Last Time on SGBDABN:
"Sean I can protect myself and I know you're gonna protect me too. This risk, the danger, I would risk even more to be with you" I said and he dropped his eyes.
"There's no stopping you is there" he said and I smiled.
Dear Journal,
"You never had a choice" I replied and he smiled too before sitting up and sliding his shirt back on. I stood up understanding we came to an agreement. As he stood up I couldn't resist the urge to wrap my arms around him, "You're stuck with me" I said into his chest. "Lucky me" he said as we let go. The drive back to my house was quiet both of us deep in thought. Sean insisted that he slept over with the excuse that he didn't feel like breakin in the next morning. I knew he was actually worried about me but I kept my mouth shut.
That night when I climbed in bed I couldn't help but feel the stone in my stomach. I felt Sean climb into bed behind and I rolled over so he could hold me. My forehead nuzzled into his bare chest in the darkness while our legs were intertwined.
My thoughts swirled with conflicting emotions. I couldn't deny the deep rooted feelings I had for Sean and tonight I told him the truth. Even when I hated Sean I still cared about him and now in his arms it was hard to make the case I didn't care. But the rational part of me reminded me how this all ended, with him dead. And not only that, I would be the one to kill him. In that moment I could have thrown up, the thought of Sean being killed made me sick.
I knew Sean wasn't asleep even though he should have been. I knew he would stay up him consumed with fear, fear caused by me, the unknown fear of me. But I also thought about how well he hid it, Sean really was just a scared boy who had together no better than you or I. He was just a boy.
I felt the urge to protect him, possibly from myself. But if the agency suspected I in any one could not perform they would kill me and hunt Sean down themselves. I began to cry. Everything felt like too much, why did I do this, why was I like this. I knew Sean could feel me crying in his arms but he didn't say anything, probably assuming I was overwhelmed with today. Which I was. I don't know how long I cried for, probably until my eyes couldn't produce anymore but as I stopped Sean pulled me closer to him.
That night I let myself dream about running away with Sean. Running to his secret greenhouse where no one could find us. Where our own problems couldn't find us. Where I could fall for Sean with no fear, with no pain.
I groaned as I heard the doorbell downstairs. I pushed myself off of Sean's chest, and looked down at him. I knew he must not have slept last night so I climbed out of bed carefully, hoping he could catch up. I smiled at how peaceful he looked when the doorbell rang again. I head down the hall annoyed at who could be at my house this early in the morning. I yawned trying to wake myself up grabbing the cun outof my gun closet before I head to the door.
I simply unlocked the door before it swung open and somebody was already stepping inside. I jumped back cocking my gun pointing it at them. But in front of me was a short petite long haired girl standing in front of me. I was struck with her beauty as her big brown eyes stared back at me.
"Hey, I'm Rebecca agent 101" she said as she extended a hand and I firmly shook it letting my gun go back to my side. My heart rate picked up questioning why the agency would send an agent. Maybe they already knew about my doubts. Maybe she was sent to kill both of us. I tightened my grip on my gun.
"Hello I'm The-"
"I know who you are you are literally like the best agent we have" she said smiling at me. Confusion spread across my face the more she spoke. For someone sent here to kill me she was being really nice about it. She must have noticed my confusion because she spoke up again, "After reading the report you filled out they sent me here to help you with the last couple details and planning. If this is as big as you say it is-"
"Even I'm gonna need help" I said finishing her sentence. Of course they were, this was routine. As I closed the door I cursed my paranoia. I needed to get it together.
"Exactly, I know no agent likes a partner but it is what it is" she said as she brought her bag farther into my house.
"Thea?" I heard Sean's gravely morning voice call as he rounded the corner. I quickly opened Rebecca's handbag and dropped my gun in. Just as it fell Sean rounded the corner rubbing his eyes and yawing, "You're up real-... oh who is this" he said as his eyes fell on Rebecca. I moved next to her letting a smile spread on my face,
"Sean, good morning" I smiled but his eyes were focused on her, "This is actually my cousin, she finished studying abroad and I invited her to spend the next couple month at the house until she leaves again this summer" I placed my hands on her shoulders. He glanced between us,
"You two are cousins" he said pointing between us. He was obviously talking about the very apparent differences between us, the most prominent one being our skin.
"I'm adopted" she interjected and I nodded.
"Oh" he said nodding. I moved over to where Sean was standing,
"And Rebecca this is Sean, he's my..." I trailed off not knowing what to say
"Boyfriend" he filled in sliding his hand on my waist. I panicked on the inside very aware Rebecca was going to grill me and the maybe just a little freaked out because Sean called himself my boyfriend. There was a bit of awkwards silence before i spoke up again,
"Becca let me show you to your room" I said leading her down the hall. As soon as the door closed I spoke up, "I can explain-"
"What is there to explain? It's deep cover right?" she smiled and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Yeah you got it" I said and winked, "I'll leave you to unpack" I head to the kitchen where Sean had already started making a cup of coffee. I smiled seeing his stubble and the way his boxers sat low on his hips.
"You didn't tell me your cousin was coming" he said pouring me a cup,
"I didn't flowing in the conversation last night" I smiled and he shook his head as he took a sip,
"I'm just saying you never talk your family and then suddenly one of them is staying at your house" he raised his eyebrow,
"There's not much to say. My parents are off in their own world and I'm here. Plus, i thought it was be nice to have some company" I explained.
"It just makes it harder to do stuff like this" he said moving towards me, he moved his arm around my back and I moved my head up to kiss him. It was one kiss slow our lips only slowly coming apart as I looked in his eyes. I could have stayed like that all day, staring his his eyes that seemed like they could have a conversation with me all on their own. I jumped back as I heard Rebecca's door open,
"See" Sean muttered as he moved away from me and suddenly pretending to be making some toast. She walked in the kitchen her phone and keys in hand,
"I won't be back until later today" she said to me her eyes glancing at Sean who was suspiciously putting jam on untoasted bread.
"By the way, a bunch of our friends are coming over tonight to watch movies, you should join us" Sean said not turning around. I tried not to laugh knowing exactly why he couldn't. she glanced to me with uncertainty,
"Yeah, I'll be sure to try and make it back" she said before she head for the door again. As soon as it closed I couldn't contain my laugh, Sean finally turned around as he stared at me.
"You were really glued to that counter, champ" I laughed as I moved to the living room,
"This is your fault by the way" he yelled after me,
"One kiss? One kiss is all it takes? Not even making out, one little cute romantic moment" I laughed again and he stayed silent, "Either I'm the world's best kisser or lil Sean is touched starved" Sean pretended to find no humour in this but I could see the glint of a smile.
"There is nothing little about it"
"Sean, don't worry I'm not with you for your body. I'll love you no matter what" I laughed, but he just stared back at me.
"You love me?" he said putting his cup down. I stopped recalling what I said. It slipped out while I was talking, but I meant it. I looked to Sean who was smiling ear to ear, "Thea loves me" he mocked.
"No, I don't" I said smiling and curling under the blanket,
"Thea loves Sean, Thea loves Sean" he mocked dancing around me. I couldn't stop myself from laughing,
"No I hate you" I said as I jumped over the back of the couch and ran away from him. In an instant he caught up wrapping his arms around me and lifting me in the air. He swung me over his shoulder as I hit his back,
"You have a cute butt" he said and slapped it making me hit him even harder. Before I knew it I was being thrown in the air and fell onto the softness of my bed. He climbed over me as I struggled to move my curly hair out of my face. "So what was that about you hating me" he smiled
"Fight me, I hate you" I laughed and I felt him start to tickle me, I yelling trying to move me away but his hips held me firmly in place. I had never been ticklish before, but with Sean I couldn't stop laughing as he moved. But both of our laughing was interrupted with Sean's phone ringing across the room. both our heads snap to it and Sean climbs off me picking up his phone.
"Hello... right now...why....ok" I listened to the one way phone watching Sean's face change. As he hung up the phone he looked at me,
"I have to go" he said regretfully,
"Gang related?" I could ask my question openly now, but he just stared at me like I asked a forbidden question. He sighed as he pulled on his jeans,
"Yeah, but you shouldn't worry" he said as he pulled on a shirt. I bit my nails as I watched him get ready from bed. It felt like both our energies were sucked out with that phone call. After he was ready he walking over to the bed sitting on the edge, looking at me.
"I'll be back tonight" he said leaning over and giving me a kiss on my forehead. In a second he was out of the room closing the door behind him. I climbed out of bed disappointed Sean left but happy I could finally have sometime to myself.
Ding-Dong
I cursed myself for jinxing it going to the door. But the door was already opening, Chloe stood there food in hand and white wine in the other. She smiled at me putting the things down and hugging me.
"I've missed my best friend" she said in my shoulder and squeezed her back. Truthfully I had never had been a bad friend to Chloe lately letting Sean consume each and every minute of my life lately.
"I missed you too, babes" I said squeezing her, she puled away going back and picking up her things,
"Enough of that gushy-shit. I brought food and wine, for just us two to hand out all day" she said bringing it into my kitchen,
"Aren't we a little young to be having wine days" I asked laughing.
"Dawling we are never to young for some wine" she said in a faux posh british accent as she popped the cork. She pulled two wine glasses out and told me to meet me by my pool in my tiniest bikini. I laughed but ran to my room pulling on a thin red bathing suit that barely covered my body. I found Chloe running a bath for me pouring some of the wine in the bubbles. She looked at me and shrugged,
"It's good for the skin, my love" she said making me laugh. I stepped in loving the feeling of the burning hot water. After a couple minutes Chloe walked in wearing thin black bikini,
"Move over bitch" she said as she stepped in beside me. As Chloe stepped in the water sloshed over making me laugh. I oddly felt comfortable in there with her just happy to have her near me. We sat on either end of the tub as we sipped the wine.
"So Sean must have told you everything" she said.
"Yeah the gang, the drugs, everything" I said nodding. Chloe looked nervous for a second before she took a sip of the wine.
"And you're okay with it? You're okay with me? With all of us?" her voices was laced with uncertainty. It occured to me for the first time that the others cared about me more than I had realized. I nodded my head and smiled,
"Obviously it was a lot to take in. But babes, I love you. Nothing's gonna change that, no matter what" I assured her and it seemed like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She smiled moving over to me in the bath she laid on top of me. I moved my hand through the water wrapping it around her back.
"I was so scared, I swear to god I sat out there for like thirty minutes trying to get myself out my car" she said her voice cracking. I looked down at her on my chest and wiped her face getting bubbles on her. She laughed a bit and wiped it herself.
"Babes, you can always come to me I don't judge at all" I said smiling,
"Except you hate like everything" she laughed and I shook my head,
"And you hate everyone" I replied,
"And they hate us" she added.
"Look at us the two bitches everyone hates" we laughed together making more water spill onto the floor.
"Love you to death" she said puckering her lips I laughed giving her a quick peck before we both downed the rest of our drinks,
"Oh my God!" we heard someone yell and bth our heads snapped to the entrance of my bathroom. Jax stood there his eyes seemed three times his normal size, "This is my dream, why did neither of you guys think to call me" he yelled coming closer to us. We both stayed where we were laughing at him,
"I hope you understand how creepy that is" Chloe yelled trying to throw some bubbles at him.
"Get out, creep" I yelled and we both started to chant "Get out, creep" until he got out of the bathroom. We climbed out the tub scared Jax would come back in and make more weird comments. We changed into comfortable clothes before meeting Jax and James in the kitchen.
"James why did you let him come in my room" I said hitting his chest and getting some water.
"I tried to tell him, but who can stop this idiot" he said. We all laughed as we moved to the living room.
"Are you guys ready to binge" Jax said as he plopped on the floor. I laid on my by on the couch behind him almost falling off. In a second Chloe was crawling and laid on top of me. I wrapped my arms around her. Her cascaded onto my chest and I realized how much I missed her. She was one of the first people that helped me when I got here. Jax looked back and frowned,
"Chlo, I thought you were gonna lay with me" he whined.
"I like her more" she said sticking her tongue out.
"Gross" he said as he scrolled through the movies, he decided on Clueless and I let that one go after everything with Chloe. I enjoyed the movie even the part where Jax talked through the important parts or the parts where Chloe laughed a little too much. It wasn't till it ended I wondered where Sean was but Jax already started the next movie before I could call him. By the third movie Chloe has fallen asleep on top of me and Jax was starting to drift off. I glanced at James who was sneaking out already.
I silently tried to wave him down but he just shook his head as snuck out. I was stuck there not wanting to wake up either of them. I stared at the ceiling about to drift off when I heard the door open. In the corner of my vision I saw Sean tip toe to our living room. I smiled at him not wanting to make any sudden movement. He leaned down placing a soft kiss on my forehead and smiling.
I silently cursed at him for leaving me there. After the third movie ended I used my frr arm to shake Jax awake,
"Get up creepo" I whispered and his eyes fluttered open. He took Chloe off my chest and she wrapped her arms and legs around his body. I smiled at him as we walked out the door our silent goodbye so we wouldn't wake Chloe. I head to the room and found Sean asleep in my bed, he was still in his jeans and shirt as if he had passed out. I couldn't help the small smile on my lips bit I head to the shower wanting to wash my hair. After a quick wash and tough detangle I wrapped a towel around me and head into my room.
Sean laid in bed on his bed his back facing mine,
"You're awake" I said as I dried my hair.
"Yeah I was just taking a nap before" he said with his back from me, "But what is this Jax telling me about a bath with Chloe" he said turning around. His eyes fell on me looking me up and down in my towel.
"Should have been there Kingsley. Very hot, bubbles, skin to skin contact. You should be worried" I said sitting with one leg up on the bed.
"Should I be worried" he joked as he laid his head into my lap. My hand instinctively went to his hair playing with his curls he looked up at me wide eyed.
"Extremely" I laughed,
"I guess I'll show you what you're missing" he sat up and moved towards on all fours. He dug his hand on the back of my scalp as he kissed me gently. As soon as he kissed me my stomach flutter with every movement. He gently pushed me back on the bed so I laid down. He trailed a line of kiss down from the back of my ear down my collarbone. I arched my back as he moved the cold after he kissed electrifying my body.
I started to sit up not breaking our kiss. I pushed him back so now he laid on his back and I swung my leg over his lap. I broke the kiss to look down at his hair strewn everywhere. His lips were swollen and red from the kiss and his eyes seemed a much deeper gray than I've ever seen.
"The towel's a little constricting don't you think" I asked and he just nodded. I undid the knot at the top of the towel letting it fall on his lap. In a second he trailed kisses from my collarbone down to my chest and making me arch my hips against him. My body felt on fire the more he moved.
"Thea" he moaned against my skin. I moved my hips more as his hands massaged my skin I grabbed his hair bringing his lips back to mine. I moved my hips again feeling him moan in my mouth, I smiled and pushed him onto the bed. I smiled down at him as I started to move my lips on his chest. I moved my hand down moving it back and forth and his head fell back as he moaned. I kept kissing farther down looking up at him watching his face in euphoria.
"Thea-" he tried to say sitting up but my hand moved faster cutting him off, "Wait no, stop" he said as he sat farther up. I stopped looking up at him in confusion,
"Is there something wrong" I ask as I sat up and moved away from him, "Did you not like it, was I doing something wrong?" He was panting as he sat up not looking me, as if he was trying to catch his breath.
"No, no, no obviously I was enjoying it" he said grabbing my hands and looking at me, "It's just, I don't wanna sleep with you yet"
"I mean we don't have to all the way" I said looking down and moving closer to him but he moved back,
"Thea, if we keep going. You won't wanna stop and I won't wanna stop. It took every single drop of self control to stop you just now" he smiled at me. I mean his was right but I didn't get the point. "Thea, you are the love of my life. I want everything we do together to be special, especially this" He said holding my hands.
I guess when he explained it, he made sense. Sean was always the romantic one of the two of us, one of the reasons I loved him. I leaned over giving him a light kiss, he pulled away standing up.
"Where are you going" I asked.
"Let's just say my brain is the only part of me to decide not to sleep with you" he said as he slightly waddled to the bathroom. I giggled as I crawled under the covers,
"Oh, you mean lil Sean" I laughed.
"Don't you want me to go out there and fight you" he called from behind the bathroom door.
"That's the plan" I laughed again. I heard the shower turn on and I rolled over in bed. I drifted off to sleep content with knowing I would wake up to the love of my life.
I fell asleep thinking nothing in the World could disturb us.
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Sorry for not updating for a while but with exams and homework it is really hard.
But please if you enjoyed this chapter remember to vote and comment.
QOTC: What do guys think will happen next?