I open my eyes slowly and frown at him, 'because even if your brain can't remember... your heart can' I had no idea what he meant by that but I decide to ignore it, because doing the opposite feels like too much. Things were already complicated as they were and I needed answers. So I pull back and stare at our hands instead. He doesn't moves and I feel his stare but I don't look back at him so he leans back letting out a sigh.
"Too much?" he asks as he moves his hand off top of mine, placing it upwards on the table and he waits for me to respond to this gesture.
I stop staring at our now separated hands and meet his stare before answering "A little" I respond quietly but before he can remove his hand from the table, I place my hand against his, intertwining our fingers as we lay our hands on the table again "How about you give me some answers first"
"Ooookay, to answer the most important question you might have in your head right now and which you might not dare to ask, yes I am single" he teases giving me a smirk and I just let out a chuckle, shaking my head.
"How considerate of you, that one was driving me nuts" I say with sarcasm "didn't know how to bring that up"
"Just good old me, helping our ship out" he says humbly and I stare back at him in confusion.
"Our ship? What do you mean?" I ask and he looks at me shocked as if it was a sin for me to not know what the word meant in whatever context he was using it.
"This is why you should use your twitter more often," he said taking out his phone with his free hand and I guessed he was going opening the twitter app "if I'm correct, a ship is when you want two people to be together, so you, uh, ship them and even come up with names for them. People use it all the time in here, like for celebrities and stuff, but I sort of use it in real life. For example, your sister and Damon would be... delena? And when she was Stefan...?"
"Stelena?" I answer and I laugh at how crazy that sounds "So I see Katherine has put you up to speed with everything"
"Sort of. Poor Katerina, how sad is it that nor kamon or stef-stefa-steferina, whatever their ship name was, became true?" he asks shaking his head as if it was truly the most tragic thing he's heard "I mean I don't blame her, yeah she's a little... well she's Katherine, but I blame Stephan and Damian, they truly didn't get the whole 'loving the villain for a change' trend. Shame."
I can't help but laugh when he gets their names wrong because it sounds way more hilarious to say it that way than their original names. "I know she loved Stefan but she was really mean to Damon, besides you could say he's half a villain half a good guy so I don't think that ship would've worked"
Kai smiles when he hears me use the word 'ship' before continuing our interesting but strange conversation"True, villains as a couple are quite boring actually or when they good guy and the good girl get together and live happily ever after. Ugh, annoying"
I was about to respond but we're interrupted by Summer, whose eyes first land at our intertwined hands on the table and then she looks at Kai, whose eyes are locked on mine even if I'm not looking at him anymore. She seems annoyed by this so she looks at me and gives me a fake smile.
"Number 2 with a beer" she says as she tries to place the plate in front of Kai but seeing that he doesn't moves his arm she just places it in front of it instead. "And another number two, with a milkshake and a water" I try to move my hand so she's able to place everything in front of me but Kai doesn't let go so she's forced to do the same thing as before and leaves without saying anything else.
I stare back at Kai giving him a disapproved look and he gives me an innocent look in exchange "That was rude" I say grabbing one of the fries on my plate.
"She'll live, It's not like I did something wrong" he says defending himself and he grabs one of his fries as well.
"You could've just moved your arm" I say before taking a bite.
"Such action would have led me to stop holding your hand, so not worth it" he says while he eats one of his fries. "Anyhoo, I always meant to ask, did you ship delena or stelena more?"
"I don't know, I guess at some point I shipped both? It's complicated like I want Elena to be happy but also Damon and Stefan" I answer honestly and I never actually thought about it, but I did remember telling Elena that as long as she felt happy and loved I didn't really mind who she chose to be with "Always meant to ask?" I question him before he can change the subject to another ship war.
He continues eating avoiding my question and he looks up to someone raising his hand to caught their attention "Hey, Spring, would you be a dear and bring us two of those couple straws, that diners have for the shakes" he says with a smile to Summer, I guessed and I keep myself from laughing so I don't look back at her.
"It'll be extra" she says bitterly, leaving the straws on our table.
"Thanks, Autumn" he replies cynically to her before she leaves "I always wanted to this," he says with a smile, excited as he lets go of my hand to put both straws in the milkshake that was now placed between us "hope it's not one of those fake hollywood moments, that would be disappointing"
"Shouldn't I be sitting in front of you? At least that's how they always do it" I ask him and he considers it, so I begin to move to stand up but he stops me by grabbing my hand.
"Uh-uh, I don't want you being all the way there all alone when we can be sitting together" he protests and I just laugh at the statement but when I realize that he's being serious, I give him a warm smile holding his hand.
"It's not like I'm gonna be sitting all the way back in China, plus don't you want your, and I quote 'romantically share a milkshake together while giving each other heart eyes' moment?" I say standing up while still holding his hand but it's not convincing enough so I continue "I'll sit next to you as soon as we finish the milkshake, deal?"
"Deal" he answers letting my hand go and I finally sit in front of him, I can see Katherine in one of the tables on the other side of the room.
"You're always this clingy with strangers?" I ask him moving the milkshake so it's placed between us again.
"Once again, you're the exception to the rule" he answers and we both lean in to take a sip together. I take in the fact that I've never done this before either, and it's not disappointing. It's magical. It even makes the unrecognized feeling at the pit of my stomach rise up and I become aware of what it is, in this exact moment. Sitting in a booth at a diner, romantically sharing a milkshake together... as Kai looks at me with his piercing blue eyes like if nothing's wrong in the world... like if he was always meant to be the one I'm supposed to be sharing this moment with. Call it destiny or stockholm syndrome but... it was butterflies, the feeling, butterflies in my stomach. I stop drinking and lean back onto my seat as soon as I realize what I just confirmed in my head, something was definitely not right about me. It was probably just in the spur of the moment, we literally just met, I couldn't possibly be feeling something for him. Specially in our situation, it was stupid and scary. But what terrified me the most was the familiarity of that feeling.
"So worth it," he chanted, leaning back on his seat as well but he frowns at me when he notices I'm not smiling like I probably was a few seconds ago "what's wrong?" he asks concerned and he studies my expression carefully as if he's trying to decipher what I'm thinking.
"Kai... I've been nice to you, for the most of it. Considering who you possibly might be and what you're capable of... I've been extremely nice, more than I would normally allow myself to but- it somehow seems you're the exception to the rule as well," I admit honestly as our eyes meet before I continue "I don't know if I'm just playing nice so that you will take pity on me and let me go or if it's a distraction to set my escape plan in motion... I-I don't even know anymore. I need you to help me Kai, help me understand because I'm really struggling here"
"Hey, hey... it's okay" Kai reassures me holding both of my hands. There's concern in his eyes but there's also something else, "It's my fault, I should've just-... I know this is hard for you to comprehend, and probably nothing makes any sense right now but I-I just want you to know that I'm trying to help, okay? And I know that I should probably keep working on my self control," he chuckles as he gets to the last part before continuing again "But-... uh- believe it or not, this is hard for me as it is for you"
And I want to believe him, I'd like to believe him but I know that I can't. Even if I can hear the honesty and good intentions behind every single word he's said, I can't. It's not rational for me to do so. He's my captor and I'm his hostage, so all I had to do was focus on escaping.
"Then be honest with me," I sighed "and I promise, I'll do whatever you say"
He raises his eyebrow at me, giving me a smirk as soon as I finish speaking and I just shake my head "As long as it's something related to helping me out of whatever trouble I might be in" I add.
"I'm joking, I wouldn't force you to do anything you don't want to" he says in all seriousness "And since I'm in a very good mood," he continued letting my hands go before he goes on "emphasis on very. I accept your proposition. I do have to warn you, there are some things I might not be able to answer... for your own sake"
"Sounds fair. But will you ever tell my why are there things you can't tell me in the first place?" I ask as I resume eating my food.
"Yes, I will, just not yet. It's complicated" he answers and he continues eating as well "Ask away"
This is what I've been preparing myself for, even if I know some of the questions might not be answered, it worth to give each one a try. "How did you meet Katherine?"
"Right. Katerina. Complicated" he says before taking a sip of his drink.
Dead end. "Can you at least tell me how long you've known her for? Is she your friend or perhaps... something else?" I ask intrigued because the thought of them being more than just 'let's kill the mystic falls gang' teammates has crossed my mind. They did seem to have more in common than meets the eyes, it' not like Katherine would get along with a a goody-two-shoes or be scared of one.
"Me and Katherine? In what universe does that make sense?" he chuckles ironically but the way his voice sounds pitchy convinces me he's not being completely honest.
"Really?" I implied and squint my eyes at him.
"Uh-... there might've been some... we might've been personally involved in some actions to-to blow off some steam in an extremely hot place but uh, you wouldn't believe–" he admits and I scoff, of course he would be involved like that with Katherine "but I was in a very, very dark place and I-I was desperate...and irrational like-like an animal. It didn't mean anything, both times, I-..."
Both times? Guess I was right about not believing him. God, how could've I been so naive and stupid. I was disappointed, when I had no reason to be. I probably deserved it, for expecting the best from someone who will probably only let me down. "So you're probably just another Elijah, which proves my point about you being Katherine's lapdog. Let me guess, If she says jump, you jump and if she says slit my throat, you-" I concluded but he interrupts me before I can finish.
"I had my humanity off! Both times... it was off. I-" he snaps at me but he takes a deep breath before continuing "And I know that you probably don't care right now but just remember that I had my humanity off and that-that it didn't mean anything and-... if I could-... I would take it back... everything I did with my humanity off... I would take it all back" he almost pleads as he takes my hand and I let him.
And though I've been convincing myself of not believing who could possibly be someone worst than Katherine... I do it. Because either he's really good at pretending the desperation and guilt that his eyes now burden or he really cares about what I think of him. "I'm not gonna judge for whatever you did when it was off, it's what you do after you get it back"
"I was sort of hoping you'd help me with that" he admits lightly giving me a smile but I stare at him in confusion.
"Why me? I doubt I'd be of much help" I say curious to know the reason why.
"Complicated. Just know that, if anyone can help me make things right... it's you. You're good, Maddie, you're pure and forgiving. You always try to see the good in people and you try to understand them... which is something that no one's kind enough to do, not with people like me" he gives me a reassuring smile and I feel completely swoon by his words, yes, maybe it was naive for me to do so but I couldn't help it.
And I don't ask anything else about it because I know it might be another dead end. "Which reminds me, you didn't answer my second question about Katherine"
"We've known each other for quite a while know. Has it really been only six years?"he responds looking a bit surprised by that statement, as his eyes become empty like he's remembering something unpleasant "Feels like we've known each other for centuries. Well to be fair, time really does not fly down there"
"Wait. Six years? That's impossible" I scoffed, it didn't make any sense "Katherine's been dead for at least seven or eight"
"Right... uh... funny story... I didn't technically meet her six years ago" he says clearing his throat "I- uh- we met through some witchy spirit ritual... you know some good old mumbo jumbo talk to the dead kind of thing. I was actually trying to contact someone else and then boom, out of the nowhere, I'm speaking with Katerina and she's all like 'i'm in hell, you're this mega powerful witch, let's make a deal' and I was like 'first of all, rude, you don't just uninvitedly show up to other people's summonings and why would I help some looney from hell' but it turns out she had more information about something I was searching for at that time, than the actual spirit I was trying to contact"
A small laugh escapes from my lips as he tells the story and I try to suppress it because I don't want him to think I actually enjoy hearing him talk or that I genuinely find him funny, which is true but I can't have him knowing that.
"Well, she is resourceful" I admit and I do believe his story, it did sound like Katherine "You mentioned something earlier, about you being a heretic? Are you one of Lily's friends? Is that why you seek revenge?"
Here's the thing about Lily's heretics, I did remember them, there were six of them and they went hellbent on Mystic Falls but I don't remember any of that... from my point of view. It was weird, I didn't remember being there in person, which was stupid because I know I was, I had to be. Yet the memories of it seemed altered and too shiny whenever I tried to look back at them, as if they were someone else's. It felt like I was filling gaps.
"So you do know about Lily's heretics?" he questions as his eyes widen.
"I know there were six of them, some of them were ruthless and it was a real pain in the ass to get them out of Mystic Falls" I answer but I begin to doubt what I was saying.
"You helped getting them out of Mystic Falls?" he inquires but I can tell he's beginning to get confused by what I'm saying, as well.
"Uh- I" I begin but I don't continue because I don't know what to say, like if my brain is searching the answer in some lost archives. You fled Mystic Falls, we all did. You stayed at Whitmore and then the hellstorm with Rayna happened. "Sorry, what I meant to say was that I fled Mystic Falls, we all did. I stayed at Whitmore and then all the trouble with Rayna happened"
"And I guess you left to London after all of that ended" he adds but he stares at me cautiously.
"Yeah, right" I nod but there's doubt in my voice because I wasn't really sure "It happened a long time ago, and I've barely even thought about it" I excuse myself but it's like I'm trying to reassure myself.
"Yeah, years ago" he says suspiciously "Hey, Maddie, do you remember how Lily died? Were you there?"
"She-... she- uh, Julian, killed her...? I wasn't there" I reply but it's like my brain it's too slow, once again "I was at Whitmore because we fled Mystic Falls"
"When did you flee Mystic Falls?" he questions as soon as I finish answering.
But don't answer because I have to give it a thought, I need to recall that memory only... I'm at a loss, until the voice steps in to help me "After what happened at Matt's graduation ceremony, it was horrible, we knew nobody was safe with them in Mystic Falls and they were too powerful to control them" I respond but it almost sounds like if I'm reciting this from another memory, not the real ones, not the ones I should be getting this information from.
"What did you do that day? Before Matt's ceremony?" he asks as he leans in, completely interested in what I was about to say.
But I find myself unable to recall that memory or anything about that day besides Matt's graduation, my mind was just blank and there's no voice to help me this time, "Probably hang around Mystic Falls or at the Salvatore House" I take a guess because it's the best I can do.
"With your sister?" he questions cautiously.
"Elena, yeah, probably-" I cut myself off because it takes me another moment and as I begin to recall the right memories to answer to that question, I feel the buzz in my head slowly rising once again "... no, she wasn't there. She's under a spell, her life was linked to Bonnie's, so she won't wake up until Bonnie dies" so that's why I knew Elena couldn't possibly be at that bar, because whatever chance I have of seeing my sister alive and well again, won't happen for at least another six decades.