Chapter 16: The Crow's Nest
I watched him as he walked down the hallway and disappeared on the deck. I decided to move my feet after staring blankly at the entrance and stopped when I reached the front of my door. I didn't know if I could sleep right away after the confrontation I had with Owain and Threy. I was kidnapped by the pirates and instead of behaving like a well-behaved captive who deserved to be freed, I waged war against the two high-ranking men of the Obsidian. Ugh, words. My words could either build something for me or destroy everything. I was never called tactless in the East Land, but a sensible lady with arguments, yes. I guess this pirate world was not accustomed to dealing with women talking so freely of them.
Sighing deeply, I walked towards the entrance to the deck. Darkness welcomed me but it was a kind of darkness that offered magic. I looked up at the night sky which was painted with shining stars and the bright, full moon as I took my steps to the railings. I usually waited for nights like this when I was in the East Land. I would go to the highest window of the castle and would simply watch the night as it boasts its beauty. Or if I couldn't sneak out of my room in the middle of the night, I would just let my window open until morning and slept while the stars were watching me – and yes, endure the sickness I would get the next day for letting the coldness in the whole night. And this time, not even the pirate world could stop me from seeing this beauty.
And as if the pirate world answered me, I saw Alon climbing down from the ladder on a huge and high post in the middle of the deck. He didn't seem to notice me as he disappeared to the entrance of the hallway. I looked up from where he came from and I saw a high platform with a metal railing around it. It was so high that if you fall from climbing the ladder, you would land dead on the floor of the deck. I swallowed as I took in how high it was and how my curiosity wanted to test it. My mind was already wandering on the sight that that platform would give me.
I looked up at the moon as if I was asking for its thoughts and when the stars twinkled around it, I knew I had to do it. I walked carefully to the middle of the deck and touched the rope ladder that would bring me to the platform. The wind was not so harsh this time and I felt that it steady as I climbed up to the crow's nest. I pulled on it and hauled myself up. I was surprised to find it easy so I climbed and climbed without looking back down because if I would – the height would make its way to my heart and weaken my resolve. I just looked up on the stars that seemed to encourage me in continuing this stunt.
I was already in the middle of the climb when the wind started to pick up speed and blown my hair to cover my face. I instinctively brushed it away with my right hand which almost made me fall down. But I put it back right away and steadied myself. Damn it, Primrose! Stop being so vain at the moment!
My hands started burning as I continued pulling up my weight. It was the hardest ladder I have ever climbed. My father would probably be so proud of me once he learned how much I sweated for this. He would learn that his daughter was not a weakling after all. I pulled out all my courage and strength as I climbed on the last step. And after one last pull, I finally reached the platform and laid my back in there breathing heavily.
I closed my eyes and filled my lungs with the cold night air. At that moment, I felt so alone and at peace. I felt that I was too far away from anyone and that no one could hurt me from where I was. In the darkness, it seemed that it was just alright not to think or even worry about the things that might happen next. It seemed just fine not to care at all.
But I knew that there was more to this moment and that being in pure darkness and nothingness would not do me any good in the long run. So I opened my eyes and stared at the night sky. I couldn't help but smiled at the sight as I calmed my heartbeat. The night sky was more magical up there. The moon shined brighter and the stars twinkled faster. It looked more real this time. I wondered how many people were also up at this moment and staring with me at this beauty. I wondered if they were wondering about someone like me, too – who was also someone like them. I wondered how many wishes on those stars had come true and how many people the moon helped to find their ways. Amidst the chaos of the pirate world, an enchanting beauty could be seen only for the eyes of those who conquered this world bravely. You would never see magic like this in the mainlands.
But a noise and the movement from the ladder distracted me from wondering. I pulled myself and sat quietly in the corner of the small platform. Someone was coming up the crow's nest and there was actually no place for me to hide. I couldn't just jump on the railings and not escape death. My heartbeat started to race as I waited for the pirate who would soon join me in the crow's nest. My mind was already preparing some sensible reasons of why I was up here in the first place.
I held my breath as I finally saw the man who joined me in the platform. He effortlessly hauled himself up inside the crow's nest which made it too crowded for the two of us. I looked at him with my heart on my throat and he returned my stare with seriousness and furrowed brows. He opened his mouth but closed it immediately as he tried to speak to me. The only thing I understood was that he disliked me climbing up here. He looked like he was trying to control his temper as he chose the words to say.
"Why don't you just ever listen to me?" He finally asked in frustration.
Threy looked at me with his piercing cold grey eyes – they looked like silver in the moonlight. I gave myself a few seconds to stare at them and compare it to the stars above us. Could I make a wish in his silver-grey eyes?
"I don't think I can sleep right away after what happened," I answered calmly. I didn't want him to think that I was trying to make an argument again. I didn't want to be called 'tactless' once more.
"This place is only for pirates. Climbing this dangerous ladder is only for pirates! Weren't you thinking of what might happen if you fell on your way up here?"
I wanted to think that he was showing some hint of concern for me but I knew better than that. I didn't want to hear that I wasn't her once again. I didn't want to ruin this beautiful night by putting some heartache in it.
I looked up at the night sky and asked, "Is this one only for pirates, too?"
He followed my gaze and somehow, I felt him relaxing beside me. He was probably mesmerized by the night's beauty as it took him few seconds before he answered,
"Did you come up here for this? Are you still into the moon and the stars?"
And that was my turn to be caught off-guard. He visited the East land very often when we were young and I didn't think that he would notice my love for the moon and the stars. He was too busy being playful to notice things like this. But he did. I guess he observed more than I thought he did.
"I think I'll forever be in love with the moon and the stars. Even if sometimes, they break hearts for not granting wishes or lose people for not lighting their path, I'll forever be in love with them."
And before I could realize it, I was already looking at his face while he was silently staring at the night sky. Even if you are no longer the person I've fell in love with - even if you're looking for someone else when my eyes could only see you. He seemed to feel my stare for he suddenly turned to look at me. I immediately looked back up at the night sky, swallowing, with my heart beating against my chest. What happened to not painting the beautiful night with heartaches?
"They are so far away from us and you'll never reach them. There are billions of people looking at them and they'll not even notice you. And no matter how beautiful this night is, it will remain dangerous and uncertain. It's better to distance yourself from things you cannot have," he said.
I convinced myself not to get affected by his words and that what we were talking about was still about the moon and the stars. But as I met his gaze once again, I knew that right now was beyond the moon and the stars.
"Why do you seem so sure that I can't have what I want and you can have yours? How could you be so unfair and say all those things to me when all this time, you are looking for her? And who is this her? She's unknown. She doesn't have a name. She probably doesn't even exist!"
I gasped when he suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me against him – fury was in his eyes,
"She has a name and she does exist and that's none of your f*cking business!"
Tears started to well in my eyes as I let him tighten his grip on my arm. It was painful but it was nothing compared to the pain that was chewing my heart slowly with its sharp fangs. Jealousy and anger were poisons rotting my heart every time it beats, making their way to my mind and terribly screw it up. He was killing my heart and it was making me hard to breathe. And at that moment, I wished that hearts could just easily break.
A tear fell from my eyes as he let go of my arm. He breathed heavily and held into the railings tightly. He was a hurricane of emotion and I was trapped in a cage with him – and I cried silently knowing that I would be a wreck when the storm ended.
Regret was on his silvery grey eyes when he suddenly cupped my face gently and brushed my tears away. I closed my eyes as more tears made their way to my cheeks which he continuously brushed with his hand.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to get hurt," he whispered.
And somehow, I felt a glimpse of the Threy Weston I fell in love with back on the mainlands. I wished I could just stay at this moment, be with each other in the crow's nest, with the moon and stars – and we didn't have to think of the pirates or the main lands, or even her. But the wind blew even colder and I knew this would never last. Just because he said that he didn't want me to get hurt didn't mean I wouldn't get hurt. I would still get hurt and not even the Skull's protection could save me from that.
"But with you – standing here with me – hurts," I whispered back.
He looked at me with regret still written in his eyes. And without a word, he climbed down on the rope ladder leaving me with tears that fell like raging river and neither rocks nor lands could stop them. It was a silent wish that was never granted and once again, I got lost in the pirate world.
I couldn't remember when the clouds covered the night beauty and painted darkness or when I stopped crying and fell asleep. I just woke up to the blinding morning light and the swaying movement of the ship due to the waves. The wind blew colder and stronger and when I sat up to look down at the deck, I couldn't help but felt nauseous. How did it get so high and scary?
I saw Alon starting to climb the ladder towards the crow's nest I was in. He probably knew I was here and that I was already awake. I held onto the railing and pulled myself up. The sea was a little bit unsteady this time and the pirates were getting busier working on their posts. I looked at the vastness of the sea and in the distant, I saw a cargo ship. I felt the Obsidian sped up and more commands were shouted on the deck. And as I looked at the faces of the pirates below me, I realized that we were chasing after the cargo ship.