Jason Taylor
It has been been two days since I last saw Haley and it is safe to say that I miss her. A lot!
Nothing can cheer me up and every time when I think about the betrayed look in her eyes I hate myself a little bit more.
I am miserable without her. It is like Haley is the sun in my life and without her everything good is gone.
Today is thursday and Laura told Chase, who told me, that she will go over to Haley's today.
I am glad that her fever seems to be gone and that Laura is there for her, but I wonder if Haley has already read my letter.
Did Matt give it to her? However, I am pretty sure that Matt kept his promise so I think there are two options.
Option one: Haley has the letter, but has not read it yet and maybe she does not plan to.
Option two: Haley has read the letter, but it did not help my cause at all and she never wants to speak with me again.
Chase told me that there maybe a third option, in which Haley read the letter and just needs time to sort everything out, but I seriously doubt it.
At first I tried to be hopeful, but after two days my hope vanished and I am not sure what to do anymore.
Should I call Haley? I do not want to bother or pressure her, but I definitely want to hear her soft voice again.
I miss everything about her!
I cannot pay attention in school, because my thoughts always circle around Haley and so I decide to give myself a deadline.
If Haley does not contact me by 7 pm tonight, I am going to text or call her.
Although I want to give her the time she needs, I just want to know where I am standing.
Even if Haley does not want to see me ever again, I plan to fight for her. I know that she and our relationship are worth this, I just hope that I can convince Haley as well.
Fortunately we have football practice today, because our usual practice tomorrow is canceled due to the holiday. Football is the only thing that seems to distract me from my problems and I am glad that it also works today.
In the dressing room I notice Chase check his phone. I really want to know if Laura texted him and if he knows anything about Haley, but I refrain.
Still I keep staring at him until Chase turns to face me.
At first his eyes widen when he catches me staring at me, but then his face softens.
Chase knows exactly how miserable I have been the last few days and I am really gratefull that he tried to cheer me up several times. He also spend more time at home and I really appreciate his afford.
"Laura's at Haley's right now, but we're going out tonight.", he tells me and I nod my head.
I do not know if that is a good thing, because it could either mean that Haley's and Laura's conversation went good, meaning Haley will contact me, or it went bad, because they both decided it would be the best thing if Haley never speaks to me again.
My shoulders fall at the prospect of never feeling Haley's touch again.
Gloomily I make my way together with Chase to my car and we drive home.
"I'm sorry if Laura was mad at you as well.", I tell him after we climbed into my car.
Chase rolls his eyes and replies: "She was at first, but Laura soon realized that she'd probably handle this situation the same way if you and Haley's roles were reversed."
I nod my head at him, glad that at least one of us has a girlfriend, who is not mad at the moment.
It then strikes me that Haley is probably not my girlfriend anymore and I tighten my hold on the steering wheel. My heart hurts when I think about Haley in somebody elses arms.
How could I have been so stupid and ruin everything?
We arrive at home and Chase walks upstairs to get ready for his date with Laura while I slump into a kitchen chair with a sandwich.
My mom enters the kitchen and admonishes me for eating a sandwich before dinner.
"You'll just spoil your appetite.", she says and starts to prepare dinner.
When she realizes I am not going to argue with her, like I usually do mom takes a seat on the kitchen table as well.
"What's wrong Jason? And don't say nothing, because I realize in what a bad mood you're in since monday.", mom tells me seriously.
I sigh and let my gaze lower onto my sandwich.
"I kept something from Haley.", I admit and my mother instantly wants to know what.
So I explain to her what happened and my mom does not Interrupt me once.
"Okay, I get it.", she says after I am finished and I sigh.
"I'd be mad as well Jason, but I think Haley will realize that you just meant to protect her.", mom encourages me and I admit: "I did at first, but after, I thought that maybe Haley would've a hard time trusting boys again. I was purely selfish!"
My mom nods her head and replies: "I get what you mean, but I think Haley will be able to put herself in your shoes and she 'll realize that she'd probably do the exact same thing."
I nod my head at her, but I am still unconvinced.
"Even if Haley can't, I'm sure she'll listen to your side as well. That's just the person she is.", mom tells me softly.
"But I didn't give her any reasons to listen to me now.", I tell her frustrated, but my mom has a different view.
"Other than that you were always honest with her Jason and that's worth a lot."
I nod my head and my mom senses that I am finished talking and want to be left alone.
I walk upstairs into my room and try to concentrate on my homework, but I need ten times longer for the most simple exercises.
When my mom calls me for dinner I decide to give up and shove my homework from the table.
Dinner is spent in silence and I am glad, because I am not in the mood to talk.
My mom fortunately does not do anything to interrupt the silence and when we are finished she tells me to go upstairs again and that I do not have to help her today.
I do as she says and let myself fall onto my bed.
I close my eyes and think about Haley again.
Suddenly I realize that it must be several minutes after 7 and I rush to my phone only to see a message from Haley.
My hearts starts to race and my hands begin to sweat.
I breath in deeply before I open her text.
I'm sorry for just texting you now!
I got your letter and I needed time to think. Thank you for the letter and giving me time.
Do you have any plans for tomorrow? I'd like to talk with you
I never knew relief could be this sweet. The moment I realize Haley is practically giving me another chance and wants to listen to my part of the story I am over the moon.
However, I then realize that Haley's sentence "I would like to talk" could also mean that she wants to break up with me.
At least I get to see Haley again and I know she actually gives me a chance to hear me out.
I cannot blew this!
Instantly I type a response.
You're very welcome and to be honest I wanted to text you today...I set myself a deadline
We can talk tomorrow whenever and whereever you want!
I place my phone on my bedside so that I will hear it when receiving a message and turn on the TV.
I know that I will not be able to concentrate on anything else tonight, so watching TV is the best thing to do.
My phone dings again and immediately I swipe to open Haley's text.
Still, thank you!
How about 1 pm, my house, my parents and Matt will be at a friend's house.
It could be a good sign that Haley wants to meet me at her house, but I do not want to get my hopes up.
I reply:
I'll be there! x
Maybe the kiss was too much, but I just miss her so much and I want Haley to know that I am not giving up on us.
Haley does not respond to my message, but honestly I did not think she would.
Sleep does not come easy tonight, because I am busy preparing myself for tomorrow's talk.
I will just have this one chance left to convince Haley that I am still good for her. Honestly I doubt that anyone on this planet deserves her, but I am willing to try my very best for her everyday.
With Haley on my mind I finally fall asleep.
* * * * * * * * * * *
On the next morning I try to keep myself busy with homework and studying.
On the one side I really want it be 1 pm already, but on the other side I get sick just thinking about it.
What if Haley does not understand why I did it? Or what if she does, but she cannot stand it?
Frustrated with my negative thoughts I take a shower and somehow I feel a little bit better after it.
I manage to eat a sandwich although my stomach is tied in knots and when it is a quarter before 1 pm I climb into my car and drive to Haley's house.
I park in her driveway and to say that I am nervous is the understatement of the year. My heart is beating so quickly that I am scared Haley will be able to hear it.
Also I am not sure if eating a sandwich was such a good idea, because I feel sick to my bones.
Somehow I manage it to walk to the Scott's door and before I ring the bell I get close to having an anxiety attack.
Fuck! What if Haley does not forgive me? I could not stand it!
I just know that I am meant to be with her, but what if Haley does not feel the same?
I notice my hands starting to shake and I inhale a deep breath.
I bolster myself up and I am finally able to ring the doorbell.
I do not know how long it takes Haley to open the door, but when she finally does I am lost for words.
How could someone be so beautiful?
Her golden strands are tied back into a messy bun and I have to restrain myself to not touch them, because they look so silky.
Haley's baby blues eyes have become even more stunning, but they seem to miss their usual shine and I cannot help but wonder if this is because of me.
I swallow hard and my eyes wander to her soft looking red lips and I ache to touch them.
I do not remember who makes the first move, but suddenly my arms are wrapped around Haley and her arms are circled around my neck.
It seems that I am finally able to breath again and my heart starts to pound even more.
I breath in Haley's scent and it is even better than I remember. She smells so good and her arms feel like coming home.
Whatever it takes I am going to fight for her!
"I'm still mad, but I missed you so much!", she whispers hoarsely into my neck and it takes all my willpower not to break down in front of her.
"I'm so sorry!", is all that I manage to tell her again and again.
However, Haley does not let go and somehow that reassures me that everything will be alright again.