***Disclaimer: There will be some touchy subjects about suicide. Soooooooo if you get triggered easily, and not in a joking matter, I suggest you don't read this... unless if you can handle it, of course.***
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I walk out my bedroom door to get a drink in the kitchen. Turning on the tap waiting for it to get cold, I notice the street lights outside my window. How pretty they look, how it felt green-red-yellow, but mainly yellow. For the first time in a long time, I had an appreciation for something.
"Tyler?" I get startled but only to realize it's my mom. "Hi." She gently walks up behind me. "Why are you up at 2:26 in the morning?" I look down, unfocused of the town. "I just wanted to get a drink of water" she looked over to the kitchen, seeing my glass sitting on the counter. "Okay, well once you're done with your water I want you to go to sleep. You have that appointment with reconnect tomorrow and I don't want you to be tired." I nodded. "Okay." I turn around to face her "goodnight mother" she smiles. Oh how I love to see my mom smile, it feel kinda redish orangeish. "Goodnight Tyler" she turns around and walks back to her bedroom.
I turn and face the window again and I start to feel like somethings missing. I start to have an appreciation for the decor of the night, having it reveal what my dream's are. I sleepily walk over to the kitchen, take one last drink and put the cup in the sink. I then head to my bedroom, and lay in my bed, staying up for a few minutes but slowly start to close my eyes.
Beep beep beep be- my hand hits the clock. I yawn, groan and stretch. I hear a light little knock on my door followed by a creaking sound. "Tyler are you awake?" I look over to my door and see my mother's pretty smile making her face glow. I nod, sleepishly saying "mhmm... just woke up." She nods "okay. Breakfast is ready if you'd like. Then your appointment starts at 11:30 so after you eat get ready to go out." I let out a low smile. "Okay. I'll be out in a bit." She smiles and closes my door.
I look up at my ceiling, watching my fan go round and round. I stretch once more and rub my eyes, motivating myself to get up. I sit at the edge of my bed looking down and my feet and finally getting up.
I open the door to my room and walk out to the kitchen and notice pancakes with bacon. I smile and grab a plate, putting some on the plate and walking back to my room with the plate in one hand, fork in other. Once I get to my room I close the door and sit on my bed, grabbing my drawing book. I turn to the almost last page and continue drawing the pair of eyes I started, taking a couple of bites of my food in between my breaks and shortly continuing.
I look out the car window watching the vehicles and houses pass by, looking at the house numbers trying to remember them but shortly forgetting them. "I don't see why I have to go. I'm perfectly fine, mom." I exclaim while still looking out the window. "We've talked about this before, Tyler. And I keep on telling you that it's because of your mental illness." I bite the inside of my lip to show a bit of anger, silently saying "I don't have a mental illness..." all she did was sigh and continued focusing on the road.
"Hello. I'm psychiatrist Enderby but just call me Susan, welcome to our 5th meeting of reconnect, we have a new member. Tyler Joseph--" I suddenly get nervous after my name was called upon. My breathing patterns get messed up and I start to get shaky, not focusing on the words of what she was saying.
I stand up thinking of a way on how to get out of this. I look around counting the people around me. 16. I look down trying not to focus on the 32 glowing eyes looking up at me. I close my eyes, breathing starts to calm, heart pounding.
"Tyler? Are you alright?" I inhale, exhale, and inhale I again. Then quickly say while exhaling "I'm Tyler Joseph, I-I'm 17 years old a-and..."
I look up not knowing what to say. "It's okay if you're a little nervous, Tyler." I bite the inside of my lip. "It's not okay" I mumble kind of agressively. She nods as I sit down trying to calm myself down.
It was silent the whole way home; While I was not only focusing on my surroundings, but also focusing on my breathing.
I was sitting on my bed when I heard a loud beeping noise as if it was a truck backing up. I looked out my window and sure enough, it was some new neighbors moving in. "not interested" I mumble to myself.
Before sitting back down I took one last look at the moving van when a teenage boy jumped out of the truck. I stared for a while just looking at his soft, light blue hair. How it gracefully followed the wind's movement. It was a moment of yellow with a hint of red. It was that perfect combination, like a warm summer breeze that was not too powerful, and not too weak. A woman, who I assuming is his mother, started to speak to him. I noticed the way he moves his lips, his body moved and how he had a hundred percent focus on her.
Ding dong I get out of my trance to find that the boy is no longer in the spot and his mother is now putting boxes in the house. "Tyler" I look over to my door, seeing that no one is there so I calmly walk down the stairs to where my mom is. "Tyler come meet this young man." She smiles pulling me in front of her. "Hi, I'm josh" he awkwardly says. I weakly smile. "hi." My mom's smile gets wider. "Okay, well how about you two go up to Tyler's room and chat while I make dinner?" I smile and nod, inviting Josh inside and showing him where my room is.
I close the door behind Josh kicking some clothes to the side. As he looks at my drawings on the wall I sit on my bed and just look at him. he looks back at me and smiles. "So how old are you?" I look into his eyes, his eyes were a rich mocha color, the way autumn smells, how porcelain feels. "17." His c-major lips spread into a smile "cool, me too" Josh's side of his lips were tilted downward slightly, going into a small pout. His eyes, had a slight bit of confusion mixed with uncertainty. "Well actually" he starts fiddling with his fingers. "My birthday is in 2 weeks. But that doesn't really matter." He walks over to me and sits across from me on my bed. "I wanna learn more about you" I focus on his smile. The way his tiger growl teeth just surpass his c-major lips. I back up a little feeling uncomfortable being this close to someone I don't know very well.
After a couple questions asked and a couple questions answered he ends up laying on my floor. I look at the clock 5:45. He the sits up and looks at me. "I should get home. Dinner might be ready soon." I just stare at him, finding something to say. "Why won't you stay for dinner?" He smiled. "I can ask my mom." I nodded not taking my eyes off his face, noticing ever detail of this glorious masterpiece. My heart stared beating fast, the world started to slow down. I had what felt like butterflies in my stomach fluttering up to my mouth where I couldn't talk. "Wanna come with me?" I simply just nodded.
"Wanna play a game?" I sat up from laying on my bed, Still stuffed from dinner. "Like what?" His mocha eyes looked up to the right. He hummed a slight bit. "How about truth or dare?" I let out a low laugh. "With just us?" He smiled and nodded. "With just us."
I smiled focusing on his lips. The way they spread apart and upwards, making a cute smile. I bite the inside of my lip, but this time not out of anger. This time it was out of enjoyment. But it was something more than being joyful, this time it felt red, what nostalgia feels like. It feels like the best but worst thing that would happen.
"Who do you like?" I asked. We started to run out of questions, but that question hasn't been asked yet. Silence. "Josh?" I look over to him, once again laying on the floor. He just laid there with an uneasy facial expression. "We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is," he sat up. "But I think who I like is-" he pauses, looking like he's searching for a word. "Confusing me" I slowly nod. "And I didn't exactly want to say this so soon bu-" I cut him off. "You don't need to say it if you don't want to." He bites his lip. "You're right, we just met," he lays back down. "I don't think you would have the same feelings as I do." I paused. I took a deep breath. "Don't be too sure about that."
His soft hand intertwined with mine, his face getting closer to my face. I give a small smirk. "Just kiss me already." I whisper. He leaned in and wrapped his hands around my neck as I place my hands on his waist. As our lips touched, it felt like those butterflies multiplied. It felt like there were mini fireworks going off in my heart making big explosions. The kiss got a bit heated and we started walking towards my bed.
I started to panic when he hovered over top of me, putting his hand up my shirt without breaking the kiss. I grab ahold of his hand and stop kissing him. "We should wait." I felt bad after I saw the disappointment on his face. "Okay."
He got off of me and sat at the edge of my bed. I scooted beside him and laid my head on his shoulder. "Maybe next time," I placed my hand on top of his hand that was laying on his knee and intertwined my fingers with his. "I just feel like I'm not ready."
He nodded and kissed the top of my forehead. "I respect that." Is all he said. I heard the disappointment in his voice. "I'm sorry." He looked over at me. "Don't be," he looked up at the clock. 8:14. "I think I should go home." I sighed and nodded. "Okay," he stood up from my bed and I followed. "See you tomorrow?" He smiled and nodded. "Of course" after we kissed goodbye, we exchanged smiles and he walked down the hall on his way to the stairs.
I closed my bedroom door and laid on my bed, still surprised. I lay to my side still thinking about what could've happened, when I started to yawn and my eyes started to close.
"Tyler." I groaned. "Tyler wake up" I opened my eyes only to see the light turned on, covering my face I sleepishly groaned. "What" I rubbed my eyes and opened them, to see Josh and my mom standing at my doorway. "Josh is here." looking up at my ceiling I said while yawning, "Hello."
My mom walked downstairs to leave us be. "Look, I'm sorry about yester-" I cut him off. "Save it. It's fine." I didn't mean to snap at him like that. He looked sad. "I'm s-sorry..." I looked down and in the corner of my eye I saw him look up at me. "For what?" I started to get a bit mad. "For snapping at you." I look up and he nods looking down. Standing up, I Slowly walked up to him swaying slightly. I lifted his head up and focused on his lips. He let out a semi-smirk, semi-smile. I started to lean in when my mother walked in. "O-oh! My god! I'm sorry, Tyler, Josh." She quickly walked out of the room and shut the door. I look back at Josh and took a deep breath in and pulled Josh closer. Leaning in for a kiss he puts his hands on my neck, leaning into the kiss. When our lips touched I had the same feeling as the first time, butterflies multiplying, fireworks exploding blah blah blah. It felt, lovely.
"So does this mean we're boyfriend and boyfriend now?" Him and I were now cuddling on the bed. Staring at my thumb that was tracing a heart on his stomach. I felt him shrug making me move a slight bit. "If guess, if you want to be." I nod kissing his chest. I could feel him chuckle, the way his breathing went weird for a second and then went back to normal.
I had just woken up when I glanced over to the floor, noticing a piece of tape. Staring at it. It was a slight shade of blue. It didn't feel blue; but it was blue. I didn't know what blue was, but another blue piece came up, soon I had at least 10 or more pieces of blue surrounding me. Staring at the closest one being on my arm, I decided to try and take it off.
I tried scratching it off but it felt like it wasn't real. I started scratching harder in hopes that it would come off looking at my arm, seeing the blue still there.
"Of course it didn't work"
trying harder I start to see blood run down my arm. Ignoring it, I scratch so hard that my arm starts to get tired. "Tyler wake u-" my mom looks at me and down to my arm. "Tyler stop!" Rushing towards me as I turn away still scratching my arm seeing the blue covered in red.
She parts my arms away but when her hand touches the scratches I wince in pain "mom let go! Please you're hurting me!" She let's go of my arms with worry in her eyes. Blood on her one hand, she doesn't care.
"Tyler what the hell are you doing?" Adjusting myself to sit at the edge of the bed I let out faint words. "There was tape on my arm and I wanted to get rid of it." She tilts her head. "Honey there's nothing there." Looking down to see all of what I've done I realize there is no blue tape on my arm.
"But I swear it was there!" Pointing at where the tape was looking at my mom, who was about to cry. She shook her head, "just wash up and put a bandage around your arm," She slowly backs away. "Then come downstairs because breakfast is ready." She took one last look at me before walking completely out.
Zoning out to my completely covered blue ceiling, Josh walked in, stopping at my doorway.
"Tyler?" I heard him, but I was still looking at my blue ceiling. "Tyler." A few moments later I heard him walk towards me, and after he was shaking me. "Tyler c'mon." He sounded worried, "Tyler snap out of it."
I mumble out a few words. "Do you see it?" He stops shaking me. "See what?" I point to the ceiling, unable to form words. "Tyler, that's your ceiling." I heard a small; nervous chuckle. "Now c'mon, get up" snapping out of it, I turn my head to face him. "N-no, it's blue." Him and I exchange looks. "T-Tyler, it's a plain, white, ceiling" shaking my head I look back up at it. "It's covered in blue tape." Looking at all the pieces of tape I continue shaking my head. "It's not white anymore"
"Tyler c'mon.. stop joking around." I shoot a look back at him, "I'm not joking! I promise, they're there! Just look." He looks up and shakes his head frowning. "Nope." He looks back down at me still shaking his head, frowning. "Not there."
"Tyler." I look at him confused. "I-I think we should break up." He looks at me like he's sorry. I start to breath heavier. "I-I don't think it's right to date someone who's in your mind.." I get even more confused. "What do you mean?" He shows his hands. "I'm disappearing"
Looking at his hands, shooting straight up to sit proper I try to touch his hands "how the hell?" My hands go right through. My breathing starts to get shakier, trying not to freak out. "T-that can't be" I start to get anxious. "N-nice joke Josh, now stop it" he bites his lip looking at me backing up slightly. "I'm not joking"
I look around noticing more blue pieces of tape that form on the wall, going down as if it's liquid that was poured on the wall. It starts to make its way to me but once they touch Josh he disappears more. "I love you" he says, before completely disappearing. I couldn't even say I love you back, not even a goodbye.
I decide to hide from the pieces of tape, falling asleep just in case this was all a dream; a horrible dream.
"Mr. Joseph, your medication." I uncover myself from the blanket to reveal a white room. Turning over I see a woman wearing white, smiling at me. "How was your sleep Mr. Joseph?" Unresponsive, still confused. She keeps smiling despite me from basically ignoring her. "Here you go, take these and then rest for a little longer. Then I will come in with your meal" she puts a small paper cup on my bedside table then turns to walk out of the room. I look up at the ceiling again, seeing no blue. Then I look over to my right to see a wall with drawings and what's holding them up is blue tape.
I sit at the edge of my bed, looking to the left seeing a paper cup with the few pills. I take the cup and turn it over to put the pills in my hand. Staring at them I decide to put them in my pocket for later.
"Mr Joseph, medication." I get startled and quickly close and hide the notebook under the covers looking at Linda, the nurse who has been showing up at the same time ever day for two weeks. I weakily smile when she walks up to me placing the pills onto the bedside table like always. "I will come by with lunch shortly." She softly smiles at me and turns back to give other patients their medication.
Staring at the pills, I quickly get off my bed and grab a small box under the bed, placing it on a chair and grabbing the four little pills in the cup before putting them in the box.
Closing it and quickly getting up to fill a Dixie cup with water coming back and sitting on the floor. I open the box again, setting the cup aside and popping four pills into my mouth at once. "This will bring Josh back," I mumble to myself. "I love Josh, and I need Josh." Sniffling, taking a few more pills and taking a drink of water. "I can't wait to see him," I get hopeful, piling pills into my mouth five at a time, swallowing them quickly. "A few more..." I pop the last three out of the fifty-eight in the box. I finish the water and lay in bed getting comfy, feeling tired.
I slowly start to fall asleep, seeing Josh's c-major lips spread making a smile, showing his tiger growl teeth.
--well hope you enjoyed :)) I literally died writing the last bit of it. Like, my heart was actually aching. I'm not good at writing fanfic only because I never really written fan fiction in like, 3 years soooooooo.... yeah. Hope you enjoyed :)))