He meant the world to you.
When your world was crumbling around you, when everyone else turned their backs on you and didn't want to help you when you needed it the most, he was there for you and took you in under his wing without blinking an eye.
He kept your biggest ever secret for you.
He supported you through so many hard times.
You loved him.
And now your sitting in the front row of his memorial service. Your very own husbands memorial service.
Your two children either side of you. Bucky's picture staring at you from atop an empty coffin. His smile just the way you remember it best. There was no body found so there will be no burial.
Not that that is necessarily a bad thing to you. You're not sure you could handle that. But on the other hand you wish that they had found a body because without it there is no closure for you now. A month later and there is still one particular question that still haunts your mind.
What if?
You're dressed in a simple black dress with T-shirt sleeves and a poofy skirt that goes down to your mid calf, a velvet shall wrapped around your shoulders, silk gloves on your hands and buckle up heals with your hair pulled back into a tight bun. You didn't want to wear make up because you knew you would just cry it all off but your mother insisted on it to show a good appearance and here you are now with black lines staining your cheeks from your tears mixing with the mascara.
Luke is dressed in a little black tux with his fair, blonde hair slicked down and Isla is in a dress similar to yours with a black bow in her hair. Already at just two years old she is the spitting image of Bucky. You can see so much of him in her face. Similarly, having lived with him his whole life, Luke's mannerisms are exactly like Bucky's; the things he says, the way he laughs, his cheeky smirk. Everyday they remind you so much of him.
You thought it had been long enough for your wounds to heal but today you've learnt that it clearly hasn't. Fresh scars are reopening and it is at this point that you realise that you never truly will ever recover fully from loosing Bucky.
You've managed to keep it together for the service so far. Only crying silent tears and wiping your eyes managing not to make any sound.
Out of the corner of your eye you can see Luke just looking down at his lap with his shoulders hunched, no doubt crying.
Isla is snuggled into your side and you can feel her shaking as she cries. Considering she is so young and never even met him she has been so upset. She really is such an empathetic child.
It has been a really hard and awful ordeal for them both. Young children their ages should not have to go through anything like this. Yet here they are, sitting at their fathers funeral.
You get through your speech barely in one piece. Opening up and saying everything that deserves to be said about Bucky and all that he did for you. The only thing keeping you from breaking down is your two children's, one of them with Bucky's blood running through her veins, big, innocent eyes looking up at you sadly. But at the same time they are filled with hope because you are the only person left that they have to look up to.
It's a big service. Bucky was a loved man. He knew everybody because he took the time to get to know them and talk to people. In return everyone wanted to know him and loved him very much. So nearly the whole town is here.
But the thing that is special about it is that you don't feel like the room is full of strangers. You know all of these people in one way or another because if you didn't already know someone Bucky made sure that he introduced you to them.
He was a Howling Commando so his coffin is dressed with an extravagant garland of red and white roses over the top of a large american flag draped over the top of the casket along with his badges. A scene like all war hero's get.
Because he is your hero. He saved you.