I take a deep breath, and it hits. Staggering around, I shut my eyes and ignore the pain.
I'm falling, but then, everything goes dark. Suddenly, I'm walking, through this white void, and I can't help but wonder if it's Heaven. There's a blue haze, and I want to keep walking, on and on through the bright, enchanting ashen void, but then I remember. Everything. Out of impulse, I leap into the blue, and watch the dark color be speckled with amazing gold flecks of light. In awe, my breath is sucked away, and I'm left gasping for air.
*** FUN STAR DANCE PARTAH!*** No.
I open my eyes. I'm in a classroom, a seemingly normal one, with seemingly normal students. And a normal, boring teacher, going on about a normal routine. "Alright, quiet down, everyone," the teacher utters.
What's going on? I think. Didn't I just? No... It's impossible. I couldn't have. Wait. Am I dreaming? What if it didn't-No. It couldn't have. Am I delusional? Am I... in a coma or something?
Huh?
"Nakashima? Nakashima? Oh, there you are. Please pay attention."
What? How did he know my name?
"Nimura?"
"Here."
"Otonashi?"
"Student council room."
What's going-
"Sakura?"
Silence.
"Absent? Hm. Yoshida, please bring her work to her dorm." The class murmurs nonsense, and eventually, the Sensei hushes them. "Alright, please take out your textbooks and turn to page 36." I look down and notice I have a small, plain silver pencil case filled with complicated looking mechanical pencils and a regular eraser, one that doesn't match the theme at all. I also have a small stack of textbooks and pastel workbooks. My eyes dart around the room and I notice it's English class. I hated English; not that I had anything against the language, but it was kind of confusing and my mind was hard-wired to Japanese. My English book is on the top of the stack, so I flip to page 36, just so I don't draw attention to myself. I have a window seat that gives me a perfect view of a baseball field. It's barren and empty, yet, it gives off a strange emotion that captivates me... The girl in front of me drops something and it startles me, but the boy with black hair next to her helps out and class resumes. She sits back up and her short, reddish brown hair falls back into place. I stare out the window and before I know it, I'm thinking about my family and how I got to this weird place.
"Nakashima. Nakashima!" I look up. The teacher's mouth is moving. Huh? He wants me to read the bottom of page 42… I was still on 36. "Crap!" I whisper under my breath. The girl next to me drops her textbook in a way that makes it seem as if it was done on purpose and makes a big deal of losing her spot giving me just enough time to flip to the right page and find where we are.
"Um." I read, not too fast and not too slow, trying to make my voice sound like I wasn't just scrambling to get to the right part. It's something about English prepositions and none of it sinks in. Before I know it, I'm staring out the window again, and I'm startled by a tap on my shoulder. "Huh?"
It's the clumsy girl who dropped her textbook on purpose. "Nakashima. If Sensei catches you staring out the window again, you might have to take punishment. Trust me; it hurts your arms for like a week afterward." She laughs.
"Thanks for that, by the way." I say, still half-daydream.
"No problem. Have I ever told you, you kind of remind me of someone I once knew? She transferred though."
"Oh really?" I say.
"Yeah. She was my best friend."
"Well, that's good to know. I'm Nakashima Ren by the way."
She scoffs. "I already knew that! You okay? It's me. Hitomi." She smiles.
"Right... Well, if you want, you can call me Ren." I input.
The bell rings. "Well, free period. I'm off! See you later, Ren!"
"Later." I collect my things and unsure of where I'm supposed to be, I decide to ditch and wander around. If you can ditch a free period.
What was this place? How did they know my name? I didn't tell anyone. Well, except Hitomi-San. And that was after the fact…
Lost in thought, I crash into a student, much bigger than me and it looks as if he eats 5 orders of Beef Udon for every meal. It sends me to the floor, and I drop all my books. He steps over me like as if I was a Pocky wrapper, which a person like him would take interest in then, find it's empty and continue on. Stunned, I watch a boy with orangish-red hair round the corner. He sees me and rushes over to pick up my books. I snap out of it and stand up. "What are you doing?!" I say, a slightly irritated.
"Just helping out. Are you lost?" He smirks.
"What? Thanks by the way. But, what do you mean lost? I mean I just showed up and people are treating me like I've been here all along. I don't even know where I am! Sure, I'm lost. I just. I don't get any. I don't get anything anymore!"
Why did He… do this to me?
I screw my eyes shut and turn around fast, hoping to get out of here. Something grabs my shoulder and I spin around to find the boy taking his hand back. I freeze, lost in his eyes, which are surprisingly warm, yet have a deep sadness to them. I rip away my gaze. "I know you're confused. We all were."
"What are you talking about?! Who do you think you are? You don't know anything about me." I yell at him.
"I'll explain everything. First, let me say this, and I know it may be a bit hard to grasp, but.... you're dead."
"You're dead."
His news echo in my head.
What?
"You're dead."
I can't be- This can't be.
"You're dead."
It...
"This is the afterlife."
His words make me resurface.
"You're crazy. A- a-a lunatic. Whatever kind of... Prank you're pulling, it's not funny. So stop." I frown.
"I'm afraid I'm not joking in any way. But I know you're lost. You weren't happy with your life. That's why you're here."
This kid's good. How does he...
"You're wrong," My volume lowers. “...You’re wrong. I was happy." I lie.
"Man, you're just like Yuri," he chuckles quietly.
"Huh? Who's Yuri?" I tilt my head at him.
"I'll explain everything later. Just come with me."
I nod tentatively. We finish getting my books up off the floor, which is surprisingly spotless, and he brings me to a room with a bunch of tables and a desk in the front.
"Welcome to the student council room."
"The student council- What you want me to join?" I tilt my head again.
"No, this is just a special place for me."
I think about English class. "You're Otonashi, right?"
"How did you know?" He furrows his brows.
"My last class. The Sensei took attendance and you were in the student council room. You said this place was special for you. Why is that?" He thinks for a moment.
"A couple reasons. Two people, one especially, that were very close to me visited this place very often. And I'm student body president."
I gasp fakely. "Student body president! Where's your badge? Can I get an autograph?" I say sarcastically.
"There's one place, even more sacred then here where I think I'll explain things."
"Lead the way..." I utter. I leave my books in the student council room. "By the way, I'm Nakashima Ren." He nods. We go outside, but I don't question it. "So," I say as we enter the teacher's dorm, "We won't get detention for skipping class?"
"No, they're NPC's. For them, life goes on."
"NPC's? Isn't that a video game thing?" He chuckles.
"Same thing I said."
“How did you know I wasn’t one?”
“NPCs are careful not to bump into each other. And you had a pained look on your face.” I frown, knowing he was probably right. “Not to mention, your reaction. Most NPC's accept help when they need it.”
So you wanna play it like that, Otonashi? Cold...
We go to the principal’s office and he slides through an open door. In the room, besides a desk and a few couches and tables, scattered around are a sword, a pair of handcuffs, a halberd, cute wind up dog toys, an open bag of chips two laptop computers and a ear piece, a Martial Arts uniform, complete with a black belt and cans of healthy food. The kind of stuff a body builder would eat.
“Man, this principal has some interesting hobbies.” I laugh and bend down to admire a little white dog.
“You could say that.” Otonashi steps around me. “Welcome to the Afterlife Battlefront headquarters.” He says it proudly, but when I look at him, he looks as if he’s about to crumple to the floor crying.
“Afterlife Battlefront… Interesting name.” I walk over to the desk, trying not to kill myself on the various objects around the room and open the drawer. Inside, besides gun magazines and bullets, is a cute little white beret. I take it out and examine it carefully. Underneath it are two, shiny Berretta 92’s. Those startle me into almost dropping the beret.... I ignore them however.
“Who’s beret?” I feel like putting it on my head.
“It was,” he chokes. “It was Yuri’s.” I feel like I've just touched a sacred item. I put it back in the drawer quickly. For a few minutes, Otonashi says nothing, and I poke around in the room, no longer touching anything. I finally come to rest on the couch, next to Otonashi. His fingers are entwined as he stares at the floor. I look down too, and finally notice what I’m wearing. It’s an ugly sand colored blazer with a black, pleated skirt. The bolo tie with a fake, red stone doesn’t exactly help either. The male uniform is just as boring, black pants and a black blazer. I wiggle my toes in the slippers, wanting to wear my outside shoes, just so I can run away and not come back to this weird place. The silence kills me. Well, at least it would have if I was still alive.
“How ugly can these uniforms get?” I mean to say it in a cheerful tone, but it comes out just as depressing as the mood.
I look down and Otonashi takes a breath to speak.
“When I first came here, I lost my memories. I just happened to wake up on the ground in the courtyard next to this girl. Although I probably should’ve got used to it sooner, I was a bit stunned to see she had a sniper rifle. Not that I really had any business in it, I was a bit concerned that she was aiming and going to shoot someone. That someone was Tenshi, Angel, and at the time, we thought she actually was an Angel that could contact God and had powers. The girl asked me to join the Battlefront. I thought she was crazy, mostly because she was about to shoot someone, so I decided to ask Angel what was going on. The girl told me I was dead. Like you, I didn’t believe her. I thought it was a joke as well. I asked Angel if I was really dead, and like the girl, she confirmed I was in the afterlife. Being stupid, I asked her to prove I was dead. Naturally, the only way she could do that was stab me dead in the chest. You can’t die here, being dead already, so you basically revive from a few minutes, to a few hours, to a few days, back to your normal state, depending on how bad the injury. The next morning, I woke up in the infirmary and I was still really confused. I thought it was a dream, well right until I found my shirt, soaked with blood. Just as I was awakening, some dude with a scythe...halberd thing,” he points to the one propped on the wall, “Came into the room and ‘killed’ me again...” I cut him off.
“Sure sounds like you had a rough time in the beginning.” He lets out a sad laugh.
“I was a bit desperate for some guidance, so I figured here would be the best place to go. I was about to open the door, and the next thing I knew, I was killed again, struck by a huge hammer trap.” He whistles, gesturing to imply to a huge fall out of the building. I laugh, picturing him hurled out of the window.
“When I awoke next, I was here, stretched out on the couch we’re sitting on, and I met everyone. Yuri, Hinata, Ooyama, Shiina.”
For the next two hours, he tells me about everything, Yurippe, her memories, the SSS, the parachutes to the Guild, Ayato Naoi, Girl’s Dead Monster, Angel’s clones, and the shadows; even the disappearance of everyone. Including Kanade...
“So, she had your heart? Then she just… left?” There’s tension in the room. I look at Otonashi and the sun gleams on his face, revealing a glint, one that could only be a stream of tears.
“I loved… her. And the one time… we had the chance, we could be together-” I butt in.
“That’s not true!” I can tell he’s shocked by my tone. “It’s not. At all. True.” I laugh quietly. Otonashi’s confused. “You can believe it. You won’t ever see her again. Never.”
“Wha-”
“You really believe that?!” I stand and yell at him. “You think, just because she found peace that you’ve lost your one chance to be with her? And you say you’re the one trying to help others pass on.” A memory punches me in the face and I struggle to fight back tears.
“I’m not ready to move on. I can’t forgive-.” Tears roll down my cheeks, but I whip them away, and grit my teeth. “I just got here. I can’t be going just yet.” I look back at Otonashi through my hair, and notice he’s smiling. “What are you smiling at, you moron?!”
“I can’t even imagine what the SSS would’ve been like if you and Yuri met.” I frown.
“What do you mean?”
“Besides the fact that you have the same eyes, including the fire behind them, you have the same burdens. And strengths.”
“Is that a compliment?” I cross my arms.
“It depends which way you take it.” Now I really feel like hitting him.
The bell rings and it startles me. “Lunch.” He says.
“Huh? Oh. I don’t have any money.” I search my pockets.
“No problem. I don’t think it’ll hurt if we make some.”
“Make some? What do you mean?”
“Come on!” He grabs my arm, and almost knocks me off of my feet. Otonashi brings me to the baseball field and releases my arm. I flex my fingers, and complain to him about his grip. He scoops up some drier mud in his hands.
“You moron, what are you doing? Now you’re gonna have to wash uh-”
He squeezes his palms together, shaping bills and coins,as he concentrates. The dirt disappears and when he opens his palms, he has what looks around 4597 yen, about 60 dollars. I’m dumbfounded.
“WH-WHAT?!” I’m stunned, and my pointed finger bounces between his hands and the ground.
…..Alchemy?
“For some reason, things here work differently. You can make anything out of dirt. That’s how Yuri made guns. Chaa taught her.”
I’m speechless. He gives me 350 yen, about 4 dollars and 55 cents, which is a tad difficult for me to hold, considering he just fashioned it out of earth. I look at Otonashi, obvious confusion in my gaze.
“For lunch,” he vaguely explains. I refrain from freaking out and accept it.
“Thanks,” I utter, “Although all you did was... MAKE IT FROM DIRT!” I squeal.
“If you’re really that skeptical about it, just go to the office and get bursaries from the office.” I let out a sigh of relief.
He laughs and grabs my forearm again. He drags me through campus, avoiding random NPCs and teachers that don’t even notice we’re running.
“Hey! Watch it! Don’t want to rip off my arm! I’m not sure if it would grow back.”
He laughs, and I can tell it’s genuine.
“I think it would.”
“Don’t sound so sure.”
We reach the cafeteria and he leads me to the registers. For some reason, I’m already in the school’s system. I watch Otonashi purchase his food first, while I decide on what to get. It’s traditional food, Beef Udon, Mabo Tofu, Yakisoba, Omelette Rice, stuff like that. He gets Mabo Tofu.
“Wait a sec. Isn’t that stuff like, super spicy?!”
“Yeah,” he smiles. “But once you get past that, it’s really good.”
“I’ll take your word for it, but I think I’ll just have some yakisoba.” I grin.
“Your choice,” he beams back. "You sure?" He tilts his head.
"Yeah. I'm not too big on trying new things-. Especially if they're as spicy as you said."
I laugh, and he does too, but when I look back at him, there's a pained look on his face, almost as if someone had just trash talked his favorite anime, and then laughed it off. Blankly, an empty smile still plastered on my face, I stare at the ground and say words.
"Sorry. Maybe another day." He nods and pulls his meal ticket out of the machine.
I'm still zoned out when he nudges me forward. On the touch screen, I tap the Yakisoba I want and almost instantly, a little ticket pops out of the machine. There's tension when I pull it out, but it's only 260￥ (c. 3 dollars, 40 cents) so I decide to give back Otonashi his dirt money.
"Keep it. There's a lot of dirt out there." He laughs.
"True." He escorts me to the café part of the court and because he's student body president, we get to cut the line. Not that we couldn't before; not like the NPCs would do anything about it. It was just 'legal'. And Otonashi wasn't that kind of person. It was the kind of school; different from the one I can barely remember when I was alive, where the ladies actually brought you your food if you wanted them to. We bring it up on the roof and for a while, I slurp my noodles in silence, listening to Otonashi tell me about Yuri, Kanade, Hinata and Naoi. I just listen attentively, oohing and ahhing at the right times, showing sympathy every once in a while.
I didn't really care though. Not I really needed to know anything about them. But that wasn't why I didn’t care. Not it didn't affect me or, that I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and tell him to shut up, but it felt like I came right after the fun ended. Or maybe I could've gone with them. Otonashi was a great guy, and some of our feelings were the same, but I really had no connection to him. I still knew nothing about his memories and he knew even less about me. I don't want to change that. Not yet. I still need my youth back. But to be taken away from life when you're only 17… How was that fair? I understood Otonashi's words and I tried to believe them. I tried. But some things can't be changed. But I couldn't be sure my feelings were one of those.
"Otonashi?" I don't realize I'm cutting him off.
"What is it, Ren?" I wait a second before answering.
"Why did you love Kanade so much?" He sighs and looks down.
I regain my senses. "Crap. I'm sorry. You don't have to. You don't have to answer that."
Otonashi nods.
"She-. You can-. My first name is Yuzuru."
"Yuzuru. Ahh, to tie instrument stings."
Kanade meant to play a song.
"I like your name. Ren means correct. Or lotus." Or Love. Too embarrassing though....I laugh. "Correct? I wish. I'm never right. And a flower. Doesn't fit me.....Ironic. Isn't it? "
He shakes his head.
Good grief.
I scoff. "Come on." The bell rings and we both ignore it. "Can I... Can I call you Yuzuru?"
"I call you Ren, don't I? You're sure I can call you that?" I nod. "Then call me Yuzuru."