noticed the paper that was put on it.
"Grab the paper, read it over and over again. You can't believe, what's written on it."
I did as they wanted me to, even if there was only nonsense written on the sheet. But you didn't see that in the camera. They just filmed my face, as I was pretending to read.
I threw the paper away, poured the whiskey (at least it smelled like whiskey) into my glass and took a sip. Then I put the glass back on the table, the music got louder.
"Corey, I need emotions! You're desperate, you're thinking about your life, maybe even about leaving. Show me something."
I did nothing and just starred on my hands. I felt paralyzed, couldn't concentrate on what I was doing here.
"CUT!", somebody yelled.
"Jesus Christ, Corey. Please focus! Ashley and Malcolm would do a depressive scene in minutes. I know you can do it, just don't act like a dick!", RP shouted at me.
"You're a dick yourself!", I murmured, luckily he didn't hear it.
"Scream, cry, break the glass. But do something!"
Clown didn't say a word, he just looked at me as if he worried about something.
"Rolling camera, playback. And action!"
The music was turned on, I heard myself singing through the speakers.
"I only wish you weren't my friend, then I could hurt you in the end", speaker-me sang.
I grabbed the glass with both hands as strong as I could. It broke, the whiskey spurted all over the table. I felt my hand starting to bleed, cause I pressed it way too hard, got shatters in my skin.
"NO!", I screamed and I felt myself losing control. "WHY? WHY ARE YOU GONE?!", I shouted all over the place.
I pushed the glass down from the table, hit the table with my bleeding hand leaving red traces on the wood. Then I just put my head down into my hands, as I felt the tears coming up.
"Why...please tell me why...", I sobbed.
I didn't think about the playback on the speakers. I didn't think about all the cameras. I didn't know, I was in a video shoot anymore.
Cause it was too real. He was gone. And he'd never be back until I would follow him.
The tears were now streaming down my face, then I heard somebody clapping.
"Cut! Corey, dude! That was great! Amazing emotions, the screaming even the crying!", someone said, I couldn't think about who it was.
Then, I felt a hand on my back.
"Corey? Are you okay?", it was Clown.
I couldn't answer him, still the tears were unstoppable running down my cheeks.
"Okay, we're having a break. Everybody leaves the room please!", he said, I heard people moving.
"Corey? Please look at me, we're alone now. You don't have to hide your tears."
I slowly let my hands sink down and lifted up my head.
"I'm sorry...", I whispered, but Clown shook his head.
"No, Corey. I am sorry. I thought this video would be a good idea, so you could finally close this chapter of your life. But it looks like I opened up old wounds..."
He gently rubbed my back, trying to calm me down.
"It was just a bit too much, it's gonna be okay", I murmured.
"You need some time, before we go on?", he silently asked.
I nodded.
"Just a few minutes, if it's okay."
"Sure. Can I do anything else for you?"
I smiled.
"Hug me?"
He smiled too.
"Of course...and Corey? I'm proud of you, after all. You're the strongest person I know."
I just said nothing and enjoyed his tight hug. We held it a while until I let go.
"Let's finish this god damn video", I said, my voice was still shaking.
"That's my Corey", Clown grinned, "you can do that! But let somebody take a look on your hands. The shatters are deep into it and if you haven't noticed so far: you're bleeding like hell!"
I looked down on my hands and just realized, that he was right, though I wasn't feeling any pain. So I followed him outside of the apartment, people were running around, it looked like they were shooting another scene with Ashley.
"Mr. Taylor?", a young girl from the crew asked me, "would you mind following me to the make-section? We need you to get ready for the crossdressing scene."
I followed her, as Clown held me back.
"Just a second, Kensie", he said to the girl, "Corey, you're hella pale. Have you eaten today?"
I shook my head.
"At least drink a coke, I will bring you one into the make-up. I don't want you to collapse during shooting, okay?"
"Your worries are just too cute", I smiled.
"No, seriously. Now, go with Kensie, I'll be back in a minute."
I nodded and went with the girl into another, very calm room and she did my make-up. Mascara, eye shadow and nail polish...to be honest I felt really girly.
"Can I take a look at your hands for a second?", the girl asked.
I nodded and she cleaned them, took the worst shatters out and put some bandages on.
"Corey?", Clown asked, handing me a coke, "drink that, please."
I did so and finished it just before they put some lip gloss on.
"Okay, now I'll lead you to the clothing section, Hannah will wait there for you.", the girl named Kensie said and together we left the room again.
We went to another room, I put on the clothes and shoes and left the room again.
Then we shoot the other scenes, just mechanically I followed the orders of the two directors. But they seemed happy with it, PR said he wanted me to act like a doll and that was pretty much, what I was doing.
I couldn't forget my emotional breakdown in the kitchen, and I would never forget the reason for this breakdown, the reason for this song.
The filming went into late that night, we had to redo a few scenes. I was just happy, that the scene where I was alone was wrapped. I wouldn't be able to do this again tonight.
"Okay, everybody, that's done. Please cheer up for Ashley, Malcolm and Mister Corey Taylor, everybody!", PR shouted and they all applauded and cheered for us.
But I reached the point, where I just wanted to go home.
"Can I go change my clothes?", I asked Clown and he nodded.
I went back to the dressing room, put my shirt from the shooting into my bag pack, took of the dress and grabbed my sweatshirt and put it on. Then I put on my pants as well and felt immediately way more comfortable. I heard something entering the room and quickly turned around.
"Whoa, Corey, chill. It's just me", Clown laughed, "are you going home?"
I nodded.
"Okay, they parked your car on the backyard. But man, be honest: are you okay when you're at home now? I don't want you to do anything stupid, you got that?"
I nodded again.
"Look, I'll just go home, listen to some music and then it'll be better. I'm not in the perfect mood, but I'll be okay. Promise.", I smiled.
Clown hugged me tight.
"Call me, if you need someone."
"Will do", I said, grabbed my stuff and left the room.
"And Corey?"
I turned around.
"Eat something. You're not really looking healthy."
"Okay, mummy", I laughed and left the studios.
I quickly found my Ford, put my stuff in the trunk and got into the car. I started it, left the studio area and made my way to the highway leading to my home. It wasn't really far away, but it seemed to take me an eternity to arrive at my place. When I finally turned off the car and opened my door, I just felt like into the video again.
It was cold and dark in the hallway. I turned on the lights, took off my shoes and slowly went to the living room. I sat down on the couch and looked out of the window. Now, it was really raining outside. A picture on the table caught my eye. It showed Paul and me, a couple months ago.
Again, tears entered my eyes. But now, I let them out. I was all alone and didn't need to be ashamed for my tears.
"So save your breath I will not care, I think I made it very clear. You couldn't hate enough to love, is that supposed to be enough?", I sang with my voice rusty cause of all the tears.
"I only wish you weren't my friend, then I could hurt you in the end. I never claimed to be a saint. Ooh, my own was banished long ago, it took the death of hope to let you go."
I couldn't go on singing anymore, the tears made it impossible to breathe properly.
"Why?", I sobbed, "why did you have to leave so early..."
And I thought again about the video shoot today. To me, it still seemed wrong, that Ashley was into it. Surely, she was a great actress, a very attractive woman as well.
But the song just wasn't about a woman.
It is written about a guy, I loved with all of my heart. I still do. He helped me through my hard times, supported me becoming clean and always helped me up. He used to be my best friend, but after my fiancée left me, I wanted to speak to him. Tell him my feelings.
"I will always love you...", I whispered.
But I never came that far, because he just left me. And I would never have the possibility to apologize for me being such a dick often times. I would never be able to tell him, how much I loved him and what he really meant to be
Because Snuff was written for Paul Gray, who passed away on 24 May 2010. May he rest in piece.