I feel like I am dying a horrible death but don't get the sweet release of leaving this world and just keep reliving it. Nausea and a headache that feels like a jack going off in my skull. This feeling is foggy but familiar with dry mouth and super dry eyes. I needed a large bottle of water and aspirin but it feels like if I stay in the fetal position all day I should be alright. Move, I die.
My clothes were a wrinkled mess as I awoke taking in my surroundings. I had passed out at some point in the night on RayRay's couch. Last night was a bit of blur as I walked into the kitchen and turning on the coffee machine.
"Good morning sleeping beauty." RayRay announced walking in.
"Hey." I choked out my words; my voice raspy and dry.
"Wild last night right?" Hebaited trying to start a conversation.
"Not that I can remember." Ianswered my memory still blurry.
"What do you remember?" RayRay continued making me feel a bit suspicious about what he possibly could mean. Taking a sip of my coffee before I let the sweet caffeinated warmth dance along my taste buds before setting the mug on the counter.
"Nothing really." I confessed.
"Think about it." RayRay advised.
Thoughts rattled and racked around my brain as I tried to recall the events that happened last night, what had happened? Concentrating my memory slowly faded back, oh my god...
"Catalina!" I gasped loudly.
"Bingo. So mind explaining what went on between you too?" RayRay badgered.
"What happened?" I mutteredscared of what he might reveal.
"You tell me. All I saw was you follow Cat upstairs, go to your room then a loud slam of a door before you came back to the party." RayRay inquired taking a sip of coffee.
"Ugh...I was stupid. I was drunk and stupid and probably fucked everything up." I groaned cupping and hiding my face before running my hands threw my hair, "Wait,where is Catalina?"I asked worried.
" Upstairs."
"She's still here?" I practically cheered running out of the kitchen despite the sensation of vertigo causing my head to spin. Jogging up the stairs I felt completely out of breath as my heart raced in my chest.
What was I going to say? I was such an ass to her last night and a simple apology wouldn't fix it. I should walk away? I should walk away from the door and from Catalina forever. She doesn't need this bullshit, she doesn't need me messing up her life. I should just give up.
But that isn't me. It never has and never will be,I'm going to fix this. No matter what it takes; taking a deep breath I slowly built up the confidence to lift my arm and knock on the door.Slowly it opened and a messy haired Catalina appeared before me.
Her long dark hair was pulled up in a messing bun, her face was washed clean from last nights makeup and there were multiple hickies displayed along her neck from my kisses last night. The feel of her skin on my finger tips and lips pressed against mine while her our tongues tasted each others replayed in my head making me want to recreated that moment all over again; I couldn't.
My eyes took it the image before me as Catalina'ssmall framed was hidden under my black One Love Bob Marley t-shirt that draped a little past her knees. She must have changed into some time last night after our encounter.
"H-Hey." I choked out notreally sure what to say in order to fix this.
"What?" Catalina sneered as she crossed her arms.
"Can we talk?" I asked prepping myself for rejection.
"Vocally yes; to each other...depends what you have to say." She spat annoyed crossing her arms
"How about I'm so so sorry about last night. I was an idiot and wasn't listening to my better judgment. You were right I was a bit jealous and I don't really understand why. I know saying sorry isn't enough, it never is but I am Catalina. I am really really sorry and I want to make up for last night. What do say? I'll take you out for breakfast and talk. About everything."I ranted practically out of breath begging and apologizing but still readied myself for rejection.
It felt like a thousand years had passed as Catalina stood there in silence with a sullen expression on her face that caused knots in my stomach. What was she thinking? What was she going to say or do! Oh my god Catalina say something for the love of Christ!
"Let me get dress then."
"Wait what?" I stammered completely thrown off track at the causal acceptance.
"Unless you want me to go out in just this let me put on some pants." Catalina stated.
"Well you already know what I'd vote for." I joked hoping to start the day on a better term.
"Exactly. Which is why I'm goingto get dressed." She chuckled.
"There should be some pants in bottom left draw. Help yourself to anything that fits."
"Will do." Catalina dispatched with a smile before disappearing behind the door. It didn't hit me til then that I needed to change my clothing too.
"Um Cat. Can you possible hand me some clean clothes? Please and thank you?" I asked from the outside of the closed door. A few seconds passed until the door reopened and Catalina was represented handing me a pair of acid washed jeans.
"What no shirt?" I snickered raising a brow. Rolling her eyes Catalina tossed a black shirt at me as well, "I'm starting to suspect you have other motives." I continued laughing.
"Hmm nah. Now get dressed I'm hungry." Catalina ordered before once again disappearing behind the door.
After getting dressed I paced back downstairs to the kitchen, greeted with the most beautiful sight.Catalina still wore my One Love T-shirt,tying it so that it exposed her perfectly toned stomach and a pair of faded out jean shorts and those weird laced around heels.
"You should wear my clothes more often. You look good in them." I announced walking into the kitchen.
"Please don't say ' but you look better without them.' Because I don't want to throw my coffee at you." Catalina bantered.
" Why? Don't want to harm my face?" I shot back.
"No. It'll be a waste of coffee."Catalina answered with an amused smile on her lips.
"So what do you want to do?"I asked not really use to being in this sort of situation.
"If memory serves you said something about food." Catalina answered taking a sip of her coffee.
"I did. But drawing a blank."I admitted ranking my brain about what was going on today around town; "How about the community fair that's happening? Live music, activists. Food?" I baited hoping that it was a good plan.
"Hm. Sounds do-able."Catalina shrugged.
"Maybe I can win you another stuff bear" I addressed inching towards Catalina;testing the waters at how close she would let me get; Currently I stood by her side looking down at the small brunette who was only a few inches shorter than I.
"Lara; what are you doing?"Catalina huffed turning to me. Her chocolate brown eyes exerting sadness and confusion causing an ache in my chest.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Lara just drop the bullshit and tell me what you want. I'm tired of trying to figure you out." Catalina's voice cracked as her words passed her lips.
"You, Cat. I want you. I want you as my friend." I spoke with genuineness in my words seeing a quick glimpse of hope spark in Catalina's eyes.
"Lara, stop playing with me it's-"
"I'm not!" I declared cutting Catalina off mid sentience cupping her cheeks in the palm of my hands when she tried to turn her head away, I redirected her sight to mine."Catalina I...I don't know what's going on with me and I'm so damn confused. It's like one minute everything is normal, or as normal as my life is and next; when I'm with you I question everything and I'm going to be so grateful for this second chance to be friends." I felt a lump form in the back of my throat.
"Lara I...I really care about you; if it wasn't already abundantly obvious but I can't keep dealing with this. Not knowing were we stand." Catalina addressed and I could hear her voice cracking a bit.
"Cat-" I breathed not knowing what to really say but I knew that I couldn't this bet already; but was that what I should really be scare of losing or her?
"We need rules or something."She continued.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Personal space; boundaries. I don't want a repeat of last night, it was confusingly tempting."Catalina proposed.
"Okay. I'll try not to stand so close." I agreed stepping back a few paces releasing her face. I saw the pain reflect in her eyes that this was killing her inside as it was me, "Anything else?"
"Banter?" She questioned.
"Explained?" I asked just as confused as she did.
"Like how we always have these little back and fourth." Catalina answered.
"Oh. Like the 'look better in my clothes' thing?" I replied.
"Yeah. Stuff like that."Catalina advised.
"It'll be tough but I'll try."I joked.
"Just keep it PG. " Catalinasmiled.
"Anything else?" I pondered.
"Not that I can think of. So friends?"Catalina puzzled as if those words were killing her as I felt it too.
"Yeah. So breakfast? Eat in or out?" I asked leaning over the counter my eyes roaming along her body, licking the soft tissue of my lips as as images of last night tainted my mind. Catalina squinted her eyes glaring at me for the not so subtle innuendo,"What? I kept it PG." I laughed.
"Hmm. Clearly." Catalina jeered.
"In or out? I'm thinking waffle house or just hit the Fair; or both." I suggested.
"Said it once and I'll say it again. Are you trying to make me fat?" Catalina questioned.
I smiled lifting my eyebrows as the only answer I could summon wouldn't be so PG and I knew that Catalina knew it too.
"Don't answer that." Sheseconded herself.
"Answer what?" RayRay askedwalking into the kitchen in his automatic uniform and grabbing histhermos.
"Out for breakfast or not."I answered standing up straight.
"Wanna join?" Catalinainvited
"Can't work. Speaking of whichLara when you going back?" RayRay asked taking a swig of thecoffee.
"It's a surprise." Iremarked.
"You have job?" Catalina spoke seeming shocked at the discovery.
"Gotta pay insurance and gas.Can't always get by on my good looks." I smirked, "So you ready to go?"
"I guess if I have to."Catalina yawned sarcastically rolling her eyes before heading towards the door.
I casted one last look at RayRay who just bowed his head, shaking it as he laughed seeming amused by everything. Grabbing my coat and keys I joined Catalina at the door, escorting her to the car and letting her in. Walking around to the driver side and hoping into the seat; handing Catalina the aux cord.
"Oh my; are you sure? This is such a big step. I don't think I can commit." Catalina faked gasped.
Rolling my eyes I sigh, "Idiot"
"Loser." Catalina spat stinking her tongue at me before I pulled out of RayRay's driveway. Flipping through her music before BodyRock by Fifth Harmony come through my speakers; I chuckled as I wasn't surprised that Catalina was enslaved by today's top chart pop girl group I did know a bit about; although the song of choice was a bit ironic.
"What's so funny?" Catalinaasked noting the humor I took in this.
"Nothing." I answeredclearing my throat.
"Hmm. Interesting." Catalinaqueried as I could feel her staring
"What?"
"Just...it's a little uncanny."Catalinapandered.
"What?" I grew annoyed.
"That girl in this group. You remind me of her." Catalina answered vaguely.
"Mani?" I asked proudly straightening my posture.
"No. She has way more swag than you." Catalina laughed.
"Rude." I scoffed with agrin on my face.
Catalina smiled back, "You kind remind me of Lauren."
"How?" I asked rolling my eyes as I ready know the reason, being compared to the raspy angelic voiced singer before.
"Long black hair, nose ring;beautiful mysterious brooding eyes." Catalina declared.
" Hmm. You know you remind me of one of the girls too."
"Dinah?" Catalina asked seeming serious.
"Ha! No. D-mac has way more coordination than you." I laughed almost in tears.
"You said I was rude, well."Catalina scoffed but still held a smile on her lips.
"Guess again."
"Ally, cause I'm so motherly?"She stated.
"Actually a little but features wise I was thinking about the younger one; Camila" I answered looking towards Catalina quickly.
"I have been told that many a time before." Catalina interjected.
"You don't sound pleased about it though? I mean she's insanely gorgeous and smart. Talented as hell-"
"You need a moment alone to fangirl?" Catalina laughed.
"Haha. Well I'm just saying they're all iconic and to be even compared by an inkling is a compliment." I ranted.
"I'm shocked you haven't saidanything about her ass." Catalinamarveled.
"Oh I could go on about that."I quipped.
"Please don't. Just drive."Catalina cautioned.
Smiling I brought my full attention back to the road; humming along to the melody and glancing to the side to witness Catalina laughing and singing along.
The Central Area Community Festival,the annual neighborhood celebration that showcases food and music from the Seattle area. Musical performances by local artists, food trucks, arts and crafts and games.
Just like at the Strawberry fair awhile back; Catalina and I binged ate at almost every food trunk here trying at least one of something from each vendor after a few hours. Even managing to win Catalina two decent sized stuffed animals.
"Ugh, feel like I'm going to explode." Catalina groaned rubbing her belly.
"Well just wait til you're out of my car." I laughed driving us back to Catalina's.
"Eh. No promises." Catalina whined.
Shaking my head still laughing at the moment, "Here, take two." I spoke opening the elbow rest and passing over a bottle of antacids.
"Well look at you. Doctor Lara August." Catalina chuckled.
"Nah. Mechanics are more mything." I answered.
"Is that what you want to studyin college?" Catalinaasked.
"Yeah. What about you?" Iredirected the question.
"I haven't put much thought into it. I mean I want to attend college but don't know what to major in." Catalina informed seeming a bit embarrassed.
"Nothing to be ashamed about.Sometimes stuff like picking majors are hard; You could always go audit a few classes and see what sparks a passion." I advised being able to relate to Catalina's situation.
"I was thinking about skipping a year and do some charity work you know? Make some money and save."
"You didn't get any scholarships from cheerleading?" I pondered at the oddity as I could recall a few games I had attended where I witnessed Catalina in her prime out in the field; she was so passionate and in love with the sport, not to mention extremely agile. One would think colleges would be busting down Catalina's door to have her on their team.
"I did. But never settled on a school either." Catalina admitted.
"Hmm. Well no rush" Ishrugged.
"Where are you going? To college." Catalinaasked.
"Brown U; it's in Rhode Island."I answered.
"Good engineering program?"Catalina continued.
"Decent. To me what college I went to didn't matter; it was getting out of here that was important.Out of Seattle." I admitted keeping my sight forward. The car grew to a silence and there was no need to ask why I wanted out;Catalina probably already knew the reason.
"Lara-"
"Catalina; don't okay. Just don't." I pleaded cutting her off before she could start.
"Have you ever even talked about it since then?" Catalina spoke addressing the situation between me and my ex Jennifer Lance; who I hope is rotting in her own personal hell.
"Twice; To my family and to RayRay and the others. Most times I avoid talking about it." I scolded feeling pissed off at the unwelcoming visit to memory lane.
"I'm sorry. I hope one day you'll feel safe enough to tell me. Until than I won't bring it up." Catalina finished as I felt the warmth of her hand take mine from the gear shift; placing it on her knee and running her thumb over my knuckles as our fingers were intertwined.
It's funny; it seems so counter intuitive that the innocent act of holding hands could be so emotionally charged as I felt my anger and anxiety from moments ago melt away.
No other words were exchanged between us while we continued the drive to her home. The music on the radio was yet another ironic Fifth Harmony song that seem to tie in with my thoughts; With hands that could save me, Face that could break me...
And the Oscar for most convincing at giving a shit??? LOL, Kidding; but do you really think that Lara is slowly changing or keeping face to win this bet?
I hope I have some harmonizers following and liked that #fifthharmony shout out!
Y'all wanna a secret? I first considered making #ColdHeartedAugust into a #CamrenFanfic, decided not too after everything that has happened; I still believe all the girls are friends and just keeping it on the DL.
The songs featured for non-harmonizer follows are 'Body Rock' and 'Dope' links down low.
Body Rock; https://open.spotify.com/track/4nZWFKgCK3FvlRqFGBhWdh
Dope; https://open.spotify.com/track/660JUD1xQLB4XR1dMxUK4x