So this is a little stop motion I made a few years back. Thought I'd share it with you all.
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"There's absolutely nothing any of you can say that will make me change my mind. I know that my ship sailed and that's that." Caladhiel crossed her arms, daring anyone to question her.
"Are you sure about that?" Piper asked. "If you think about what happened that night and the fact that no one has seen either Es or Legolas since then, I'm pretty sure that they're both hiding in an attempt to let this all blow over."
"NO!" Caladhiel shouted nearly sending both Piper and Pely flying through the air. "THEY FELL IN LOVE AND MY SHIP SAILED DO YOU HEAR ME?! SAILED SAILED SAILED!"
It was at the exact moment that Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Vili came walking up.
"Uh, is she okay?" Frodo glanced uncertainly at Caladhiel before quickly looking away.
"She's convinced that her ship has sailed," Pely explained, "and for her sake I hope it did or she might lose it."
"Wouldn't that be a little strange though?" Sam asked turning to Merry.
"Why would it be?" Merry replied.
"Well, you know. It's your younger sister, and Legolas."
"Your point?"
"It's just that-that-well... um..." Sam's words trailed off leaving everyone to stare at him.
"I don't see anything wrong with it." Merry said with a shrug. "Legolas is nice enough, although I highly doubt that Es will want anything to do with him after this. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if she was out there secretly plotting his murder."
Not realizing what he just said Merry failed to notice the confused and somewhat terrified looks that he was receiving from those gathered.
"Seriously though where have those two been?" Vili asked quickly changing the subject.
Frodo shrugged, "Who knows? The real question is where has Pippin been?"
"Oh you didn't know?" Merry said, "He met some girl hobbit at the bowling alley and now they're dating. Can't say I'm not surprised, I knew he'd find a girlfriend sooner or later."
"Huh," Frodo crossed his arms, "so you've got a girl and so does Pippin. Es may be getting a boyfriend, I wonder if I'll find my special someone soon."
"Good luck with that Frodo. You have the worst social skills I've ever seen before in my life." Merry rolled his eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Your attention span? It's shorter than Pippin's."
"What'd you say?" Frodo asked scrolling through his instagram and not paying attention at all.
"I rest my case." Merry crossed his arms and sighed in disappointment when Frodo took a selfie.
"Wait a minute, where's Phoenix?" Vili gaped at Caladhiel and Piper in disbelief. "He's always with you guys."
"No idea where he is either," Piper shrugged, "Thranduil's been out of town too. It's as if the entire Mirkwood royal family has vanished."
"They'll turn up sooner or later right?" Pely asked hopefully.
As if to prove her right two familiar voices could be heard in the distance, coming closer and closer and getting louder and louder since they were clearly debating about something.
"I don't care if you have photographic evidence, there is no possible way that you were a pirate."
"How are you still in denial about this? I even showed you the ship I sailed on!"
"And the crew were lovely people, but I am not convinced."
"Es you and I have literally been sailing all over the world for weeks!"
"And your cosplay was creative, but a bit over the top if I must say."
"That wasn't cosplay! My hair literally turns dark brown, I grow facial hair, my ears lose their points, and I find myself dressed as a pirate every time I board that ship!"
Es paused and looked up at Legolas.
"Leggy the idea of you transforming into a mortal every time you go on a boat is too much for my little hobbit mind to comprehend so until I can learn to live with it I'm in denial."
Legolas made an "o" shape with his mouth and nodded his head slowly.
"Where on Middle Earth have you too been?!" Merry shouted trying to sound angry. You see Merry never really got the hang of the whole "over protective older brother" thing so when it comes down to playing the role of "over protective older" he is a failure.
"Legolas and I were nowhere on Middle Earth. We were sailing the seven seas searching for adventure and treasure. I even got my own cutlass!
Es suddenly pulled a cutlass out and started swinging it around like crazy while everyone else leapt back in terror.
"Es you're going to kill someone with that thing!" Frodo shouted from where he was hiding behind Sam.
"Sorry, got carried away." Es put her sword away without looking the least bit sorry.
"So let me get this straight," Piper said staring at Es and Legolas through narrowed eyes, "you two disappear after your "date" which was clearly a disaster. No one has seen either you for almost a month and that's because you two were sailing around on a pirate ship?"
Es and Legolas nodded.
"That is correct," Es stated, "it was supposed to be a short little "Let's take the boat on the water for a little bit" but then things got crazy."
"What do you mean by that?" Sam asked.
"Well it started when I found some weird gold amulet thing and then these evil pirate guys kidnapped me thinking I was Mr. Elf Pirate over here (don't ask how it happened it's complicated) so Legolas had to come rescue me but then those idiots finally figured out that he was the one they were after and they took him while leaving me alone on a deserted island with a charming, yet somewhat crazy pirate captain. We managed to get off the island by signaling another ship and after taking over said ship me and the crazy pirate captain went to rescue Leggy and we made it just in time too because those guys were going to kill him (what else is new evil guys are trying to kill Legolas) and we all got out of there safe and sound."
"And that's when you guys came back?" Vili asked.
"I wish," Legolas said rolling his eyes, "we were going to head home when some idiot arrested Es and I for helping Jack (the crazy pirate captain) escape certain death. Then I was being blackmailed into finding him and getting his compass for whatever reason and ended up stuck on a ghostly fish boat and forced to work for some creepy octopus faced guy while searching for some key that Jack needed. Meanwhile Es had escaped and was now trying to find me and after some difficulty we all ended up on an island where some chest was that had the octopus guy's heart in it (gross) Es and I were about to hightail it out of there when the fish pirates attacked and I somehow got stuck on a giant spinning wheel, became extremely dizzy, and was hit really hard on the head. When I came to we were back on the ship being attacked by a giant squid. I almost died (again) Es almost shot my head off trying to help me then she shoved me into a lifeboat after accidentally handcuffing Jack to the mast before falling into the ocean where I had to save her."
"Wait..." Frodo scratched his head, "what?"
"How do you accidentally handcuff someone to a mast?" Piper asked.
Es shrugged, "I was under a lot of pressure, there was a giant monster squid attacking and handcuffing someone to the mast seemed like the best thing to do in that situation."
Everyone gave her a deadpan look as she started munching on some pretzels.
"So then you guys came home?" Sam questioned.
"Nope!" Es said tossing the now empty bag of pretzels over her shoulder.
"Leggy wouldn't stop being mad at me for handcuffing Jack to the mast and letting him die so we ended up sailing clear over the world (seriously I almost fell off the boat and would have died if Leggy hadn't caught me) where we found Jack (yay) but then we had no idea how to get back to wherever it was we were before. We ended up having to turn the ship upside down (please don't ask how we did that) and that's how we got out of that mess. But then we had a new problem. Some British guys wanted to kill all the pirates and since that included us we just had to get involved. I became the queen of pirates and we went to war. Things got crazy when a bad storm rolled in making some great visual effects but the rain made it hard to fight and I kept slipping all over the place. During the fight Legolas and I confessed our true feelings for each other just before we were forced to fight calamari head. Then the worst thing imaginable happened: Legolas slipped off the ship and fell into the water."
"I did not slip you pushed me!" Legolas shouted.
"Hey it was either push you overboard or let you be stabbed brutally in the heart while I cried whilst holding your dead face. Anyway, after Legolas fell off the greatest thing of all happened. Feanor arrived and burned all the British ships! We found Legolas climbing back onto our ship, he and I had a heartwarming reunion, then we finally sailed home where Legolas returned to his normal Elf self and I went into denial."
Es smiled and clasped her hands behind her back. "The End."
Everyone stared at the two in disbelief. If it wasn't for Es' cutlass no one would have believed them.
"Wow. What a long, confusing yet entertaining story." Merry said still in a mild state of disbelief.
"Yup, I'm just glad that it's finally ov-" Es was cut off when her phone started playing the Star Wars theme song. She dug into her pocket and looked down at the screen.
"Uh Legs? Just got a text from Jack."
"What does he want now?" Legolas groaned.
"Wants to know if we'd be interested in helping him find the Fountain of Youth."
Es and Legolas looked at each other and nodded solemnly.
She threw her phone on the ground while at the same time both her and Legolas drew their pirate pistols and each shot once at the phone completely destroying it.
"I've had enough of pirates to last me for 100 years." Legolas said returning his pistol to the holster that hung around his waist.
"You said it," Es nodded her head returning her gun as well, "although I do look good as a pirate." She added doing a hair flip that failed horribly and she ended up getting her hair all tangled up.
"Well, at least you two are back safe and sound." Pely said smiling. She was genuinely relieved that her friends didn't die in all the horrible ways they almost did. In fact everyone was just about ready to move on and be done with this whole thing when Caladhiel suddenly brought up a point.
"Wait a minute! You said that during the battle you and Legolas confessed your true feelings for each other?"
Es coughed and Legolas pretended to be interested in a cloud even though the sky was completely clear.
"AND YOU WERE BOTH ON A SHIP?!?!?!?"
"Well it was either that or in the ocean." Legolas shrugged still staring at a nonexistent cloud.
"Then again it was raining so we'd be wet either way." Es said trying to change the subject.
Caladhiel smiled-but this was no ordinary smile-it was a fangirl on the verge of exploding from happiness smile.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! MY SHIP SAILED! LITERALLY IT SAILED THE OCEAN AND WENT ON AN ADVENTURE! I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW OH MY VALAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY SAILED!"
That little fact slowly dawned on everyone else and they all gasped in shock at the same time.
"I can't believe it! Es actually fell for Legolas!" Merry shook his head in disbelief.
"Wait what are we talking about?" Frodo (who was not paying attention at all because he was too busy playing Solitaire on his phone) asked whilst looking around in confusion.
"All our shipping paid off." Piper said smiling proudly.
"This is amazing! I'm so happy for you guys!" Pely clapped her hands together in joy.
"Wait... it sailed?" Sam asked looking somewhat confused.
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa slow down there, you think that's what we meant?" Es stared at them all as if they were crazy.
"Well yeah, what else could you have meant?" Caladhiel asked as she started to get a sinking feeling in her stomach.
Es glanced at Legolas, he glanced back, then they both erupted in laughter.
"What's so funny guys?" Vili asked but did not get answer because the hobbit and elf were completely hysterical. Es was doubled over with her arms wrapped around her while Legolas was on his back kicking his legs in the air. No one had ever had actually seen them laugh like that before and it was disturbing.
"Oh-oh my Gondor-that-that is the funniest thing I've-I've ever-" Es couldn't even finish her sentence before she collapsed on the ground.
"They-they think we-that we-we actually-" Legolas didn't even bother trying to finish what he was saying.
"Um, are you two finished yet?" Merry had guessed what was coming and just wanted to get it over with.
Unfortunately the two would not stop laughing.
48 1/2 minutes later....
"*whew* I've never laughed that long in my life." Es said catching her breath.
"You said it, Valar I needed that." Legolas was standing now and looking more relaxed then he'd ever been in a long time.
Merry cleared his throat catching their attention.
"Oh yeah, you guys want an explanation." Es quickly explained: "You see when I said that we confessed our true feelings for each other, what I meant was that-well-in order to understand it better I'll reveal it through a flashback."
*Flashback*
*rain pours from the sky drenching the battling pirates and making everything more dramatic and tense*
*in the midst of the battle a familiar hobbit and elf turned mortal (because reasons) are fighting side by side*
"Es! I don't think that we are getting out of this alive!" Will *COUGH* Er-I mean- Legolas shouted over the loud storm.
"You just now realized that?" Es dodged a swinging sword while jabbing her cutlass forward at her opponent.
"I have to tell you something!" He shouted parrying a blow from a sword.
"Oh what now?" Es growled using her big foot to stomp on a bad guy's foot causing him to holler in pain.
"I need to tell you how I feel about you!" Pirate Legolas quickly spun out of the way of an oncoming sword before striking his enemy down.
"I don't think now is the best time!" As a sword came flying at her Es leaped out of the way but the rain caused her to slip and she would have fallen if Will *COUGH* Oh my gosh get it right already! I mean Legolas hadn't caught her.
"We may not have another time!" He tried convincing her, and when she was about to say "no" again he gave her the sad eyes and no one (not even Es) can resist the sad eyes.
"Okay fine but make it quick." Es said standing up and shaking herself.
"Es I've realized that after all this time we spent together-" He paused to stab a pirate who'd tried to sneak up on Es "-that you and I-" pause to duck and parry a sword "-seem to have, I don't know, something?"
"Very profound Legs," Es said after taking down another enemy, "your way with words never ceases to amaze me."
"You know I'm not good at these things!" Will- OH FOR THE LOVE OF BELEG WHY CAN'T I GET THIS RIGHT?! I'M THE FREAKING NARRATOR I SHOULD NOT BE MESSING UP THIS BAD!!!
Phew...
Sorry you all had to read that.
Anyway, L-e-g-o-l-a-s LEGOLAS, drew his pistol and at the same time so did Es. Without pausing to aim they both simultaneously fired a shot that cut the ropes some more bad pirates were using to try and swing onto their ship.
"What I'm trying to say Es is that I need you with me!" Legolas quickly put his pistol away. Es paused and everything slowed down; the sounds of battle died away and even the rain seemed to let up.
"You do?" Es asked sticking her arm out and shooting down another foe without taking her eyes off of Legolas.
"Yes, I do." Legolas blocked an oncoming sword and shoved the pirate away without breaking eye contact.
Everything slowed down even more, and then-
"Just kiss!" Someone shouted abruptly ruining the moment.
"What no! I didn't mean it in a romantic way!" Legolas shouted glaring at the person who'd suggested it.
"Are you sure?" That same someone asked. "It looked pretty romantic to me."
"No! I obviously just want to be friends with her!" Legolas groaned and shook his head in annoyance.
"Really Legolas? You only want to be friends?" Es asked with tears (or those could just be raindrops) running down her face.
Legolas nodded.
"Yes, that's what I want Esmerelda."
A smile appeared on the hobbit's face.
"Oh Legolas, that's all I ever wanted!" She wrapped her arms around him and for the first time in her life, she willingly hugged someone, and allowed herself to be hugged back.
"Eh," the person who had wanted them to kiss earlier shrugged, "it would have been better if they had kissed. But friendship works too I guess."
With that said the battle resumed and you all know what happens next.
*flashback ends*
"And that's that." Es said sounding fairly pleased with herself.
"Wait a minute-so after all that, you decided to just be friends?!" Caladhiel shouted.
"Well, yeah. Is that bad?" Legolas asked tilting his head to the side.
"Yes it's bad! You don't go through a journey like that and wind up friendzoning each other! It doesn't work that way!" Caladhiel was on the verge of snapping and everyone else decided that it would be best if they weren't here for that.
"Well, Vili and I are gonna go hang out. BYE!" Merry and Vili ran for their lives.
"Wait what's happening?" Frodo asked turning away from the landscape he was painting.
"Legolas and Esmerelda aren't in love." Sam said.
"No I meant why are Merry and Vili fleeing in terror?"
"Oh, I think Caladhiel is about to explode."
"In that case we should run too."
Frodo and Sam took off.
"It was nice catching up with all," Es said clasping her hands together and slowly backing away, "but Legs and I have to go practice."
"Practice what?" Pely asked also backing away from Caladhiel.
"Oh we're going to try out for Middle Earth's Got Talent. We're going to sing together isn't that great? I need some serious coaching though and fortunately for me Legolas is one of the best singers I know."
"Yup! So we'd better get going then right Es?" Legolas said nervously noticing that Caladhiel was seconds away from exploding.
"You're right let's go bye guys!"
With that said the two hightailed it out of the chapter.
"Uh, Piper?"
"Yes Pely?"
"Do you think that we should run too?"
"Erm yes, yes we probably should."
The two elves fled for their lives just as Caladhiel exploded.
There is nothing more devastating nor terrifying than a poor fangirl whose ship just sunk.
"IT'S NOT FAIR! I SHIPPED THEM SO HARD AND FOR WHAT SO THEY COULD JUST BE FRIENDS?! WELL I'M NOT GIVING UP I'LL DRAW FAN ART WRITE FANFICTION COME UP WITH HEADCANONS AND WILL NOT STOP UNTIL MY SHIP SAILS DO YOU HERE ME CANON? I WILL SEE THIS SHIP SAIL! I WILL FIND EVERY PIECE OF PROOF AND EVIDENCE THAT POINTS TO MY SHIP ACTUALLY BEING CANON AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!!"
(admit it, this relates to all of us fangirls myself included, just needed to get this out)
So Caladhiel continued her rant and everything else went back to normal
Psssssssh, who am I kidding?
From here on out things are going to get worse!
And by that I mean more bad stuff regarding the possible disappearance of Middle Earth forever!
NYEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
......
I am so sorry you had to read that, I should not write chatrooms late at night....