Future Diary (Mirai Nikki)
The Unlucky Thirteenth
Eighteenth--Hurtful Words
Summary: Akise convinces his friends to go on a trip to resolve their differences, at the same time conducting a search that may turn dangerous.
Hinata and Amaya stood off to the side, both hearts pounding and both girls nervous. Here, in an unfamiliar place Akise had made both of them come to, he had asked them to resolve their differences. Mao conversed quietly with him, a glare on her face. Akise knew it didn't matter, that she faked the expression so Hinata would believe it would be okay to get mad at Amaya.
The problem? Hinata didn't want to get mad at Amaya. She just wanted her forgiveness. Her forgiveness for trying that awful trick that nearly cost Amaya the rest of her fleeting time. The brunette gulped softly.
"You wanted to talk," the dark haired teen said softly. "I'm listening, so talk." Hinata swallowed, but couldn't bring herself to say anything. "I don't blame you," Amaya spoke quietly, taking the initiative to apologize instead. "I understand. I would have done the same, if my parents were threatened. I don't blame you," she reiterated. The brunette visibly sighed with relief.
"I was really mad before, and I understand that I didn't handle the situation in the best way possible. I should have talked things over. But at the same time, I had a right to be mad. You did endanger my life, after all. You did lie and cheat and endanger every single one of us, except for Mao since she was in on it. You did try to kill Akise. Tell me, if he hadn't been smart enough to avoid you, would you have slit his throat?"
Hinata trembled from the force of her angry words. "I want an honest answer, Hinata. I might forgive you more if you tell me the truth. Don't tell me what you think I might want to hear. What I want to hear is the truth."
Hinata swallowed, tried not to cry, and nodded.
Amaya smiled softly in satisfaction. "I see," she said, noting the way Hinata trembled and refused to look at her. She felt terrible after all, and although Amaya was still mad at her, she didn't want that anger to get between their salvageable friendship. She took two or three steps towards the girl and wrapped her arms around her. Amaya caught sight of Akise smirking at her and stuck out her tongue.
Hinata jumped in surprise and nearly started to cry. Amaya rolled her eyes, uncomfortable with the tears. She pulled away after a moment, hiding her annoyance. "Yeah yeah," she muttered. "No big deal. Just forget it happened, and all. I just want to forget it happened."
"Yeah," Hinata exclaimed, launching into another hug. Amaya let out a noise that an animal would make at being stepped on unexpectedly--a strangled, squashed sound. "Amaya, thanks." Hinata stepped back with an embarrassed smile.
Amaya rolled her eyes, a smile gracing her face. "Again, no problem." Kousaka grumbled something at this, something Akise sent a glare at. Amaya smiled briefly again, laughing blithely before walking to Akise, Mao, and Kousaka. Their hands bumped as she stood at his side. A smirk crossed Hinata's face.
Akise shot her a warning glare, face still twisted into a pleasant smile. The brunette backed off, running a hand awkwardly over her neck.
Five hours into the trip, Amaya had just now gotten up her courage to talk to th brunette. Mao had said nothing to her still. Akise had told her the other girl was mad at her for not speaking to them, and for causing Hinata to feel sad and to worry. Mao had said nothing when Akise asked her, however, staying silent. She had talked to Akise, but Mao could hold grudges longer than Amaya's capacity to create them.
Mao looked especially pretty today, but Amaya wasn't going to tell her that. Her hair had been slung into a braid that night, but the girl had undone it this morning and left the waves to fall free.
Mao had tried again and again to get Hinata's compliments from her hairstyle, but the other girl had not noticed her twirling her hair in front of her fingers and making remarks about what she did with her hair this morning.
Amaya honestly didn't know how Hinata could be oblivious, unless she had noticed and wasn't comfortable with the attention. Honestly though, Hinata didn't really know how to fake obliviousness.
Mao was holding out false hope, and yet Amaya admired her. Strong enough to stand against rejection, to stand against the fear of losing all friendship with her crush. Would Amaya be? The raven-haired girl thought back to when Akise's affections had been fixated on Amano.
She had found it hard to breathe, hard to think clearly when he had led her to believe she had no chance. Of course, Amaya had barely noticed her hidden crush before, and her feelings had hit her like a sledgehammer. If Mao felt like that but worse since she knew, even more respect should be offered.
Akise nudged Amaya gently, bringing her mind back to Earth. She jolted a bit, before fixing a sheepish smile that morphed into a glare. She didn't want Kousaka teasing her about her relationship. Likely, it would be the only relationship she ever got to live out.
If she had lived longer, if the game had not happened and her family had not died, would she know him? Would she have met him and fallen for him the way she had now? The thought scared her. Would she had stayed normal, would she have ever met him? If they had met, would they be where they were now?
Would Amaya still be alive, if the game had not happened? Would the illness she feared crept through her veins have taken a toll on her health? She shivered despite the warm air, fighting back the terror creeping inside of her heart, where she had buried it since Akari had been diagnosed.
If I had not taken part in this game, would I be alone now? Happy now? In love now?
Alive now?
She pressed closer to Akise, unwilling to say anything. The warmth of him enveloped her, and she gulped, fighting back tears. All the what ifs and questions--she couldn't change the passage of time. Couldn't change the way things happened.
That didn't stop her from thinking about the way things could have been.
Amaya felt her throat burn, from a quick, stinging pain that ended as quickly as it came. She rubbed the skin there anxiously, nearly choking in her haste. Akise looked at her sharply, a question veiled in his eyes.
She clamped her mouth shut and shook her head, a wave of dizziness washing over her. Hinata was speaking but Amaya couldn't hear her couldn't see her and everything passed over her in a wave of noise. She swayed but did not fall, and her legs were unsteady and she could feel her head pounding.
Akise caught her as she stumbled, holding her against him in surprise. "Amaya?" he asked. She did not reply, just clutched at her head. He gripped her shoulders and called her name a few times.
The pain vanished as soon as it appeared. Amaya forced a smile, though she still shook. "I'm okay." Akise looked at her with suspicious eyes. "Don't worry, just another headache."
No.
Akise paled considerably, and the combination startled everyone. Akise managed a smile, but it looked out of place. "I see. Take it easy, alright?" He turned back to the group. "Nishijima told us to hang out here for a few hours. Do you guys want to go look around?"
Hinata nodded enthusiastically, and Mao caught onto the excitement and smiled. Kousaka rolled his eyes. "If we have to." Akise smiled grimly.
"Meet you three back in our room in two hours?" He asked, calling over his shoulder as he walked away. Hinata and Mao nodded, before Hinata realised the groups.
"You're pushing this idiot off on us?" She yelled, but Akise didn't reply. He steered Amaya off to the corner of the small clearing and sat her down on a bench. She looked away from him.
"Want to tell me what that was?" Akise asked. Amaya shook her head. "Was it really just a headache?" The girl nodded. Akise sighed and she refused to look at him. He placed his head in his hands and leaned his elbows on his knees. Amaya sighed. Something was up, but she didn't know what.
Instead, she wrapped her arms around him the moment he sat up. He sighed and leaned into her side, draping an arm around her shoulders.
"I owe you a thank you," Amaya stated. "Before I met you and Hinata and Mao, I didn't get along with anyone. My best friend died before my eyes. I got grief counseling, but that didn't really help. So I pushed people away. I never spoke to outsiders and if I did, I snapped. I didn't focus on what I held close to my heart.
"When my parents sent me here, it felt like I could finally breathe. I met you and the other two, and even though I tried my hardest to be left alone the three of you still pursued a friendship. After all I had done for three years, trying to be alone so I didn't have to watch others be taken away, you three got the best of me. I gave up being as nasty and horrendous as possible. I gave up trying to endure instead of live.
"Because you told me someone cared, I've had a reason to wake up in the morning. Thank you. You've changed me. You've changed me to the point that I never want to go back to who I was before. You've changed me, the game's changed me, everything about it has become some sort of experience that's taught me to open my eyes to what I can see, and not what I want to see.
"Aru, I don't want to simply try to endure, even to make it through this game. I'm not giving up. I won't ever give up. I just want a promise that, no matter what horrible, terrible things I have to do, you won't let me go back to who I acted as before. Nothing else matters. Don't let me go back. I already want to withdraw and stay apart from Hinata and Mao. I already just want to fade into the background, content to have you and my family and--"
Amaya broke off, unsure what to say. Unable to explain. Not knowing why she had asked. Akise had been there for her since the start.
"Do your parents know you run around with a terrorist?" Akise asked instead. "Do they know about me? Have you called them, have you written them? Have you told them anything at all? They would help you too, I'm sure. Amaya, I'm not the only one in your life."
The raven-haired girl looked away from him, frustrated. Didn't he realize how important this concept was? How much her open honesty meant?
"Why are we here, Aru?" She asked. Surely he hadn't dragged all of the group up here just for Hinata, Mao, and Amaya to get along again.
"Yukiteru-kun and Gasai-san went missing a day or two ago. I was assigned to find them by Nishijima who offered to help. I accepted the case for more...personal reasons.
"You seemed to need a break from the city, and this is where they were last spotted. I figured I could do something for you and the rest of my friends, as well as complete one of my assignments. The others figured this out and offered to help me. They might not even be missing, just off having a good time. Something about it rubs me the wrong way though, and I just have a feeling--"
He broke off as Amaya stood up sharply. "I'm heading back to the hotel," she snapped. Her voice sounded hurt, cleaved in two. "Go find the others and get looking if you want. I'm going to need a moment."
"Amaya, wait!" Akise said desperately. What had he done? Had he done something or said anything? He didn't recall ever saying anything that had been able to hurt her feelings. "Did I do something?" He jogged after her and caught her wrist.
"Every time his name pops up in conversation, your face gets all lit up and you talk really animatedly. You dragged us out here to look for him when he could just be out. He might not even be here! You act totally obsessed with him, don't even try to deny it!" She snapped, turning to face him.
"Even more so than that, I'm on his hit list! If he wants to become the ruler of this world then I stand in his way, and you bring me out to look for him, to help him? He could get me killed! I know you're not that stupid!"
She was crying. Oh no, he had really messed up. Akise made to reach out for her, but she pulled away.
"Come find me in a while. I need to calm down before I say anything more hurtful." She spun and broke into a run, wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve and holding back sobs. Akise watched her go. He wanted more than anything to go after her and tell her why he really brought her, to assure her that he did care about her, that he--
He just couldn't. He had tried, tried so hard to deny it to himself, but he couldn't. The screaming in his ears intensified around her, voices in his head that told him to break it off and go find someone else to tail around and find an interest in.
He watched her walk away with a sinking feeling. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't want to know what he did, but he didn't want to hurt her again.
"I'm sorry, Amaya. I tried."
Sorry for my absence and ridiculously short update. Again, this is a filler. The next chapter is gonna be super long though.
So i really messed up. My class has a trip to an amusement park to celebrate our graduation, and my friends and I have that really annoying friend that doesn't have any other friends.
So we tried to arrange a way to go without her. And she found out. And now I feel terrible. So yeah. I've been friends with her since the first grade and she's moving away this summer. And I really don't mind her all that much. It's just that others opinions are really influencing my own.
I really need to rant about it.
So i have a story I want to publish and then finish this one and then work on that one again. To find out more, go check my profile! I put a lot of information about it in my other book.
Actually, Imma just put my note in this book too. I just copy and pasted, so it may sound a little funky.
"So I've been hinting at a story I've been wanting to write for a while. It's an OHSHC fanfic, but I also want to have a chapter or two involving the characters from Yuri!!! On Ice.
Would that be plausible? I might just make the two or so chapters drabbles.
I just don't want to seem like I'm copying other stories which have done this.
I've only seen one story like this. The book is by KeepCalmandYarnOver. Go check it out! I just didn't want you to think I copied your story.
To be honest I've pegged one of my characters as a figure skater ever since the men's Grand Prix Finals which I watched on TV. Then, I ended up watching Yuri!!! On Ice later and my idea solidified.
Would any of you read it?
There's another reason I haven't published it yet. I have another story that takes top priority, even over this one. It's called The Unlucky Thirteenth and it's a Future Diary (Mirai Nikki) fanfic. I want to finish it this summer but that probably won't happen, seeing as I had extreme writers block for the entire month of March.
So should I publish the chapters I have finished? Or should I wait until I'm done with my other story and then publish it?
Thoughts?
After all, who would even read it?"
Whaddya think? Thanks for reading! Please vote and comment!