I grunted tiredly as I launched the now non-attached arm of the dead man laying on the dirt beside me into the air. Blood gushed from the area that his arm was once connected to. I almost felt bad staring down at his mutilated figure. Crimson soaked through his dark grey v-neck, and the scent of it made my stomach queasy.
Annoyed by the world around me, I swiftly wiped the sweat from my forehead using the back of my blood-stained hand, no doubt leaving a large red smudge. My chest heaved up and down as I tried regaining my breath. I could feel my heart palpitating wildly in my chest, and my brain felt like it was about to explode.
With a sigh, I sunk down onto my butt, taking a seat next to the dead dude. My clothes were already a bloodied mess, so sitting in it didn't really matter to m e. I leaned over and lazily snatched the wallet from his jean pocket.
"Woah, a whole twenty," I deadpanned sarcastically. "Thanks, dude," I mumbled taking the twenty and tossing the wallet causing it to land in a dark red puddle. I held the bill in front of me just analyzing it. My fingers fiddled with the sides of it leaving red stains all over it's green surface. "I don't even want it anymore," I muttered, flicking away the bill.
Every thing seemed to be utterly against me the past week and a half. I mean, I get it. I'd probably done a lot to deserve most of what had been happening, but a person would think that the universe would cut a kid who got abandoned as a child a bit of slack.
I guess not.
After Matteo and I's disagreement on the training fields, I actually ended up going back to the pack house. In that moment, I would have blatantly told anyone that I, Kaia Aalish, am a coward. I openly accepted and embraced the title. I had all of the opportunities in the world to run—to get the hell away from pack life and never look back just like I said I would, but instead I just sat in the middle of the woods for three hours.
Eventually, I decided that I didn't want to sit in the rain any longer, since it had started raining about two hours into the deep contemplation of my life, and went back to the pack house. To say that a lot of people were surprised to see me show back up would be an understatement. One guy actually fell out of his chair which I found to be slightly extra, but I can dig it.
I passed Matteo in the hallway. He was coming out from his office seeming just as pissed off as he had been when I had lead the pack to think I was leaving. He stopped in front of me with his brawny arms crossed over his muscular chest. A serious look overcame his face which I just pushed away and mumbled a quick 'I'm going to the room' as I brushed past him. I really was not in the mood to argue, especially not soaking wet.
I tried acting like everything he had said to me didn't affect me, but it actually caused this weird feeling to swell within me. It was suffocating, and I hated it. It was this feeling that made me want to cry and scream at the top of my lungs all at the same time. He made it seem like I never tried—like it didn't kill me to sit in this pack house and attempt to interact with a bunch of people who just see me as some rogue. He made it seem like I didn't care what he wanted, and that angered me to the point where I wanted to smash something.
Eventually, I did. The longer I sat in the room alone, the more the anger settled in. With most people, time allows anger to dissipate. Unfortunately for me, my anger cooked and turned my crying feeling into one that had me breaking everything in Matteo's room and eventually the front door on my way the f--k out of Matteo's pack house and territory after being completely ignored by him for two days.
Trying to live in that house has been one of the most difficult things that I've ever willingly forced myself to do. I forced myself to talk to people and be sort of civil. He just doesn't get how hard it is to change yourself from how you were raised. I was always taught that the rogue way was the right way. Being with Matteo goes against everything I know.
The only reason I have for wanting to try to be with Matteo was that I was stupid and ignorant. I was also most likely drugged by Satan himself.
Well, that's what I kept telling myself. Deep down I knew it was because I'd always kind of craved the love my parents shared. Growing up without any love to begin with can do that to a person. I just figured once I found my mate, things would be simpler. I thought he'd be like me and understand how stability frightens me. I also kind of hoped for a more quiet mate.
But, no.
Instead, I got the argumentative, sex god himself who seems to argue with me on every possible thing and avoid affection and any sort of heart to heart moment. I'm not complaining, though. Matteo could have been quiet. He could have listened to me and understood me. We could have enjoyed laying in his bed together completely sober and started a life for ourselves. Thankfully, without Matteo's stash of Bourbon involved, we didn't get along very well (besides our very few moments). If it hadn't been that way, I'd probably be living the lush-life of a pack wolf right in this very moment. Who wants that?
Not me.
Not ever.
But for some reason, I just can't help but crave him. I wanted his lips against my lips. I wanted his body against my body. I wanted to hear him say my name even if it was in that eerily calm way that he does when he's so mad that he has to leave so that he doesn't do something he'll "regret", as he likes to say. Even if it makes my heart stop and—just for a split second—makes me feel like that little girl who woke up to find her parents gone all over again. I still craved him. Wanted him. Needed him.
"I'm just going to act like I didn't almost just get hit by an arm," a feminine voice spoke up. I snarled viciously and quickly snapped my head in the direction of the voice to see a tall blonde step out from around a tree and into my line of sight.
"Are you dumb or stupid?" I snapped at Daniella, pushing myself up from my spot on the ground. She was one of the few people I was silently praying that I'd never have to see again. Her face caused a tightness in my chest because seeing her made me think of him.
"I could be asking you the same question." Her arms crossed over her chest and her dark eyes were focused directly on me.
"You're not exactly in your territory anymore, Dan," I stated a matter-of-factly.
"Is that supposed to mean something?"
"You can't touch me out here. You have no right, so you might as well just run back to Caedes territory."
"You really think that is going to stop me? Matteo?" Daniella countered. "If I don't take you back, he will." I paused for a moment and just watched her as I contemplated what I was going to say. In all honesty, I wanted to jump on her back and ride her like horse all the way back to my mate, but the fact that I could feel my attachment for Matteo growing even while we were apart sickened me.
I shook the feelings away. I didn't want to feel them. I couldn't feel them. I refused to let myself sink back into such a pack-wolf state of mind.
"I figured out of everyone in that f--king pack, you'd be the one to encourage my disappearance," I countered as I turned away from Daniella and started walking away.
"Hey, that 'f--king pack' just happens to mean a lot to me," she snapped, obviously offended by what I had said. "They depend on me, and now they depend on you, believe it or not."
"They do not depend on me. They barely know me," I hollered back carelessly as I kept walking.
"You're Matteo's mate whether you like it or not. There's no avoiding it!"
"Not if he never finds me," I shot back.
"So, what? You're just gonna hide? Because he will find you. The moment you take a second to stop and catch your breath, he'll be there. If I can find you, so can he."
"I'll keep walking," I argued stubbornly.
"Please try. The more you walk, the faster you'll end up right back into our territory. You can't run from Caedes," Dani advised. Her tone was low and cold. It made my veins run cold as if all of the blood within them had frozen over. If I were any other person, I'd no doubt probably shit myself having the Gamma of Caedes Pack speak so ruthlessly to myself, but I was pretty used to this treatment.
"Thanks for the suggestion," I growled lowly between clenched teeth.
"It was a promise, Luna."
"Why do you care so much?" I snarled, turning around to face her flawless face which had a slight dewiness to it most likely from running.
"That's my mom, my dad, my sister, my friends, my family, my pack. I know people like you don't really understand that, but for those of us who do, it means everything. And it means a lot more when you have all of those people counting on you to make the right decisions and carry out those decisions." My jaw clenched angrily and my hands clenched into fists causing my nails to sink into the skin of my palms.
"What the hell do you mean 'people like me'?"
"People like you who can just leave people behind who need you the most." That hurt.
"F--k you! I'm not leaving anybody!" I defended poorly. I didn't want Daniella to realize she'd managed to hit a nerve, but by the smirk tugging on her full pink lips, I could tell she already noticed.
"So, Jack means nothing to you?" She questioned calmly with a smile playing on her lips. "Matteo means nothing to you?" My top lip curled up, and I snarled viciously at her. She didn't seem frightened at all by this, though. In fact, she seemed amused which just pissed me off even more.
"Get the f--k away from me before I rip you the hell apart," I snarled stalking toward her. My eyes stared directly into hers as we challenged each other.
"Are you trying to prove something? Are you afraid of something? Someone?"
"Knock it off!"
"Scared Matteo is going to leave you like mommy and daddy did?"
That was the moment I snapped.
I don't know how she knew, but something told me that Jack had a pair of loose lips.
I'll admit, I was never good at keeping my anger at bay. I never really had to growing up, to be fair. If I got angry to the point of mutilating someone, my dad was proud. My brother was always so much more collected than I had ever been. It was a trait that my father looked down on. My mother always favored Kaden a bit more over me for his collectivity, though. I always hated it, but I'm sure he felt the same way about our dad with me.
Being the child that was not so blessed with the collectivity of Kaden that I am, my composure snapped, and I found myself shifting into a light grey mass of fur and muscle. My large body went barreling toward Daniella.
I was finally going to get to rip her blonde, little head off. That thought alone had me quickening my pace out of pure excitement. The loud thumping of my paws against the ground echoed around us, and it only sounded louder to me due to my wolf hearing.
I could practically taste her metallic blood on my canines as my moment was cut short. A sharp pain made a presence on my left side just in front of my hind leg. The pain spread rapidly to not only my hind leg but the front one, too, causing me to collapse. It felt as though someone had just replaced every ounce of blood inside of me with ice—jagged ice that had me flailing around on the ground in pain as my insides were freezing and burning me alive all at once.
I could barely make out Daniella talking to someone else in the background. My cries of agony made their words practically inaudible to my ears as I could feel my body begin to shut down on itself.
Wow, what a great way to die.
__________
I SUCK AND IM AWFUL I KNOW. I ALLOW U ALL TO HATE ME. ITS OKAY. I WOULD HATE ME TOO
I have nothing to say except sorry. I've just been extremely busy between working, and school, and sports, etc. I promise though since I'm finishing out on the 31st that updates will be coming once again.
Hasta la pasta 5/21/17