Chapter 25
Diary Entry
Entry 130
Dear Mama- Diary
I never felt more betrayed mum.
Could I really be such a bad person that people will just treat me like shit?
When I heard Gambit say that Harley was Troy's sister I felt like my heart dropped into my ass and that it felt like I was being lied to our whole entire "friendship" or whatever she was playing at was a lie.
When I finally think my life is getting some sort of peace, here go some more bullshit that come my way.
Church was incredible mum, I almost finally felt at peace with you being gone. It felt normal as if you weren't even gone and that you where right with me as we all worshiped our lord and savior who you now are with mum.
But now, I just feel so betrayed...
I cut my thigh a little too deep just now mum, blood wont stop flowing and I am really trying hard to stop the blood from going everywhere.
This pain, feels more better than the emotional pain that I can't control, I just need to cut mum, its slowly becoming a need for me. I need to match my cutting with how I feel emotionally. Like matching my physical pain to the emotional ones.
I don't know if I should leave the room and get help, but then they'll know and they won't understand how I need this.
Probably even take me to therapy, but I don't want that.
I feel so bad and woozey, but the pain feel so comforting in a way mum.
When I got shot the doctor's had questioned me on the cuts and I told them they're old, he gave me a look, letting me know that he knew I was lying, but left the subject alone.
Most likely confided in daddy when I was asleep or some.
My thoughts are all over the place.
Mostly on stopping myself from bleeding so much and if I should talk to Harley and or punch her dead in her throat if she say some slick shit.
I swear I grown so violent since your death mum...
I swear most of these pages is covered in my blood...
Seems like I write the most when I feel this way, or if I spent the day with Zephyr, or even with Harley.
HOW COULD SHE ?
I should have never put my trust into her.
How could she have been there the day of the shooting so conveniently?
I let her blind me, for what I thought was "Genuine friendship."
I'm gonna tell I saac and Isaiah, Fuck her side of the story.
Does she even deserve one ?
She's that fucking scum's sister !
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Tears fall on to my diary.