"I told that kid he shouldn't wait a month to ask you out," Bianca sighs. I'm running at practice with Bianca, Lisa, Maria, and Sadie, who just found out about my rejection of Henry.
"Have any of you guys ever had a boyfriend, or anything close to one?" I ask.
"Not unless you count the kid I kissed on the cheek when we were in preschool," Bianca replies.
"My parents won't let me date till I'm fifteen. Just six more months!" Sadie says.
"Aw, it's tough being a freshman," Bianca answers with mock condescension. A muffled thump, "Ow!" and giggles come from the direction of her and Sadie. Bianca and Sadie have become good friends, so they constantly fight.
"Whenever I'm within ten feet of a guy I like, my face turns bright red and I can't talk normally," Lisa laments. "Have you ever dated anyone, Maria?"
"Nope," she answers simply.
A bubble of hope rises in my chest and I quickly shove it back down. It's not going to happen, I tell myself. You need to move on. You were head over heels for Henry for a couple of months... and then you weren't. This is no more than that. Move on.
But this isn't like my crush on Henry. This is so much more than a little girl crush, with blushing and stumbling over words. And it's about time I admitted it to myself.
I'm bisexual, and I'm in love with Maria.
And there's just the tiniest bit of hope inside me that someday, she might love me back.
And I wonder if she feels it, too. That... connection between us when we run. We fall into a rhythm, me half a step back and a few inches to the right, with my left hand on her right elbow and our shoes hitting the ground in unison. There's a power that flows between us, racing that way, as if I draw my strength from her and she draws hers from me. When we run, us being together suddenly seems plausible.
But when we stop, the spell is broken, and I'm left with only the slightest whisper of hope. The barest maybe. And only now do I finally allow myself to wonder...