Beauty in my Brokenness
**Journee**
I could hardly sleep now I am up earlier than I would like to be. I went and took a long hot shower then sat in the dark just thinking about things. I thought about my son and how much I missed him then I thought about Tristan. I decided I would go see him.
When I go to the hospital the nurse was about to give Tristan a wash up to clean him up some and I decided to help her. After we finished I sat their holding his hand talking to him about random things when he squeezed my hand. I looked up at his eyes and then begin to flutter. A few moments later he closed them tightly. I ran out into the hallway screaming for a nurse. They came running in the room and his eyes were completely open and the nurses were examining him when the doctor rushed in. “Someone call Mr. Harbin.” “The shouted out a demand and a red head ran out the room. I stood there waiting for them to finish and for Ethan to come.
About 45 minutes later they were finished but wouldn’t tell me anything. I sat and told Tristan who I was and that Curtis, Ethan and I have been coming and taking care of him. The door burst open to reveal a very excited and happy Ethan. He rushed over to him.
“Hey Tristan how are you feeling?” “I’m ok. Just still really tired. Rev. Harbin is this your girlfriend? She is very pretty.” “Yes, she is.” Ethan looked at me. “But she i..” I interrupted him. “What did the doctors say?” “They said he is still not out of the woods yet.
“Rev. Harbin” Tristan said lowly. Ethan saw the look on his face as tears begin streaming down his face. “What is it? Do you need the doctor?” “No. What do I have to do to be saved.” He said while his voice cracked. “Tristan it’s very easy. All you have to do is accept Jesus as your Lord and savior then believe God raised Jesus from the dead and finally confess your sins then you are saved.” “I want to be saved.” Ethan hugged him so tight. “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. (Roman 10:9).” “I believe and I fully accept Jesus in my heart and my life.” Tristan said with tears flowing down his face. Ethan hugged and prayed with him. I wipe my face as Ethan stood back up and looked at me.
“Let’s remember this day fully.” Ethan said then took out his phone and we took a few pictures together. Then Tristan spoke.
“I’m going to rest a little bit. Promise y’all will be here when I wake up.” “Of course, we will you just rest.” I told him while holding his hand. “Thank y’all.” “I wouldn’t want to be any place else.” I told him. “No thank y’all for being my parents. I never really had parents until now.” Eyes locked with Ethan for a moment then I looked at kissed and kissed his forehead then aid my head on his shoulder ‘til he went to sleep.
I went and sat on the couch changed the channels ‘til I found the movie Now you see me. Ethan came and sat next to me. “Were you here when he woke up?” “Yes, I was. To be honest it scared me for a minute.” “Scared of what?” “I didn’t know what was going on.” “My spirit is so high right now. He got saved and when he gets out of here he will know more about God.” “What is going to happen to Tristan when he is release from here?” “Honestly I don’t know.” I yawed and Ethan looked at me and laughed. “what’s funny?” “Why are you yawing?” “I have been up since 5:30 am. I’m tired.” “Why were you up so early?” “A lot of stuff going on?” “Enlighten me.” “Now is not the time.” “You look like your about to fall asleep. Just lay down and rest.” “No. I’m going to wait until I go home. Tristan could wake up.” “I’ll wake you up.” “Come here.” Ethan pulled me towards him where my back was on his chest. I leaned back and before I knew it I was sleep.
“Journee wake up.” I hear. I swear seems like I just went to sleep. “Journee Tristan is waking up.” My body jolted up and I rushed over to him.
“Hey sweetie are you ok. Do you need the nurse?” “No, I’m just ready.” “Ready” “I’m tired.” Ethan and I looked at each other. I looked in his eyes and my heart begin to break.
“No baby boy you’re going to be alright I promise. You just need to let your body heal then you will be back to normal.” “I have to tell Jesus thank you. It took a long time but I finally have parents.”
Before I knew it, I begin singing the same song I sang right before my mom died. Ethan held his other hand while I sung ‘Tis the old ship of Zion.’ When we heard, the machine blaring loud. Tears stung my face. I stop singing to whisper in his ear as the nurses and doctors ran in. “Tell my mom I said and Hey. She will take care of you now. Kiss my son tell him mommy loves him.”
“I love y’all” he said lowly looking at Ethan and I who was now behind me to move me out the way. Ethan pulled me to the out the way when I fell to knees and said he’s gone.
**Ethan**
{4 days later}
It is the day of Tristan’s grave side services. I am not sure how many people are going to be here. I was beyond shocked when his mom said she wasn’t going to pay for anything because she doesn’t have the money. Journee, Curtis, and I paid for this I left heading to the cemetery.
“As we say our final good-byes let us not forget that Tristan is not with Jesus now and he will be watching over us all. This is just is body. He left to go be with the Lord and I’m happy about that even thought my heart is still broken.”
“I believe when Tristan got saved he wondered what it would be like. I’m going to sing this song because he was imaging now he is living it.”
I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Surrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would do is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah
I can only imagine yeah yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine ey ey ey
I can only imagine
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine.
After singing I didn’t realize I had tears fallen down my face. After I prayed some left and some stood around talking then left. Journee watched as he got lowered in the ground then walked over to grave before putting the dirt on his coffin she dropped six white roses on top then I see she had a picture of us that was taken at the hospital she dropped it on top and begin to cry. Curtis got her and walked her to her car. My heart broke
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