[a/n: unedited bc I was too excited to get this chapter out!!
Also, I recommend listening to the Rude playlist on my Spotify while reading (I CRJEDJD) my user is ellafisherxo & the playlist is 'R' but you don't have to haha!]
Angela
My ears adjusted to the loud screeching outside, the cars of London seeming to be louder in the morning than at any other time. The cotton sheets covered me like fluffy clouds, Grayson's heavy arm draped over my body lazily and I felt his soft puffs of air against my bare back.
I once thought that I would marry him. That we would have children, their hair the shade as his and their eyes the same colour as his. I once believed he would be able to be together without ruining others happiness, believing that we didn't corrupt others around us. But I was wrong.
Maybe I had sinned in my past life, that God didn't want me to have this happiness because I didn't deserve this. I couldn't be with the Angel with the broken heart. Society wouldn't let us be together either.
I had always dreamt of having a love where my chest aches, the constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach, knowing that everything would be ok when I hear their voice. I wanted that love...but I could never have it.
Grayson stirred beside me, his brunette hair laying against the cushioned pillow and I have the urge to run my fingers through his hair, however I only think about it. I think about the soft strands of his hair between my fingers, the soothing touch feeling peaceful to me. I think about every time we kiss, those seconds or minutes that our lips had spent together. I think about his large palm against my own, the harshness of his skin pressing into mine and the softness of the back of his palm as he caresses my cheek. I think about every moment that seemed to last for a short amount of time however seemed to become an infinite memory in my mind that replayed with a constant repeat.
"You're awake." Grayson whispers, a deep and sleepy tone in the back of his throat as he spoke to me.
"I am." I return the sloppy smile that he gives to me, his cheek still pressed against the pillow before hiding his smile with the covers and his head buried deeper into the quilt.
"Go back to sleep." He tells me, his arm reaching out toward me and I only stare at his sleepless state.
"I can't, I need to go get Plan B from the pharmacy." I explain, my head in my palm as my body leans on my elbow and I lay on my side so I can clearly admire him.
"No, I'll get it." Grayson rubs his eyes with his knuckles as he stretches, forcing himself awake and he removes the covers from his naked body. "There's a pharmacy down the block, right?"
"I think so, I can go though it's ok." I say as I rise from my laying position however Grayson moves his hand onto my chest, stopping me from moving.
"You're not going anywhere, Angie." He demands, his body standing from the bed before stalking towards the bathroom door and he hides no shame of his nude attire. "Get inside that bed or so God help me I will handcuff you to the bed frame myself and make sure you stay put."
Although it was a threat, I couldn't help but feel excited at his words and I thoughts about following him into the bathroom, not minding being handcuffed to the bed. However I stay put, not wanting to leave the comfort of the warm bed just yet.
Grayson's shirt from yesterday lays on the floor beside the bed and I lean down to get it. His manly still remains on the thin fabric as I slip it over my body. Buttoning it down, my fingertips feel over the soft material before I slip on fresh panties.
-
With Grayson being gone for ten minutes, I already found myself thinking of the changes that were going to come. Will it hit me hard like I think it might? Will it hit be when it's late at night, alone in my bed and a chic-flick playing on the television?
I would refuse to be one of those girls who's world crumbles apart because of a guy, I knew I was better than that. However, I couldn't help but feel as though there is no reason for my existence without him and I hated that.
The sound of the door opening, startled me and I instantly sit up bringing this sheets with me to cover my naked self. I thought it may have been a maid, coming to clean up or even bring breakfast however I hadn't ordered anything and I didn't see Grayson call reception.
My air filled chest lets out a dramatic sigh of relief of as Christina walks into the room. Looking as though she had thrown on whatever item of clothing was by her side, she removed the sunglasses from her dark eyes.
"Chris?" I call out with a whisper as she slowly walks toward me, her heels sinking into the carpet before Ethan follows after her. "How did you get in here?"
Feeling underdressed, I sink further into the sheet in hope that I was well covered. I felt ashamed, they knew about Grayson and I's previous events - it was obvious. Neither of them showed an expression toward the fact I was naked under the covers, instead they seemed unfazed by my lack of attire.
"A maid let us in." Chris answered me, her voice sounding hoarse and Ethan breathlessly pants behind her as though he had ran after Chris as she stormed towards the hotel in manic rage.
Both their eyes looked tired. The dark bags under their eyes seemed to droop and they looked fed up. Ethan'a eyes looked puffy, he had been crying all night and Chris' mascara had fallen from her long eyelashes to show a dark mess under her eyes. I knew Grayson and I were the reason behind this.
Maybe if I had never met Grayson, Ethan and Chris would be fine. Oh god, but I am too selfish to allow myself to not have been captivated with Grayson's world.
"Ang, we need to tell you something." She begins, her hands out in front of her as if to steady my freaked emotions, I didn't know what I was feeling. I was more curious than ever.
"What do you need to tell me at 7 in the morning?" I ask I panic as I glance at the clock of the nightstand, my eyes feeling tired as I read the early time.
"It's important for you to know." Ethan told me, his chest rises slowly as he took in a deep breathe. He stands by the door, his muscled arms crossed across his chest as Chris moves to sit at the end of bed, her eyes looking down at the duvet as her fingers trace the embroidered patterns.
"Bu-" I try to speak however Chris interferes.
"I don't know when Grayson was going to tell you this - or if he was going to tell you at all." She confesses and a large lump suddenly formed in throat, I hoped I could choke on it so I didn't have to be here right now.
I liked it when it was just Grayson and I. When we were finally alone.
"Tell me what?" I ask, my voice become louder, not caring if I now sounded like a madwoman.
Christina looks toward Grayson's sleeping body, her hands moving towards her hips and I notice a round bump on her stomach. A baby bump.
"Do you want me to do this?" Ethan's hands skim over Chris's however she shrugs him off - I hated seeing them like this, so cold and distant.
"No, I just-"
"Chris, tell me." My voice sounds more stern, my eyes narrowing as I encourage her to speak.
"Listen, please know the intentions of this were not bad." She admits, her body leaning into me as Ethan watches us from before however he is unable to remain eye contact with me and his eyes wander helplessly around the room.
"Just tell me." My face begins to feel hot and I struggle to breathe with the panic that rises as frantically look between both Chris and Ethan.
"Well, Ethan and I, we needed - wanted Grayson to somehow get better." Chris begins, her eyes remaining on the duvet sheets and Ethan watches her with a clenched jaw. "You should have seen him after Irene, Ange, after Scarlett. It was bad, really bad."
My head felt heavy as I listened to the words that felt like needles that prodded repeatedly at my eyes. Her voice becoming painful and I no longer wanted to listen to whatever she had to say.
"He was turning to alcohol and growing a bad reputation for sleeping with countless of girls and sleeping with Eleanor, his ex-wife's Step Mom. We couldn't have him jeopardise his business for some girl." Her voice cracked as she spoke and she tightly closed her eyes in shame, her hands beginning to shake and she cries softly however no tears fall from her raw eyes.
Ethan comes closer toward her, his hand caressing his shoulders as they crumble forward. His lips kiss her cheek however she moves away and nods her head no at his gestures.
"We found out there was a new girl who had just been hired at Burberry - Eleanor's office and lo and. behold it was you. Obviously, Grayson didn't care because all he wanted was to use girls. But, we managed to convince him to go out with you." Chris explains and my chest begins to tighten.
I am tired of feeling this way. I hated this.
"Convince him how?" I ask, my eyes already beginning to pool with tears and Ethan guiltily watched as I began to break for what felt like the millionth time.
"We paid him." Ethan admitted. "I paid him, Chris had no clue about that until last night."
I shook my head in disbelief, my teeth biting down on my dry lips as I try to imagine this happening. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that the only way someone ever loved me was because they were paid. I was stupid enough to think that someone of Grayson wealth and importance would even want to get to know me.
"How much did you pay him?" My eyes narrow as I look at Ethan and Christina disappointedly looked away from us both, I knew that she wouldn't do anything to hurt me purposely but I was hurt. It hurt a lot.
"Uh - I don't know from the top of my head." He tells me and I scoff at his reply.
I don't know who I hate most right now. Everyone who I loved yesterday I now hate, I now don't want to see their faces again.
"But it's over 500." Ethan's face looks pale however mine feels like it is firing red with anger.
"Thousand?"
"Thousand." He nods, his head hanging low and I feel light headed.
The faint sound of the door opening causes all of us to jolt from our emotionless state. I didn't even want to see Grayson's face, I didn't want to know if it was true, I didn't want him to admit it because I didn't want to believe it.
"I fucking hate people." Grayson mumbles, unaware that Christina and Ethan are here as he stands outside of the closed bedroom door and I cringe when I hear his hand on the door handle. "Fuckers were cutting the que-" He stops short when he opens the door to reveal Ethan and Christina at the end of my bed.
I refused to look at him because I was scared I would just burst into tears, I knew I would and the burning sensation in my eyes was making me want to puke. I hope to God this isn't true, if it is I don't know what I will do. I may even go crazy, go out of my mind.
"Ethan...Chris to what do I owe the pleasure?" Grayson jokes, his eyes on the couple before they move toward me and I tilt my head down in shame, I was scared. "Angie?"
"Your secrets out Grayson." I manage to say, my voice sounded nastily and I hated that he made me feel this way so many times before.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He laughs, his body moving closer toward me and he sits on the edge of the bed beside me however I still dodge the eyes contact that he threatens to make. "What bullshit have you been telling her?"
Grayson's hands drop the brown bag that he holds in his hands, when it hits the ground he grips Ethan's sweater in his fists within a swift instant. Pushing Ethan against the wall, Christina immediately stands to defend Ethan who only stares emotionally at Grayson and I swear I had never seen a look so sad and so empty. Sliding from the bed, I wearily watch as Grayson, again let's his anger get the best of him.
"What the fuck did you tell her?!" He furiously asks, his hands shoving Ethan further against the wall before releasing him from his firm grip and Christina takes Ethan's hand into hers as he stands looking defeated.
"I'm done with your shit, Gray." Ethan admits as he looks at his twin brother, disgusts dripping from his tongue and I don't even want to defend Grayson. "I'm tired of keeping your secrets and being pushed around by you."
"What did you tell her?" Grayson asks again, his eyes narrowing as he agitatedly looks between the two of them completely ignoring my presence in the room.
"It doesn't matter what they told me, it matters what you did." I spit, my emotions were flying everywhere and I was hysterically crying with both anger and sorrow. "How could you do that to someone, Grayson?"
Grayson turns to face me, his eyebrows furrowed and his Adam's apple bobbing in his theist as he deeply gulps to keep the tears from escaping his eyes. He clenches his jaw as he takes in his bottom lip. I couldn't care less about the fact he looked like a scared and broken child who's toys had been taken away from them. I couldn't care anymore. I had cared too much.
"Baby, please." His bottom lip quivers as he speaks and his eyes pool with the salted tears that I once had wanted to kiss away.
"How could you be so cruel?!" I slowly walk towards him, my body shaking with fury and I harshly grit my teeth, I am afraid I may break them.
"That was before - I've changed. I promise I've changed, I swear I have!" His arms reach out to me as he speaks, his fingers wrapping around my arms however my hands forcefully press against his heavily falling chest and he stumbles away from me.
"If you changed, you would have told me from the very beginning. You thought you could just bury this under the ground and pretend it never happened?" I shout at him, my hands repeatedly pushing against his hard chest as I speak and he takes it, he takes every shove with a whimper and a cry. "What did you do with the money though? Huh? Did you buy a new car? Spend it on some prostitute that you picked up from a bar?"
Grayson's face looks pale as though he was either going to pass out or puke and I hope he does. I hope he never finds the joy of being in a relationship because he cannot even have one without breaking the others heart.
"You. I spent it on you, every bit." He says as though he makes everything ok.
"You disgust me. I never wanted your money!" I spit, my palms still pushing against his firm chest and I don't care if I hurt him, I want him to be hurt because the pain that it boiling up in my body is excruciating. "I hate you! I hate you!"
Grayson watches as my anger unfolds, watches as I break and watches as my love for him turns to hate. I had given all of myself to him and he destroyed it, like everything in his path.
"You and I both know you don't hate me." He whispers, his head hanging low as I stand in front of him and I realise Christina and Ethan had left the room to leave us alone.
"I actually believed that you were a good man. But my god was I wrong. How stupid could I have been? To think that I actually mattered to you. Was I just some toy to you? A way to become even more rich that you already are."
"You were never a game, baby." Grayson, dramatically sobs into me and I roll my eyes, not wanting him to be apart of my life anymore. "Money doesn't mean anything to me, not anymore. I would throw it all away if it meant that I could be with you."
"If money didn't mean anything to you then why are we having this argument?"
I felt exhausted and emotionally drained as he took my hand in his, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand. However, with a shake of my head I remove my touch from his as I step away from him.
"Please leave." I say as I attempt to keep my face stern and cold when I was trying to hold the tears back as I keep my head down. I was no longer going to let Grayson trample over me.
"Baby." Grayson cries like a child, his feet stepping closer to mine and his bottom lip quivers again as he lets out a choked sob.
"Get out." I force however with a soft whimper and my face begins to crumble at the mess that our relationship has caused.
"But I need you, Angie." Grayson please as he falls to his knees in desperation. "As much as I hate to admit it I do."
"I don't want to hear it." I bite my bottom lip harshly to stop the tears from escaping my eyes as I shake my head and my arms cover my stomach. "Get out, or I'm calling the police."
Grayson gulps deeply. His body rising from the floor to tower over me, however with his slumped shoulders he is nearly the same height as me.
"I'm sorry that I did this to you." He rises his hand to caress my arm, out of habit but stops short and realises what he is doing. "I love you."
Without looking at me, his body - looking so small, turned away from me. Although I hate what he did to me, I was scared that this will be the last time I see him. However I knew he would always be in my dreams, to haunt me.
As his hand rests upon the doorknob, his feet stop moving and he lets out a heavy sigh. I don't know if I could hear anymore of what he had to say, I don't know if I could bear it.
Grayson turns to face me, his cheeks red raw and his eyes bloodshot as he looks at me, looking so alone. What I had once thought was so beautiful had become corrupted.
"I hope one day you'll forgive me." His voice cracks as he speaks, his hands loosely hanging down his sides and he looks down at them before looking back to me. "I understand if you won't. I don't think I can ever forgive myself either."
After his lips met each other, the door opened and he silently disappeared. I didn't know what to think, do, feel or act.
Burying my face in my palms. I do the only thing that I feel I can do.
I cry. I sob. I melt and I feel the pain. I take everything in. It hurts so much. My eyes burn as I squeeze them right and I am afraid I my pull my hair out as I tug on it. My stomach feels as though it had fallen out, along with my heart and every piece of me.
My sadness feels infinite. My pain feels endless. My heartbreak feels timeless.
[a/n: 2 chapters left! I merged two together!
I will be doing a post (maybe a a/n at the end of the next chapter) of all the songs that link in with the book. Like for example the song that they dance to at the ball, when they're ice skating etc!
Also RUDE is veryyy close to 500k wowoww, I cannot tell you how grateful I am to actually have people read my work & enjoy it! People have given me so much support with this book & I want to thank you for that! If you read up to this chapter wow I LOVE YOU!
- as always comment what you thought!!
Again I apologise for any typos!!
All the love - Ella x]