A/N: Here it is. Nothing shy of dramatic, but that can only be expected in the situation.
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"What are you doing?" Camila asked as Lauren got off the bed and began getting dressed. "Are you leaving?"
"No." Lauren answered wide eyed as she realized what it looked like. "No. I'm not going anywhere. I just am not looking to have this conversation naked. It's probably going to be very dramatic and I would much rather be chasing you around the house, trying to calm you down when I'm clothed. If you haven't notice, half of your apartment is see through."
Camila calmed her fears about having unknowingly upset her girlfriend enough to leave, but was now filled with fear about this dramatic reaction she was expecting. "Okay...so, what exactly happened today?"
The raven haired woman sighed as she pulled on her shirt, leaving the bra on the floor to show Camila that she honestly had no intentions of leaving. "You remember that big account I was telling you about. That I've been working on for months now?"
Camila nodded with her brow dropped. "The one that you're shooting tomorrow? Yeah."
"Well, it's been canceled." Camila scrunched her face even further. She was confused but not upset enough to give the dramatic reaction that Lauren was leading her to believe she would. Then Lauren dropped her eyes to the floor. "...because I'm gay."
"Excuse me?" There it was. That dropped jaw, that low, harsh tone, that narrowed look in her eyes. "Are you serious? They called you and told you that-"
"They emailed me." Lauren corrected her, but that only managed to piss the brunette off more.
"So, they couldn't even call you and tell you that they are narrow minded bigots? Where is..." Camila trailed off as she wrapped herself in her sheets and marched out of the bedroom, Lauren following right behind to do as she expected to be doing.
"What are you looking for, Camila?"
"My phone. They can't do that Lauren. It's illegal let alone immoral and-"
"You can't prove that's what they did. And they'll argue that what we are doing is immoral."
Camila turned around sharply and headed straight towards Lauren, pointing an index finger into the startled photographer's chest. "It's immoral to love?"
"I didn't say that." The raven haired corrected her as she tried to sooth her with a hand on her shoulder but Camila turned away in search of her phone again. "All I said was that is what they would say. Baby, I understand you are upset..."
"No, Lauren. Upset is an understatement. I am pissed. I am outraged. I am hurt. I...I...there aren't words for what I am right now." Camila finally found her phone on the breakfast bar of her kitchen and began shifting through the contacts. Lauren stepped in behind her and took the phone from her hand, instantly gaining her a death glare from the brunette.
"Can we talk about this before you go alerting the media and every easily outraged homosexual in New York."
"They should all be outraged, Lauren! Why aren't you?"
Lauren dodged Camila's attempt to grab the phone. "I am! I just..." She paused trying to calm her voice. Camila's emotions carried over easily. She needed to be calm because there was no way Camila was going to be. "You know me. I like to think about things before I talk about them, but now since there is a much bigger picture here, I would rather talk with you about them before you go calling the ACLU. Can we do that? Please?"
Camila stopped her pursuit of the retreating photographer and the phone and thought about it. She didn't even have all of the details. Lauren said that they couldn't prove it...what did that mean? "Fine. I'll try and restrain myself from unleashing holy hell on them for now. As long as you are talking to me about it and not bottling it up like you usually do."
Lauren sighed in relief and followed the sheet totting diva to the couch, keeping the phone from Camila's line of vision. That was another reason she had gotten dressed. Pockets. "Thank you."
"What did the email say?" Camila asked as she sat down and reclined slightly in the sofa.
"That after recent publications they are reevaluating the components of the project...more or less."
"So because of the photos in the papers?"
Lauren saw the guilt in Camila's eyes. "Not because of the photos in the paper. Because I'm gay. They just didn't realize it until then. But there is no way to prove that that is what they are doing."
"That's not for you do decide. The ACLU can investigate this and find the proof and then-"
"Baby," Lauren interrupted her, running her hands through her hair as she dreaded Camila's reaction to her next thought. "I don't want to involve the ACLU. I want to just forget it happened."
Camila's face was expressionless for several seconds as she replayed the words in her head. "They discriminated against you. You can't just let them get away with that. Who knows how many others they have done this too. How many more they will do it to. Lauren there is more to the picture than just you."
"I know. I know, but...I still don't want to do anything. A handful of companies wont want to work with me because I'm gay. I get it. I hate it, but I get it. But there are a lot more who are borderline on the topic but who are still willing. If I go out and raise all kinds of hell, that might scare them away. They might fear that I will be looking for something to call them on."
Camila narrowed her eyes in disbelief that Lauren was lacking the moral strength to follow this through. Hell, to even initiate it."You're scared."
"Hell yeah, I'm scared. This is my career."
"So you're hiding who you are?"
Lauren furrowed her brow. "I'm not hiding who I am. Once I accepted that I was gay, I never hid the fact from anyone, except for when we first started dating."
"You may not be hiding that you are gay, but you are hiding your beliefs that what they did was wrong. You're worried about getting jobs? What happened to your love of photography being simply the expression of it all? Was that all just lines to get me to fall in love with you, or did you actually mean it?"
"Of course I meant it. Don't be ridiculous."
"I'm not." Camila retorted standing up in her seriousness. "You portrayed yourself as someone who had the world figured out and said 'fuck you' to everything that tried to warp it. But here you are cowering in the corner hoping not to piss anyone off so you can get your pat on the head."
Lauren sat dumbfounded as the brunette towered over her, panting in her frustration. Camila didn't say anything else. She just turned around and walked back to her bedroom, leaving Lauren on the couch to think. Asking herself the same questions Camila just had. What had changed? She would have be outraged if this had happened to Camila, still dreaded that it could happen to Camila. But why was she all of a sudden so worried about her career that had only started out as a passion? When did she become a moral fraud? She stayed there for over an hour, replaying everything in her head.
She took her time and walked slowly back to Camila's bedroom, stopping in the door way. She was laying in bed with her back to the door. Lauren couldn't tell if she was a sleep or not, so she just watched her. She wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed and hold her, but she couldn't. It didn't feel right. So instead she moved to the chair near the foot of her bed and continued watching Camila as she laid there. She didn't deserve her. This version of Lauren, the one that Camila was so disgusted with, she didn't deserve the brunette. And knowing it broke her heart.
Another hour passed before Camila rolled over to get comfortable again. Her eyes surveyed the empty bed next to her before they noticed the raven haired woman sitting in the chair looking at her. "How long have you been there?"
Lauren shrugged. "A while."
Camila locked eyes with her. "Come to bed." The raven haired shook her head. "Why not? Are you mad at me?"
"No. No. Camila, I have no reason to be mad at you." Lauren explained holding her gaze as if that was the only part of the brunette she could hold. "I'm mad at myself. You were right. I don't know how or when it happened but...I'm just disappointed in myself."
"Come to bed, Baby." Camila urged her again, running her hand out over the vacant section of bed, but Lauren just shook her head. The diva saw a tear fall.
"I can't." Her voice was a raw whisper as if she truly believe she couldn't be with Camila at that moment. That there was something preventing her from going to her lover. That's when Camila realized, there was. Lauren. This is what Camila had been looking for. Not the pain that Lauren was going through, but the chance to take care of her. The chance to be there for her.
With the sheet still wrapped around her Camila got off the bed and headed to Lauren who shifted her eyes away from her, seeing herself as unworthy to be near her. Camila ignored Lauren's self-loathing and sat in her lap and resting her head on her shoulder. Lauren wouldn't even hold her. Camila had to take her hand and rest in on her knee, holding it in place until Lauren accepted the contact. "I love you, Lauren."
The photographer leaned her head against Camila's and sighed away her last tears with a deep breath. "I love you too, Baby. I'm going to make this up to you. I promise." Camila's reflex was to tell her she was being silly. That she didn't need to make up for anything, but she did. If not to make Camila happy, at least to make herself happy, to make herself feel worthy again.
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Lauren woke up on Camila's bed. They had ended up there after Camila had eased Lauren's fears with an hour of cuddling and nuzzling into her neck. The closeness of just holding onto each other seemed almost healing. The diva was snuggled close to her but was faced away. Lauren gently rolled into her, spooning her in a warm embrace. She wiggled her nose and lips against the brunette's bare shoulder before kissing it lightly and moving up to do the same to the back of her neck.
"...morning." She heard her girlfriend grumble as she pulled Lauren's hand up to her chest.
"Morning. I have something for you."
Camila scrunched her face in a confused wonder but never opened her eyes from her sleep. "You have something for me?"
"Yeah, but I need my hand back if I am going to give it to you." The diva hesitated. "It's not sex."
"Okay." Camila released Lauren's hand and the raven haired pulled it back then replaced it around Camila again. The diva opened her eyes. It was her phone. "And what am I to do with this?"
"Call your contact at the ACLU. Let them see what they can do about it. I want you more than I want my career."
Camila rolled over in Lauren's arms and looked at her deeply. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere. You aren't going to lose me just because you want this to blow over."
Lauren stared right back, her mind already made up. "I lost your respect last night. That was too much to lose. Call them." Camila opened her mouth to refuse but Lauren shook her head. "Call them."
This time the brunette nodded. "I'll call, but right now, I just want you to hold me."
"Wow. A request to do one of my favorite hobbies...just twist my arm, why don't you." Camila laughed as she snuggled deeper into the raven haired woman, her head tucked firmly under her chin, Lauren's arms securely around her body. The word love was simply insufficient.
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"I know that look." Adrianne commented as Lauren entered her office, both her assistant and her apprentice were waiting for her.
"You know this look?" The photographer asked with a raised eyebrow. "And what does this look tell you?"
"That you have recently done some very deep thinking." Damn she was good. Lauren's silence gave her the answer.
"How did you know that?" Kim asked reclining back in the desk chair towards Adrianne as Lauren discarded her papers and set down her bag, feeling both pairs of eyes on her.
"It's the look in her eyes," Adrianne explained to her oddly selected new friend. "She's focused on something, but not anything that she can actually see. But I know she is no longer thinking of whatever it is now, because she doesn't have her brow dropped." Lauren stood up from her equipment on the floor, her brow dropped. "Like that. There are many expressions of Lauren Jauregui. And combinations of different ones mean very different things. A dropped brow and a tight bottom lip means she is unamused, or so she may want to seem, that's fifty/fifty. Just a tight bottom lip means she's actually pissed. Just a dropped brow means she is focused on something serious or reading. Then there are the eyes. Narrowed eyes means she's daring you to try something. Narrowed eyes with a tight bottom lip means you've already pissed her off and you don't want to talk to her for at least three hours. Narrowed eyes and bared teeth...well, you'll only see that once because she's going to kill you."
Kim rocked slowly in her chair as she looked her boss over. "Good to know. So...right now the brow is only dropped which means she is amused but wants to come off as unamused? Correct?"
Adrianne nodded, beaming in the slight blush appearing on Lauren's cheeks. "Correct. You have yourself a quick learner here, Lauren."
"Quicker than you." The photographer retorted before shouldering her bag and exiting the room. "Grab your coat and lets go."
Now Adrianne's brow dropped. "Where are we going?"
"Kim, what is the answer to that question?" Lauren asked as she turned around and walked towards the elevator backwards, smiling at her apprentice.
The shorter brunettte continued rocking in the desk chair, matching her boss' smile, absolutely amused by it all. "The answer to that is wherever she wants to go. You just need to follow."
Lauren raised her hand and pointed to the office as Adrianne stepped out with her jacket in hand. "I told you she's a faster learner than you. We'll be back in a few hours, Kim." With that Lauren turned around and walked into the elevator, holding the door for Adrianne.
"So where are we really going?"
Lauren sighed and pushed the button for the ground floor. "Since our plans for today have changed, and I am emotionally exhausted from my deep thinking, we are going to go explore New York City through a camera lense."
"Sounds like a fun and relaxed day at work."
Lauren nodded. "It's what I need."
Adrianne didn't say anything else until they were out of the building and walking down the street. "I know we are doing the whole keeping it professional thing, but I'm here if you need to talk." Lauren shot her a quick glance to try and read her motives but kept walking. "I'm a friend, Lauren. If nothing else, I'm a friend. At least let me be that."
"I'm fine. Everything is fine." She wasn't very convincing, but Adrianne wasn't the one to talk to about her and Camila's relationship. She told Alejandro why and she still believed in her reasoning. It wasn't fair to anyone all the way around.
"Try a little harder to convince me and I'll try a little harder to believe you."
She rolled her eyes. "Okay. I have managed to work through the personal struggle with myself that I encountered last night and am currently probing for any other possible, unseen changes that have taken place in my behavior. Since I have yet to find any others, everything is fine."
"Now that, was more convincing. I also now know I don't need to worry about you anymore. See how helpful words can be?"
The photographer glared at her playfully from the corner of her eye. "Don't make me regret bringing you with me."
The brunette mashed her lips between her teeth and followed as they entered a small wooded park. Lauren set the camera bag down on the table and motioned for Adrianne to take over. "What exactly am I taking pictures of?" She asked as she attached the lense.
"That is the big question. That is also what separates photographers from everyone else who owns a camera. You don't have to take photography classes to be a photographer, you just have to have a vision. Walk around. See what you can see." She motioned with her hands and Adrianne began hesitantly walking around the park. She watched as the brunette brought the camera up to her face for the first time. "Hey, Adrianne?"
"Yeah?" She asked as she lowered the camera and turned around to face Lauren.
"If you were taking a photography class, you would have failed today's class already." The brunette scrunched her face in confusion and Lauren pulled her hand out of her pocket, a memory card held between her fingers.
"Shit. I forgot to check that."
"It should always be the first thing you check. That and your battery." Lauren explained as she handed the chip off. "I showed up at a big birthday party once, took pictures for an hour before I realized I didn't have the chip. The camera only kept the last picture you took without it. Very embarrassing."
"You didn't miss the blowing out of the candles did you?" She joked as she checked the battery as well.
"No. Thankfully. I managed to catch it before then."
"Well, that's the best part, so as long as you didn't miss that, then you were okay."
Lauren shook her head. With some people, yes. With the parents of the biggest spoiled brat she had ever seen, no. She let Adrianne walk off on her own as she took her time to soak in the cool air. She was actually kind of happy that the shoot fell through for today. It gave her a break that she hadn't had in a while. The trip back to Miami didn't really count. Things were far too stressful. More stressful than work.
"So, what did you do for Thanksgiving?"
Lauren turned in a circle until she spotted the brunette and slowly made her way towards her. "I went to Miami." Adrianne dropped the camera from her face and looked at Lauren wide-eyed. "Camila was going and asked me to come with."
"I was wondering how your mother managed to make it up here." She commented before she went back to snapping pictures. "You look just like her, you know. Your mother."
Lauren nodded before she realized she couldn't be seen. "Yeah. That is very true." Hearing that made her think back to the day Michelle was born. Everyone said she looked just like Lauren. The raven haired took a deep breath in as she remembered that they would be meeting soon.
"I heard that."
Lauren smirked. "Heard what? I didn't hear anything."
"Don't play stupid with me Jauregui. What was the deep breath for?"
She could talk about that. It would be easier for her to talk to Adrianne about it than Camila. At least until Ariana pulled her head out of her ass and called Camila. She was still torn though. She wanted Adrianne's friendship and the brunette was offering it, but she wasn't sure how Camila would react. Her girlfriend allowed her to hire her ex in a professional capacity only. There was nothing mentioned about enjoying each other's company. But Lauren needed a friend. She didn't have anyone other than Camila and her mother, and trying to fill Kim in on everything was just too much. Adrianne already knew her history.
"Lauren..." God, she is just a persistent as Camila.
"I'm going to be meeting my daughter."
The brunette stumbled her next step before she turned around sharply. "I...I don't even know what to say to that. How did that come about?"
"Ariana, the woman who adopted her, she called Camila's parents house and I happened to pick up the phone. Apparently, she has been asking about me and wants to meet me."
"Is Camila okay with that?" It caught Lauren a little off guard that Adrianne's first concern was Camila, but she nodded and shook her head in an odd combination for her answer. "She's okay with it because of you?" This time Lauren nodded. "She loves you. I can't argue with that. Well, congratulations. When is it suppose to happen?"
"Sometime before Christmas." Lauren answered as they slowly strolled around the park, Adrianne still searching for what she wanted to take a picture of.
"Nervous?"
Lauren rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Of course, especially since Ariana doesn't know about me and Camila. Well, she didn't at the time. There's no telling what stories they have caught onto in Miami. Oh, my dad is going to get roasted at work." She smiled slightly with that comment.
"So, you saw your parents when you went back...and now your mother lives with you..."
They stopped as the brunette took a few pictures of something Lauren for the life of her couldn't see, but she was interested in seeing it when they got back. "Yeah. I went to...well, to come out, three years after the fact."
"Oh, I bet that was fun." Adrianne laughed. "Screaming? Name calling? Any throwing around of the 'f' word?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Did you go by yourself?"
Lauren bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "No. Camila went with."
"That's good. It's a tough thing to do on your own. How much alike are we again? Did she yell at him as well? Call him names? Or just keep quiet?"
"She definitely let him have a piece of her mind. She called him, let me see if I can remember it, a selfish, self-centered, loathsome ass. Oh, hypocritical as well."
Lauren heard the brunette chuckle lightly behind the camera. "I think I might actually be able to like this chick. She takes care of you." When I let her. "Well, when you'll let her." Damn it...