00/27: but the ice cream always melts
It took Nicola too long to realise that everything in life came with an expiry date. Be it the last scoop of her favourite ice cream that was now melting away or her faith in love which was slowly slipping out of her hands. It pained her to come to terms with the fact that all she had once wished to cling on to, was no longer here to stay.
If only someone could have warned her sooner about this seemingly innocent four-letter word that was going to lure her into a game impossible to quit. Taking a leap of faith and placing a bet on love ended up costing her way more than the ones she loved.
For before she could open her eyes to face reality, she had already wagered away pieces of herself to trick time into giving her more moments with the people she lived for. But who knew in this game of no winners, Nicola would end up losing herself in the process?
The girl who dared to dream. The girl who dared to love. The girl who dared to hope.
All Nicola longed for now was to be able to picture her old self again without feeling like a piece of some puzzle, too broken to ever be whole again. Like a smear of paint dried on the palette, never making its way to the unfinished painting discarded in the corner when the artist got bored.
Cursed to suffer as the gaping empty space on the canvas of her heart just grew with passing time. All because she chose to fall in love. All because she picked him.
Loving him was a whirlwind roller coaster that filled Nicola with anticipation of reaching the top, an exhilarating high that felt a lot like floating in the clouds. With butterflies leaving her breathless in anxiousness, a secret smile growing on her face whenever her phone would chime with a notification in his name and the way her cheeks would turn red whenever their eyes exchanged glances in secret.
At the peak of euphoria, logic flew right out of the equation and all that stayed was passion and hope. That maybe this is the time it all works out, maybe he is the one who wouldn't get away. And Nicola did everything in her power to hold this possibility close to her heart. Because beyond the rush of excitement and skipping heartbeats was the happiness she was so scared of. Just one step closer and it would be right within her reach-
The scene before her changed to a moment of bliss before the sudden fall, too scared to close her eyes as she witnessed the roller coaster of her emotions rushing right to the ground. After all, it is a theory well-established by the ghosts of her own experience that nothing lasts forever.
She loved him once...
But the ice cream always melts. But the pain never ends. But sooner or later, everyone leaves.
Her resolve to be strong and brace her broken relationship shattered each time his voice would ring in the back of her mind. All those words of him confessing his love for her, promising to be there for her forever and breaking them the first chance he got made her loathe herself and her naïve heart for trusting a man in the name of love.
As if mocking her, her brain kept replaying the instance she wanted to erase from her memories. And she was pulled back to the very moment her castles crumbled down to its very end. If she would close her eyes, she could still feel his breath on her forehead as he sighed in defeat. "It'll be as if I never existed. Nothing's gonna change for you, Nico. You will find a better guy, trust me."
Trust, hilarious choice of words, she had thought when all he did was break it. She remembered wanting to deny and scream her throat out, saying she could find many, but no one like him. Because the harmless guy who had started taking up too much space in her phone's gallery was the same man she wound up giving her heart to.
His name was etched everywhere – in all memories, past and future. In her heart, in her dreams, in the nameplate of her imaginary house, in the moment where she would call him her husband, in her future where her children would call him their father. And without him, the void where her heart used to rest was too dangerous to visit by herself.
Even when he wasn't, he was everywhere. Though he would leave, all the memories and hopes wouldn't. They were to stay, unlike him, and they would keep haunting her every time she tried to take a step ahead. Like chains holding her back, keeping her stuck onto him forever. Bringing her right where she belonged – to him.
To the boy who made her laugh at the silliest jokes. To the friend who shared all her sorrows. To the man she had built her life around and hoped to share a lifetime with.
But soon, it all slipped away into a moment in time, as if life itself was nothing but a fragment of her imagination.
Nicola believed in forever, without knowing what it meant. The 'forever' was a thread that she was holding on to. But there came a time when the burden of expectations turned too huge for the thin thread to handle and it broke. Without a warning, without giving her a chance to comprehend. And one after the other, everything came crashing down until she was left with no option but to stay wounded, crushed under the weight of her own dreams and desires.
And as she watched it all end, she couldn't even blame him for she knew she was the one who let him into her life. It was she who kept trying, it was she who let his love drive her irrational and it was she who was at fault. All because she chose to give love another chance.
The noise of the romantic movie playing in the background overthrew her melancholy and frustrated, she snapped the switch powering the TV off, exhaling loudly as silence replaced the sappy sound of violins playing in the background. This silence was haunting, but it was her friend now, a constant accomplice to the tragedy that was her life.
Picking up the bowl and carrying it to the kitchen, she felt a pang of disappointment as she emptied the melted contents of her favourite ice cream into the sink. Leaving the bowl unwashed, she picked up her phone to reread her message to him from all those months ago. The final blow.
Though her fingers worked on autopilot to open the screenshot imprinted into her worst nightmares, her eyes didn't need to scan across the screen to read it. She had it memorised after all this time.
'Hey, I still miss you. I'm sorry. Is there anything we can do to make this work? Anything at all?'
Only this time, instead of feeling helpless, she felt pathetic for she knew he was the one who left her yet she was the one apologising to have him back. And she was clueless on how to undo it, both, the message sent and the damage done.
Wiping the tears that stained her cheeks, she detangled her brown tresses with her fingers, trying them into a messy bun. Without a second glance at the mirror to avoid staring right into her own puffy eyes, she grabbed her purse and the empty tub to grab a quick refill for the ice cream that was apparently the only thing in her life that hadn't turned bitter. Just a few more heartbeats and she could numb away the pain with its sweetness.
*
Minutes later, she stood in the queue, tapping away on her phone, pretending to be busy when she couldn't suppress the urge to shut her eyes and wish for her favourite flavour to be in stock. After all, she deserved to have this one nice thing, didn't she?
When she heard the man behind the counter confirm that they still had strawberry ice cream, she tried to smile in relief but it was as if her lips had forgotten that certain move. Whispering a thank you, she paid the cash for her refill as well as for another bowl which served as the replacement of the one that had melted inside her house. She desperately needed some ice cream right now and didn't care if she would be judged for it.
Cringing at the noisy ambience and couples in sight, she chose the table farthest from the crowd, letting her emotions get the better of her as she sat on the chair, completely drained and devoid of all emotion. She dug her spoon into the sweet treat and gulped it as her stomach growled in response, never taking a chance to relish its taste. If only she could realise her favourite ice cream wasn't going to last forever...
'What do you want today?' The menu on the table read, making her wonder what she would wish for if she could dare to.
In her wildest dreams, she wanted to smile again; she wanted to be happy. Even if just for a moment. But there was no possibility where she could imagine herself smiling without him.
She wanted to laugh, she wanted to trust again. But she knew she wouldn't ever dare to. Not after what had happened the last time she chose to trust someone.
She wanted to stop hating herself for all that happened, and she wondered if she had asked for too much. Shaking her head at the irony of her thoughts, she took another bite, only to notice someone walking towards her table. She was not sure if the first thing she noticed about him was the way his beard suitably framed his face or that his walk was so confident, almost planned as if he was not approaching any stranger at all.
And for an odd moment, the implications made her heart flutter as she imagined how it would feel like. Being known, being understood, being cared for. Stupid, she mentally cursed herself and wore a reality check on her sleeves again, in place of her heart.
Though she knew she wasn't crying – she never did around people – her hand instinctively picked a tissue to wipe away any stray tear streaks with the dab of a tissue before this stranger could notice. It took her a moment to decide on whether she was going to fake a smile and greet him or skip the pleasantries and be visibly annoyed at him for invading her quiet space.
"Hello." The hint of soothing ruggedness in his voice was all it took Nicola to grasp that she was soon to be set on an adventure, and it was either going to fix her or break her like no tomorrow.
*
He was not what she had asked for.
Her first impression of him was neither courteous nor polite. Though his moments were slow enough to allow Nicola to react, he never asked for permission as he pulled the chair across hers and shared her table in spite of the many empty ones around them. But before she could snap at him, he leaned in and whispered, "I know what you want and I can make sure you get it."
But he had all that she kept wishing for.
His pitch black eyes felt like a dark room of secrets, scary yet convincing enough to agree to explore. Gently so was his voice when he said the words that made her naïvely want to be able to trust a man again. "I can restore your lost faith in love."
And he seemed like the only way she could get what she wanted.
"H- how?" Her voice came out hoarse and weak, followed by a coughing fit when the stranger poured her a glass of water. Her helplessness felt pathetic, yet he was desperate to get rid of all the toxic thoughts constantly revolving in her head. Though unsure why, she was dying to forget and move on.
However, he had a strange proposition, a weird challenge.
"All I need is you to have 27 bowls of ice cream with me and believe me, I can change the way you see love." But is she ready to trust a stranger yet, let alone sharing her ice creams and all her deepest, darkest secrets with him?
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
Read more to find out what happens ahead!
Thank you so much for reading so far; it means the world to me!
Could you relate to Nicola's emotions? What do you think Nicola should do now? Will she trust him and say yes to the 27 bowls of ice cream challenge or will she head on a new path?
Welcome to a story that'll permanently change the way you look at love and ice creams. Hope you enjoy this journey <3
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