A/N: Trigger Warning this imagine contains alcohol abuse and self harm/(suicide) It's sad :( and over dramatic and there's no smut so lose, lose 💋
I'll let you know when it actually happens but the whole one shot is basically triggering.
*whipsers* happy ending tho
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I sat in the cold morning in my kitchen waiting for the coffee to be finished I had already made breakfast for three. I burped up smiling at the sound expecting a giggle but nothing. I sighed at the air before getting up and taking the hot coffee and pouring it into two mugs.
"And some extra sugar and cream because that's how you like it my Cuban beauty." I mumbled and sat in my chair looking at the small plate of food.
"And orange juice for you little one." I poured the juice into my three year old daughter's Frozen cup.
I ate my food in peace as I looked at what was my life now and sighed before cleaning everything up once more. I didn't have work today and I hated it because this was my first day off in weeks. I liked to work it kept my mind off things and I liked coming home to a warm place but now it was just cold.
I felt a small pain in my chest as I discreetly poured some vodka in my mug and sat down on the couch. Opening up Netflix and pressed on the movie of Dory because it was Camila's and Alaina's favorite. I drank my coffee and watched the opening of the movie and cooed at baby Dory.
Silence was deafening and I was pleading for one of them to say something but I know they weren't. They weren't here. I shook my head at the thought quickly as I felt the biggest pain in my chest. I gulped down my coffee quickly so the alcohol would hit quicker.
I watched four movies which all were their favorites and soon enough I was half drunk giggling at anything. I looked over to the empty spaces on my couch as I laughed but stopped when I noticed I was actually alone. I frowned to myself as I felt tears well up but I shook my head not wanting to relive any memories.
I stood up and walked upstairs looking at the family photos along the way and frowned deeply. I saw how happy they were and I felt the biggest burden on my chest.
"Please no." I prayed to whatever God that was up there that this feeling would go away.
It's been a year since they've been gone and it was all my fault I should've done everything in my power to keep them happy. I looked at the alcohol bottle in my hand and I sniffled before throwing it against the wall.
"Why?! Fuck. I'm so sorry." I cried loudly and looked up at the ceiling.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." I cried deeply as thick tears streamed down my face.
"Just come back, please, I'll do anything, okay? I love you, please." I cried again but still nothing and all I wanted was to be reunited again.
"I'm so sorry." I groaned as I looked over at Camila's side of the bed.
It was the exact same way she left it when she left that night and I didn't know how to handle it. Her best friend Lauren and Ally kept in touch with me but the others just thought everything was my fault so they left me.
No matter how many times Lauren and Ally say it wasn't my fault I know it was because if I hadn't been drinking they'd still be here. My two babies that I loved most in this world were gone permanently because of me. I couldn't take this pain.
My daughter's fourth birthday was tomorrow and I couldn't fucking take it. I cried deeply as I kept begging for forgiveness and kept apologizing for the wrongful things I did that night.
"I'm sorry, I should've just let you drive, I'm sorry, Camila, please." I begged as I cuddled her pillow and I groaned at the sharp stabbing pain in my chest.
It was like my heart was being ripped out from the root along with a deep pressure that was suffocating me. I heard my phone ringing but I didn't want to answer it I didn't want anything but a second chance.
"I just need to talk to you one last time. I need to hear your voice and I'm so sorry Alaina."
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you like I promised, babygirl, I'm sorry, mama's so sorry." I sobbed and punched the ground repeatedly until my knuckles felt raw and sore.
"Why couldn't it have been me?! Why'd you take them and not me? They deserved so much more than a damn casket! My babies." I clutched at my chest and shook my head looking around the room.
:: Trigger Warning ::
I got up and grabbed my sketchbook that was on my bedside table and quickly flipped to a page that wasn't Camila's or Alaina's face. I wrote down a simple statement before sliding it onto my bed. I breathed in Camila's pillow which I had sprayed with her perfume. I crawled over to the smashed alcohol bottle and picked up a rather large piece of thick glass.
"I regret everything I've ever done to make you get in that car with me. I'm sorry if you're still here watching me because I'm probably gonna disappoint you but I can't take the pain anymore. I can't handle that tomorrow is her birthday and she's not even here." I cried as I held the sharp glass to my arms.
I clenched my eyes shut as I thought about my daughter so free and happy but I took that away from her. I took everyone's happiness away when I took the wrong turn and smashed into the oncoming car. I screamed loudly as I thought about the fact I woke up alone no one waiting for me besides Lauren and Ally.
Waking up just to hear that my wife of seven years and girlfriend for six had died along with our three year old daughter. I didn't live alone till the eighth month and decided I could try and move on. But I didn't, I just tried to keep them here with my thoughts because it was the only way to survive. To act like they were still here.
Apparently it wasn't necessarily my fault because the investigators said I had been driving on the right side of the road. Another car had hit us so it was inevitable if I was drinking or not. But I call bullshit, this was my fault because I had gotten in that car drunk out of my mind for no reason and made my family get in with me.
I hadn't had another sip of alcohol since then but tonight was different, I couldn't handle it. So as I heard my phone going off the thousandth time I sliced the glass into the top of my forearm. Painfully sliding it downwards till it reached my wrist. I sliced it downwards instead of sideways so I knew I had gotten the vein.
I let the thick blood slip through the slice and let it stain the floor and my jeans as I felt the air get to it. I cried in pain looking at my daughter's teddy bear in the corner of the room.
"Mama's, sorry baby, I'm sorry." I whispered as tears streamed down my face.
I closed my eyes as I felt extremely tired but I also felt like I was gonna throw up any second. As I finally let myself go I heard the door burst open but it was too late.
_
I shot up in a pool of sweat gasping for air as the pain in my chest was no longer existent. I felt someone sit up next to me as I looked at my arm seeing it wasn't cut open anymore.
"Baby? You okay?" Her voice spoke and I snapped my head towards her.
I looked around quickly before noticing everything was exactly how it was before besides the teddy bear in the corner. I looked at her again as she frowned in confusion and I immediately felt tears well up in my eyes.
"Baby-" I cut her off as I kissed her deeply and she giggled against my lips.
She leaned back surprised with my actions and I cried against her cheek causing her to caress my cheeks.
"Baby, what happened? Are you okay? Did you drink too much again?" She asked me and I shook my head holding her closer to me.
"No, I promise I didn't drink anything. I won't drink at all anymore, if it keeps you in my life for the rest of it then I won't have a damn drop. Baby, I love you so much, I'm so sorry, I need you more than anything." I ranted looking her in the eyes and she frowned in confusion.
"Babe, what happened?"
"G-God, y-you're here." I shakily said before letting out a sob.
"I missed you so much." I cried deeply and she pulled me into her arms more worried than confused.
"Did you have a bad dream, Y/NN?" She asked me softly but I just clutched onto her sides shaking my head.
"It wasn't a dream, it wasn't a dream." My voice cracked and Camila kissed my forehead as she cradled my head.
"It's gonna be okay, tell me what happened." She whispered and I looked at her with teary eyes.
I kissed her lips softly and she kissed back immediately as she ran her hands through my hair. I cried against her lips and held her tighter, "You were gone. Because of me. You and Alaina died because-" I sobbed and she held me closer to her as she whispered sweet nothings into my ear.
"Shh, it's alright, we're here, I'm here. We're fine, baby." She made me lean back and she wiped my tears before kissing my lips.
"I'm real, okay? I'm right here." She whispered and I felt the diamond ring against my cheek.
"I'm sorry." I said holding back another sob and she frowned once more before I looked at the clock.
8:32 am
I hopped up running to the door just in time to see my daughter running towards the door with her teddy bear. I gulped as I picked her up while she giggled deeply. I kissed her cheeks repeatedly causing her to laugh and squeal.
"Hi mama! What's wrong?" She giggled as she wiggled in my arms and I pulled back with teary eyes.
"I just missed you that's all." I whispered poking her chubby cheek and she smiled at me widely as her eyes shined with happiness.
"I was just downstairs, mama." She quipped innocently and I kissed her forehead.
"I know, come on." I smiled at her as I kept her in my arms and I spun around causing her to laugh.
I looked at Camila who was watching us with a loving smile but I could tell she was confused of how I was acting. Alaina's teddy bear flew out of her arms and landed in the corner where it was before and I frowned. I playfully pushed Alaina down onto the bed causing her to giggle and Camila to rub our daughter's head.
I walked to the bear and picked it up so it wouldn't be in that specific corner and threw it onto Alaina's stomach. I smiled genuinely as she cuddled into her mother's side and I jumped onto the bed.
"Let's just stay in bed today, alright? Watch movies and then we'll go out tomorrow at Chucky Cheeses, okay?" I suggested and Camila smiled at me before shaking her head.
"I can't tonight, baby, you know we have dinner at my mom's." She mumbled and I felt an overwhelming sense of deja vu.
"Can't we just go tomorrow? I swear we can go anywhere but not today." I said and she frowned at me.
"Baby, I'm getting a bit more worried. Look, we'll go tonight and we'll do anything you want tomorrow-"
"We can't, babe, please you have to understand- wait what day is it?" I stopped myself and Camila sighed.
"April 12th, Wednesday." She said softly and I felt my heart ache immensely.
"Yeah, we're definitely not going anywhere tonight." I frowned causing Camila to take a deep breath and look at me as if I were crazy.
"We always have dinner on Wednesday's though-"
"Baby, please you gotta trust me on this, we can't go." I said softly so I wouldn't freak my daughter out even though I was panicking on the inside.
"You need to elaborate more on this because you're honestly scaring me." She said getting out of bed and I felt my heart swell and break at the same time as she walked towards her closet.
"Fine, just, you have to have an open mind when I tell you this, alright?" I said to her and she sighed nodding before looking at our daughter who was looking at us curiously.
"Honey, can you go downstairs and put Dory on? I wanna go watch it." Camila asked Alaina and she immediately got up without another word and ran out of our room with her teddy bear.
"Okay, now tell me what is going on with you." She crossed her arms with a worried frown and I looked at her with a sniffle.
"What was in that dream that fucked you up so badly-"
"It's not a dream or a nightmare, baby. You need to believe me on that, I promise it was real, it wasn't a dream." I quickly said grabbing her hands and she looked me in my eyes and I knew she were silently looking to see if I were telling the truth.
"Okay." She whispered and frowned, "But how?" She asked me sitting on the bed and I frowned at the events of this day.
"You know I have a problem." I whispered sadly and she gulped knowing I was talking about alcohol.
"Yeah."
"I got really drunk tonight and I made you all get in the car." I started off shaking my head as I felt tears in my eyes.
"Supposedly it wasn't my fault because the car hit us but it wouldn't have if I was sober. Because it could've been easily stopped or swerved but it crashed into us. And there was a gas leak and.." I stopped as I felt myself start to cry even more and she looked at me softly.
"You and Alaina died from being too compacted in the car. The gas leak was killing you and I was the only one who could get out. But I was too drunk to move then. Dinah and Normani blamed me while Lauren and Ally took care of me."
"You didn't die instantly you suffered and so did our baby and fuck-" I stopped myself as I cried and she pulled me into her.
"It's all my fault so please I'm begging you don't leave tonight I won't ever drink again. I know I've said that before but I can't lose you I already know how it feels and that's why I killed myself-"
"Hey, hey, shh I'm here right now though. It had to be a dream-"
"No way! I spent an entire year without you!" I cried and she caressed my cheeks.
"It was the day before her birthday baby." I pulled her immensely closer to me as I stuffed my face into her chest, "I drank for the first time and I killed myself with the glass shard. Camila, you can't go anywhere tonight I'm begging you."
"Alright, alright I'm staying home today. Just relax babe I don't like seeing you like this." She whispered and lifted my head up and wiped my tears away.
"I don't wanna let you go." I whispered and she just shook her head with a smile.
"I'm not going anywhere." She mumbled and kissed my lips ever so softly.
"Let's go watch Dory I'll make you some breakfast-"
"Don't worry I'll make breakfast just go be with Alaina and relax, alright?" I kissed her lips as I sniffled and picked her up playfully.
"Babe." She laughed and I felt my heart pound.
Damn, did I miss her laugh.
I walked downstairs with my wife in my arms and I held her tight as she kissed my jawline.
"And I love you so much and nothing could ever change that? Alright? You've done nothing wrong in my eyes." She whispered into my ear and kissed my lips again.
I then had the most painful thought and I looked at her as I heard her steady breathing.
"What if this is a dream?" I asked and she just shook her head as I walked to the kitchen.
"I promise you it's not." She reassured me and I believed her because she's never lied to me before.
"Okay." I mumbled softly and she tugged on my ears.
_
Time passed quickly and it was nearing ten o'clock which was the time where my two precious babies had passed. I held them tightly in my arms as we watched Shark Tale in Camila and I's bedroom. Alaina giggled against my tummy while Camila cuddled into my neck.
We had not left the house at all, not even to check the mail and we always did. We made up games and watched the same shit over and over again until I knew they both wanted to actually settle down for bed. It was way passed Alaina's bed time anyways but I wasn't letting her out of my sight just yet.
I watched them both instead of the movie and prayed to God everything was gonna be okay. I started to doze off but made myself stay awake and it paid off as I watched the cartoon. Twenty minutes into another movie of Shrek, I heard Camila's slow and soft breathing against my neck and I looked down to see Alaina clutching onto my shirt and her teddy bear.
I tightened my hold on both of them and they curled up into me as I finally let myself drift away with a smile despite the anxiety I felt.
_
"Baby!" I heard Camila gasp and I immediately panicked waking up with lack of air.
"Baby.." Camila grabbed my cheeks and looked at me worriedly.
"Hm? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked my voice still groggy as my eyes adjusted to the lighting.
"You were telling the truth." She sniffled deeply and I frowned before wetting my lips.
"What?" I mumbled tiredly while she kissed my forehead softly and pointed to the tv.
"Four people tragically lost their lives in the car accident on eleventh and Baldwin. A nearby witness said that the entire street was on fire due to the gas leak from the wreckage. Only three made it out safe which were two women and their three year old daughter." The woman spoke on the local news and I frowned in confusion.
"Woah, woah, woah. Wait what?" Camila frowned and I looked at the tv more interested.
"The couple are back at home safe and sound and God bless the families of the loved ones who passed." The woman said and it cut out to the Clorox commercial leaving Camila and I staring at the tv in shock.
"Wait...what?" I questioned and Camila quickly got onto her phone noticing new messages coming in from everyone she knew.
"They're asking us how we are? We never left the house, what's happening?" Camila started to slowly panic and I pulled her into me feeling her breathing start to pick up.
"Just relax, I don't know either, all I know is what was gonna happen yesterday." I mumbled rubbing her back smoothly and she kissed my neck gently.
"Whatever it is I'm gonna be here, okay, Camila?" I mumbled and she nodded with a sniffle.
"I love you forever." She whispered looking into my eyes and I smiled lovingly at her.
I caressed her cheek ever so softly, "I have never loved anything as much as I love you. You are my life not that bottle." I spoke and her eyes reddened as she sniffled.
"I didn't know until now that I've always wanted you to say that-"
She was cut off when our walk-in closet door opened abruptly and came out our three year old daughter in Camila's heels.
"I look good." She cheesed at us ruining the moment I was having with my wife and we both looked at her.
We both laughed at our daughter as she tried walking in the oversized shoes but ended up catching herself so she wouldn't fall.
"And that little dork is my life too." I chuckled with Camila and she caressed my cheeks before kissing me.
Now I'd forever be grateful for this second chance because I wasn't gonna lose them again. Not in any way.
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