CHAPTER THIRTY
Please, don't ask me.
Pagkauwing-pagkauwi ko sa bahay, sinalubong ako ng yakap ni Ressler.
"Thank you for coming home tonight," he said, giving me a soft kiss on my forehead. "I missed you," dagdag niya pa.
I missed you too . . .
I want to tell him him that. But I ended up saying, "I'm tired. Let me rest first."
I saw pain in his eyes. "Let's eat first. Please?" Halos pumiyok ang boses niya nang sabihin niya sa 'kin iyon.
Bumuntong-hininga ako.
"Okay."
Agad siyang napangiti at hinawakan ang kamay ko papunta sa dining area. He really prepared for dinner. Mayroon pang mga bulaklak sa sahig. It's like we're on a date.
I had to stop my tears from falling. Hindi niya dapat makita na naa-appreciate ko lahat ng ginagawa niya para sa 'kin.
Nang magsimula kaming kumain, kinamusta niya 'yong trabaho ko. Tipid lang ang mga sagot na binigay ko. "Ikaw? Kumusta work?" I asked.
Madami siyang kinuwento at nakinig lang ako.
"Are you free tomorrow?" bigla niyang tanong.
Napahinto naman ako sa pagsubo ng pagkain. "Why?"
"Since you're keeping your distance from me, I know you don't want to have a baby. But can we adopt a child instead?"
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya.
"Ayoko," tipid kong sagot.
"Why not?" He scoffed. "Tam, I don't know why you're acting like this. I don't know why you're always giving me that cold treatment. I don't know why, Tam. I don't know. I really don't know," his voice cracked, tears coming out from his eyes.
No, please. Don't cry . . .
"I don't know why you're treating me like this but I try to understand you. Kahit hindi na kita maintindihan, iniintindi pa rin kita. Can't you do the same for me?"
I avoided his eyes and didn't say anything.
"I want a child, Tam. Please give me some consideration here."
He won't stop until he gets what he wants.
"Okay," I said in a coldest manner.
I stood up and glanced at him. "But don't expect me to treat that child as my child."
He scoffed in disbelief. "Naririnig mo ba 'yong sinasabi mo?"
"That will be your child. Not mine. End of story," pagmamatigas ko.
His jaw clenched.
"Why did you even marry me?" he suddenly asked, pain written all over his eyes.
Please, don't ask me that.
"Why did you marry me, Tam?" he repeated but just I looked away to avoid his eyes.
"I thought I was ready. Turns out I wasn't," I lied, turning away from him.
The moment I turned my back at him, my tears started falling.
Sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko. Sobrang bigat sa loob ko na bitawan lahat ng salitang sinabi ko. Ayaw kong magbitaw ng masasakit na salita, pero wala naman akong ibang alam para maitulak siya palayo sa 'kin.
It's better this way.
I want you to hate me, so that it would be less painful for you when I'm gone.
I'm sorry, Ressler . . .