* Chapter 11: Lovely Rita *
My mother, Margaret, or Rita as my father calls her, was always the light of my family. She always knew what to say, and how to say it. Unlike my father. Him being a doctor has it's benefits and disadvantages. For example, we have a decent amount of money, not in the sense that we're wealthy beyond all compare, but we do have money. But since he is a doctor he's never really home, so his parenting skills weren't the sharpest.
Once I got into the shower I let the lukewarm water trickle down my body. Each drop sliding off unknowingly taking routes leading towards the shower's drain.
*********
Once I got out, I headed towards my room and changed into red pants that fell right above my ankles, my white shirt and black cardigan. I pulled my hair into a pony tail and walked out of the room. My mother had set the table for lunch, which was salmon and potatoes.
My mother was an excellent cook, I remember when I was about 7 I asked her how she was a good cook, and she simply smiled like she always would, and said, "With love you can cook the best."
We all sat down at the table, said grace and began to eat.
"So, Lucille, how is school? Doing well I presume." My father asked, noticing that no one was really speaking. "Yes, I have more friends than I think I would. And my academics are fine too." I smiled politely. He nodded, "How is orchestra?" "Good, we're doing Variations on Paganini. It's simple but the style of the piece is interesting." I replied.
All he cared about was academics. Always. From what my mother said, he would've shipped me directly to boarding school. That is if my mother hadn't convinced him to let me go to public schools where they can see me often. She cared about the social side of my life, while he cared about my education. Which really showed that my parents were opposites. For example, my father wants me to become a psychologist, while my mother wants me to be happy. She doesn't mind what I want to be when I'm older. Obviously she cares about me getting a good education and everything but she's more open to my ideas of me becoming a music teacher.
"So new friends? What happened to all of your London friends? The ones that you'd rather hang out with?" My mother teased. "Well, I miss then but I don't know, Liverpool seems like it has nicer people than London." I said as I finished the meal.
My mother left to get the tea, leaving me and my father alone. "Have you decided what you're doing?" My father asked. "In what terms?" I asked as I turned my attention towards him. "Lucille-"
"Lucy." I corrected him as he sighed,
"Fine, Lucy, what are you going to be. Profession wise."
I licked my lips before I spoke, "A music teacher. And nothing's going to change my mind."
He looked down, "Very Well.."
I knew he didn't like it but I had to stick with my decision or not be happy at all.
Just then my mother came back With the tea. "Can I go upstairs instead? Sorry I'm not in the mood for tea.." I mumbled. She nodded, "Of course darling." I scurried off from the table and headed towards my room.
My family is sort of awkward, so I find it best that after tea I usually head upstairs to my room. But before we start arguing about my profession, before I even have one, I decided to leave. I looked around my room and noticed the neatly stacked composition papers that were placed all over the room, my bass in the corner with it's amp, and my clothes organized in my closet. Although the room sounds neat, it was cluttered.
I laid on my bed, thinking about my weekend with John.
This was all too much, in a good way. I loved his warm embrace, his long rough hands, his smile. This boy was different to me. I shifted myself and covered myself from the world with my blankets.
--- Dream ----
"John!? What's wrong with you?!"
We were outside on the road, near some flat. "Nothing Lucille Get away. Now." John shouted back as he walked into the flat. I followed behind him. "Tell me. I don't want to loose you." I sobbed. He suddenly gripped my shoulders and pushed me against the wall, "I don't need you, you said it yourself, you don't love me. Leave me the fuck alone." He spat out.
I looked into his eyes, they were filled with fear, pain, and anger. His eyes weren't brown anymore they somehow morphed into a darker brown, almost deathly black.
"John what have we become..?" I asked hoping that he'd explain. "You left me. Remember? You said that you could do better." He said as he sighed slightly bothered at my incompetence. He turned around and began to walk off towards a distant room. "I love you.." I said quietly.. "It never seemed like it." He said distantly. "Come back then!" I shouted as I kneeled down to the floor shaking. He walked back, "What do you want? You hurt me, and now you want me?" He said as each word stabbed my very existence away. "I love you John. How can I prove it?" I pleaded.
"Kiss me." John said within a heart beat, his eyes going back to brown.
I softly pressed my lips onto his showing all my passion in this one moment. I felt John's love begin to return but as I opened my eyes for a brief second to see if this was real, his eyes went from the brown I once loved, turned back into the cold black eyes his anger overcoming as he fought with himself. Suddenly, I felt my face burn not with passion, but pain. His hand made contact harshly showing that anger had overcome him.
"You never loved me. Just leave me, like everyone else did."
And with that said, John spit on the ground in front of me and left.
Never to be seen again.
--- End Dream ---
I woke up in tears. "Why?" Was all I could ask myself.
Why?
I turned to look at my clock. 4:30 am. I couldn't go back to sleep, not after that. I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and sat up on my bed. Shaking. I couldn't control anything. Not my emotions, my mind, nor my heart. I felt as if it were beating a thousand times, yet it wasn't moving. I felt dead. 'Lucy, don't cry. It was a dream. Don't cry, not this time. Don't do it.' I fought with myself, only to feel my tears escape from my puffy eyes.
I sat like this until sunrise. I checked the clock again. 6:55 am.
I sighed and got up, I could go back to sleep. But what if I think of something worse? What if that actually happened?
I ran my fingers through my hair trying to understand why I thought of that. I couldn't feel anything, hear anything, see anything.. Thinking of that dre- nightmare made me numb. As if loosing him made me feel nothing at all. Just a waste in space, being nowhere.
I laid back down on my bed and rested. I couldn't sleep after what had just happened so resting seemed like the better option. 'Not sleeping, just rest' I thought to my self.
I opened my eyes after what seemed like a second, 9:45 am. I got up and headed towards the bathroom. Looking into the mirror I saw the most hideous site.
My pale face, that my mother once said looked like china doll's seemed like plaster. My chocolate brown eyes seemed black and puffy. My pink lips, white. I still couldn't feel anything.
I turned the sink on and washed my face trying to bring the color back.
I looked in the mirror to see most of the color came back, my lips turned into a pale pink, my eyes no longer as puffy and black, and my face looked my smoother.
I groaned quietly at my appearance. 'You look pathetic. Why would anyone want you?' I heard myself insult the reflection. I shook the thought off and went back to my room. I went back to my room and got dressed. I put on black shorts, and a white shirt with a black cardigan. I brushed my straight hair and let it down.
When I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen I found a small note written from my mother,
"Lucy,
Your father and I had to run some errands back in London. Sorry, about the short notice, we won't be back until tonight, we trust that you will be responsible if you choose to go out with some friends.
Love you with all our hearts,
Mom and Dad.
P.S.- I left some breakfast on the counter for you."
I read the note over and over. They left for the day. Sure I was bummed that they were in London with out me. But, that did give me time to hang out with John. I walked over to the kitchen to find some eggs and toast. I took the still warm plate and sat at the table alone. The house was quiet but peaceful, no tension or stress. Just pure bliss..
After I ate, I cleaned the house up and walked over to the phone. My fingers numbered a memorized number. The phone began to ring until it was picked up. "Hello?" I heard a horse voice ask. "Hey it's Lucy, do you want to hang out later? My parents are out and won't be back until tonight." I said. "Yeah, sure I'll be there in an hour or so." He replied tiredly. "Ok I'll see you soon."