(A/N: Prepare your beef and noodles , readers.)
It was no secret on the vessel.
The Pirate Hunter.
The Demon of the East Blue.
Monstrous First Mate of the Strawhat Pirates.
It appears that Roronoa Zoro was in the brig of A marine ship. Vice Admiral Random's unit. (A/N: yes, that IS his name, and I totally made him up on the spot)
Rattling his chains for no other reason than the fact he felt like it, the swordsman scowled at the marines present before him. His eyes shadowed and his expression in his ever present scowl. As far as the Marines know, Roronoa Zoro's smile was rare, and if a marine ever saw it, it meant a killing spree. Or a maiming spree. Whichever is canon.
And when he did, something big usually happens.
"We should secure him more. More chains." His second in command, Captain Beef N. Oodles muttered.
Random scoffed, cigars grit between his teeth. "He's not going to escape." He stated firmly. Honestly, the mans' locked behind seastone-infused titanium bars and cuffs of the same material. He pointed this out to his men, who still refused to go near the cell.
And for some reason, that only frightened them even more. A tick mark grew on the vice Admiral's forehead.
"Argh...you two. What are your names?"
"Petty officer Ichibaka, Sir!"
"Petty officer Nibaka, sir!"
"...you two idiots watch over Roronoa."
The two marines glanced at Zoro watching them, amusement in his eyes but his mouth and jaw locked firm and neutral, and gulped. "Sure...whatever you say boss."
And the two marines stayed rigid as the rest of the troupe began to leave. They were sweating bullets as they watched him, damn near passing out. They tried to put up some bravado, forcing what Zoro assumed was an attempt at a strict scowl, and he couldn't help it...
"HOLY SHT HE SMILED!" Both Ichibaka and Nibaka all but shrieked, calling all the marines in the room to a halt.
And he deeply regretted doing so, as it was a miracle his eardrums stayed intact. Once his ears stopped ringing (he swears that these two must be related to that Soprano guy in Dressrosa. Pica, was it?) Zoro looked up with a grimace as the room outside his cell was filled with marines once more. He blinked. What the hell...
Captain Beef N. Oodles must have known something secret about smiles, because he whirled around in shock. "WHAT?!"
He stormed up to Zoro, who was honestly confused at this point.
"...?"
The two were locked in a staring contest. Oodles growled.
"Did you smile?"
Zoro scowled at the older man, but was still more lost than anything. And if they were here, none of his nakama would blame him for it.
"Uh...no..?" He replied uncertainly. Unfortunately, this didn't receive the reaction he wanted, and Nibaka spoke up.
"OH MY GOD HE SMILED AND NOW HE'S LYING ABOUT IT!!"
The-Captain-who-I-totally-wasn't-hungry-when-I-named-and-if-I-was-I-totally-wasn't-craving-instant-beef-noodles named Captain Beef N. oodles paled rather noticeably. "YOU SMI--WHY DID YOU SMILE?!?!"
Zoro glanced over the only apparently sane Marine here, Vice Admiral Random, who was just as confused as he was.
"Uh...just...because."
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
"I didn't do sht!"
All the marines turned their head to the Vice Admiral, including the Captain. After all, he had the most experience with dealing with pirates like him, right? So seeing him calm helped them cool down a bit as well. Oodles glared at Zoro.
"You try something like that and we'll be forced to throw you overboard with nothing but chains secured to the ship, you hear me?"
"But I didn't DO anything!"
"YOU SMILED!" Ichibaka pointed accusingly. Zoro gave up.
"Fine." He sighed. "You got me, I smiled. Lock me up and throw away the--oh, wait."
The humor was lost upon the marines sans the Vice Admiral but he was mostly ignored. The others left him leaving two new guards, a bulk of a man who seemed no smarter than Luffy, or even less (the latter most likely), and a less bulky marine with glasses who sat down to read a book. Both have been silent throughout the entire ordeal.
The two new marines, both dubbed by Zoro as idiot and asshole respectively, sat down and made themselves comfortable.
"Honestly," AS scoffed, an air of smugness and superiority around him as he glanced up at the swordsman. "Getting worked over a smile. Some marine soldiers they were."
Zoro sighed in relief. At least this marine wouldn't go crazy at every little thing he did. Three minutes passed peacefully, until...something was itching his throat. Zoro didn't believe in God(s), but he knew he shouldn't tempt whatever deity was watching over him at the moment if they existed, so he tried to fight it. But the feeling was now irritating him like the witch or the cook on a bad day, and before his could reign it back in...
*ahem.*
*ah-ahem*
AS gripped his book a little tighter, unnoticed by Zoro, who focused on clearing his throat. The smug marine shook his head. Those were seastone-infused titanium bars and chains. There was no way to escape.
*ah-eeeemmm*
This man was just human, no Devil Fruit, no nothing. He was even without his swords, and he was blinded in one eye!
*ahem*
...A normal person who had probably spilled more blood than any of his crew mates even before joining and was rumored to be second in command? Said crew was known to be unpredictable...
*ah-ah-aheeeem*
His eyes narrowed...nobody should have to clear their throat that many times.
Zoro clears his throat one more time and finally feels his throat clear. Now maybe he could goad one of the marines here I to getting him a glass of water.
"What do you think you're doing?" Asshole asks him cooly.
The swordsman arched a brow. "Doing...?"
"WHAT YOU DID JUST NOW"
'For the love of--' "...I was clearing my throat."
"AHA!" Zoro admittedly jumped when the marine slammed his book on the floor, standing up. "SO YOU ADMITTED IT!" Zoro could only stare. "IT WAS A SIGNAL WASNT IT?"
"..." 'The hell is he taking abou-oh.' "No."
@$$hole nodded curtly, accepting the answer, and Zoro let out a sigh until the Marine shot up again.
"WAIT, YOU PAUSED! WHY DID YOU PAUSE?!"
"...I did?"
The marine huffed, eyes wild, and stormed over to the front of the cell, reaching in and grabbing ahold of the swordsman's clothing, pulling him--with much difficulty--as far as the chains would allow towards him, because he'd be damned if he allowed the rumored first mate of an idiot get the best of him.
"The signal. What was it?!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"Is Strawhat going to be punching through the walls at any second?!"
"THE FCK?! There was no signal, asshole!"
"I have to tell Vice Admiral or Captain!"
"THER IS NO SIGNAL YOU MORON"
Zoro gaped in disbelief as the marine all but ran from the room, bellowing about some kind of signal.
In seconds, both aforementioned officers walked in with Ichibaka and Nibaka close behind.
"What's this I hear about a signal?" The Vice Admiral asks, and arches a brow at the swordsman who looked just about ready to blow a fuse, and tensed the slightest bit. What had these two idiots done to piss off a dangerous prisoner?
The killer intent soon vanished as the swordsman tilted his head back in both practiced exasperation and resignation.
"When are they coming?" The Vice Admiral pressed.
"There was no signal" the swordsman dead panned.
"When are they coming?" The Captain repeated on a more forceful tone.
"NO ONE IS COMING! Well, of course they'll come at some point but--"
"SO THERE IS A SIGNAL!" Beef N. Oodles screeched, making Zoro wince. "WHEN?!"
"I dunno." Zoro sighed. Maybe it was best he played along. "The...signal...didn't work."
All the marines in the room sighed. The captain sighed.
"I think it would be better if you watched him, Vice Admiral."
And that was that. Thirty peaceful, stress less minutes passed, and the swordsman was getting uncomfortable.
Zoro looked up.
"...I'm going to move to get a little more comfortable."
"What?"
"My legs are getting numb from this kneeling position. I'm going to move to get more comfortable."
"...aaand?"
"I just wanted to tell you."
"Okay?"
And so he did. Zoro stood as much as he could with his chains and sat back down, legs stretched out in a more comfortable position. And no one panicked, no one began screaming at him.
If he were to be completely honest with himself, the Vice Admiral felt bad for the swordsman for having to deal with...whatever that was earlier.
Feeling the unease of the atmosphere, the Vice Admiral made for short conversation, and he could care less of his position and rank, and more about Roronoa finally snapping.
"So... How's your crew?"
He felt the prisoner's suspicious eyes on him, not that he blamed him for it. But he knows that the Strawhats were a different kind of pirates than what the Marines claims all to be. So he didn't mind speaking to Roronoa much.
"...they're fine. How's this one?"
He hadn't expected an answer, but was grateful to have the opportunity to ease the awkward tension.
"Same." He replied. "I'm thinking about transferring to another unit." He continued. Roronoa glanced up.
"At least you're not freaking out." Roronoa muttered. The Vice Admiral sighed.
"You do have quite the reputation. I bet you smile often back with your crew."
The swordsman had no time to respond as the doors slammed open.
"VICE ADMIRAL RANDOM ARE YOU OKAY?!" Oodles roared. The aforementioned admiral nodded blankly as Zoro scowled.
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
"STEP AWAY FROM THE PIRATE NOW!"
Surprised, the Vice Admiral shook his head. "He can't hurt me from in there, Captain."
The captain, in turn, gave no response, and motioned the other men to come over.to Random's surprise and Zoro's dread, they all sat down simultaneously.
"It's decided. We're all going to keep an eye on him." The Captain declared, proud of himself. Random facepalms, and Zoro groans in annoyance. "That way, he can't do anything suspicious, and when Monkey D. Luffy comes, we'll be ready to take them down."
So they sat. And sat. And waited. Until Zoro asked a question.
"If everyone's here, who's at the helm? Or on lookout?"
Silence.
"Fine, whatever. I'm just gonna nap."
And so he did, and was instantly alseep in seconds. His gruff but quiet snoring echoed in the room. He dreamt of sake and swords and nakama. The ocean breeze normal, and the scent of good booze in the air. In reality, he had paused in his snoring to sniff once. This was quickly dismissed. By the marines in guard. But when he sniffed again and a third time, they all just knew that something was up.
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
Zoro pales at the accusing voice as he's pulled away from sleep.
"What did I do?!"
"YOU SNIFFED"
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
Then Oodles gasped. "YOU POISONED THE AIR, DIDNT YOU?"
"ExCuSE me WhAt?!"
"He must have done it while we weren't looking!"
Now, first of all, how the hell would Zoro poison the air? How would he get out, release the poison, and get back in shackles?? Not to mention the fact that HE HAD NO POISON. Even if he DID somehow have some, he wouldn't waste it on these idiots. Everything he did was considered suspicious? Fine.
"I'm...just gonna stop breathing all together."
"OOOH NO YOU DONT. If we have to die then so do you!!" Ichibaka and Nibaka both said in unison.
Great. Now they believed that he didn't have to breathe to live. He gave his most dangerous glare and released all killing intent.
"I DIDNT DO SHT THE ENTIRE TIME YOU IDIOTS!" He all but roared, bit it seems that they were more worried about the air they were breathing.
Closing his functional eye, he resigned himself to wait until Luffy and the gang came to break him out.
No, not save him.
Break him out.
Because he was done with these idiots. "I bet half my debt to Nami that Luffy never had to deal with this sht." He complained to anyone listening. "He can smile and cough and sniff all he wants, and he would still be as cute as a fcking button." He banged his head against the wall he leaned on. "These people are insane."
The Vice Admiral snorted at the irony of that statement, but supposed it had some truth to it. The pirates and marines were two sides of the same coin, after all.
"GOMU GOMU NO--!!!"
Of course, Luffy chooses now to burst in, and seeing the marines covering their mouths and noses, Luffy was confused.
"What did you do Zoro?"
The swordsman glared coldly at the marines. Luffy shrugged and Nami arrived with the keys. The moment he was free, Zoro lunged towards Usopp, who shrieked and ducked, only to realize that Zoro was only after his katana and went straight for Ichibaka and Nibaka, who were hiding behind Asshole.
"I'm gonna murder you three." He announced, drawing Sandai Kitetsu slowly. The three marines fainted and Zoro continued to advance. Luffy was behind him in seconds.
"They're already down, Zoro! What are you doing?"
"Gonna kill them."
"Why??"
"Cuz that's what you do to idiots, who are too stupid to live!"
"But isn't that me??"
Zoro whirled on him. "You're cute as a button, aren't you?!" Luffy yielded, confused. "Your the idiot who's too stubborn to die." Zoro them proceeded to toss his nakama off the ship through a window and onto the Thousand Sunny. He sliced the cursed marine vessel in half to be done with it, and followed after his thrown nakama. Storming into the Galley, he didn't give the cook the time to antagonize him as he picked a bottle if booze and made his way to his spot on the lawn, finishing the bottle in three gulps and promptly fell asleep, a barely conceivable pout on the 21 year old's face.
Cute as a button indeed. Enjoy your beef and noodles.