Chapter Fifteen:
Every day after the night terror, Harry always called and wanted to know what I dreamt about. It always ended up in the same argument. Harry knew I needed space when it came to this subject and he wasn't respecting it. He didn't know what it was like to go through what I went through. He didn't realize that it wasn't something I could talk about.
When I needed to get away from Harry, I hung out with Jax, Lydia, and Brighton. We usually went to the Goth Club or hung out at each other's houses. Jax's house was on the other side of town, pretty close to the Goth Club, and we just talked about everything that was going on in our lives.
I found out that Jax was two years older than me and was planning on going to back to school to be a physcial therepist. I had to admit, it shocked me when he told me that. From looking at Jax's personality and his room, I figured he would want to be in a rock band. Not a physical therepist.
Jax's room was painted a dark red color, almost like blood. He hung up rock band posters all over his walls and had a whole shelf of hard rock music. The albums were all placed in alphabetical order by artist so it made it easy to find the album. We usually listened to Asking Alexandria as we talked about our stresses and lives.
Jax had grown up in an abusive home. His mom was a heroin addict and his father beat him all his life. Jax had started to discover his courage and stand up for himself more when he turned twelve. When his father had punched him in the face, Jax fought back. Jax threw a right hook at his father and ran out of the house. Jax ran to his neighbor's house and called the cops. After that, Jax was sent to his aunt's house and remained there.
Then he met Crystelle and got interested in the Gothic community. Crystelle showed him a whole new world when she took him to the Goth Club. He started to bleach his hair and see the world through darker eyes. He learned to see beauty in the darkness and how being in the dark, didn't mean not being able to see the light. Jax wasn't a dark or scary kid, like the stereotypes believed him to be, but instead a normal boy who planned on going back to school to be a physical therepist.
Most people couldn't see him being a physical therepist, but he got interested in the profession while he was being cared for by his aunt. After he moved in with her, she took him to a physical therepist so he could function his broken arm again properly. Jax talked with the therepist and slowly started to like the profession. Jax decided he would do the job because he felt like he would be able to help someone who was in a lot of pain. Jax always loved to help someone. He knew what it was like to not to be able to turn to anyone and never wanted someone else to feel like that.
Jax always helped out people when he was in school. If he saw someone being bullied or hurt, he would stand up for them or help them with what was hurting them. Jax often said that if people didn't judge him by his looks when he was in school, he would have been fairly popular. Most people were afraid of him because of his looks, but would talk to him when they were alone with him. It got annoying for him after a while.
Once Jax graduated from school, he partied with Lydia and Brighton and Crystelle at the club. They hung out there alot and usually stayed there until the early hours of the morning. Jax slept all day and partied all night. That was his way of life for a long time. Once he started to look into the profession of physical therepy again, he started to apply to schools again and partied less. He only went every other weekend. He made special trips because I was with Lydia.
Jax and Lydia knew I wasn't goth by any means. I may have been a rocker, but not a goth. I never really got into the whole 'dressing in black and wearking dark eyeliner'. Jax didn't care if I wasn't a goth. He didn't judge me any less. He treated me normal and treated me with equal respect. Jax quickly grew into one of my closest friends. We had an event in our lives to bond over and we understood each other's pain.
Jax may not have known what it was like to go through what I went through, but he knew what it was like to be hurt by someone you loved and trusted. He hadn't seen his family in nearly seven years. Sometimes he misses them, he tells me, but other times he doesn't.
"They were like the two most thorny roses in my life; they always pricked me, but I loved them."
Jax always spoke in analogies and metaphors like that. He was a poet at heart and wrote some of the most beautiful songs I had ever heard.
His songs came from his heart and his emotions. As we sat in his room talking about how each other's day was, I wondered what would happen if Harry found out. Would Harry be mad? Would he leave me? What would he do? He obviously didn't need to know about the dancing at the club, but he would eventually find out that Jax and I were friends. Would this come across as lovers to him?
My stomach turned a little bit as I thought of it, but I put the nervousness aside. I just reminded myself that as long as Jax and I didn't do anything physical, I would be fine. Jax knew that I was dating Harry. He knew our relationship was serious and Jax had been warned that if he tried to make a move on me, it wouldn't end well for him.
I had told Jax about how Jaeson had hurt me and made me the broken person I am now. I didn't tell him about how Jaeson raped me, but I told him about the cuts and gunshot wound. I told Jax about my brother and sister-in-law and the baby that was on its way. Jax seemed to understand most of what I went through. Like everyone else who I told, he presented his sympathy and apologized for it happening to me.
It got annoying after a while. When people first addressed their sympathy, I was okay with it and accepted it. But the more people I told about, the more sympathy they showed and the more they apologized. I started to hate the sympathy. It made me feel good, but at the same time it made me feel weak. Like I didn't have enough strength to get through life. I didn't want people to feel bad for me because it happened. I didn't want people to feel bad for me in general.
I accepted his sympathy, like always, and continued to talk with him. We both had seen a fair share of tragedy in our lives and every time we spoke of them to each other, our bond grew stronger. Harry had taught me that I could trust people again, but Jax had taught me something completely entirely. He had taught me that I can open up with others about what happened to me. I was still cautious on who I told though.
I sighed and streached out on Jax's bed. I pulled my phone out of my sweatshirt pocket and looked at the time. 8:37. I had three messages from Harry also.
5:56 Hey do you want to hang out tonight?
6:32 You there?
7:01 Just call me when you're home.
I sighed and looked back at Jax. His normally spikey hair was ungelled and flat. His white hair laid on his head like a tuft of messy fur. He wasn't wearing any makeup and was wearing his favorite band tee. His Avenged Sevenfold shirt was ripped on the short sleeves and torn a little along the bottom. He wore dark blue jeans and was barefoot. This was the normal Jax that I got to see and not many others did.
I told Jax I needed to go home and he nodded. He showed me the way to his door and gave me a quick hug before I left. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and felt him squeeze me tight. I sighed and pulled away to go to my car. As I walked away, I felt Jax watching me and as I pulled out of his driveway, I noticed that he was still standing in the doorway.
As I drove home, my mind was racing a million miles per second. I knew Jax had liked me from the beginning, but now it had grown into something bigger. I tried to comfort myself by saying he knew I was with Harry, but I knew that wouldn't stop him. Jax isn't one to back down from what he wants.
I pulled off to the side of the road and decided to plug my iPhone in and play some music to calm me. I plugged it in and began to play Breaking Benjamin. When the music started, I pulled back on the road and drove. I started to speed down the road as I lost myself into the music.
I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away
With every guitar stroke, I found myself getting faster on the road. When I looked at the speed my car was going, it was seventy five miles per hour. If I had done this in America, I would have gotten a ticket in a heartbeat. I took my foot of the accelerator and started to slow down. I took a deep breath and gathered myself before I turned on to my street.
Within a few minutes I pulled into my driveway. I pulled the auxiliary cable out of my phone and checked it for messages. I had one more from Harry.
8:56 Should I be worried?
I put my phone in my pocket and walked into my house. My father was already alseep when I got home. I set my car and house keys on the table by the door and walked up the stairs to my room. I opened my door and turned my lamp by my bed on. I could've turned the big light on, but I was going straight to bed and didn't want to get out of bed to turn them back off.
I sat in front of my vanity and took out one of my makeup wipes and started to take my eye makeup off. As I looked at myself in my mirror, I pulled my hair out of it's ponytail. I watched it fall down like black drapes on my shoulders. My hair had gotten longer since I moved to England. When I left Iowa, it was only to my shoulders. Now it was halfway down my back.
I changed into my pajamas and grabbed my phone as I crawled into my fluffy bed. I texted Harry back saying that he should come over. He responded a few minutes later saying "Okay". I clicked my phone off and laid on my back in the fluffy sheets. I covered my eyes with my left forearm and thought about Jax. What would I do to make him realize that I wasn't interested without ruining our friendship?
I could just tell him bluntly that I wasn't interested in anything but being friends. Or I could just leave. It would be easier on both of us. I wouldn't have to worry about hurting him and he wouldn't try to take me away from Harry. I sighed and rolled on my left pillow. I buried my face in it and waited for Harry to tap on my window or open it himself. He was welcome in my home now and could come and go as he pleased.
I started to close my eyes and drift off into sleep when I felt a breeze come from my window and Harry's voice call my name. I looked up from the pillow and saw Harry standing by the window. His messy brown hair was matted and his body was stiff. His black trench coat was open and it revealed his white tee shirt and dark, ripped jeans. He kept looking out my window and wouldn't turn towards me when I called his name back.
I got out of my bed and walked over to him. He still wouldn't look at me and when I put my hand on his shoulder, he finally looked at me. His eyes were still the green blue color as always, but they looked at me full of feralness and hunger. Harry opened his mouth to speak and that's when I noticed his fangs. They were long and sharp, like tiny icicles. I finally realized Harry needed to feed. I backed away from Harry as he began to talk.
"Where were you tonight?" he asked. "I was worried sick."
"I was out with a friend," I said crawling back into bed. I pulled the sheets up to my chin to cover my neck. I didn't care if he was my boyfriend, I wasn't planning on becoming a vampire today, tomorrow, or any day after. No matter how much I loved him, I wasn't ready to give up my human life.
"What friend?" he asked sitting on my bed. He inched closer to me and laid down on my lap. I had to admit, Harry was making me uncomfortable. I loved him to death, but he made me uncomfortable when he was hungry.
"A friend I met at Goth Club," I replied. I gathered the courage I had and pulled the blanket down and played with Harry's hair. I had to remain calm with him or else he would know I was scared, if he didn't already. "Why do you want to know?"
"I wanted to go out with you tonight," he replied softly. I sighed and kissed him on his cold cheek. He looked up at me with his hungry eyes that were softened now. I asked him what was wrong. "I thought that you were with some other guy."
I looked at him and felt my cheeks go pink a little. You didn't cheat, Jax is just a friend. I reminded myself. "Well the friend I was with is a guy."
Harry got up from my lap and sat up straight at the end of my bed. His hungry eyes grew hard again. He gave me a confused look and then stood up.
"I figured, I could smell him all over you," he said coldy. I looked down at my body and gave him a confused look.
"What are you talking about?" I asked looking back at him. Harry made his way over to my jacket and tank top I wore to Jax's and picked them up off the ground.
"Your clothes reek like someone else," he said throwing them on my bed. I looked at Harry with a confused look. Why would he care if I was hanging out with a friend? "His scent is still on your body."
"Harry, nothing happened. We are just friends," I said trying to remain calm. With every sentence he spoke, his fangs looked like they were getting sharper and he got closer to me.
"That's how it always starts out," he started. He continued to talk, but when he finally got too close, I snapped at him.
"Harry, get away from me with those fangs of yours," I snapped. "They're really starting to creep me out. Go feed."
He looked at me with a strange look on his face. Like he had genuinely forgotten about his thirst and came to see me first. Then the look on his face said that the realization his thirst hit him like a ton of bricks.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I have to go."
He proceeded to crawl out my window putting one leg out first and then the other. Before he jumped off the roof of my house, he stopped and looked at me. He placed his hands on the windowsill of my window and stuck his head back in.
"By the way, this conversation isn't over," he said before moving back into the moonlight and jumping to the earth below. I got up to close my window behind Harry and saw him running into the woods by my house. The moonlight shone on him like a iridecent magnet being attracted to his dark figure. His dark trench coat moved in the air behind him like a dark cape. He moved with such grace that I was slightly awestruck by his movements.
I snapped myself back into reality and slammed the window shut. I locked it behind me and crawled back into my bed. Harry knew about Jax and wasn't happy. I pulled my bed sheets over my head and buried my face in my pillow. My heart and mind were racing at a million miles per second and my stomach had developed over one hundred butterflies. I was incredibly nervous about telling him about Jax.
How would he react? Would he be calm and cool about it once I explained? Or would he overreact and yell at me? It's not like I slept with Jax or kissed him. We were just friends and we hung out at each other's house together. Nothing sexual or emotional. Yes, I may have considered Jax as an alternate boyfriend once I left Harry, but now that I know Jax better I know that won't happen.
Jax is a sweet boy, but he has a dark past as well and in my heart it didn't feel right to be with him. In my mind, someone who has a dark past needs someone with a brighter one to bring them out of the darkness. Jax couldn't do that. He was still tormented by his own demons as well. I felt as if he would bring me down to his level and try to get me to confront his demons with him.
Not that I wouldn't mind helping him, but confronting demons is something you have to do yourself. Jax doesn't realize that. He doesn't realize that even though he is his own worst enemy, he is also his salvation. I thought Harry was my salvation until I found out Jaeson is coming for me, now I know that only I can fix this. Jax needs to learn that only he can fix his own past as well.
The next day at school was incredibly awkward. In Anatomy, Harry wouldn't talk to me much about last night. I guess he didn't like to talk about his feeding sessions.
So, what happened last night? I wrote. He read the note and scribbled something back before passing the note back.
Nothing you need to worry about. I looked up from him and gave him a strange look. He looked at me with careless eyes and a straight face. He was defiately pissed at me.
Okay, when do you want to settle this? It's not what you think it is, I wrote back. I shoved the paper back and watched it go in the air a little. Harry caught it before it became obvious we were passing notes. He read it and wrote something back.
Whatever.
I sat back in my seat and let out a ragged sigh. Harry thought I was cheating on him. I started to feel the tears come and my breathing get ragged. I couldn't take this. I couldn't have Harry be mad at me for something like this. I loved him more than anything in the world and couldn't lose him now. My stomach twisted something awful and I became incredibly nauseous.
I raised my hand and asked my professor if I could go to the rest room.
"Ms. Thompson, is it an emergency?" he asked back. I nodded immediately and he gave me the permission to go. I jumped out of my seat and bolted out of the classroom. I didn't look back at Harry, not even for a second. Once I made it to the hallway, I let the tears flow and ran to the bathroom.
I pushed the door open and ran to the nearest sink. I propped myself on the white porcelain by clutching the rim of the sink and watched the tears fall down the drain. My arched back rose and fell raggedly with my sobs. No matter how hard I tried to stop, I couldn't.
It took me a few good minutes and slow breathing, to control my hyperventilating, to get me back under control. I looked up from the white sink and saw my face. The mascara I had worn now coated under my eyes like a raccoon and my blue eyes shone. The red color from crying made the blue stand out prominately and made them look prettier, in my opinion.
I was wiping up the black mess under my eyes when my phone buzzed. I was expecting it to be Harry, but it was Jax. He wanted to know if I wanted to hang out with him today. I clicked my phone off and set it on the sink rim.
Should I go be with Jax? I pondered the positives and negatives of fulfilling the request for a few moments. If I did go with him, Jax would be able to get me to stop crying and he would be able to help me calm down. Maybe he could tell me what to do about Harry. Maybe he would want to explain to Harry that we are nothing more than friends.
Or would he lie to Harry? Would he say we were having an affair just to keep me? Would he try to get me to leave Harry?
I didn't know if Jax was in love with me or not, but I knew he had a defiate crush on me. Jax was always super sweet to me and kept me safe when I was with him.
Just get him to confess his feelings for you and then tell him how it is, I said to myself. I looked back at my phone and replied to his text.
I emerged from the bathroom only to see a hallway full of kids and Harry standing by the bathroom with my books and backpack in his arm. He had a stern look on his face, but loving at the same time. I sighed and took my books and backpack from him. I let out a breathy "Thanks" and walked past him.
I walked through the crowd of students, hoping Harry would lose sight of me, but he didn't. I heard his footsteps behind me all the way to my locker. As I dialed in my locker combination, I saw him come up beside me and rest his shoulder on the locker next to mine. I didn't bother looking at him.
"You okay?" he asked. I opened the locker and started to shove my backpack and books in the shelves within. I took a quick glance at the mirror on my locker's door and started to fix my makeup again.
"Hello?" he asked again, this time wrapping his arms around my waist. I finally looked at him and asked what he wanted. "Were you crying?"
"How the fuck can you tell?" I snapped. Harry looked at me like I had just slapped him across the face with a fly swatter.
"Whoa, you need to calm down," he said. He leaned back on the locker next to mine and proceeded to ask why I was crying. I smiled from disbelief and let out a sigh. I slammed my locker shut and looked at him with a pair of evil eyes.
"Let's see here! You accuse me of cheating on you and when I try to talk to you about it, you blow me the fuck off! How do you think that makes me feel? You made me feel like a fucking whore! I'm not going to take that lightly, Harry!" I practically shouted. Harry gave me the look to keep my voice down, but I ignored his look. He tried to silence me by kissing me, but I slapped him like I did when he told me he was a vampire.
He looked at me with the same stunned look before I ran off into the crowd of students rushing to their classes. I pushed through the students and made my way to the front of the school. I pushed the doors open and as if on cue, the rev of Jax's motorcycle was heard coming down the school's driveway. I smiled as Jax pulled up to the doors and parked in front of the steps.
Jax was completely covered in leather and had a black helmet on. Through the helmet's clear eye visor, I could see Jax's green eyes shining. The wrinkles by his eyes made it obvious he was smiling at me too. I let out a small laugh and ran to Jax's motorcycle. I jumped on and wrapped my arms around his waist. Through the leather, I could feel his abs. I gave him a quick squeeze and without another word, he took off away from the school. I looked back and saw Harry coming through the doors and looking in all directions for me.
Jax drove me to a meadow outside town. The meadow was a large acre of long, soft blades of grass with little daisys budding throughout. There was a lone tree in the meadow and under the tree, was a blanket. Jax lead me to the blanket and had me sit with him under the tree.
"Okay, so what happened?" he asked. I streached my legs out across the blanket and crossed them. A dragonfly buzzed past us as we sat there in the breezy, green meadow. Jax kicked my foot playfully and asked me again what happened. I sighed and told him most of what happened.
I didn't tell him how Harry made me cry or I ditched school because of him, but I told him how Harry thought we were having an affair and how he wasn't happy about it. I looked back at Jax and I could tell he was trying to hide his hurt. I pretended not to notice his hurt expression and kept talking. I tried to change the subject by talking about school and asking Jax about his day.
Jax didn't reply much more than saying "Okay" and "Fine" about himself. I finally decided that I can't handle his moping and depressing mood anymore. I played dumb and asked him what was wrong. He sighed and leaned back on the blanket. He laid his hands on his eyes and sighed again.
"Do you love him?" Jax asked finally. I crawled over to Jax and sat down next to him.
"Yeah, I do," I replied.
"No," he said leaning up and facing me. "I mean really love him."
"Yes," I said reinforcing my answer. "I love Harry more than anything."
"That's what I thought," he replied. He placed his elbows on his knees and looked down at the blanket between his legs. His white hair wasn't spiked and his brown roots were starting to peek through. I combed my fingers through his hair with one hand and had him look up at me.
"What's wrong, Jax?" I whispered to him. He looked into my eyes and told me a lie.
"I feel bad because he is mad at you," he said. "All because of me."
I sighed and hugged Jax. Don't play him, B. My thoughts were racing a million miles per hour. Would I be playing him? I hoped not. I felt Jax wrap his arms around me and pull me close. He buried his face in my shoudler and, to my surprise, cried softly into my skin.
I turned my face to look at Jax and asked him what was wrong. I had never seen this side of Jax before and was surprised that he would act like this around me. As he got up, he turned away from me to collect himself. When he took a big sigh and turned back around, he told me why he felt so guilty.
When Jax was sixteen, he fell in love with a girl who didn't love him back. Her name was Alia and she was the love of his life. Alia was the same age as Jax when they met and she started to date him when she had no feelings for him. It was like the tale of Beauty and the Beast a little. Alia slowly learned how to love Jax. Even though Alia didn't date him because she was saving someone or was forced to like Belle, Alia dated him because of his looks.
From what Jax described, Alia was a beautiful girl. She was young, perfectly thin and curvy and she seemed to have a beautiful personality when Jax first met her. Alia was the greatest actress Jax had ever seen. She went along with dating him for two years before she finally told him that she never loved him in the begining or the end. She cheated on him with another guy for the last three months of the relationship.
Jax felt guilty for having the arguments between Harry and I start because of him. As I was telling Jax of what happened between Harry and I and why I wanted to ditch school, it brought the memories of Alia back to Jax and the guilt started to build up in his stromach. He never wanted to inflict the pain he felt on someone else.
Jax apologized immensely to me. I forgave him and asked him to take me home. He nodded, folded the blanket up and walked back with me to the motorcycle. I looked at my cell phone to check the time and saw I had three messages from Harry. They were all from an hour ago, after I left school.
12:23 Where are you?!
12:44 Ditching now?
12:53 We need to talk when you get home.
I sighed and slipped my phone back into my back pocket and got on the motorcycle with Jax. Jax drove me home and dropped me off by the curb. I thanked him for getting me away from school and he apologized one more time for the tension between Harry and I. I told him not to worry about it and smiled at him. We bid each other goodbye and I walked into my house.
The house was empty and quiet. My father wasn't home yet and wouldn't be home until 5:30. I let my backpack slide off my shoulder and fall to the ground and then walked into the dark kitchen. The curtains in the kitchen made the room much darker than it actually was. My father hung the curtains up when he learned I got migraines easily. I went straight for the refrigerator since I didn't have lunch and started to search for anything edible.
I ended up deciding that a flimsy turkey sandwich and a glass of almond milk would make a decent lunch. As I shut the refrigerator door, I noticed a figure standing next to me. I jumped when I saw it was Harry.
"Jesus!" I gasped. "Harry, what the fuck are you doing here?"
"I ditched school, like you," he replied. I let out an irritated sigh and set the turkey and almond milk on the counter.
"Why aren't you in school?" I asked leaning against the counter. The beam of light coming through the curtains shone on Harry's face. The light hit one of his eyes and made them look like one was the deep green blue while the other was grey. He looked at me with an irritated look on his face.
"I'm a vampire, I can do what I want," he snapped. "Plus I've been to school over a hundred times I know just about everything there is to learn."
"Well, good for you!" I snapped back. Harry stared at me for a few moments and then sighed. "What's going on with you, Bethany?"
"Nothing," I lied. Before I could say anymore, Harry cut me off.
"You and I both know that's a lie," he said coming closer to me. "Now, why don't you try telling me the truth?"
I looked at him and asked him what made him think that he had the right to tell me what to do. This was none of his affairs. Jax wasn't doing anything wrong, yet, and Harry had no right to butt into my mind like this. In my mind, I screamed "Jaeson is coming after me, you dork!" and oh how I wanted to scream it out loud, but I knew I couldn't. I now know what it is like to want to say something to the person you love, but choosing not to, just to protect them.
"I'm under alot of stress with school," I said quietly. "Jax was a kid I met at the Goth Club and he was nice to me. He's really smart and he is helping me. Jax is nothing more than a friend, Harry."
"Then why could I smell him all over your clothes?" he asked still scolding.
"I went over to his house so he could tutor me, Harry. Nothing happened, I swear. If something did, I would tell you."
"Would you?"
"Harry-"
"Bethany, this is what I don't get. When we first started dating, everything was so perfect. We never fought, we were never seperate from each other and we certainly didn't lie to each other. Yes, I kept my vampirism a secret, but I never lied. But you," he said waving his hand at me and shaking his hand in dispair. "I don't know how much of it is a lie or the truth. Please, Bethany, I can't take it anymore."
As I leaned against the counter, I realized what speech this was. It may have been the first time it was told to me, but I knew what it was.
"You're breaking up with me?" I asked.
"No, I'm not breaking up with you," he sighed. I had to admit I felt a huge relief when he said that. "I just can't take the lying anymore. But if there's another lie I don't know about, I might. Please, come clean to me. Is there anything I should know about?"
I looked at Harry and stared at him long and good. I knew by saying the next word, there would be no going back.
"No."
"Okay," he whispered. He came up and wrapped his arms around me. In his embrace, tightened on me and I felt his hands rub against my skin. I responded by wrapping mine around his as well. I laid the side of my face on his chest and held him for a few minutes. I couldn't bear to lose him, but if he found out after Jaeson was gone, he would leave anyway. Even if Harry never found out, I would end up leaving one day. I couldn't have the life I wanted with him and the sad part is, I think he knew it too. I made my hands into claws and started to scratch his back gently. Cherish every moment, B. You're on a time limit.