Dani's POV:
"You're too tense Laur, just relax okay? It's only me, you, and the sky up here."
Lauren smiled at me, exhaling, letting her shoulders relax, and finally nodding her head. I smile back at her, and then help readjust the guitar in her arms so it feels less awkward than I'm sure it already does, given it's large size compared to her small figure. We're sitting out on her roof as the sun above us begins to set, and I can tell that's supposed to be my cue to leave, but everything in me is screaming stay. To stay here with her.
I take her fingers, carefully, and guide them to strum over the metal guitar strings. The still air fills with the impromptu music of simply strumming a guitar. I let go of Lauren's hand and let her keep strumming on her own, getting the feel of the guitar imprinted in her fingerprints without any pick.
"Look at that Princess, you're a natural."
Lauren smiles and blushes, giggling in the cutest, giddiest way possible making it completely impossible for me not to lean in and kiss her on the cheek.
In response to this she smiles even wider, her cheeks flushing the deepest red I've ever seen as her eyes widen in amused shock. I smile back devilishly but I can tell my ears were red and so were my freckles from the act of kissing her on the cheek too. We were still new to the idea of dating, of doing normal couple things, like press our lips against the other's skin. My lips tingle with the lingering sensation of her warm face against them, and it makes me realize how much my body longs just to be near her's.
"Next time I come over I'll bring sheet music, and then maybe we can actually start learning a song. Something simple, like Knockin' On Heavens Door or Sweet Caroline or something, they were some of the first ones my sisters taught me."
I sit up on my heels, feeling the shingles scrape against my knees as Lauren's hand drops from the guitar and she turns to face me.
"You have to go already? It's not e-even 7."
I sigh at the immediate change in her tone of voice, biting my lip.
"Yeah, I wish I didn't have to but uh-"
I struggle to find a lie, but stop when I look into Lauren's eyes, at how honest she's being with me. At how much of herself she's showing me. How can I lie straight to a face like that?
"I'm, I'm going to a party."
I watch Lauren's hopeful expression deflate, her eyes flickering away from mine and to the setting sun that's now adjacent with us sadly.
"Oh."
She paused for a moment before carefully removes the guitar strap from around her shoulders, handing me the heavy instrument. I feel the guilt cling onto my back as I watch her lips part at a loss for words, finally closing and chewing at her fingernails aimlessly. Eventually she speaks, pulling her hand away from her mouth and continuing to avoid my gaze.
"Well where is i-it at?"
I open my mouth to speak but don't respond, sighing.
I reluctantly give Lauren a sad and ashamed look as she figures it out herself, as she remembers the talk of a party at Andy's house having been present today throughout the school halls, as she remembers how off I've been all day long, knowing that inevitably she'd find out why I was cutting our guitar lesson tonight short. Her face grows pale as the realization dawns on her, her glossy eyes looking no where but down at her own lap.
"O-oh."
I rush to try an explain myself, reaching for Lauren's shoulder with one hand and running the other through my hair but she's standing with her back towards me, opening the roof window to head back inside before I can get a word out. I stand up too just as the guitar is shoved forcefully into my arms, the metal strings pressing against my chest with more aggression than was necessary.
"Well I guess you better get g-going then, I mean Lisa will be home s-soon anyway."
Lauren speaks passive aggressively and ducks back into her room, leaving me on the roof by myself until I scramble in with the guitar after her. She was acting like she wasn't upset in a way that I could clearly tell she in fact was.
"Lauren wait, at least hear me out."
I scoot through the small window back into her storybook bedroom, laying my guitar down in it's leather case and carefully sitting down beside Lauren who was fidgeting with the white sheets on her bed.
"W-what is there to hear you out a-about? You're g-going to a party at Andy's house it-it's fine. Whatever."
I felt my face flush with anger at the way she was just jumping to conclusions but bit my tongue, taking a deep breath. She has the right to be upset Dani, chill.
"Laur there's more to it than that, do you really think I'd WANT to go to a party at that sick fucker's house? Knowing what he did to you!? No, of course not. Bird is dragging me there."
Some of the tensions in Lauren's shoulders melts away but she still doesn't look at me as I set a hand on top of her own hand, rubbing her knuckles with the pad of my thumb tentatively.
"But I thought y-you said you weren't going to hang around them a-anymore?"
I'm relieved at first that Lauren's voice is definitely no longer angry, but then quickly realize that her hurt voice is just as bad if not worse.
"I know I said that and I but- but I'm a coward okay and when they cornered me yesterday I couldn't say no. I AM going to break ties off with her and the others I swear but, I just figured going to a party with her before hand would smooth things over? In fact, I'm going to text her as soon as I get home from the party that, FOR THE RECORD I never would have agreed to go to had I known it was at Andy's house. I swear Lauren she only told me that AFTER I had already agreed to go and-"
Lauren presses one of her crooked index fingers up against my lips, stopping my babbling and finally looking at me with a sad smile.
"It's fine b-babe, stop with the word vomit already."
I smile back at her, sighing in relief and playfully hitting her calf. I was really nervous for a minute there that I'd messed up big time, but I was lucky to have such a forgiving and understanding girl to call mine I guess.
"I really am sorry. After tonight, you'll never have to worry about them again."
Lauren leans in, pressing her forehead against mine so that our faces are so close I can feel her warm breath on my lips. I admire the way she looks with her eyes closed, and I fantasize just for a moment there in her room about what it must be like to wake up to that face every morning.
Lauren opens her eyes, smirking at me as she stares into me.
"Have I already told you today h-how much I love you in colors o-other than black."
I laugh, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"Yes, several times, but I don't mind hearing it again."
Lauren giggles too, running her fingertips up and down the ribbing of my tank-top and sending shivers throughout my body.
We stay like that for a while longer, our bodies close, the both of us comfortable in the other's company. Finally Lauren sighs, pulling her forehead away from mine and I frown.
"You really sh-should get going, if Lisa comes home and we're alone together in my r-room she'll TOTALLY freak haha."
I groan, but know that Lauren's right, I need to get going.
"I'll text you when I get home from the party?"
Lauren smiles, standing up from the bed with me and handing me my heavy guitar case.
"I'll be waiting."
***
"Ya'know you look pretty without all the eyeliner we should like, like make out or somethin'."
Bird leans all her weight into me on the couch, flopping into my lap and I roll my eyes, groaning as I try an push her off me and prop her back up.
"Bird shut up, you're drunk."
Bird pouts briefly, whining into her empty beer bottle.
"It's not like I'm askin' to fuck why won't you just kiss meeee?"
Bird tries again to get uncomfortably close to me, her lips nearly touching my cheek and making me finally shove her off me and stand up from the couch.
"Because you don't know what you're talking-"
I'm interrupted by someone throwing their arm around my neck, their voice significantly less slurred than Bird's who was sprawled out on the couch, taking up the spot I used to be sitting in.
"Because she's taken by that freakshow Laurie girl."
I recognize the guy holding me as Crash as he laughs and takes another swig from his cup. I pull away from him, rolling my eyes.
"It's LAUREN stupid, and she's not a 'freakshow' so shut the hell up Crash."
He puts his hands up in defense and responds with something sarcastic that I can't hear over the crowded living room's loud music and pounding base. I have to escape the noise, this is NOT the "small house party" I was promised it was.
I pour the rest of the sour liquid in my red cup into the pot of a houseplant and abandon the empty cup on the coffee table, scouring the large room for an exit. I knew Andy had a big house according to Bird, but I'd never been myself and hadn't expected something THIS big. Finally I spot a glass door that must lead out to the back porch, and no one seems to be out there really so I decide it's my best bet.
"Can you watch her? Clearly her boy friend's not doing shit and she's way too drunk to be left alone."
I gesture to Bird and Crash nods his head, plopping down beside her as she continues to giggle over God know's what and I make a beeline for the door leading outside. I reach the sliding door after maneuvering around stumbling drunks and couples getting a little too "intimate" for comfort on the dance floor. I breathe a sigh of relief upon realizing that the door did in fact lead to a backyard patio, where only a handful of people are lingering around on phones or smoking.
I lean over the back porches railing in a corner where no one else is, breathing in the cool night air and throwing my head back to stare at the night sky's stars. It was chilly outside and I shivered under the blanket of glimmering black, wishing more than anything that I'd just stayed at Lauren's house instead of coming to this dumb party.
"I should've known better."
I mumbled to myself, turning away from the sky and all it's stars to stare at my feet as I fished a cigarette and lighter out from my pocket.
"Should've known better than to what?"
I jump at the sound of a guy's voice right beside me, having not noticed that he was leaning next to me on the railing. I stumble back a few feet and then look at him, trying to catch my breath. Realizing his appearance did nothing to help me achieve this however, and as Andy begins laughing at my reaction I feel my parted mouth go completely dry and my acrylic nails dig into the palms of my hands as I instinctively ball my fists looking at him.
I could tell just from the smell of him that he'd been drinking, not enough that it was obvious if not for the stench, but still it added to my fear. I swallowed hard, wrapping my own arms around my waist and taking 3 large steps away from him as he turned to me with a disgusting smirk on his face. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only a pair of baggy jeans, and he had a lit cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth. He cocked his eye brows at me, and put is hands up almost in defense, but the smile never left his face.
"Dan what's with you, you look like you've just seen a ghost."
I can't bring myself to speak, and I can't bring myself to run off either, so I just stand there staring at him for perhaps a minute too long, staring with a burning hatred I can feel churning in the very pit of my stomach and blazing in my green eyes. Eventually I look away from him and down at my grass stained converse as I light my cigarette with shaky hands.
"I know you've always been fair skinned, but why so pale baby?"
Andy chuckles, advancing towards me with his hand out to which I immediately meet by taking my own few steps away from him.
I pull the cigarette out of my mouth, exhaling smoke into the night air through gritted teeth.
"Don't come near me, don't talk to me, DON'T fucking touch me."
My voice doesn't even sound like my own, the way I'm speaking to him almost sounds more like an animalistic growl and in a way I think that's fitting.
"What's your deal!?"
"I know what you did you sick fuck."
I respond before I register what I'm saying, and once it hits me I hope it was too under my breath and hidden in the mumbled music from inside for him to hear me. But as Andy's face contorts ans twists from a devilish smirk and confused eyes to furrowed brows and a tightly set jaw I know he's heard me, and that he has quite the idea as to what exactly I meant by those 7 harsh words.
"...What do you mean?"
Andy takes a large step towards me so that I'm withing his reach, and I try an take a step backwards only to realize my back's pressed against one of the porch's railings.
I swear under my breath, avoiding Andy's gaze and looking around his shoulder in hopes of a few people still lingering near by, but no one's there. Just me, Andy, and the sky. I take a deep breath, finally staring back at the icy blue eyes that are set on me only inches away from my own. Shivers run through my body as I think about Lauren, about her looking into these same eyes on a night just like this. It takes everything in me not to throw myself at him right there and then.
"You know damn well what I mean, Andy."
It's like time stands still, I blink it seems and suddenly Andy snaps, his large, rough hands are wrapped around my upper arms, his fingers digging into my shoulders and keeping my arms at my sides. As head of the football team he was stronger than I'd ever given him credit for, and I can't quite find my voice as he shakes me and speaks louder than was necessary given how close we were. I would have been sure someone was going to hear his booming voice if it weren't for the loud music that was still pounding inside his house. Even if I could've found my voice and screamed, it wouldn't have made much a difference.
"WHAT'D THAT LITTLE BITCH FUCKING TELL YOU- WHAT'D LAUREN SAY!?"
"NOTHING YOU FUCKING- LET GO OF ME!!"
I squirm in Andy's grasp, for the first tie in a while wishing that maybe I had been wearing something more intimidating today. I wasn't very scary or strong looking in this denim skirt and tank-top, and although for a small girl I usually packed quite the punch I was no match for this big, dopey jock.
"TELL ME WHAT SHE FUCKING TOLD YOU!!"
My eyes fill with tears as Andy squeezes my arms tighter and finally I do the only thing I can think to do, spit in his face. The mixture of saliva and mucus lands right in the dirt bag's fucking eyes, and as he groans in disgust and closes his eyes tightly the grip he has on my arms loosens just enough for me to break free from his grasp. Without having time to think I shove him hard away from me, and without being able to see he stumbles a few feet backwards.
"YOU LITTLE BITCH- LAUREN'S GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!"
I ignore him as he shouts, wiping the spit from his face angrily as I escape the only way I can think to, jumping from the porch. It's around a 6 foot fall to grass, but I throw myself over the railing like it's only inches and pray I don't land wrong. The ground hits me harder than I'd expected it to, my mind going a million miles a minute, but I'd landed on my feet and not my head which was the important part. I go to start running, and only then realize that my ankle had definitely hit the ground incorrectly, and I hissed in pain but sprinted away nonetheless.
I didn't stop moving until I was at the front of the ridiculously noisy and clearly over-crowded house, not on the front yard but sitting on the sidewalk's curb. I touched my ankle gingerly, trying to determine through the purple and red puffy skin whether the bone was broken or not and how in the hell I was going to get home. I didn't realize how badly I was shaking until I went to get a new cigarette and my lighter back out from my jacket pocket and my fingers wouldn't cooperate. I hadn't realized I was crying either, until I held the smoke to my face and felt the damp tears. Why was I crying?
I stared at the house, at the flashing, colorful lights and at the silhouettes of people I used to call friends inside. I shivered, and whether that was because of the significantly colder air or because of what I'd just experienced I didn't know. I thought about Lauren as I took steady inhales and exhales, trying to slow down my heart rate. Was that even a fraction of what that night last summer had been like for her?
I looked up at the sky in search of stars and couldn't find any, just an endless sheet of darkness gaping over head that made me feel smaller than I had in a long time. I started to think about what Andy had said now, how he'd said Lauren would pay for this. Pay for MY mistake. I never should have said anything about knowing what he'd done to her...what if he tried to hurt her again? Lauren would never agree to tell the police if she knew about his reaction and threats after only finding out that I knew. On top of this she'd never trust me with anything ever again. But if Andy hurt Lauren again it's not like any of that would even matter anyway. I'd kill him.
I stared at the dwindling embers of my cigarette, wispy columns of smoke rising above me. I felt kind of guilty for smoking but figured tonight had to be some kind of exception. If I didn't smoke to calm me and my heart down I felt like it'd beat until it exploded, and as much as I hated myself at the moment I didn't think that dying of a heart attack on this side walk seemed to be the best plan of action for fixing all that I'd screwed up tonight.
Suddenly a thought hit me, and I took the cigarette out of my mouth to again stare at it's burning end. It was still red with heat, smoking without me sucking or blowing from it. I then stared at the house, and thought about Andy. About how he was probably in there right now, bragging to his friends about how he'd fucked a girl who didn't want to fuck him and ruined her life. Laughing with the jock friends and the slutty girls at school who were making Lauren's already tragic life a living hell meanwhile his girlfriend was drunk on the couch, manipulating girls just like me to throw their lives away too on drugs and alcohol and fake personas.
I stand up from the concrete, tears streaming down both my cheeks. My ankle was numb now and I can't feel it really, but still I limp as I take a few steps closer to the house. I take another look at my cigarette, before pulling my arm back and with as much strength as I can muster throwing the still lit cigarette at the house. I turn away from the scene, limping down the street in the direction to Lauren's house without a second thought.
I don't know how the hell I plan to explain this night to her, or if I plan to at all, but she was who I wanted- no NEEDED to see right now. As I make my way aimlessly through the moonless and starless night, I swear I see flames from the corner of my eye.