Another update! Two in one night! I'm surprising myself!
As always, any comments are hugely appreciated!
Enjoy! x
Kira POV
Time seems different here. Warped, somehow. It confuses me. Days and nights blur into one. There are periods when the minutes seem to drag, and then others when I barely notice the hours racing by. I drift in and out of a dreamlike state, often dazed. There hasn't been another vision since the dark room. My food is delivered at intervals, although I rarely see the deliverer. Occasionally, in a state of part-consciousness, I feel his presence, briefly, or catch a glimpse of those dark eyes, wary and guarded and controlled, before he quickly retreats. Ever since that day when we locked gazes, he has been distant, has offered no sign of recognition or emotion. If he feels anything for me, it can surely only be contempt, like all the others. He gives nothing away.
This should make it easier for me, but somehow it doesn't. Somehow, despite everything I've repeatedly told myself, it only makes me more determined to believe that he is different. Despite every logical thought, I can't shake him. He remains in my subconscious, lurking like a plague, tormenting me with impossible futures, with 'what if's and 'maybe's.
My heart can't accept what my brain tells me to be true.
Stupid, really. I'll only end up hurting myself.
It's inevitable.
*
I fall into a strange, twisted routine. I sleep, I eat, I stare at the door, then feel guilty. I try to think of escape plans, I fail. I wait for a vision. I keep waiting. And waiting. I sleep, I eat....
It's been days since I last saw him properly, consciously. It's hard to tell what's dream and what's reality, but I remember every second of his eyes on mine. No matter how ashamed I feel of my automatic reactions to him, my mind still travels back to replay that moment on a loop, like a broken record.
I can't seem to distance myself.
Not that he can ever be allowed to know that. It's one thing to feel this way. It's an entirely different thing for me to feel this way and for him to know it. I will never willingly give them a hold over me. They mustn't know my weaknesses. At any cost.
*
And then one day, something changes.
I awaken, and my tray isn't sat by the door, as it usually is. This makes me wary. Have they decided to stop feeding me? That can't be a good sign...
If they have decided to starve me, I'll stand even less of a chance of escaping than I do now. I'll quickly lose my strength – they've hardly been feeding me enough as it is – and I'll be unable to fight even one of them off. I'll be doomed to a brief life of imprisonment, and a prolonged painful death-by-starvation, or a sudden painful death-by-bullet, should I attempt to escape. Either way it's death...
Before I can ponder on it too much, however, the drowsiness takes over, and I fall asleep once more.
*
Lukas POV
Over the past few days, I've been good. I've followed my rules. I've barely been into the tower room, only to deliver her meals. There have been no messages to give her, so I have managed to avoid speaking. Straight in, and straight out. No complications.
That isn't to say it's getting any easier. I can barely look at her. But I'll have to eventually, if I am to complete Adrian's task. I'll have to get close to her one day.
I'm not looking forward to that day.
I am startled by the appearance of Ryder, who has pretty much gone back to ignoring me since the day of her arrival. He jogs towards me, a scowl on his face, and stops beside me.
"Go on." he says roughly, giving me a shove. "Boss says he wants to see you in his office, pronto. He's put me on temporary guard-duty while you're gone." His mouth twists around those two words. Guard duty. Sneering. Disgusted. Just how he feels about me.
"What's he want? Did he say what it was about?" I'm wary, not only of Adrian, but of the idea of leaving Ryder in charge of her.
"Didn't say. Didn't ask. Now run along like a good boy." Sneering again. "That was an order. He doesn't like to be kept waiting, you know. You know how he can get..."
I take one step from the door, and he promptly takes my places, scowling all the more as he does so. I back away, watching him, slowly at first, then breaking into a jog. Let's get this over with.
*
"So then," Adrian is at his desk, hands clasped, face bright, with a wide smile. I don't trust that smile. "Lukas. Lukas, Lukas. How are you getting on? How's the job?" His eyes gleam, a tiny black pupil surrounded by a milky-white. Bird-like. As if he could strike at any time. I don't trust his eyes either.
"Fine, I guess." I'm uncertain of how to act. I don't want to seem too keen – he's too sharp to miss such a huge lie. I must be convincing.
"Fine, you say? Good, good! Now, what have you learnt? Tell me everything." He pauses, then waves his hands, encouraging me to speak. I hesitate. What do I tell him? What does he want to hear? What can I make convincing?
"Not much, I'm afraid, Sir..." I pause, trying to muster a look of apologetic regret. "You see, she's been sleeping, mostly, when I've been in to deliver her food..." Adrian looks as though he's about to interject, so I hurriedly add "...And she's been uncooperative when awake, Sir, I mean, she just, erm, she just won't speak...Sir..." Well, not exactly a lie....She hasn't spoken...
"Oh boy... BOY, you'll have to try harder! You know we're working on a little special something of our own, but it will be so much better for everyone if YOU can get her to speak. The team will really feel that they can trust you then..." He trails off, as if in thought, although I suspect that this is a prepared speech, like so many of his others. "In fact, here's an idea!" Here we go. "How about, I'll give you the day. You have until the end of today to find out her name. Slow steps, you see, slow little baby steps. And then she will trust you." I try to interrupt, but apparently he's now finished with me. "Report back here at 10pm tonight, with her name. Off you go, now, get to it." And with that, he dismisses me, rifling through a bunch of crumpled papers on his desk and thoroughly ignoring me. Right. Okay. I have my task...
I just don't know if I'll have the nerve to complete it.
*
Kira POV
I awake suddenly, to – finally – see the figure I've been longing (and dreading) to see once again. I slowly sit up, and he jolts, as though startled. His eyes briefly catch mine, but he looks away hastily, staring instead at the floor, to where he has just placed my tray and glass. I guess they're not starving me then. It was just late... Trust me to overreact. I'm a bag of nerves these days. That's hardly surprising, though, given the circumstances.
He pauses, by the door, still studiously staring at the floor, very careful to avoid eye contact. I wonder what he could possibly want. He's usually so brief, delivering my meal and then leaving just as quickly. What's different today?
He slowly raises his glance to mine once more. He opens his mouth slightly, as though to say something. I hold my breath, anticipating the sound of his voice. Would it be deep? Gruff? Soft? And what could he possibly want to say to me? After all this time without a word?
My lungs scream for air, but still I hold my breath. I daren't breathe, in case it changes his mind and he leaves. Ridiculous, I know. He hesitates, then, almost imperceptibly, shakes his head. Sighs. Turns, and leaves.
I release a shaky breath.
Silence clings to the air long after he leaves.
*
Lukas POV
I'm being ridiculous. Completely, and utterly, ridiculous. She's just a girl. And the enemy. It's my job to get her to talk, to get close to her. I can't do that if I can't even start a conversation. So talk to her Lukas. Grow up. And do your duty.
I take a deep, shaky breath.
Next time. I'll do it next time.
*
Kira POV
I wait for him to return.
He was about to say something, I'm sure of it. And then, I don't know, I must have done something to scare him off. Whatever it was, I mustn't do it again. I need to know what he was going to say.
I'm feeling drowsy, when I hear the familiar creak of the door opening. He ignores me as usual, then glances across at me, just as he did earlier. Hesitates again. My heart judders in my ribcage. Go on. Say it. Please. I will him, in my head, to no avail. He turns to leave, just as he did before.
And then he stops.
Pauses.
Takes a deep breath.
Go on.
He turns back, meeting my gaze once more. I freeze. This is further than either of us have ventured before. Beyond here lies the unknown, for both of us, I sense, not just me. His eyes are full of uncertainty, but I lose myself in them all the same, surrendering the power to think at the same time.
He takes one tentative step forwards, towards me, and stops. My breath hitches. I am unable to break his gaze, unable to look away for even a millisecond. The intensity between us, in this moment, leaves me feeling, somehow, both lost and found.
"Hello."