#C27: Continuation
Nanlalaki pa rin ang mata ko na nakatingin sa kanya. I don't even know what to react. It was unexpected for her to confess.
"Y-You're the masked girl?" Hindi pa siya makasagot nung una pero mabagal siyang tumango pagkatapos. "W-Why did you run away?"
"Cause I-Im afraid of what you may say. Dale, gusto kong ibalik. Gusto ko talagang ibalik lahat. Nagsisisi na talaga ako sa mga ginawa ko sayo, okay? That's why I did that." Napayuko na lang siya pagkatapos. Ako naman hindi pa rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin o ire-react.
Nagulat talaga ako. Kasi akala ko... si Carmeen ang kasama ko. Her warmth, her touch, even her smile-- it was all leading to her. That's why I'm a bit shocked. Pero kung tutuusin, imposible rin na siya ang may pakana ng sorpresang iyon. Hindi niya kayang gawin yon. Dahil hindi niya gusto ang atensyon. Kapag pag-uusapan naman natin ang atensyon, talagang kay Honey naaayon iyon.
"Nagsisisi ka?" mapanuyang tanong ni Carmeen. "Bakit hindi mo naisip iyan nung mga panahong magkasama kayo ni Vince? Kasi masaya ka diba? Hindi mo na nga naisip si Dale noon-"
"Shut it!" Napatigil sa pagsasalita si Carmeen nang bigla akong sumigaw. "Huwag na huwag mong mababanggit ang pangalan ng balahurang lalake na iyan!"
Ngayon ko lang siya napagtaasan ng boses. And I swear pinagsisihan ko yon. Ayoko lang kasing naririnig ang pangalan ng taong nanakit kay Honey.
"Honey pumasok ka na muna," utos ko. Hahakbang na sana siya nang makita ko ang nag-aalala niyang tingin.
"Are you gonna be okay?"
I nodded at her. "We'll talk later..."
Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa babaeng nasa harapan ko na nakatitig lang sakin. I did the same. I wanna hug her but there's this distance now. It's no longer the same. It all got twisted.
"I told you not to go near me--"
"Dale, mahal kita..." Hindi ako makapagsalita pagkatapos. "Sobra... na kahit na anong gawin mo na pagtaboy sakin bumabalik pa rin ako. Umaasa akong iintindihin mo ako."
She wiped her escaped tears. I wanted to go near her. I wanted to touch her and feel her. But it's just different now. It's not the way it used to be. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko siya mapili. I'm confused. Heck! I don't even know the answer to my questions right now.
"Makikipagbalikan ka ba sa kanya?" Her voice was already groggy but I just remained impassive.
"Paano kung oo?"
"Dale, I'm telling you... don't trust her."
"Bakit kayo magkausap?" tanong ko. That caught her off guard.
"I wanted to confront her. That she should stop doing this."
"Stop what?" nanggigigil kong sambit.
"To stop ruining us. Dale, hindi dapat siya ang pinagkakatiwalaan mo-"
"So sino ba dapat ang pagkakatiwalaan ko? Ikaw? Aren't you the one who plotted your own karma in the first place? Hindi pa ba sapat yung warning na ibinigay mo kay Honey?" galit kong pahayag.
She keeps on pushing me to my limits. Maybe it's better off like this. Na hindi kami magkakaayos. We should settle this instantly cause I don't want anything involving her anymore.
Somehow she managed to control her emotions. It's like she's trying not to explode in front of me. I don't even care if she started yelling at me. That's all she can do.
She shook her head for a moment and stared at me with a lot of conviction on her eyes. "I didn't do it..."
"Ano?" di-makapaniwalang wika ko.
"Hindi ko iyon plinano kasama si Vince. I didn't ask him to do that to Honey. He did that by himself. I have nothing to do with his actions," wika niya.
I laughed sarcastically. "Really now? Walang kinalaman? Pero may connection kayo ni Vince, you cannot deny that. So why leave yourself out of this? Huwag mo ng pagtakpan ang sarili mo. Either you blame it on someone else, you're still at fault."
Hindi niya sinabi saking magkakilala pala sila ni Vince. She made me a fool!
"Bakit ba pinagpipilitan mong ako? Dahil ba sa sinabi ni Honey sa iyo? You still choose her over me?"
"Why wouldn't I? I've known her all my life. Bakit hindi siya ang kakampihan ko? You're just a mere stranger to me."
I saw how she was hurt. I saw how her eyes water with what I just said. And I wanted to curse myself for taking it too far- No, this is better. Mas madali ko lang siyang makakalimutan. I don't intend to keep this feeling forever. It was meant to be over.
"S-Stranger? Akala ko ba gusto mo ako? Y-You even said it. Tapos ngayon sasabihin mong stranger lang ako para sayo? Is this your way of getting back at me? I thought you're better than this," mangiyak-iyak niyang wika. Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko siya kayang matingnan. And the words I just spit out was the one I regretted the most.
"Wala akong sinabing gusto kita. You merely concluded. I just did all of that to satisfy your affection towards me. I was just playing around."
She didn't speak. She was shocked. Her tears began to flow. Pinagsisisihan kong sabihin yun. It just came out. I wanted to take it back. That's the most messed-up lie that I have ever created. It wasn't true.
But I guess she believed it.
"P-Playing around? Anong akala mo sakin, laruan?" mabagal niyang wika. She cannot control her tears anymore. Tumalikod lang siya at bahagyang pinunasan ang tumulo niyang luha. "You made feel all of those things but it was all a lie. Ni hindi mo man lang ba ako nagustuhan? You think I'm playing around with you?"
Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin. Ayoko siyang tingnan. Ayoko siyang nakikitang nasasaktan. I'm a jerk. I hated myself for this.
Akala ko sasampalin niya ako. Pero walang nangyari. She was just standing where she was. I lifted up my gaze. I can't read her emotions right now.
"I give up..." Mas nasaktan ako sa binitiwan niyang salita. Pero hindi ko pinahalata. "Pagod na ako. I did everything for you to notice me. Pinaliwanag ko na ang side ko pero wala pa ring silbi. Dahil palaging siya ang pipiliin mo. Sino nga ba naman ako? Ako lang naman yung taong sumigaw sa harap ng maraming tao para patunayan sayo na mahal kita. Ako lang naman yung tiniis ang lahat para lang mapansin mo ako, para hindi mapagtabuyan. Ako lang naman yung sumubok na palitan siya pero wala pa ring kwenta... dahil nakatuon lang sa isa ang atensyon mo. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ikaw pa ang napili ko. Yung taong kahit kailan hindi ako mapili.
Masakit. Tiniis ko yun dahil akala ko kahit konti man lang may nagawa akong pagbabago dyan. Akala ko lang pala. Pasensya na kung sobra kang nakulitan sakin. Akala ko kasi pagka ginawa ko yun, masasanay ka sa presensya ko. Pasensya na kung pinagpipilitan ko ang sarili ko sayo. Akala ko kasi nagugustuhan mo na ako. Pasensya na kung minahal kita. Akala ko kasi mahal mo rin ako."
She wiped her last tears. Why do I feel like I won't see her after this? Gusto kong bawiin yung sinabi ko. Pero hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay nakagawa na siya ng desisyon.
"Ito na ang huli nating pagkikita. Hindi na kita guguluhin. Hindi ko na ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko kung ayaw mo talaga. I'll forget all of this. I'll forget all those days that I've spent chasing you. I'll forget everything. Pati itong nararamdaman ko. This was all just a dream turned to a nightmare. It was just a waste of time. Sorry. Hinding-hindi na kita guguluhin pa."
Sinimulan na niyang tumalikod sakin at naglakad papalayo. Papalayo mula sa puso niya. Papalayo sa akin. Ginusto ko 'to diba? Pero bakit ang sakit ng mga sinabi niya? Nagkamali ba ako?
Bumagsak ang mga luha sa mata ko. Nasaktan ko ng sobra-sobra ang mahal ko. Hanggang sa napagod na siyang mahalin ako. I don't deserve her at all. How could I even do this to her?
Napaluhod ako at hinayaan ko ang sariling ilabas lahat ng nasa loob ko.
"I'm sorry Carmeen. Im sorry. I love you too."
ERIK'S POV
"Anong oras ang uwian niyo?" tanong ni Dale kay Honey.
"Mamayang 4:30 pa. Baka malelate rin ako ng uwi since naghahanda na kami para sa foundation day," sagot niya na may ngiti sa labi.
"Sige, hihintayin na lang kita hanggang sa matapos kayo."
"Okay..."
I don't exactly know what happened but it was one hell of a rollercoaster ride for them. It's all messed up. Ever since that night, hindi ko na nakikita si Carmeen sa school campus. She's nowhere to be found here. Si Dale naman ay nagbubulag-bulagan na itinutuon ang atensyon kay Honey kagaya ng dati. I can tell on the look on his eyes... sinusubukan niya lang maging masaya.
Mahal niya si Carmeen. Nasaksihan ko yun every time na magkasama sila. Hindi ko man alam ang nangyari nung gabing iyon, but I know they ended it up. At hindi ko alam kung bakit si Honey ang pinili niya when in fact, it's Carmeen that he loves. Looking at them now, it feels wrong. And it's because of this girl. Why cant she just leave the two alone?
I was just looking at her intently but it seems like she knew that I was looking so she's avoiding my gaze.
"Hoy Erik, bakit mo tinititigan si Honey?" biglaang tanong ni Dale sa akin. Sa kanya naman ako napatingin.
"Nasaan sila Geo at Brent?"
"Nasa cafeteria..."
"Puntahan ko lang sila."
Sinimulan ko ng tumayo at hinablot ang bag ko. Dali-dali akong umalis doon. Naaalibadbaran ako sa kanilang dalawa. Kailangan kong malaman kung anong nangyari ng gabing iyon.
Simula pa lang, alam kong may mali na talaga kay Honey. Hindi ko pa man siya nakita ng personal noon ay alam kong malaking gulo siya para kay Dale. He tried to make me understand that Honey is a great gal but he's so wrong. Ang akala niya'y nagkasundo kami ni Honey nung minsang imbitahin niya itong mag-lunch kasama kami.
Hindi. I was just trying to blend in. I don't like her at all.
I need to know the truth. I want to know the truth since Dale is too coward to admit it.
Buong araw lang akong binagabag ng isipang iyon. Kaya ngayong uwian hindi ko mapigilang obserbahan ang mga kilos ni Dale at Honey pag magkasama. Mukhang nakamove on na rin si Geo at Brent sa nangyari dahil hindi na nila pinapakielaman si Dale.
"Ako talaga ang pinakagwapo dude," ani Geo.
Mukha namang nainis si Brent. "You only won by default. Don't get cocky." Sabay ismid sa katabi. Tsk, parang babae.
"By default ka dyan? It's not my fault you got rejected by some girl on the dancefloor," manghang sambit ni Geo. It looks like something happened between their so-called bet on that night.
Napatingin naman sa kawalan si Brent na parang may inaalala. "I swear that is not a girl. She's a whacko for rejecting me. That's the first time I ever got rejected and it's freakin' pissing me off!"
Napahalakhak naman si Geo sa untag ni Brent. Someone rejected him... That's new.
"You should've seen his face Erik. That girl deserves a reward," aniya sabay tawa ulit. Sinamaan naman ng tingin ni Brent ang huli.
"Oh Dale, nasan daw si Honey?" Napaangat ako ng tingin nang magsalita si Brent. Kaarating lang pala ni Dale.
"She's still busy with their meeting," sagot nito.
Andami ring napapatingin sa aming mga estudyante. Probably because of what happened at the acquaintance party. Dale and Honey became an instant celebrity after that. Meron na lang bigla yung kikiligin sa kanila kapag magkasama sila. They would even take pictures of them together. I even heard that there's a blog made for them.
"Kayo na ba?" wika ni Geo.
Umiling siya. "No, we're kind of taking it slow."
"Slow my ass! Seriously dude, what happened with you and Carmeen? You were hitting it already tapos biglang magkakabalikan kayo ni Honey."
Mukhang mali ako na nakaget-over na si Brent sa nangyari sa ball. Maybe even Geo. Mahirap kasing paniwalaan na bigla na lang nilang ni-let go ang isa't-isa when we all knew they had something special going on.
"Just don't ask questions..." Yan lang ang tanging naisagot ni Dale sa tanong sa kanya. See, even he is avoiding that topic. He's running away.
"So wala na talagang chance na magkakaayos kayo ni Carmeen?" tanong ni Geo. "Cause dude, I just saw her recently with some guy when I went to their school. Hatid-sundo pa niya."
Napatigil kaming lahat sa ginagawa, even Dale. He is still affected. I knew it. He's still in love with her. His gestures are letting him down for me to configure him.
"Sino?" tanong ni Brent na mukhang naging interesado bigla sa usapan.
"Vince ang pangalan. I heard her one time shouting his name. Pero hindi ko nga lang alam kung boyfriend ba niya o manliligaw-"
Nagulat kami nang biglang tumayo si Dale at walang sabi-sabing umalis. I smirked.
He still cares for him. But he has boundaries he won't even cross for her. Tsk, I'll make sure to find out the truth after this.
***
We were having our lunch. Magkatabi na naman yung dalawa but I kind of feel awkward kapag magkasama sila. Plus the fact that they've become the new trend of the school.
"Hindi lang talaga ako makapaniwala na kaya mo pa lang makagawa ng ganong surprise," rinig kong wika ni Dale.
I sighed. Everyone just can't get over that night, huh? It's two days prior.
She smiled. "Well, I'm unpredictable. I would always do that to you."
I unconsciously made a 'tsk' sound which turned their heads on me.
"May problema ba, Erik?" kunwaring tanong ni Honey sakin. I scoffed at my thought. She's a great actress. Kunwaring nag-aalala.
I looked at her with scrutinizing eyes but nonetheless maintained my composure. "Why did you made a surprise for him all of a sudden?"
Nailang pa siya na tumingin kay Dale bago ulit bumaling sakin. "Kasi gusto ko ng magkaayos kami. That's why I did such a thing."
"Nag-message ka pa sa una," tukoy ko sa dedication na binasa ng emcee bago magsimula ang bandang tumugtog.
"Yeah. Intermission kumbaga."
Napatango ako. "Figures. Pero ano yung title nung kinanta mo?"
She froze for a moment. "H-a?"
"Gusto ko kasi yung message nung kanta. Can you tell me what is the title of that song?"
Tumikhim siya. "Uhm, you know it's just the usual love song. I kind of randomly picked it out on my playlist kasi nakarelate ako sa kantang iyon." Sabay tingin niya kay Dale na napangiti na lang.
"Sino nga pala yung babaeng kasama mo sa stage?" tanong ko ulit.
"Hmm, what girl?" nagtataka niyang tanong.
"You don't remember?" nagdududa kong wika. Nag-isip siya saglit tapos bigla siyang napa-ah.
"You mean the girl that I was performing with? That's just Monica, my friend. Alam niya kasing tumugtog ng piano ever since. Tsaka yung tatlong lalake naman mga dati kong kaklase nung junior highschool. Nagpatulong lang ako sa kanila," paliwanag niya.
"Why are you suddenly curious about what happened to them?" bulong sakin ni Geo.
I just shrug. Hindi na rin ako nagtanong pa. I mentally smirk.
You can't hide that secret forever.
Two more days abruptly passed. Everything was surely not normal for me. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba ang namomoblema sa sitwasyong 'to. Marami akong nalaman tungkol sa affair nila. It involves Dale, Honey, Carmeen, and Vince. Those four are pretty complicated but it made me see a lot of things behind.
I investigated all of them without their permission. And it's been four days na walang ginawa si Dale kundi subukang mahalin si Honey ulit. But he can't succeed. He knows that. Nakakainis siya dahil wala man lang siyang ginawa para magkaayos sila ni Carmeen.
"Ang tagal naman matapos ng mga ugok na yun. Anong oras na ba?"
Nakatulala lang ako habang nakasandal sa dingding. My thoughts are completely wandering around my space.
"Ano bang ginagawa ni Geo at Brent, Erik?"
"Selfish little brat."
Pagkatapos kong nalaman ang lahat, talagang nabibilang lang na ganun ang matawag sa kanya. She's not playing fair.
"Ano?" rinig kong sabi ni Dale.
Napatingin ako kay Dale. Kay Dale na hinahayaan lang na paglaruan siya ng babaeng pinagkakatiwalaan niya.
Ibinalik ko ulit ang tingin sa kawalan. "You know it's not her, right?"
"Who?"
"Honey," I said. "You know she's not the masked girl."
Biglang kumunot ang kanyang noo. "What are you talking about, dude? Ang random mo naman."
"Maling tao ang pinili mo Dale, alam mo yun but you choose to ignore it. Hindi si Honey ang masked girl," mariin kong saad.
"Hindi pa ba obvious na siya? She even confessed to me that it was her--"
"That doesn't mean that she's really that girl from that night. She's lying."
He looked at me with disbelief. "And who do you think the masked girl is?"
At talagang ayaw niya pang matinag sa pinaniniwalaan niya. Anong nangyari sayo at sumuko ka na?
"Carmeen," I answered. Just saying her name made him stop.
"Stop making fun of me, Erik. Alam mong 'di niya kayang gawin iyon." He then knotted his forehead.
"And who are you to say that? Kontrolado mo ba ang gagawin niya? Siya ang babaeng hinahanap mo, Dale."
He shook his head and scoffed at me. "Kung siya nga iyon, bakit hindi siya ang umamin?"
"Maybe it's because someone ruined her spotlight." I stared at Dale's back, "Right, Honey?"
Napatingin si Dale sa kanyang likod. Nakatayo siya roon na may bahid na gulat sa mukha. Crazy woman.
Marahan siyang lumapit sa amin habang nakatingin sakin. "Ano bang problema mo sakin, Erik? Why do you keep on insisting na hindi ako iyong babaeng yun? Sa tingin mo ba ay hindi ko nahahalata iyon? That was me."
I cackled. "Stop telling lies, Honey. We both know na hindi ikaw ang nakasama ni Dale ng gabing iyon."
"I'm that girl!"
"Saan kayo pumunta ni Dale pagkatapos niyong nagsayaw?"
Nanlaki lang ang mata niya at di makasagot. Where's your tongue now? You kept on saying na ikaw ang babaeng iyon per sa tuwing nagtatanong ako ay wala siyang matinong maibigay na sagot.
"What were you two talking about when you're dancing with each other?"
This time, napaiwas na siya ng tingin.
"Erik, tama na nga! Stop saying things. Huwag mo ng ipagpilitan na hindi si Honey ang babaeng nakasama ko. It's not funny anymore," naiinis na wika ni Dale.
"Who said that this would be funny? I'll just keep on going on and on." Until I prevail the truth.
"Bakit ba hindi ka naniniwalang ako yun? Meron ka bang pruweba na hindi ako yung babaeng yun? As far as I know wala ka nung nangyari yung sorpresang ginawa ko," matigas sambit ni Honey. She just wouldn't give up.
"You're right wala nga ako nang nangyari yun," sabi ko at tinititigan siya. "Because I was on that stage... performing with the masked girl."
Shock was written all over their face. That's right... I disappeared at that time for a reason. It's because I was busy helping Carmeen with her surprise. Gusto niyang magkaayos na sila ni Dale kaya iyon ang nagtulak sa kanya para gawin ang bagay na iyon. But everything fell apart when this bratty girl came into the picture. Ang kapal lang ng mukha na aminin niyang siya yung masked girl.
"Y-You were there?" gulat na tanong ni Dale. Napakabulag, tsk.
"Didn't you recognize the drummer? I was wearing a golden mask." Binalingan ko ulit ng tingin si Honey, "And that girl you claimed you're with isn't Monica because I accidentally bumped into her. She can't even play the piano right nang ayain ko siya sa music room."
Not that it matters anyway. Gusto ko lang ipamukha sa babaeng ito na hindi niya deserve si Dale.
Tiningnan ko si Dale. "You just made a big mistake, Dale. You just let that girl slip away. She's probably moving on right now. Pero baka nga sa ikabubuti niyo na rin na hindi kayo ang nagkatuluyan 'cause honestly? She doesn't deserve someone like you."
And with that, I left...
DALE'S POV
Gulat pa rin ako sa ibinunyag ni Erik. The masked girl was really Carmeen?
"D-Dale..."
I looked at Honey. She lied to me. I can't believe she just lied to me. I'm so foolish that I didn't even listen to what my mind thought. Nagpauto lang ako at hinayaan ko. Kasi nagtiwala ako sa kanya. I trusted her so much. But it was my fault too.
"You tricked me," I stated.
She started panicking. "Dale, I can explain--"
"I trusted you. What did I do wrong to you that you are capable of lying to me?"
"Anong mali mo? You loved her. You love someone else when you promised me that I'm the one you'll only love," she sobbed.
"Was it my fault that she was there when you found someone else? Nung araw na pinangako kong ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko, nangako ka rin na ako lang ang mamahalin mo. But you ignored that promise. Binalewala mo ako. You ended up everything just because you were bored. I love Carmeen because she saw my worth. She made me realized things you cannot. Because you were too busy getting rid of me."
I just made a huge mistake. Nasaktan ko siya dahil akala ko sa ikabubuti namin. This is all my fault. Kung hindi lang ako nabulagan, hindi ko siya ipinagtabuyan. Mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal. At duwag ako dahil hindi ko man lang siya maipaglaban.
I have to make things right. She was all I have and I took her for granted.
"Dale, please mahal kita. I can't lose you ever. Nagawa ko lahat ng iyon dahil kampante akong hindi mo ako iiwan." She hugged me from behind and continued crying.
"Yan ang mali sayo, Honey. Nakakampante ka sa lahat kaya hindi mo nakikita ang halaga ng isang bagay. I'm sorry."
Marahan kong tinanggal ang pagkakapit niya sakin. Maybe all of this had a reason. Na masasaktan ako ng husto ni Honey para mahanap ko si Carmeen. This was bound to happen.
I have no more time to wasre.
I drove off to their school. Last time na nakita ko siya ay kasama niya si Vince. Nang malaman ko na magkasama sila ay dumiretso kaagad ako sa school nila. Geo was right. Magkasama nga sila. She was even laughing with him.
Maski ngayon, habang tinititigan ko siya sa malayo. Nakikipagtawanan siya sa lalakeng iyon. She doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Looks like she's true to her words. I can't believe I let her go.
Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kanila. Habang nakatingin ako sa kanya, nakatingin naman siya sa iba. But it's now or never. I have to make everything right.
Namataan ako ni Joan na kasama rin pala nila... saka napawi ang ngiti sa kanyang labi. Napatingin na rin sakin si Vince at Carmeen and just like them, their smiles instantly faded.
"Can we talk?" mataman kong wika.
Tinititigan niya lang ako at parang wala pang balak makipag-usap sakin. She lowered her gaze and stared at something else na para bang isang malaking kasalanan ang tingnan ako.
"Go away Dale. Hindi pa ba sapat yung ginawa mo sa kanya?" Sabay umirap sakin si Joan. I sighed.
"It's okay," mahinang sambit ni Carmeen saka tumayo. "Follow me."
And so, I did. Tumigil lang siya sa hindi masyadong maraming tao. Humalukipkip siya kasabay ng kanyang malamig na tingin sakin.
"Anong kailangan mo?"
Matagal pa bago ako tuluyang nakapagsalita. "I know everything..."
Damn, I miss her so much! Just looking at her now makes me wanna hug her and make it up to her.
Tumango-tango siya. "Okay, is that all?"
Nanikip ang dibdib ko sa inasal niya. I deserve this. Yung dating ngiting ibinibigay niya sakin ay wala na. Hindi ko na mahanap sa mga mata niya yung saya.
"Why didn't you tell me that you're the masked girl I was with?"
Nagulat siya pero nanatiling kalmante ang pagkakatingin niya sakin na para bang ayaw ipahalata iyon.
"Diba si Honey ang babaeng iyon?"
"She wasn't," mataman kong wika. Tiningnan niya lang ako na para bang may gusto siyang sabihin sakin. Pero ang nagawa niya lang ay umiwas ng tingin.
"So?"
Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang braso niya. Mukhang hindi niya inaasahan iyon kaya nagulantang siyang napatingin sakin. "Bakit hindi ikaw ang umamin? Bakit hindi mo ipinagtanggol ang sarili mo?"
Gusto niyang matawa sa sinabi ko pero walang bahid ng biro at tanging mapanuya lamang ito.
"Magkaroon pa ba ng kwenta ang pag-amin ko kung alam ko namang nakatatak na sa isip mo sa kung ano ang narinig mo? Atsaka ipaglalaban ang ano? How can I fight if you're already giving up? I could only handle so much, Dale. I can't take it all. I needed the assurance but you made me feel like trash that you just pick to throw somewhere else. Hindi ko kailangan nun, Dale."
Bumagsak ang kamay ko kasabay ng paninikip ng dibdib ko. She already made up her mind.
"Honey wants to play the masked girl? Let her. She can take all the credit, I don't care anymore."
"Mahal kita," bigla kong sinabi. Hindi ganito ang senaryong nasa isip ko na umamin sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko kasi bigla na lang siyang bibitiw sakin. Na matagal pala niyang nagawa.
Hindi siya makapaniwalang tumitig sakin na para bang may sinabi akong katawa-tawa.
"Masasabi mo kaya yan sakin ngayon kung hindi mo nalaman na ako yung nakasama mo nung acquaintance party niyo?"
Natigilan ako dahil dun. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa sinabi niya.
"Natapangan ka lang, Dale. Kaya ka nandito. Kung hindi mo nalaman ang lahat ng iyan, you would still be a coward. Kay Honey ka pa rin hanggang ngayon. Iba pa rin ang tingin mo sakin... I tried to fight for you, Dale. But you wouldn't let me. Pilit mo akong tinutulak papalayo. You even said na pinaglaruan mo lang ako," paliwanag niya.
Nataranta ako. "That's not true."
She forced a smile. "Alam kong hindi iyon totoo kasi for the past few months na magkasama tayo iba yung pakiramdam. You were always genuine to me. Kaya alam kong nagsinungaling ka lang. I'm not that shallow to believe what's not true. Nagconclude ka kaagad. You judge me so easily for you to say things. You're a coward. Yang pagmamahal na sinasabi mo ay nakukulangan ng tiwala."
"Carmeen, I'm sorry..." Ayan lang ang tangi kong sinabi. Dahil lahat ng binanggit niya ay totoo. Wala talaga akong karapatan sa kanya. Kaya ako nandito kasi gusto kong magkaroong ng karapatan sa kanya.
Umiling siya. "Walang magagwwa yang sorry mo. Mabait ako pero hindi ako martyr. The damage has been done. I don't need that anymore. For the past two years, hinabol kita kahit na nagmukha lang akong tangang nagpapapansin sayo. When it actually worked, hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong magpasalamat o magsisi... kasi mas masakit yung nakilala kita ng lubos kaysa sa pagtingin ko sa malayuan. It caused me nothing but pain. I wanna take a break from all of this. So please stay away from me."
Masakit. Nasaktan ko talaga siya to the point na napagod na talaga siya. How could I ever do this to her? Ayaw ko siyang lumayo sakin pero kung ayaw ko nga talaga siyang lumayo ay dapat hindi ko siya tinulak palayo. She loathes me right now. Who wouldn't? After all that had happened, I'm still here, trying. Mas masakit pa 'to sa ginawa sa akin ni Honey. Maybe it's because I've fallen deeply in love with her.
"Carmeen!"
My thoughts were disrupted by someone who shouted from afar. It was Vince who was staring at Carmeen.
"Bakit kayo magkasama?" Hindi ko na napigilang itanong iyon. At hindi ako makapaniwala na sobrang kalma pa ng pagkasabi ko gayong parang nagpapaalam na siya sakin.
"Bakit hindi? Wala siyang ginawang masama. Maski ang paratang mo sa kanya sa isyu nila ni Honey ay hindi totoo."
Magsasalita sana ako kaso baka may masabi na naman akong mali. Ang gusto ko lang ngayon ay magkaayos kami.
"Sinubukan niyang ibigay ang lahat kay Honey pero kasi si Honey hindi nakukuntento sa kung anong meron siya. He loved her truly kahit na kung ano-ano ang inakusa sa kanya ni Honey ay hindi siya nagreklamo."
Tiningnan niya ulit ako. "Layuan mo na ako, Dale. I have nothing to do with you anymore."