I really couldn't complain. I had wanted him to stop talking to me like I was crap, and he did. In fact, he just stopped talking to me, period.
The past two weeks seemeed to fly by. Alex and I hung out even more, and sometimes I'd go over to his place. But whenever Nick was there or when he was at the top of the mountain each morning or in history class, he barely acknowledged me.
He wasn't in class sometimes. It didn't really surprise me that he would skip, but it just added to my confusion.
But I often found myself staring at him, at his eyes. At least on the days I did see him. Since the time I saw a hint of something deep in them, they had confused me. And what surprised me even more was the fact that they seemed to have no depth when I turned to look at them again.
I started to wonder if I had imagined that something real that seemed to happen two weeks ago, or if he was just guarded again. Maybe I could tell because I put up some walls of my own.
I didn't know why my mind drifted off to Nick sometimes. I should be relieved that he hadn't talked to me, but I was scared. Especially after he found out about my pills. A small part of me was frightened that he would say something, but in all truth, I was mostly relieved he seemed not to care.
It was stupid, I knew. No one could possibly know they were for anxiety. But the type of pills I took were for only a few things, depression and anxiety being the main two. So it wouldn't be that hard to put two and two together. I just wanted to bury everything that could relate to my past so no one could know, but when people started digging stuff out, the rumors started. That was one thing I had hoped to escape. After all, rumors could ruin your life. I knew that better than anyone.
"Why'd you invite her?"
I sighed. "Come on, Cami. She's my friend." Alex had told me he wanted to see Sophie, but apparently, he didn't want to seem too obvious. I thought he didn't try to ask her out because he knew she would say no. She wasn't big on dating airhead jocks. Of course, Alex was far from one of those, but Sophie didn't really know him, yet.
Everything about her was fiery and unique. Her style, the way she wore her hair, her personality. Which was why it was no surprise some boys felt intimidated by her, aside from the obvious attraction. Even Alex. The thought made me laugh in delight.
"No, I know that." Cami said while applying an ungodly amount of lip gloss to her already plump lips. She turned to me. "But, I don't know, she's kind of mean. Does this color look good on me?" She pouted and stuck her lips out at me.
"It looks fine, but you may want to ease up on the gloss, Cami." She shrugged and reapplied the gloss again. "You know, it's only a boxing match. Probably no one will see you, so do you really want to wear all that makeup for tonight?"
"Is this about me using your makeup bag? I'll bring mine next time, alright?" She set the lip gloss down and studied my face for a second with a pensive expression. "You know, you could use some eyeliner and contour yourself. It'd go a long way to you know, help with the outline of your nose."
I unkowingly turned to see myself in the mirror and felt my heart sink a little in my chest. I stared at my almost makeup free face, finding new, little flaws every second longer that I looked. Aside from a little blush and mascara from earlier today, I was practically wearing nothing.
I stood up and smiled, trying to shrug her comment off. "Well, Sophie's going to be here soon. I'll go wait for her outside."
"Whatever." She said, dismissing me casually. I stood there for a second with a frown before turning on my heel and walking away. "Hey, Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"I forgot my charger the last time I was here. Have you seen it?" She adjusted her black curls in the mirror. For a girl who seemed to despise Emily so much, she was acting a little too much like her.
"Oh. Right." I gestured to the drawer near my bed. "Check there. I think I put it in there after you left."
She nodded and I walked outside just as Sophie's car was pulling up on my driveway.
"Hey kiddo. Hop in." She smiled.
"Can you stop with the kiddo? You're only like a year older than me."
"A year and four months since we're counting."
I rolled my eyes. "Well, it's not my fault you had to repeat the school year."
"Are you saying I'm dumb?" She faked being hurt as she held a hand over her heart and scoffed.
I shrugged. She wasn't really dumb, though. She was just easily distracted. "Oh, like you're so smart, you couldn't ace a history test if your life depended on it." Sophie fired back.
"Fine, fine. We're both clueless." I held my hands up in defeat.
She shrugged. "I'm blonde. What's your excuse?"
I rolled my eyes with a laugh and climbed into the front seat. These past two weeks have been bearable thanks to Sophie. Cami and I still talked and all, but only in between classes.
Every morning at lunch, Sophie and I would go to a little cafe in front of school and just talk and sip on the most horrible coffee we had ever tasted. It was great to just slip away from school and the stress during that time, and she was so real. It was fun being around her, and I was grateful that I could call her a friend.
The sound of a car horn cut through my train of thought. "Cami, move your ass!" She called out. "What is taking that girl so damn long?" A look of irritation crossed her face.
"I take it you guys don't like each other that much?"
"I can't believe you do." She gave me a pointed look.
"Why don't you like her?" I asked, genuinely curious.
She snorted and tucked her cascade of blonde hair behind her ear. "Please, that girl is faker than Emily's boob job."
I frowned. "That's not true. She's been nice to me since the first day I met her and, she was the only friend I had when I moved here."
She sighed and tried to find the right way to phrase what she wanted to say. "Sam, I've seen the way she treats you. She's using you just to have someone to go to places with so she won't feel lonely."
Hearing her say those words hurt when she blurted them out all of a sudden. Cami wouldn't do that. "How can you not notice all the shit she's been saying these past few weeks that I've known you guys?" Slowly, my mind pieced together what Sophie meant. "Those little comments about your hair and your nose and your clothes? And when she left you alone at the bonfire? You let her get away with that crap and it pisses me off."
"But maybe she doesn't mean it like that." I replied in a hushed tone, worriedly checking over my shoulder to see if she was there.
"Sam, you're such a sweet girl, but you need to stop making excuses for her being a crappy friend. Do you think best friends are supposed to do those things?" She gave me a sad smile. "I'm just looking out for you okay? I'd hate to see you get used by a fake girl like that."
She was right. It hurt to admit but she was. Maybe I was just so desperate to have someone to rely on and talk to in this new school that I blinded myself to the things Cami has been doing around me. Why was I so stupid? Did I really have no self respect for myself that I let her walk all over me?
I nodded with my eyebrows stitched together and looked out the window just as Cami came prancing out of my house, charger in hand.
"Hey girls." She turned towards Sophie. "Sophie! I love your nail polish. Black is so in right now."
"You know, Cami, I don't have the energy to pretend I like you today." Sophie said simply, complete with a sarcastic smile.
I peeked a glance at Cami and saw her face go bright red as she froze, and I looked out the window in discomfort. This was going to be a long ride.
A handful of people were still outside when we walked to the entrance. Cami told me there were a couple fights going on tonight, but I didn't know who the ones fighting would be.
I did know Nick wouldn't be tonight, since some people started gossiping about how he won his last fight in just a few seconds in the ring just last week. The fact that I wouldn't see him tonight was comforting.
Alex and Sophie were in a far corner, talking. He was leaning into her with a beer in his hand, that charming smile decorating his face. Her face was serious and she seemed to want to avoid him, but bit her lip when he turned around for a second. I smiled to myself. The plan was already working and the boxing match hadn't even started yet.
Since the day I had told Alex she liked to watch box, he insisted that I drag her along to the next time there would be a big fight. The kind where almost everyone who could get in would be, so it wouldn't be weird if she saw Alex there. He made me promise I'd go along with her, just so it wouldn't be weird. After the first time, I hadn't really been too excited to come back, but I did it for Alex. And I didn't regret it when I saw the look on his face when he saw Sophie come in. I shipped them so bad.
I saw the two guys who were going to be fighting already walking up to the ring. I pressed myself against a wall, as the cramped crowd started going wild, cheering and screaming when they saw the two come out. Their figures were kind of blurry and the people crossing over my line of sight made it hard to make them out, but I squinted until I could see the two.
One was an attractive guy with dark, chocolatey skin. His face was planted with a smirk; he was confident or at least he seemed that way.
I gasped in surprise when I saw Jacob on the other side of the ring. His short cropped hair and his tan body glistened in the light and I had to do a double take to make sure it really was him. The muscles that were almost visible under his shirt the other day weren't disappointing, with each breath and movement they moved and showed the strength in them.
I shouldn't have been that surprised that he was fighting, I already knew he was a boxer in one of these things, but seeing him in there was enough to make me stare a couple seconds.
The rival fighter made a thud as his body hit the floor like a sack. A scream escaped my throat, my eyes widening in slight horror, but he didn't look too beaten up, thankfully.
Jacob grinned with a hint of a snarl, like he was bloodthirsty. The crowd cheered along with him. I was taken aback by his expression. His face always looked so kind and sweet, it was kind of scary seeing him fighting like that.
The boxing match was already over, and I longed to get home, somehow feeling like my bed sheets were calling to me. I stifled a yawn, feeling suddenly awkward in the midst of all these people and the loud music.
I had learned my lesson by now, I knew Cami would probably find someone to take her home and once again leave me. But Sophie wouldn't do that. I didn't even know her that long, but somehow felt like we knew each other so much better than I ever knew most of my friends at my old school.
My eyes glazed over the entire place, searching for any sign of a tall blonde girl with cool leather hugging her body. Sure enough, she was still somewhere sitting down with Alex and a beer.
Just for the sake of it, I looked for Cami. My bet was that she was somewhere flirting with that guy at the bonfire.
But instead of finding her, my gaze met a guy in a black t shirt and jeans sitting on one of the chairs. His brown wavy hair and light stubble were enough to tell who it was. Nick. My heart stopped for half a second when I saw his hard eyes were looking at me. For the first time in weeks, he held eye contact, and for some odd reason, I couldn't tear my eyes away.
Until a hand with long pink nails slithered over his chest. A girl sat next to him and whispered something in his ear. Nick's eyes flashed with something that seemed like anger and he turned around to face the girl, taking a swig from the red cup in his hand.
I let out a shaky breath and turned around, bumping into a hard chest. "Samantha?" I looked up at the tall guy who was in front of me. His dark eyes were looking down at me, a look of terror and surprise in them.
"Jacob." I breathed out, giving him a smile. Why did he look so terrified?
"You- what are you doing here?" He said in a sharp whisper. I noticed a red spot near his eye already bruising, probably from today's fight. I nearly cringed when I saw the cut.
"Oh, Cami brought me along." I started, trying to figure out the reason behind the mystery concealed in his eyes. "Nice fighting back there, by the way. You can really throw a right hook." I nodded to the boxing ring.
His eyes softened, and a look of amusement and confusion appeared on his face instead. "And you weren't scared off?" He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Should I be?"
He gave me a wry smile and raised an eyebrow, making my lips spread into a grin instinctively. "No." He said. "You shouldn't."
"So you've known since that first day we met?" He asked me. We had walked outside to get away from the loud music and the crowd.
"Well, not since the first day exactly." I started. "But Cami has a big mouth."
"Ah, right. Cami. You're friends, right?"
I didn't know what to answer, so I just smiled and changed the subject. "Why do you do it?" He furrowed his eyebrows together. "This. Why not a real tournament or whatever? You know, a legal one?" I teased.
He was quiet for a second as he scrambled for what to say. He looked towards me. I didn't know why that made my heart flutter. "Why don't I tell you all about it when I take you out on Friday?"
I froze. "Friday?"
He nodded once and chuckled. "You know, it's cute when you get nervous around me." He teased.
"Oh, please. Don't think I didn't see the look on your face when you saw me in there." It was like the face a child being caught stealing a cookie from the jar would make. "You were afraid of how I'd react."
He shrugged. "Alright, I admit it. I didn't know what you'd think of me, when you saw me there, you know? That's why I didn't exactly tell you."
A small laugh escaped my mouth. "It's fine, I get it. Besides, it's not like we know each other so well anyways."
"Hence the 'taking you out on Friday' thing." He turned to face me with narrowed eyes. "So, what do you say?"
A sudden burst of newfound confidence and adrenaline shot through me as I looked up into those impossibly dark eyes of his. "Pick me up at 7."
I found Sophie not long after, talking with Alex still. But her face was not grim or annoyed now. She glowed and laughed at something he said, and Alex's face brightened up at the sight of seeing her smile. Of course she would be having a good time with him; he was Alex.
We left the place after a while, and I kept grilling her about Alex, hoping I could get something out of her. She just shrugged and said he wasn't what she'd thought. I felt giddy with joy. Whether it was because of Alex or Sophie or my date with Jacob, I didn't know.
"Ugh, I can't find my car keys." She rummaged through her bag.
"Did you leave them inside? I can go get them for you."
"No, I'll go. I think I left them on some counter, anyways." She turned on her heel and walked in. A motorcycle engine revved from a couple feet away from me and I turned to the sound. I squinted at the figure so I could see better. Nick.
He sat on a black motorcycle cooly as he searched his front pocket for something. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked at me. He smiled suddenly, which caught me off guard. Why was he smiling?
I walked closer to him, though every instinct was telling me to stay where I was. "Since when do you drive a motorcycle?"
"I've always had it," he shrugged. "You've just never seen it."
Of course. I had forgotten his family was rich for a moment. Why wouldn't he have one? I was confused, though. Why was he suddenly talking to me now?
I nodded and looked the other way, checking to see if Sophie had come back yet. "Do you plan on walking home?" He gestured at me, looking me up and down.
"No, I'm waiting for a friend." I said as if stating the obvious. Was he going to offer me a ride home? I started to think he was going to tell me to get in, like that last night since we talked. The night where it all got weird.
"What do you know?," he replied with a smile. "So am I."
A giggle came from behind me and I turned to see Cami walking to me. She put an arm around me and grinned as she hugged me tightly. "Hey! Nick's giving me a ride home, tell Sophie I said thanks for taking us." I didn't know what to answer, so I just laughed awkwardly and flushed.
Of course he wasn't going to offer me a ride home, he could barely handle taking me home the other day, judging by the look on his face when he did. And he just did it because his brother asked him to.
Cami slid her jacket on, pulling her thick curls out from under it afterwards. She climbed on to his motorcycle and held on to him tight, grinning widely. It was hard to contain the eyeroll that was eventually going to cross my face.
Nick handed her his helmet and said something close to her ear that I couldn't understand, she giggled. I was just standing there, but there was really nothing else I could do but watch and wonder why Nick had finally decided to talk to me again. Not that it was much, but still.
They left and the motorcycle revved, Cami squealed in excitement and waved goodbye to me and put on the helmet Nick handed her. Nick didn't glance back as I watched them leave. Sophie finally came up from behind me. "Found the keys. Come on, let's go."
The phone rang just as I put the spoonful of soup in my mouth. "Samantha, can you get that, please?" My mother called out from behind the counter. I stood up and walked towards the phone as it kept ringing, and I answered it on the fourth ring.
"Hello?" I said with a hurried tone in my voice. My soup was getting cold.
"Sam?- Is that you?" My eyes widened and I sat down on the sofa next to me.
I could barely get the words out without sounding like a child whose parents just told her they were going to disneyland. "Dad?"
"Hey princess! How have you been?" A chuckle. It had been so long since I heard him laugh it made me laugh along with him.
"I've- I'm great," My knees went up to my chest. "I'm great." I repeated. "And you?" I cringed at my awkwardness. What daughter asked her dad that? It seemed so choppy and unnatural. This wasn't what conversations between a dad who hasn't seen her daughter in months should be like.
"Good," he said. "I've been good."
The line went silent for a second. "Will you come here soon?" I heard him sigh. In irritation or regret? "I don't know, Sam. I've been too busy with work and everything, but I'll try, alright?"
"Yeah, I understand." I tried to sound perfectly fine and neutral. "Did you ever-"
"-Can you put your mom on the phone? I really need to speak with her."
"Yeah, she's just in the kitchen." I said, but I stayed sitting down in my spot. "Love you, dad."
"Love you too princess. Bye." I wanted to believe it. And I did believe it, and I smiled. He was my dad. Of course he hadn't forgotten about me, not yet, anyways.
The next day, I was talking to Cami on the phone. She called me about two times at noon, but I didn't really want to talk to her. Until I was laying in bed, thinking that I might have hurt her feelings somehow. She didn't have many friends. How would she feel if one of the few she did have ignored her calls?
But is she even your friend?
I dialed her number and called, forcing myself to momentarily forget what Sophie said to me before.
I regretted it as soon as she picked up. For the last fifteen minutes, she was telling me about Nick and some other boy she met sometime in the past week. I didn't want to hear it.
"So he took me home, and then I was like, wow I'm starving. And guess what?"
"Uh huh." I said, not really paying attention, and focusing instead on the movie that had come on a while ago. I had no idea what I was watching, but it was more interesting than what she kept saying.
"Sam! Guess!"
I sighed. "I don't know, tell me."
"He took me for fast food!" She squealed. "It was so romantic. I don't know why I didn't used to like him. He's so charming."
I snorted. "Yeah, fast food. So romantic." She didn't like that and I heard her scoff.
"Hey, Sam?"
"Mmm?"
"You've been kind of down lately. Is everything okay?" I frowned. I wasn't feeling down. Where did she get this? And why bring it up now?
"Uh, yeah? Why wouldn't it be?" I chuckled and the line went silent for a second.
"I know about your pills, Sam. You know for your... depression." My heart stopped beating.
Everything went distant.
"And I just want you to know we are all here for you and-" she kept talking, but her words were barely whispers in my mind.
I let the phone drop to the bed and a strangled cry escaped my throat.
It was out. The one thing I struggled too hard to keep a secret was known to the gossip girl of the school. And she was wrong. I didn't have depression, it was anxiety.
I could almost picture the next few weeks. I could almost picture the stares when I walked through the hallway and the murmurs when I passed by. Everyone would think I was some depressed, crazy suicidal girl.
So much for my fresh start.
No tears came or stung my eyes. I just sat there with open palms. Maybe I was just praying for a miracle to happen and make everything okay. But it didn't work. I still felt completely useless.
How did she know about my pills? As soon as I asked myself this, the answer came to me as a sick poison coursing through my mind.
Only one person knew. Only one person could tell when he said he wouldn't. The person I most feared would start a rumor. My head was swimming when I connected the dots.
Nick told Cami.
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